400 words on why I'm seeking a commision in the US Navy

[loadtoad]

I would also include the that you were in the Air Force, that it was gay, and that you were wrong for enlisting in that service. Make sure to say that you are only seeking a commission in the Navy as penance for that very poor decision.

To a point I said that tactfully.

"Although I value my experiences with the Air National Guard I know that being a Naval Aviator is the best fit for me. It is easy to spot the Esprit de Corps and the tradition that is the backbone of the Navy and Naval Aviation. It exceeds that which I have observed in the Air Force and the Air Guard. The mutual respect given between officers and enlisted of all ranks is something that I have come to admire over the years."


I didn't like the part about your piloting skills. That is about as pointless as putting down mad bowstaff skills. Don't get me wrong, prior flight time is good but as far as they are concerned you don't have skills yet.

Other than that is looks good!

 

[Scoob]

...whereas I feel others might pick "badass" or "warheads on foreheads" or another equally cliche and badass term.

Unless, of course, you had actually been in the military as, I don't know, maybe like as a prior in the Air Force perhaps and were familiar with the reality of military service.

Going back to highlighting your assets as a candidate with a higher level of maturity - perhaps you could include why you left the military (carefully), and specifically address what you miss (pride, higher commitment, etc.) that motivates you to now seek a commission.

 

[bosaviator79]

I really tried to focus on my experiences in the active service. I didn't want to come off as an over exuberent jack ass that has no clue of what is required of an officer or what it really means to serve. However, being that I was enlisted, doesn't really give me the right to assume that I know what it takes to be an officer . I do know that I saw a plethora of "bad" officers that I at least know how I don't want to be. As for the flight time I didn't really even want to mention it for the reason you point out. I see alot of guys put it up there with arrogance. I 'm humbled by the fact that I get to fly airplanes.

 

[Scoob]

As for the flight time I didn't really even want to mention it for the reason you point out. I see alot of guys put it up there with arrogance. I 'm humbled by the fact that I get to fly airplanes.

Definitely don't omit it. Just don't brag about it. You're main goal is to prove to the board that they are not wasting the Navy's money on you when someone they didn't pick could've made it.

Your prior military experience gives them an indication that you have a better than average idea of what you're getting in to; and you're prior flight experience at the very least indicates that you have enough interest in flying (motivation) to pursue it on your own (or the MGIB's) dime.

While I knew guys who mistakenly thought they were hot shit b/c of previous flight training, I can't think of one of them that attrited either. (Any IP types have any input on that?)

 

[Brett1]

Nevermind......

 

[skim]

geez...where is SOG for this??

 

[MasterBates]

Brett, the fact that you found that is not that surprising..

The fact it was on a Hyabusa forum.. That is odd.. We don't get stuff like that on Triumphrat.net

 

[red_ryder]

This is something you should probably drop the dough on, nothing but high-quality silicone for MY cruise gf's!

 

[skim]

Im just sticking (no pun) to the ol' meat mitt

 

[bosaviator79]

I wanted to thank everyone here for the advice, revisions and overall conversation. This site and all of you are great, I'm confident I'm speaking on behalf of everyone that utilizes AW. I'll advise with any info that will be helpful as I progress through the application process. And good luck to everyone else in here. ASTB next Saturday!!!

 

[skim]

Kick A!

 

[USNMark]

It is easy to spot the Esprit de Corps and the tradition that is the backbone of the Navy and Naval Aviation.

Not that this matters, but 'esprit de corps' isn't capitalized. Au moins dans la langue française il n'est pas. Cependant vous pouvez faire celui que vous vouliez en anglais.

 

[Rasczak]

Not that this matters, but 'esprit de corps' isn't capitalized. Au moins dans la langue française il n'est pas. Cependant vous pouvez faire celui que vous vouliez en anglais.

甚麼？

 

[DSL1990]

Just wondering if any of you could take some time and review my motivational essay for the officer app? I should also introduce myself. My name is Shane I'm 28 yrs old. I'm prior enlisted Air Force, seperated then attended ERAU in Daytona. I'm a commercial SEL pilot serving as a check pilot and records analyst for a FAA 135 repair station in Colorado. I'm currently applying for a pilot slot. I appreciate any honest feedback, and don't hold back I can take and am appreciative of any constructive criticism(s). Great site by the way! Thanks

"My desire to seek a commission in the U.S. Navy is motivated by my willingness to serve my country, lead a committed team, continue my family’s military legacy, and lastly, utilize my piloting skills in defense of my country. Though this is not an exclusive list of why I want to serve as a naval officer, I believe it represents the core of my decision to take this path of service.
As a prior service member, I understand the sacrifice the military requires and it is a commitment I can easily make. Because of what this nation has provided me, my integrity insists that I give something in return by continuing my service as a naval officer. I do not see this as a debt, but I accept it as an opportunity to be part of something that has true meaning.
I believe there is nothing we can’t accomplish as a committed team. As a leader, I do not place myself above those in my charge, but recognize my position as an integral member of the team. I accept this responsibility, and seek to motivate my team to accomplish the mission. The opportunity to lead and be a part of a team is a great honor that is seldom found outside of the Armed Forces; I feel this is my calling.
Nearly 90% of my family has served in the armed services. I’ve witnessed the camaraderie shared, and experienced the dedication and sacrifice that has been and will be required of me. I accept this not as an obligation, but as a way to celebrate the service of my predecessors.
As a student of aviation I have accomplished my dream of flight by becoming a commercial pilot. I have found my gift in life and couldn’t imagine doing anything else. However, I believe a gift is truly meant to be used for the common good of all. I elect to do this as a naval aviator and utilize my piloting skills in the defense of my nation.
The decision to seek commission in the U.S. Navy has not been taken lightly. Though my motivations are too numerous to list in this statement, they are entirely genuine. I eagerly await the opportunity to serve my country, lead a committed team and continue my family’s legacy by becoming a naval aviator."

Aren't you worried that your recruiter might find your post here and think the finished essay wasn't just your own work? I had to write five essays for the Navy ROTC scholarship application and I would never post them on the Internet! They made me sign a paper saying that the application and essays were all my own work...