Any Suggestions???

[PigzFly]

I am in the process of getting my application together for OCS. I was curious as to if anyone has any suggestions for the "Motivational Statement?" I originally wrote about how I have always anted to be a Naval Aviator and how I grew up the son of a P-3 Pilot. But my recruiter wasnt very thrilled with it. Does anyone have any suggestions, or advice? Thanks in advance.

 

[Spekkio]

Answer the following questions:
-Why do you want to be a Navy Officer? (hint 1: 'because my daddy was a pilot' isn't a very good reason. Hint 2: This essay is about wanting to be a Navy OFFICER, not a Navy Aviator. You might not get picked up for pilot, then what?)
-What can you do for the Navy?
-What can the Navy do for you?

Write it with proper grammar and some clean transitions and you're good to go.

 

[Achilles]

Is it best to be absolutly and completely honest on your motivational statement? By that I don't mean I'm thinking of lying, but my first paragraph of my motivational statement discusses how when I first entered college the Navy wasn't my first career choice. During my junior year I decided I no longer wanted to attend law school but that I wanted to enter into public service and join the Navy.

I'm just wondering if it's going to bite me by admitting that unlike some of the other applicants I haven't sleeped, eaten, and breathed Navy Aviation since I was 8. I figured they got tired of the same old cliche statements but I was just worried I might be damaging my application by being so honest. By the way this is just the first paragraph of my statement, the second paragraph I focus on what I can do for the Navy.

 

[red_ryder]

Just be honest. Wanting to be an aviator since you were 8 has been done lots already. Don't worry, they'll appreciate your candor. Like Spek said, tell them what the Navy can do for you, what you can give to the Navy, and why this means you're applying.

 

[Spekkio]

Is it best to be absolutly and completely honest on your motivational statement? By that I don't mean I'm thinking of lying, but my first paragraph of my motivational statement discusses how when I first entered college the Navy wasn't my first career choice. During my junior year I decided I no longer wanted to attend law school but that I wanted to enter into public service and join the Navy.

You shouldn't lie, but here's the thing: your career goals before your junior year is irrelevant bullshit. It'll do one of two things: put the guy reading your essay to sleep, or make the board think that you're still attached to becoming a lawyer. You only get 400 words, so don't waste it on superfluous garbage that doesn't really matter.

Again, this essay is about why you want to be a Navy Officer. It is NOT about why you didn't want to be a Navy Officer a few years ago. My first choice* for a career was medicine, and here I am awaiting NUPOC interviews. I didn't make a single reference to wanting a career in medicine in college in my essay, but I also didn't pull some dramatic bs line like "ever since I was two years old I dreamt of sailing the seas as a Navy officer."

So like I said, think about the aforementioned 3 questions. Answer them, and there's your essay. Unlike Law School (or Med School) essays, the Navy isn't looking for a 1,500 word short novel on why you chose your career. Keep it short and to the point, and don't use any burger metaphors .

*Saying "first choice" is a little misleading. Considering that I didn't get accepted into medical school, it's not really a "choice" for me. That might help you in the way you should approach your essay.