anonymousgoat
New Member
After receiving commentary on my first essay (which I appreciate all of) from people on this forum and other places, I decided to completely rewrite my NROTC application essay. Posted below is my new NROTC essay for the first prompt, "Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer." All commentary/criticism is welcome. Thanks in advance!
1. Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer. (2500 characters max)
I am in the cockpit of an F-18 Super Hornet, more than five stories high, and I haven’t even left the deck yet. I sit in the fighter, calm and cool despite the torrents of salt water that lap against the aircraft carrier’s hull and the gusts of wind that rock the ship back and forth. I am sitting alone in one of the world’s most powerful jets on the deck of a Nimitz class aircraft carrier, preparing for takeoff. I am a United States Naval Officer.
Inside the cockpit, my eyes dart between the different instruments, the gauges tell me all that I need to know, speaking in a tongue that only machines can speak and that only experts can understand. My hands move by themselves, endless hours of training makes their motions second nature, expertly flipping switches and turning knobs. Years of discipline quell the anxiety that begins to swell up inside my chest and keep my mind clear despite the swaying motion of the ship that makes my insides turn and tumble. The jet lurches forward and I move with it, like all the times in the simulations before, except this time my life and millions of dollars of equipment are on the line. Soon I will be in air, hurtling above the clouds faster than the speed of sound. My mouth dries up, my heart races, but I don’t worry. I am prepared. I am a United States Naval Officer.
As the jet races down the runway, my mind races through all the information it has accumulated from the different aviation courses I’ve taken and the various instruction books I’ve read, making sure that every aspect of my takeoff is immaculate. I reach the end of the runway; my heart jumps up into my throat as the jet’s wheels gently lift up from the deck in a tender goodbye…. I am airborne. For a brief moment, amazement overwhelms me. I am doing what I would dream about when I was six years old, clad in spaceship-decorated pajamas and lying on cloud-covered sheets. I am flying a jet. I am a United States Naval Officer.
This picture is how I envision my future: I am doing things that are only imaginable to me now. This picture is how I envision myself in the future: I am competent in my actions, confident in my abilities, and composed despite my fears. In truth, I don’t know whether I’ll be flying jets or sailing cruisers or commanding submarines. However, what I’m actually going to do is a detail, because I know whatever it is, it’ll be something great and I’ll be great at it. I’ll be a United States Naval Officer.
1. Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Officer. (2500 characters max)
I am in the cockpit of an F-18 Super Hornet, more than five stories high, and I haven’t even left the deck yet. I sit in the fighter, calm and cool despite the torrents of salt water that lap against the aircraft carrier’s hull and the gusts of wind that rock the ship back and forth. I am sitting alone in one of the world’s most powerful jets on the deck of a Nimitz class aircraft carrier, preparing for takeoff. I am a United States Naval Officer.
Inside the cockpit, my eyes dart between the different instruments, the gauges tell me all that I need to know, speaking in a tongue that only machines can speak and that only experts can understand. My hands move by themselves, endless hours of training makes their motions second nature, expertly flipping switches and turning knobs. Years of discipline quell the anxiety that begins to swell up inside my chest and keep my mind clear despite the swaying motion of the ship that makes my insides turn and tumble. The jet lurches forward and I move with it, like all the times in the simulations before, except this time my life and millions of dollars of equipment are on the line. Soon I will be in air, hurtling above the clouds faster than the speed of sound. My mouth dries up, my heart races, but I don’t worry. I am prepared. I am a United States Naval Officer.
As the jet races down the runway, my mind races through all the information it has accumulated from the different aviation courses I’ve taken and the various instruction books I’ve read, making sure that every aspect of my takeoff is immaculate. I reach the end of the runway; my heart jumps up into my throat as the jet’s wheels gently lift up from the deck in a tender goodbye…. I am airborne. For a brief moment, amazement overwhelms me. I am doing what I would dream about when I was six years old, clad in spaceship-decorated pajamas and lying on cloud-covered sheets. I am flying a jet. I am a United States Naval Officer.
This picture is how I envision my future: I am doing things that are only imaginable to me now. This picture is how I envision myself in the future: I am competent in my actions, confident in my abilities, and composed despite my fears. In truth, I don’t know whether I’ll be flying jets or sailing cruisers or commanding submarines. However, what I’m actually going to do is a detail, because I know whatever it is, it’ll be something great and I’ll be great at it. I’ll be a United States Naval Officer.
I tried to do it like a Common Application essay (which, obviously it is not). I thought it was pretty good, but..... oh well, I guess I'll trust the public outcry. I'll probably just be submitting try #1 for my application, so feel free to read and comment that if you feel like being extra helpful. The link is 