Some things were planned and some weren't, but basically, my timeline was:
Graduated flight school in 2012, went through the FRS with very little delay, showed up to a squadron and did work ups with them, then a 10 month deployment with them, then a maintenance phase with them, a couple more short underways (like 2ish weeks), and finally did a RIMPAC with them.
All told on that tour, I deployed 1x for 10 months, however, my total time at sea was just shy of 14 months with the workups, random CQ dets, etc. Add in the 2 months we spent in Fallon (went twice, once for 4 weeks, and once for 6 weeks IIRC), plus a month of RIMPAC, and I was away from home for 17+ out of the 36ish months I was in that squadron.
Went to become an IP, no deployments, gone about once a month for XC, and did a week long course TDY away from home.
On the next tour, deployed once for 5 months. Went out a couple other times, but never very long - that tour was heavily impacted by COVID - and some of those very short underways were cut short as a result of an abundance of caution and risk aversion to COVID. Had some long days; my first 6-8 months or so, a 12 hour day from 0700-1900 was the norm. It significantly improved over time for a plethora of reasons.
In my current tour, I expect to deploy for 7-8 months and do another set of workups, currently.
Proposed to long-time girlfriend at end of my time at the FRS, got a solid window of opportunity to marry her in my first tour, unexpectedly got her pregnant a few months later, deployed, met kid #1 at the end of my 10 month deployment. Kid #2 came along in my IP tour.
Wife has been unable to really make a career for herself, but it is not for lack of trying. She worked a corporate job that didn't have a ton of upward mobility during my first tour, was a dance instructor during my IP tour, couldn't work overseas due to SOFA + lack of on base jobs + COVID, and now, well, we'll see. She's found some remote work, and despite the relatively good pay, it's part time. Definitely hard for her to manage a full time job if I am gone for a good chunk of the year.
As far as getting married, when I was sure she was "the one," which for me meant we shared common values, visions for our future, financial management, cleanliness/hygiene, could maintain conversation and be comfortable with silence with each other, among other things, I proposed. I did delay until the end of the FRS because that's when I finally felt like I could "breathe" a little bit. I was probably wrong on that, but I am glad that's when we got married. I was sure and I haven't looked back.
My father was right when he told me: "it's never the right time for kids, but you make it work," as I panicked as a young, LTJG newlywed with an unexpectedly pregnant wife in the middle of workups. He was right.
Things I tell people to consider, and this is something I struggled with, but Naval Aviation is INCREDIBLY stovepiped. It's getting better, but not remarkably so, at least to my eye. What do I mean by that? We say we are officers first, aviators second. And that's kind of true on a day to day basis with how you spend your time in your squadron. However, your butt belongs not only to Naval Aviation, but to your community within Naval Aviation. Want to lat transfer but your community isn't releasing people? Tough luck, buttercup. Want to do a tour you might find professionally rewarding but isn't highly valued by your community? Prepare that to be your dead end within the Navy, no matter how well you do, because it can be, far more so than a mediocre evaluation at a highly prized "community job." While I think this part is changing for the better, I still think it's very difficult to actually get into any sort of legitimate in-residence graduate program as an aviator and still manage to stay "on track" in aviation. I'll give War College its due credit, but it's not nearly on the same level of opportunity that SWOs and other communities get, where shore tours aren't necessarily supposed to be "competitive. I have written this before, but as a Midshipman, I had this grand idea that I'd do a couple of flying tours, I'd do the disassociated job, and then I'd go do some cool diplomatic FAO type things, shaking hands and making backroom hush hush deals in the name of international partnerships or something, get to go to in-residence grad school at a top-tier university, decide I wanted to get back into flying and be easily accepted back in with welcome arms... Nope, not the case at all. Stay on the path or deviate at your own extreme risk. For me, I haven't gotten to the point that I was willing to jeopardize my chance at flying a grey aircraft yet, but I had an interesting enough disassociated tour that it did make me realize there is more out there than just flying.
