Motivational Statement and Recon. Letter

[KY-Pete]

I was wondering if I could get some constructive criticism on my motivational statement and my recon. letter. I've been reading the comments everyone has been making on other peoples statements and they seem to be very helpful. I am not the best writer, so any help would be very much appreciated.


Thirteen years ago my family and I went to the airport to pick my older brother up, who was home on his first leave from the Navy as a Seaman Apprentice. I asked him what the two stripes on his arm stood for, and from that moment on my aspirations to be in the Navy began. He has told me stories of the things he has done and the places he has seen and I always wished to be apart of them. To this day he still tells me these stories and finally I have a chance to be apart of them. Currently, he is a 1st Class Petty Officer trying to become a Chief Petty Officer and married to a Japanese lady from which they have three children.

I am determined to become a U.S. Naval Officer not only for the countless opportunities to better myself as my brother has, but also to get the chance to do things most people only dream of doing, and getting to do it as part of the best Navy in the world. As a Naval Officer the training, skills and education I would receive would be second to none. I would be able to instill the Navy’s values (Honor, Courage, and Commitment) in myself not only to make me a great sailor and leader, but also to make me a better gentleman.

At this point in my life I have experienced countless triumphs and hardships. I know that things don’t always go the way you want them to but you have to work hard to make it work. Quitting and giving up are not easy things for me to do. If I were to become a Naval Officer I would give my heart and soul to the Navy, and become the best sailor, leader, and gentleman possible.


Recon. Letter


Members of the Selection Board,

Please accept this reconsideration letter for my selection to become a Naval Aviator. I would like to prove to you my worth by stating why I feel I should be reconsidered. As previously expressed in my motivational statement, I have had a strong desire to become a Naval Aviator since I was a young boy. With my old brother telling me all about the opportunities he has received and the camaraderie; combined with my passion for Aviation, leadership, and dedication, I knew I had found exactly what I wanted to be.

I am aware that on paper I may not seem first-rate, but given the chance I am positive I will succeed in this extremely competitive field. For a brief period during college my grades were not what they should have been or could have been until I finally got into Aviation. Also, I did have a few misunderstandings with the Law that did not turn out they way they should have. But I would like to ask you not to let those things stop me from being selected. As you can see, ever since then my grades have improved considerably. Now, I am currently working on receiving my Masters degree in Aeronautical Science with dual specializations.

Growing up my father always told me that, “If you can dream it, you can do it. Never give up until you have fulfilled you dream.” Well I have found my dream, it is to be a Naval Aviator, and I am willing to do whatever it takes. I love challenges and especially when concurring them puts me another step closer to my dream. All I ask is to be given a chance. I am positive that I possess the determination, leadership skills, courage, honor and commitment that the Navy demands in an Officer.

I want to become a Naval Aviator more than anything in the world. Just because I don’t look as well on paper as some of the other candidates doesn’t mean that I want this less. If anything I want it more, much more. With my Aviation background, my passion, and motivation to become a Naval Aviator, you would not be disappointed by selecting me. I would like to think you for you time and consideration.


Respectfully,

 

[PRINCEJUDE]

Hello my brother, I am reapplying for OCS. Initially, I thought about sending them a letter for reconsideration but decided to put in a new package. I want the new package to be more competitive than the previous one. I have gotten more interviewer's appraisals and letters of recommendations. I shall retake the ASTB exam to bring my grade up.

Now, your reconsideration letter needs some grammer corrections. It is too late. I would have taken time to do some corrections. Learn how to use comma. I think it is the BIG area that you lacked in the letter.

You should not tell them a long story...just go straight to the point and elucidate why you think you should be reconsidered. Let them know your academic ability, aviation knowledge and experience etc etc A little childhood dream is good but do not make it long.

Take care

 

[Stubby]

Obviously I am not an Officer, but I have screened many Enlisted application packages for Commissioning Programs. So here is what I would advise a young Sailor in this instance:

First, I would advise against "reconsideration packages". You don't want to make it sound like they are looking at a package that was already rejected. Sticking with it and not giving up is great; They do look for that, but you want to present yourself as better than before. If you were not selected in the past, you want the board to know that you understand why and have fixed the deficiencies, so make sure that the only change in your package isn't the inclusion of a reconsideration letter. That being said, here is a chop on your letter -

Recon. Letter

Members of the Selection Board,

Please accept this reconsideration letter for my selection to become a Naval Aviator. (I would rephrase that) I respectfully request reconsideration for selection as a Naval Aviator. I would like to prove to you my worth by stating why I feel I should be reconsidered. (of course you would...I would drop that line) As previously expressed in my motivational statement, I have had a strong desire to become a Naval Aviator since I was a young boy. With Hearing my older brother, a career Sailor, telling me all about the opportunities he has received in his years of Naval service, and about the camaraderie greatly appeal to me; This, combined with my passion for Aviation, leadership, and dedication my pursuit of excellence, I knew I had found exactly what I wanted to be has drawn me to the conclusion that a career as a Naval Aviator is my calling.

I am aware that on paper I may not seem first-rate, but given the chance I am positive I will succeed in this extremely competitive field. (definitely kill that... you put in the best package you can, and let the board decided what is or is not first rate) Although for a brief period during college my grades were not what they should have been or could have been until I finally got into Aviation it was realizing my love of aviation that ultimately led to considerable improvement. Also, I did have a few misunderstandings with the Law that did not turn out they way they should have. But I would like to ask you not to let those things stop me from being selected. As you can see, ever since then my grades have improved considerably (Uh....no. If you are required to address a legal issue for a waiver or something, do so specifically. Don't make a general statement that makes you look like a juvenile delinquent) . Now, I am currently working on receiving my Masters degree in Aeronautical Science with dual specializations.

Growing up my father always told me that, “If you can dream it, you can do it. Never give up until you have fulfilled you dream.” Well I have found my dream, it is to be a Naval Aviator, and I am willing to do whatever it takes. (good... shows commitment) I love challenges and especially when concurring (I don't think this word means what you think it means... how about achieving them puts me another step closer to my dream. All I ask is to be given a chance (don't beg). Given the chance, I am positive that I possess the determination, leadership skills, courage, honor and commitment that the Navy demands in an Officer.

I want to become a Naval Aviator more than anything in the world. Just because I don’t look as well on paper as some of the other candidates doesn’t mean that I want this less. If anything I want it more, much more. (again... I would highlight your strengths, not you weaknesses.) With my Aviation background, my passion, and motivation to become a Naval Aviator, you would will not be disappointed by selecting me. I would like to think (typo) you for your time and consideration.


Very Respectfully,

Don't take my suggestions verbatim... just think about them and adopt what you think best represents you as a candidate. Good luck.

 

[BackOrdered]

I agree that you are being much too negative about yourself. The review board may have totally different people on it, the same people, or a mix of both, and you are only reminding them why your weren't picked the first time. Show them how you have improved since the first package.

 

[thull]

some quick thoughts for you

Thirteen years ago my family and I went to the airport to pick my older brother up (to pick up my older brother), who was home on his first leave from the Navy as a Seaman Apprentice. I asked him what the two stripes on his arm stood for, and from that moment on my aspirations to be in the Navy began. He has told me stories of the things he has done and the places he has seen and I always wished to be apart (a part..."apart" = seperated) of them. To this day he still tells me these stories and I finally have a chance to be apart of them. Instead: Today I 'm applying to OCS hoping to make this dream a reality. Currently, he is a 1st Class Petty Officer trying to become a Chief Petty Officer and married to a Japanese lady from which they have three children. (delete this).

I am determined to become a U.S. Naval Officer not only for the countless opportunities to better myself as my brother has (don't need that), but also to get the chance to do things most people only dream of doing, and getting to do them as part of the best Navy in the world. I believe As a Naval Officer the training, skills and education I would receive would be second to none. I would be able to instill the Navy’s values (Honor, Courage, and Commitment) in myself not only to make me a great sailor and leader, but also to make me a better gentleman. (might want to figure out a better way to word this, and I would use "person" intead of "gentleman")

At this point in my life I have experienced countless triumphs and hardships. I know that things don’t always go the way you want them to but you have to work hard (to make it work) no matter what. Quitting and giving up are not easy things for me to do. If I were to become a Naval Officer I would give my heart and soul to the Navy, and become the best sailor, leader, and person I can be.

 

[Brett327]

I don't want to sound like an A-hole here, but your writing skills are atrocious, especially for a college grad. Barring some kind of miraculous improvement, you need to get with someone who knows how to write and have them help you with this kind of thing. Also keep in mind that your writing ability will come to bear often as an officer, so in the long term, it's something you ought to seriously work on. Again, not intended as a slam on you, but as a wake-up call about the profession you're rushing.

Brett

 

[KY-Pete]

Thanks for the help! I had to write my Recon. letter and send it to them in half a day. I know my writing skills are a bit shaky. That is why I put them on here to get some advice. I tried contacting my recruiter to get his opinion but I haven’t talked to him since FEB! So the lady putting my packet together has been helping. Brett327 I am sorry we all can't be perfect writers. Since I have never received less than a B on any college paper, I think my writing skills are just fine. I don't take it as a slam, I accept any constructive criticism. Thanks again for everyone’s help.

 

[zab1001]

Since I have never received less than a B on any college paper, I think my writing skills are just fine.

I'll tell you right now, as a military officer, your writing skills are below the level necessary to effectively communicate in a professional environment. In the future, I would have ALL official correspondence reviewed by someone with an academic background in English.

This isn't a slam, this is fact. Good luck.