This is my first post on these forums, but I have been a long time observer and reader. I'm currently filling out my application and would like some feedback on my motivation statement. My goal in the statement was to describe how I came to make the decision of joining the Navy and why. I also included how the Navy would benefit if they selected me. The amount of words is over 400, approximately 500 words, but in the pdf application it fills only half of the statement block. Should it be 400 or less regardless? I understand there have been other threads dealing with motivation statements, but I did not want to take over someone else's thread.
Here is my current rough draft:
Two years ago I had to make a career-changing decision. Approximately four weeks after the end of my sophomore year at North Georgia College and State University (NGCSU), a senior military college, I received an acceptance letter from The University of Georgia (UGA) to attend the school in the fall of 2010. At NGCSU I had participated in the Army ROTC program both years, and in that short time I had become a very accomplished cadet. I attended and completed the ROTC program's Non-Commissioned Officer Academy (NCOA), became a member of the Ranger Challenge team, was initiated into the Scabbard and Blade Military Honor Society, promoted to Cadet Sergeant First Class (c/SFC) and was responsible for approximately thirty cadets (a platoon), and, due to excellent performance in academics, became the Academic Non-Commissioned Officer (ANCO) responsible for advising and counseling up to fifty cadets. At the end of my sophomore semester I had been promoted to Cadet Second Lieutenant (c/2LT) and would be responsible for a platoon of cadets in my junior year. Upon receiving the acceptance letter, a choice had to be made. I could either stay at NGCSU and commission as an Army Officer, or leave for the new school and experience new challenges and opportunities.
I decided to transfer to UGA because I wanted to study and research the other military branches before making a decision to enter or forgo the military, and my major, computer science, in my opinion, was very weak and thought it would not aid in my preparation to be competitive in the job market. This is why I was double majoring in Accounting too. It was at this point that I began to seriously look at the United States Navy as the military service I was most interested in joining.
Today, I have selected the United States Navy for several reasons, but most importantly to protect and defend the United States Constitution and pay tribute to all of those brave American's and colonist's who fought and sacrificed their lives for theirs and future generation's freedom and independence. The other main reason is that my grandfather, who passed away from cancer in 2000, had enlisted in the Navy as an Electronics Technician and served during the Korean War. Since his passing, my grandmother has told me many stories of their lives while he was in the Navy, and although he is no longer able to watch and participate in my progression in life, in honor of him and his sacrifice, I would like to follow in his footsteps and serve in the United States Navy.
The United States Navy can expect a hard-working, motivated, and dedicated individual who will perform his duties to the highest standard; inspire, work with, teach, and lead others; seek out innovations and improvements in all associated processes and procedures; continuously seek educational opportunities--education is a life-long process; exemplify the Navy Core Values, honor, courage, and commitment; maintain military bearing and an eye for detail; and uphold his Oath of Office as a Commissioned Officer.
Here is my current rough draft:
Two years ago I had to make a career-changing decision. Approximately four weeks after the end of my sophomore year at North Georgia College and State University (NGCSU), a senior military college, I received an acceptance letter from The University of Georgia (UGA) to attend the school in the fall of 2010. At NGCSU I had participated in the Army ROTC program both years, and in that short time I had become a very accomplished cadet. I attended and completed the ROTC program's Non-Commissioned Officer Academy (NCOA), became a member of the Ranger Challenge team, was initiated into the Scabbard and Blade Military Honor Society, promoted to Cadet Sergeant First Class (c/SFC) and was responsible for approximately thirty cadets (a platoon), and, due to excellent performance in academics, became the Academic Non-Commissioned Officer (ANCO) responsible for advising and counseling up to fifty cadets. At the end of my sophomore semester I had been promoted to Cadet Second Lieutenant (c/2LT) and would be responsible for a platoon of cadets in my junior year. Upon receiving the acceptance letter, a choice had to be made. I could either stay at NGCSU and commission as an Army Officer, or leave for the new school and experience new challenges and opportunities.
I decided to transfer to UGA because I wanted to study and research the other military branches before making a decision to enter or forgo the military, and my major, computer science, in my opinion, was very weak and thought it would not aid in my preparation to be competitive in the job market. This is why I was double majoring in Accounting too. It was at this point that I began to seriously look at the United States Navy as the military service I was most interested in joining.
Today, I have selected the United States Navy for several reasons, but most importantly to protect and defend the United States Constitution and pay tribute to all of those brave American's and colonist's who fought and sacrificed their lives for theirs and future generation's freedom and independence. The other main reason is that my grandfather, who passed away from cancer in 2000, had enlisted in the Navy as an Electronics Technician and served during the Korean War. Since his passing, my grandmother has told me many stories of their lives while he was in the Navy, and although he is no longer able to watch and participate in my progression in life, in honor of him and his sacrifice, I would like to follow in his footsteps and serve in the United States Navy.
The United States Navy can expect a hard-working, motivated, and dedicated individual who will perform his duties to the highest standard; inspire, work with, teach, and lead others; seek out innovations and improvements in all associated processes and procedures; continuously seek educational opportunities--education is a life-long process; exemplify the Navy Core Values, honor, courage, and commitment; maintain military bearing and an eye for detail; and uphold his Oath of Office as a Commissioned Officer.