personal statement

[ghost_ttu]

Would any of the guys on here that have been selected be willing to give me some tips or examples on the personal statement that you send with the package? I'd appreciate this......

 

[Thien]

ghost. I sent my package off around April 12, 2002 and received news back 4 days later that I had been accepted to OCS for a Sep 15, 2002 date. Lucky, no, not lucky, blessed! Of course I worked my tail off. Anyways, besides the point. My motivational statement was kick butt. Some say that this is the first thing the board sees and it is important. I wrote draft after draft, let others read it and give suggestions back. It was only about 1 paragraph, but it took me like a month to get it perfect. I think it should reflect you and why you want to be an officer in the USN. Here is part of mine to give you an idea...

"Trust, Honor, Commitment, Family and Discipline all resemble similiar attributs that have to deal with the life of Matthew Curtis Thien. The essence of my heart lies within the above five words. TRUST is the backbone to my existence. HONOR is what I dream of. COMMITMENT brings results. FAMILY is support, and DISCIPLINE, for without, nothing is gained. This is what makes me, Matthew Curtis Thien, tick as a person, as an American, as a husband and as a person trust worthy of other's lives. This is why I want to be a United States Naval Aviator."

Hope this helps a bit. Spend some time on this making sure it really reflects what you feel and believe.

Take Care,

Matt

PS Be thinking of me as I start OCS in 4 days. You will be there soon if its what you want. The NAVY will reward your persistence, after all, that's what it takes to make it through anything in life...PERSISTENCE!

Get it DONE

 

[ghost_ttu]

thanks Matthew. I have been working on this and I just wanted some other views.....

 

[Hartman]

OK, here's my take on it. Personally, I don't feel like it is necessary to impress the board with rhetoric. The motivational statement is supposed to be something like 200 words or less, right? How can you possibly connect your motivation to your potential in 200 words? I think the Navy wants a short motivational statement for a reason...because they're trying to answer some basic questions: Is this guy mature? Can he handle responsibility? Is he/she making this decision for the right reasons? Keep these questions in mind and I think you'll be fine. As I like to say, "the proof is in the pudding." Let your motivational statement indicate that you have integrity and let your packet do the rest of the talking. I think you have a pretty good application...your OAR is good, you have flight time, and you've played organized team sports (a murderous team sport I might add).

Thein - I'm not at all doggin' on you. Your application was accepted because you obviously have what they're looking for. That's why they call it a PERSONAL motivational statement...it's your chance to drop your guts on the floor.

 

[ghost_ttu]

Thanks Hartman, I think that I'm going to make a statement that consist of a sales pitch of myself. Basically this is what I've done, and this is how I feel it will benefit the navy, and this is why I want to be in the navy.
I'm also considering addressing my gpa (2.5) as lower than what might be desired, and even though I worked 30 hours a week and played rugby in college that I've learned that I should have prioritized my time in a better manner. But that I feel having learned this lesson will be a benefit to the Navy knowing that I know what I will need to do to succeed in future endeavors that require high priority. (or something to that effect) good/bad, or leave it out of the paper!!!


Edited by - ghost_ttu on 09/11/2002 15:46:11

 

[Goliath112]

hey ghost, i would avoid addressing the GPA in your statement. you might wanna write a letter of explanation for that. There is only 200 words in the motivational statement and you would waste at least 100 words saying anything meaning full about it. I chose to write about my qualifactions, I basically said this is what I did in the Navy, and this is what I did in the civilan world. Also I included the whole honor, courage, commitment blur. I avoided rhetoric too. I thought the board might see that as poetic sucking up. But according to Thien, btw (not a knock) it might work. but they have to believe your sincerity. and Thien comes off a little poetic in his posts.

have I got a long way to run...

 

[Goliath112]

quote "No one ever dropped out of Surface Warfare and got stuck with Aviation"

hey man that is just plain offensive

man the wait is killing me

 

[Dave Shutter]

200 words is not a lot of room so don't mention stuff they'll read elsewhere, build on it instead. Depending on how their doing app's your first stop will generally be the pro-review board. These people are evaluating your potential as an Officer first, so don't mention how many Cessna hours you have either, they could care less. Leave that info on the 4-page app and don't worry about them not noticing it, unless you were an instructor or worked professionally in that field which would be icing. Tell them what YOU have to OFFER the Navy, not what you want out of it. Just like any other job you have to convince them as to why they should they hire you and specifically what capabilities you have as a potential leader. They know that if approved you'll most likely end up as a flight student somewhere for a couple years, but you may fall into that percentage of SNA's that become JO/Div-O's somewhere else shortly rather than later. This is also taken into consideration so on paper you have to be more than just a good candidate for flight school. Best of luck!





Edited by - Dave Shutter on 09/11/2002 22:16:26

 

[navy_barbie]

Thien, your statement was great!
I can't wait to write mine, I minored in English in college and have been a writer since I was 9, I thrive on the essence of words and the image I can portray to my reader. Yay for words and writing and essays!

P.S. Ghost...Good luck! And if you need a proofreader, let me know


Lead, Follow, or Get out of my way!

 

[Shepherd]

I agree with Webb about focusing on just being a Naval Officer. I think the motivational statement deals more with your sincerity, motivation, etc. for serving your country than your qualifications for a specific job. Also, this is probably the only area that being "flowery" will benefit you. Good luck.

A posteriori

Edited by - Shepherd on 09/12/2002 00:02:41

 

[ghost_ttu]

I had a great motivational statement that was full of fluff, and my recruiter read it and basically said "If you want to be an aviator, then tell them this, be honest" My recruiter is a naval aviator and has been on the mark with most things. Any thoughts?

 

[Hartman]

The Navy doesn't want writers. The Navy wants KILLERS!!!

 

[ghost_ttu]

WAHOOOOOO.....good cause I'll go nuts sitting a desk writing for a living. Flying and pushing buttons of mass destruction....mmmmmmm much better.

 

[cman]

Hartman -- "let me see your warface"



CMS



Edited by - cman on 09/12/2002 12:18:36

 

[Hartman]

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!