i am currently in a predicament and need some help quick. a few officer agreed to give me a board early due to me transferring in december. so in order to get a board in line to get a few recommendation from my current command i have to get my sta-21 package started so i have something to show to the board members. i only have a few weeks to get this done in order to turn over to a few o-5's to proof read. i am currently trying to get started on my personal statement but it seems like everytime i come up with something i end up changing my mind. i have plenty of things to write about i just cant seem to get them together right. please is there anyone out there that could possibly show me an example of a successful personal statement it would be greatly appreciated.
-
Please take a moment and update your account profile. If you have an updated account profile with basic information on why you are on Air Warriors it will help other people respond to your posts. How do you update your profile you ask?
Go here:
Edit Account Details and Profile
personal statement help
- Thread starter dango87
- Start date
Why can't you write about these things then submit your stuff here so we can help you out? The problem with people showing others something successful from their package is that people in turn want to mimic it. Be original, be yourself, write it down and we will be glad to help, otherwise, it seems like you are looking for an easy way out.
Also, why didn't you capitalize any I's or letters beginning a sentence? A quick word of advice don't do that in your statement.
Why can't you write about these things then submit your stuff here so we can help you out? The problem with people showing others something successful from their package is that people in turn want to mimic it. Be original, be yourself, write it down and we will be glad to help, otherwise, it seems like you are looking for an easy way out.
Also, why didn't you capitalize any I's or letters beginning a sentence? A quick word of advice don't do that in your statement.
Yes, I know I didn't do any of that and I would never turn something like that in for my actual package. I was just trying to get something out there quick in order to get something back a little quicker. I will work on another draft and post it in a few days. I don't know how someone could copy someone's material; it would seem like they would get caught up in the board trying to get there lies in line to match there personal statement. Thats just me though, I haven't gone through them yet so I don't actually know what to expect. Thank you for your help and I hope to get some positive feedback from you guys.
marmoset54
Final Select Supply Corps
There =/= Their.
To write a successful personal statement, you should follow a basic outline:
1st paragraph: Snappy opening giving the basic flow of the PS. And don't do something like, "Hi, my name is XXX and I REALLY want to be part of your club." Original. And don't lead off with quotes. That's just using someone's original work posing for your own. After the snappy opening, state three reasons why you are so unbelievably awesome and would be beneficial to the US Navy.
2nd paragraph: Reason #1 why you are awesome.
3rd paragraph: Reason #2 why you are awesome.
4th paragraph: Reason #3 why you are awesome.
5th paragraph: Restate the three reasons why you are awesome in an original way.
Few words of advice: Keep it to a word count. I don't know about STA-21, but the civilian OCS applications do not have word limits. Keep in short and concise. Mention your grandfather(s) if they served (or anyone for that matter), but keep it brief. Remember, you are writing about YOU. Do not actually SAY you are awesome, but let it come through in your writing.
To write a successful personal statement, you should follow a basic outline:
1st paragraph: Snappy opening giving the basic flow of the PS. And don't do something like, "Hi, my name is XXX and I REALLY want to be part of your club." Original. And don't lead off with quotes. That's just using someone's original work posing for your own. After the snappy opening, state three reasons why you are so unbelievably awesome and would be beneficial to the US Navy.
2nd paragraph: Reason #1 why you are awesome.
3rd paragraph: Reason #2 why you are awesome.
4th paragraph: Reason #3 why you are awesome.
5th paragraph: Restate the three reasons why you are awesome in an original way.
Few words of advice: Keep it to a word count. I don't know about STA-21, but the civilian OCS applications do not have word limits. Keep in short and concise. Mention your grandfather(s) if they served (or anyone for that matter), but keep it brief. Remember, you are writing about YOU. Do not actually SAY you are awesome, but let it come through in your writing.
This is your first post and you are linking to a commercial website? I removed your link because it smells like an advertisement. If not, PM me.
Fixed it, thanks.