Able to make my wedding during aviation training?

[Beans]

Almost universally, in my TRACOMs I've heard that they'll give you a 3-day wknd if you ask nicely. If you're in API maybe not, because it's a 5-day week most of the time, but there are almost always enough students that they can spare you for a day. As long as you're not a d-bag, and you plan way in advance, you can make it work.

 

[HeyJoe]

Her argument has been if she's willing to give up everything and move down there for me, I should be able to commit to getting home for just one day, but it's been tough to explain to her why and how difficult that would be.

Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate the advice.

Well, word of advice...don't tell her to register here and try that logic in the main forum. Sure, you can commit, but you won't be in control. Recommendation: tell her to register and talk about it in the PRIVATE Spouse's Corner with those who been there, done that. Last significant other who tried to talk about her DH on open forum was subjected to Shock and Awe.

 

[Mumbles]

waiting for Brett to roll in hot.....

 

[Schnugg]

Able to make my wedding during aviation training?

No, it will happen without you.


Regarding you being able to give up one day...when you're in the Navy it's not your time. It's the Navy's dime and you're on it. So as stated it all depends on what pipeline and how you're doing.

You really think SWO working hours will be better off in a marriage down the road??? I think not.

 

[MIDNJAC]

You really think SWO working hours will be better off in a marriage down the road??? I think not.

I was reading a blog of a ROTC classmate (commissioned with me) who went SWO. Take my word that you will have many and more opportunities in this community (speaking of flight school only) for this sort of thing than you will as a new SWO trying to get qual'd, deploying regularly from day 1, etc

 

[Uncle Fester]

Her argument has been if she's willing to give up everything and move down there for me, I should be able to commit to getting home for just one day, but it's been tough to explain to her why and how difficult that would be.

Okay, bub, it's really time for the "come to Jesus" talk with the prospective Mrs. She has got to understand now that this is not up to you. Your time is not your own. You do not have control over this. It is not a matter of you being "able to commit to getting home for just one day". You are utterly subject to the whims and needs of the Navy.

This is a no-shitter, man. I have seen more than one marriage come apart because the wife just couldn't comprehend this fact, and seemed to believe that LT Husband could be home for her and the kids, he just chooses not to.

And take it from someone who has been a SWO and an aviator: you have even less chance of keeping any kind of commitment to a date as a young SWO than you would as an aviator. Dumping an Air billet to keep your wedding date is a completely moronic idea. The TRACOM might take pity on you and try to work something out. Your first ship will not.

Your schedule through the pipeline will not have any kind of certainty until you're done with it. As a student, you are a sausage being squeezed through the sausage factory. If they need you to hurry up, they'll hurry you. If they don't, you'll sit on your ass. If you try and control your sked for personal reasons, you'll be chased out of STUCON with flung NATOPS and coffee cups.

I hate to tell you this, but your Dream Wedding isn't going to happen. There is just no way in hell you can plan on a big date with any certainty. Flexibility is the key to success. I've known couples to get the Justice of the Peace wedding (so that Mrs is taken care of if the worst should happen) and put off the Big Wedding Day until after wings. Is that her dream? No? Too fucking bad. This is the company you're joining. It sucks, but it is what it is.

 

[HeyJoe]

I hate to tell you this, but your Dream Wedding isn't going to happen. There is just no way in hell you can plan on a big date with any certainty. Flexibility is the key to success. I've known couples to get the Justice of the Peace wedding (so that Mrs is taken care of if the worst should happen) and put off the Big Wedding Day until after wings. Is that her dream? No? Too fucking bad. This is the company you're joining. It sucks, but it is what it is.

And when you're in the Hurry Up mode, it will be literally like going through finals EVERY day and night. The closer you get to the main event, she'll get stressed and want your support and you'll be tapped out with stress of your own. So your worry shouldn't be the date as much as making sure you won't have distractions like that in the months leading up to the date. She's already showing she doesn't quite get it and you've haven't even started. Who knows what other assumptions she's harboring about your availability and what's fair in her mind?

 

[jfulginiti]

Next spring, March 26, 2011 I am to be married up in St. Louis. I turn 28 this coming August, so I'll need to be through OCS before then, my recruiter had planned for me to be in within the next month or two. He also tells me there is little chance I would be able to get leave that weekend to get up there for the wedding, which would be a total disaster. Looked into having it down in Pensacola, but the Ms. has too much invested at this point.

So I'm at a crossroads, do I opt for SWO to guarantee I make the wedding and skip my dreams of being able to fly? Or is there any chance that the Navy would be willing to bend to let me home for this, 15 months from now?

Please advise. Wish I had found this board sooner, the recruiter needs my answer by the morning. Thanks!

Mike

How does going SWO "guarantee" you can make the wedding? What if you're deployed by then? How can you know ANYTHING that's going to happen over a year away? Anyway, I instructed at VT-86 for 2 years and we never had a problem with giving people a few days of leave to get married. As long as we knew in advance, it wasn't an issue. We even let guys take leave to go to family or friends weddings..... if we knew far enough ahead of time. Having just finished flight school for the second time, I can say that asking for 3 or 4 days of leave so you can make your own wedding is NOT a big deal as a Student Naval Aviator. But don't expect to take a long honeymoon at least until you're winged and probably until after you finish the FRS. Just keep your command informed as your progress through flight training. As a side note, your predicament here is exactly why most of us don't recommend young and/or new guys getting married so soon. Good luck.

 

[MIDNJAC]

Good point. At least half of the SWO's I know met their ships within days of commissioning, which were literally already on deployment. Most of the rest of them deployed for much of their first year, and beyond. There is no other place like flight school at this point in your career to be sure that you will be around (even if you are too busy flying to do it). Like others have said, they can work with you. A classmate of mine had her big wedding several months back, but her circumstances were a bit unusual and she had planned it a long way out with our command. I did what Uncle Fester mentioned, and did a small legal ceremony at home over the holidays, and will be having the real thing later this summer when I am winged (god willing). Some things to think about

 

[Schnugg]

I got married as a fleet LT and had job committments that involved gov't contractors and simulator flight testing that I had to do the week after my wedding. So we delayed the honeymoon.

Job comes first. My wife is daughter of a USAF LtCol and grew up as a military dependant moving, etc., so she knew what she was getting into.

Have a "come to jesus" with the GF and lay it out there.

 

[villanelle]

First, there is no way, I would have encouraged, or even not discouraged Husband from changing his entire career path to better fit a party schedule.

Second, we were married when Husband was in the RAG. We picked a holiday weekend knowing that it almost guaranteed us at least an extra day and that was a smart move indeed. He ended up not being granted any additional leave; it can and does happen. He drove up the night of the rehearsal, almost missing it (thankfully we planned our wedding only about an hour and a half from base), and then returned to work Tuesday morning after the Monday holiday.

Third, I will offer you some unsolicted advice. You are going down a very dangerous path by mixing this girl with Navy life. Based on the "logic" she is using, it is clear she doesn't get it. This isn't about you being able to choose to make that day. It is about what the Navy chooses for you, and that may not be in line with what she wants. It isn't just the wedding. It is birthdays and Christmases and anniversaries and maybe even the birth of your own child, not to mention vacations and celebrations and family moments. You *will* miss those things. If she can't handle the uncertainty about the wedding, or needing to adjust her wedding plans, then she will not be able to handle those things. Do yourself a huge favor, have a no bullshitting or sugar-coating talk with her about what it will be like, and get it figured out now so you know if she is compatable with the Navy life. If she isn't, don't stick your head in the sand. Ditch the girl, or ditch the Navy. It really sounds like combining the 2 will be disasterous.

I can't tell if she is the one suggesting you go SWO because it might allow for better planning, or if that is what you have come up with in response to her "one day" logic. Either way, any girl who would encourage you to--or even do anything short of beg you not to-- give up your dream to better accommidate a party is not worth giving up anything at all for.

 

[bunk22]

Here's what I say, forget getting married while young. Go to P-cola, bang a bunch of chicks, get married later.

 

[HeloBubba]

Here's what I say, forget getting married while young. Go to P-cola, bang a bunch of chicks, get married later.

Hear, Hear!

I once changed a training opportunity for the reserves based on the wishes of a female...we parted ways like three months later but not before it put me in a position to lose out on five years of flight status.

 

[Mike978]

Here's what I say, forget getting married while young. Go to P-cola, bang a bunch of chicks, get married later.

Come on bunk, would appreciate showing the lady a just a little more respect than that, especially since she's reading all of these replies. That definitely doesn't help.

I've only taken the first half of my ASTB so far and did extremely well on it - the second half is coming next week, and the physical after that. If I get through both of those with flying colors, and I'm granted a spot as an NFO, hopefully she's changed her mind about this by then. If not, looks like I'll have a very important decision to make. By the way, I don't feel that young, especially since 27 is the maximum age limit for entry into this program.

I'm confident the Navy would be a great home for me. I can listen, I can lead, I've got smarts, and I'm a horse that can both bench 260lb and run an ultra 100 mile marathon non stop. Would love to be apart of it all, hoping she sees it that way too.

Thank you to those who've given the solid heart-felt advice.

 

[eddie]

and I'm a horse that can both bench 260lb and run an ultra 100 mile marathon non stop. Would love to be apart of it all, hoping she sees it that way too.

Sir, you've been led to the water, but based on the BOLD sounds like you drank the "other" kool-aide.