But I gotta go!

[MasterBates]

I had an AW1 crap in his helmet bag (not hard for an AW in a 60), and then realize he forgot T-P, and cut his T-shirt off to use as such.

 

[Fly Navy]

I had an AW1 crap in his helmet bag (not hard for an AW in a 60), and then realize he forgot T-P, and cut his T-shirt off to use as such.

Bah, that's in the back of a helo. Doesn't involve unstrapping, torso harnesses, or G-suits

 

[pdx]

One of my systems instructor back at whiting told us a story about in Korea some pilot had to go and he took his gloves off and shat into them.

I heard exactly the same story in systems class. We were busting up laughing. They guy had a very dramatic way of telling the story. I think he had polished it through many retellings.

 

[snort]

Well, gather around and let me tell you a story or two. So there I was, exiting Iraq during Desert Storm on the wing of a sister squadron jet after launching as a spare (so they had the lead). We were in spread so couldn't really make out the other cockpit that well. We had recently upgraded to Link-4A so we had a great SA picture of where the tanker was and the rest of the strike group, but the lead RIO didn't switch us over to the tanker freq. After awhile and looking over and seeing an odd splash of red int he rear cockpit and the RIO's head bowled over, we joined up to visual comm range and I gave the signal asking for the freq. The RIO looked up briefly and leaned over again. This went on for about 5 minutes before we joined up even closer and elevated a bit trying to figure out why the RIO looked so distracted. We then saw he had unstrapped and removed his flight gear and was engaged in filling his helmet bag with...well you can fill in the blank. So it can be done in extremis. The jet was later emblazoned with an outhouse marking.

I'd heard that, but always thought it was a joke.
My pucker factor was so high I never had the problem.

AW Mod note: snort exposed as imposter; please regard this above remarks

 

[HAL Pilot]

http://www.airwarriors.com/forum/showpost.php?p=194693&postcount=1

 

[Brett327]

Here's another good one:
http://www.airwarriors.com/forum/showpost.php?p=195439&postcount=51

Brett

 

[FlyinSpy]

Some guys incorporate a camelback bladder into their vests these days.

We've gotten the AirSafe vests, and once you put the holster on there is just no more room for much else. Some guys take the Camelback bladder in a helmet bag or backpack, or just pack bottles of water or Gatorade. It's so hot here that you can go through a lot of water just in the man-up process - I typically carry a 2 liter bottle of water, a 20 oz Gatorade, and two Rip-Its, and drink almost all of it. It can be pretty brutal once you drop the canopies and before you get airborne - but it is a dry heat!

 

[JIMC5499]

I had an AW1 crap in his helmet bag (not hard for an AW in a 60), and then realize he forgot T-P, and cut his T-shirt off to use as such.

That's where the small kitchen trash bags and the SH-3's sonobuoy tubes came in handy. Tie them off with a tie wrap and toss them out the cargo door.

 

[FlytheBall]

OMG those clips are hillarious...what a poor *******

 

[TurnandBurn55]

We're resetting on an AIC run... all of a sudden the pilot goes... "Hey, don't eject!!"... of course I'm wondering WTF, and this dude is all getting jiggity in the from seat doing god knows what... I thought he'd FOD'd the cockpit or had gotten lonely and was rubbing one out...

Next thing I know he yells "Hey, I saved a Margarita for ya!!" and tosses a very full bag of fluid back to me...

I thank god to this day that it didn't explode in the cockpit.

Given that we were wearing drysuits... to quote Ron Burgundy "I'm not even mad, heck, that's amazing!"

 

[phrogdriver]

My new bird, the mighty V-22, alas, has no piss-tube. Piddle packs for all my friends! Adding that to the list of, "$70 million and they couldn't put in a decent ____!" Back in my phrog days, I had never used the relief tube until one day in the fuel pits, when I couldn't take it anymore and used it 10 minutes before I had to hotseat. Lo and behold, it's not draining. I have to stop mid-stream as I fill the funnel, try to stretch the tube to the cockpit window, and try to fling my urine out of the aircraft. Repeat about 10 times. Absolute misery.

 

[AllAmerican75]

My new bird, the mighty V-22, alas, has no piss-tube. Piddle packs for all my friends! Adding that to the list of, "$70 million and they couldn't put in a decent ____!" Back in my phrog days, I had never used the relief tube until one day in the fuel pits, when I couldn't take it anymore and used it 10 minutes before I had to hotseat. Lo and behold, it's not draining. I have to stop mid-stream as I fill the funnel, try to stretch the tube to the cockpit window, and try to fling my urine out of the aircraft. Repeat about 10 times. Absolute misery.

Why not just piss out the window then? Seems like you could do in the V-22 also.

 

[phrogdriver]

Why not just piss out the window then? Seems like you could do in the V-22 also.

How the hell am I supposed to unstrap, stand-up, and turn 90-degrees to the right, then piss out a window reminiscent of a VW microbus (CH-46)? :icon_tong The V-22 window is even smaller, and opens funny. I'd end up urinating on the radio/ICS controls. Try putting that in a MAF, "Radio selector inop--suspect urine shorting out control." I think my aircraft would be strategically down on startup a LOT after doing that.

 

[TurnandBurn55]

Try putting that in a MAF, "Radio selector inop--suspect urine shorting out control." I think my aircraft would be strategically down on startup a LOT after doing that.

Oh come on now.. I've known a pilot or two who's had his G-suit sabotaged...

"Cockpit FOD... suspect multiple tampons.."

 

[AllAmerican75]

How the hell am I supposed to unstrap, stand-up, and turn 90-degrees to the right, then piss out a window reminiscent of a VW microbus (CH-46)? :icon_tong The V-22 window is even smaller, and opens funny. I'd end up urinating on the radio/ICS controls. Try putting that in a MAF, "Radio selector inop--suspect urine shorting out control." I think my aircraft would be strategically down on startup a LOT after doing that.

Oh, I didn't know the quarters were so close. I guess the Marines in back can still just piss out the back, though.