I'm about to commission very soon; however, I'm curious as to what will happen with my relationships with my friends back home. Many of them are enlisted in several different branches. Also, I'm curious about my currently relationship with my bf because he is currently enlisted as well. He is planning on getting out after his contract or getting his commission in the navy as well, but that wont be till 2018. Would we really need to end our relationship before I commission or even get married? Is there not a grace period?
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Relationships after commissioning
- Thread starter Wahine
- Start date
Pre-existing relationships are okay. There are E-O married couples out there where one got commissioned after they were married.
That said - even if it's a pre-existing relationship, if it starts causing difficulties when you hit the Fleet, expect to be spoken to about it. Most of the priors I know tried to keep their friendships a bit more on the DL. Don't be hanging out with them in uniform. "Ensign Wahine was at the E-Club with Smith and Jones last weekend, what's going on there?" Perceptions become reality, unfortunately.
That said - even if it's a pre-existing relationship, if it starts causing difficulties when you hit the Fleet, expect to be spoken to about it. Most of the priors I know tried to keep their friendships a bit more on the DL. Don't be hanging out with them in uniform. "Ensign Wahine was at the E-Club with Smith and Jones last weekend, what's going on there?" Perceptions become reality, unfortunately.
For a pre-existing relationship, do we inform our COC about that? I know I've seen a couple threads where the couple had to get married before the commissioning date, but even if we could try that right now our schedules wouldn't all for it to happen at all before then.
When it comes to my friends from home were never in uniform together. Though I understand that others would question it. No one ever says anything about my commission or about work period. It would just really suck to break off ties with my friends how have aided me before I started this journey.
When it comes to my friends from home were never in uniform together. Though I understand that others would question it. No one ever says anything about my commission or about work period. It would just really suck to break off ties with my friends how have aided me before I started this journey.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
This came up every CPO transition year, what every command I was at told them either end it or get married. (supposedly this was via JAG after someone pushed that question)
I'd let your CoC know about the BF, especially if he's local. I wouldn't get married just for the sake of 'legitimizing' the relationship. Just want your bosses to know so if they hear "Ensign Wahine was seen canoodling with a petty officer," it's not a surprise and they have a response. If I was your boss, I'd tell you to just be aware of the perceptions that can come up as a result. Unfortunately it's not uncommon for young O's to not really get that fraternization is a big deal and date someone they shouldn't, so it will be addressed just to make sure it's on the up-and-up.
As for your friends back home…what happens back home doesn't seem like anyone's business. Are you and the BF going to be co-located? If so, the info above sounds right. If you're not even stationed near each other, I don't see as you have a problem.
We're not worried about being co located or anything really. We want each other to succeed in our careers first. And thank you I really don't want to get married so quickly because I was engaged before and it didn't turn out good. I want to find someone that's going to stick with me through the tough times and my and has been there turning the rough times especially for my senior year with everything going on at school and back home. I really appreciate it.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
I would not recommend a person to get married fast, but your COC will let you know their views, and not everyones' COC may have the same view, I have seen several JO's get in trouble for inappropriate relationships and some were just looked the other way.
Ah I see. I'm just a little concerned since my current CO is okay about it since my last relationship was with a guy that I rode motorcycles with back home and he was a sub guy, but I'm about to commissioning and go to flight school soon and I don't know how they would react to it.
You're about to be in various training commands for the next couple years, where the level of personal scrutiny is usually less than in a smaller squadron setting. As others have said, I recommend keeping your front office informed and that will keep you out of trouble. Each CO may view your situation differently. When you do have that conversation, I would come prepared with a few talking points for yourself that convey to your CO that you understand the potential for misperceptions and have thoroughly discussed ways to minimize that with your BF and that the two of you are committed to maintaining a professional appearance, etc, etc. It may also be worth your while, once you're commissioned, to make an appointment with a JAG at base legal to talk about any legalities that may or may not be germane to your situation. Letting your CO know you've run it by legal will also bolster your case and shows that you've taken some initiative.
Hanging with sub guys? Now that's just wrong…
Hanging with sub guys? Now that's just wrong…
Yeah I should know better after I dated another sub guy a while back. Either way lesson learned not doing that again lol.
I probably will let my COC know, but as a MIDN do you know if I could talk to the jag before I commission?
It's a question relevant to military law so I don't see a reason why not. You'll be an officer soon enough in which case they'll definitely talk to you.
Don't probably do it... definitely do it. If you don't, you're exposing yourself to a whole lot of risk for no good reason. A JAG will definitely be able to help you as a MIDN.