Most of you have probably seen this but if you haven't it’s hilarious.
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/walters.asp
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/walters.asp
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Darwin Award Larry Walters
- Thread starter S.O.B.
- Start date
Tex_Hill
Airborne All the Way!!!
How can this guy win the Darwin award if he survived? Isn't the whole point to the award that it results in death, thus cleansing the gene pool? Either way, that dude has cojones the size of helium weather balloons.
Brett
You are correct Sir!! He was actually an honorable mention. Here's another honorable mention from the Darwin Award website:
Scrotum Self-Repair
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin
1991 Honorable Mention
Confirmed True by Darwin
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.
We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.
The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.
An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.
I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-gratification.
By Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.
Too stunned to feel much pain my ass, that is one tough son of a *****.
Tex_Hill
Airborne All the Way!!!
^^ Reading that made my scrotum hurt.I suppose he would have qualified for the award if he had lost his right nut as well, so in retrospect, I guess the options are death, or permanent sterility.
Brett
Well, here's a guy who lived and qualified:
Wales Wins
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
2005 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(8 February 2005, Caerphilly, Wales) "If Wales wins, I'll cut my balls off," Geoff Huish told his mates at a social club while watching the rugby match between England and its arch-rival. His friends thought the 26-year-old was joking, but after Wales' 11-9 victory over England, he went home, castrated himself, and walked the length of two rugby fields back to the bar to show his shocked friends the evidence.
From The Sun Online:
It was Wales' first home win over England in 12 years. Geoff was taken to a hospital where he remained "in a seriously ill condition.
RUGBY fan Geoffrey Huish told yesterday of the moment of madness when he hacked off his own TACKLE — because his team Wales beat England.
Single Geoffrey, 31, took an agonising ten minutes to perform the horrific op using a pair of blunt wire cutters.
Then he put his severed parts in a blue plastic bag and staggered to a social club to announce his desperate deed to fellow Wales fans.
Jobless Geoffrey finally collapsed with blood pouring from his groin as horrified drinkers put his testicles in a pint glass of ice. They were handed to paramedics who rushed him to hospital — but surgeons could not sew them back.
Geoffrey spent several months in a psychiatric unit as experts tried to fathom his actions.
He is now back home in Senghenydd in the Welsh Valleys — and is STILL unsure why he did it.
Geoffrey, who says he has no history of mental illness, insists he was sober when he performed the DIY castration in his bathroom.
It came in February after Wales won in Cardiff with Gavin Henson clinching victory.
Geoffrey said: “I’d told my pal Gethin Probert before the game that Wales didn’t stand a chance.
“It wasn’t a bet, but I said I’d cut my balls off if we won.
“I listened to the game on the radio at home by myself. After the match I got up for a pee and saw the cutters in the bathroom.
“Gethin had left them after repairing the chain on my toilet. I remembered what I’d said and thought he had left them for me.
“I thought, ‘Oh no, I haven’t got to do anything like that have I’? Then I thought, ‘You can do it’.
“So I started hacking away at my tackle. It took about ten minutes and there was quite a lot of pain — but I just kept going.
“The cutters were blunt so I had to keep snipping. I cut my penis as well. There was a lot of blood but not as much as you would expect.”
Eventually Geoffrey succeeded in castrating himself over the toilet. Then, after fishing his testicles from the loo, he walked to Gethin’s house.
Gethin was out — so he walked another five minutes to the village’s Leigh Social Club.
Geoffrey said: “The Leigh was packed with rugby fans. I went in and shouted out, ‘I’ve done it’.
“I took my balls out and passed them in the bag to a friend. Some people then laid me on the floor.”
Doctors were handed his testicles but decided there was no chance of reversing his DIY op.
Remarkably, he had not lost a critical amount of blood and did not require a transfusion.
Geoffrey must still visit a psychiatrist. He said: “I think about what happened every day and still haven’t come up with a good reason why. I’d had a lot going on and felt a bit down. I can’t have kids now, but still want a family. Maybe I’ll adopt.”
Man, I can still remember how painful it was, when as a 7 year old I accidentally zipped up some skin, (a la Something About Mary).
I can't imagine how painful cutting off one's sack would be.
Tex_Hill
Airborne All the Way!!!
Wow, someone who actually gave his left nut to do something. Impressive.