JohnH
Member
I am posting my personal Motivational Statement for my OCS packet here. I am applying to both Intel and IW.
I have a few English majors shredding it for grammar. I would really appreciate help with Content. Please be ruthless but tactful.
My questions are did I over emphasize my intel experience? Will my packet be reviewed by non intel officers who don't know what specific programs mentioned will be? and most importantly. How can I improve? If it sucks and needs to go back to ground zero, let me know what concepts and ideas are worth keeping.
Thanks in Advance.
I hold my country and the ideals of the Constitution in the highest esteem and only desire to serve my country and to labor in making it better. I have already made the commitment to serve and to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. In doing so I have become a Non Commissioned Officer in the United States Army. The primary reason I seek to commission in the United States Navy is in acknowledgement of the fact that leadership is Influence. I seek to influence people in a positive manner and to provide a haven for growth and development, not just as sailors or soldiers, but as professionals, Americans, and as humans. As a Naval Officer I will be able to have a wider reaching impact and help set future generations on the path to keep America Strong.
I am a trained Intelligence Analyst with five and a half years of experience. I have experience that ranges from Tactical to Theater level commands and have produced hundreds of intelligence products that have been used in military planning at the Battalion level in Afghanistan, to products that were briefed to the Commanders of US Forces Korea. My competence as an analyst has twice been awarded with Impact Army Achievement Medals and saw me promoted to Sergeant in less than 3 years in the Army. I am skilled with a number of Intelligence systems and platforms including Distributed Common ground System (DCGS), Palantir, and Falconview to name a few. I am also familiar with many Information, Surveillance, and Reconnaissance (ISR) Assets and capabilities. I seek to bring my experience and knowledge to the US Navy as an officer, to enhance my skill set, and to continue to provide the highest quality products for the security of this nation.
I have understanding of and experience in leadership. I have been called a natural leader and have developed that natural trait through school and through the Army. My degree may be considered soft to the Navy’s expectation but where it lacked sciences and mathematics it picked up courses on leadership, planning, administration, management, and critical thinking. The Army gave me an arena in which to practice and hone those skills then developed them further with NCO Professional Development School, the Leadership Training Program, and most importantly practical hands on experience. I have consistently held positions above my paygrade based on leadership potential and experience.
Becoming an officer in the US Navy will give me the chance to operate fully in my natural gifts and abilities. It will allow me to thrive and to develop further than possible as an enlisted soldier in leadership and technical proficiency. I am excited about the possibility of serving my country as a Naval Officer. If selected I will continue to provide my best and I will become a truly outstanding Officer.
Total 476 words.
I have a few English majors shredding it for grammar. I would really appreciate help with Content. Please be ruthless but tactful.
My questions are did I over emphasize my intel experience? Will my packet be reviewed by non intel officers who don't know what specific programs mentioned will be? and most importantly. How can I improve? If it sucks and needs to go back to ground zero, let me know what concepts and ideas are worth keeping.
Thanks in Advance.
I hold my country and the ideals of the Constitution in the highest esteem and only desire to serve my country and to labor in making it better. I have already made the commitment to serve and to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States. In doing so I have become a Non Commissioned Officer in the United States Army. The primary reason I seek to commission in the United States Navy is in acknowledgement of the fact that leadership is Influence. I seek to influence people in a positive manner and to provide a haven for growth and development, not just as sailors or soldiers, but as professionals, Americans, and as humans. As a Naval Officer I will be able to have a wider reaching impact and help set future generations on the path to keep America Strong.
I am a trained Intelligence Analyst with five and a half years of experience. I have experience that ranges from Tactical to Theater level commands and have produced hundreds of intelligence products that have been used in military planning at the Battalion level in Afghanistan, to products that were briefed to the Commanders of US Forces Korea. My competence as an analyst has twice been awarded with Impact Army Achievement Medals and saw me promoted to Sergeant in less than 3 years in the Army. I am skilled with a number of Intelligence systems and platforms including Distributed Common ground System (DCGS), Palantir, and Falconview to name a few. I am also familiar with many Information, Surveillance, and Reconnaissance (ISR) Assets and capabilities. I seek to bring my experience and knowledge to the US Navy as an officer, to enhance my skill set, and to continue to provide the highest quality products for the security of this nation.
I have understanding of and experience in leadership. I have been called a natural leader and have developed that natural trait through school and through the Army. My degree may be considered soft to the Navy’s expectation but where it lacked sciences and mathematics it picked up courses on leadership, planning, administration, management, and critical thinking. The Army gave me an arena in which to practice and hone those skills then developed them further with NCO Professional Development School, the Leadership Training Program, and most importantly practical hands on experience. I have consistently held positions above my paygrade based on leadership potential and experience.
Becoming an officer in the US Navy will give me the chance to operate fully in my natural gifts and abilities. It will allow me to thrive and to develop further than possible as an enlisted soldier in leadership and technical proficiency. I am excited about the possibility of serving my country as a Naval Officer. If selected I will continue to provide my best and I will become a truly outstanding Officer.
Total 476 words.
