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Join-Spouse Program Fantasy or Real?

B

bert

Enjoying the real world
pilot
Contributor
A couple things I would add from watching some friends try to make the dual-military couple work:

1. One person should be willing to take something less than ideal (non-flying orders for a pilot, for instance) to get co-located.

2. Both should be willing to accept something other than the garden spots. If you tell the monitors you want to be co-located but are only interested in HI your chances will be much poorer than if you offered to take some hard-fills like Okinawa (which is actually very nice) or the soon to be available Guam billets (which is great duty now, but might be less so once the large influx of Marines makes it there).

Good luck.
 
laurahare

laurahare

Registered User
Also make sure that you are not banking on orders being changed if he has some when you come in, he will probably still go there and you go where ever they want! My husband and I got married right after he accepted orders, and he ended up in Diego Garcia for 15 months and I in Corpus Christi. BUT.....now that he is Army I would take that back any day, Diego Garcia = 100% better than Iraq
 
S

skittles215

New Member
He's an Aviation Supply Officer...I'm hoping for pilot both USMC. This year is his 13th year in the Marine Corps...I won't be heading to OCS until October (possibly). Granted for the next 2/3 years we will be apart, I guess I had my hopes too high for the years following.
 
smittyrunr

smittyrunr

Well-Known Member
pilot
Contributor
I'll jump in late here. Based on Navy experience- the "spouse co-location" program really only applies to enlisted. Officer orders are worked through detailers (monitors for you) and you and your chain of command will figure things out through them. Obviously (I hope) when you are in the training pipeline there are only certain places you can train and you will probably spend those 2-3 years apart. Orders out of the training command are worked based on how well you do- in every dual-military case, except mine, I have seen them take into account where the other spouse is and try to work orders accordingly. Doesn't always happen, but usually it works out. You will have to look at where your husband is stationed and likely to be stationed in 2 years and base platform selection accordingly. Not sure what the USMC career path is beyond your first tour, but if you aren't lined up to PCS at the same time one of you may move and the other follow at a later time.
For the future, one program that does apply to officers as well as enlisted has to do with child care- If you have kids, they can change your rotations to have one of you on sea duty and the other on shore duty. Again this probbaly requires a sacrifice for good or career enhancing orders on one of your parts. Of course with everyone eligible for IAs and surgre deployments, this point is probably moot.
In the end it's always the needs of the service and I recommend a good, flexible frequent flyer program that flies into small, out of the way airports in Texas and the southeast US. let me know if you find one.
 
HalfBreed

HalfBreed

Member
None
I have doomed myself to always live apart from my future husband. I am a Hawkeye SNFO and he is a Marine helo SNA!
:eek:
 
Brett327

Brett327

Well-Known Member
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
HalfBreed said:
I have doomed myself to always live apart from my future husband. I am a Hawkeye SNFO and he is a Marine helo SNA!
:eek:
Click to expand...

Sounds like an idyllic life you've planned for yourself. ;) Reason number 327 why flight school hook-ups should remain just that - hook-ups. :D

Brett
 
HAL Pilot

HAL Pilot

Well-Known Member
None
Contributor
A post in another thread about early retirements got me thinking...

I am a poster child for careers gone bad due to Spouse collocation. If I had not married a girl who was also a Navy officer or had not pushed for collocation, I would probably have been a squadron CO and retired as a O6 instead taking an early retirement as a passed over O4.

I was number 1 LTJG, #1 frocked LT and #1 LT in my first VP squadron. I was a LTJG crew holding mission commander and took my crew on many extended detachments and deployments. I was one of the community "golden boys".

Then I married my squadron's AIO. After our squadron tours were up, the only place we could collocate was Norfolk. I turned down being a flag aide to the west coast VP admiral and a job at the west coast P-3 RAG to go to Norfolk. By going to Norfolk, I got sucked into a training command draft for "quality" officers (instead of the shit birds they were getting from aviation communities) and ended up with orders to a SWO training base where I was the only aviation LT among 50+ SWOs. Needless to say, I did not break out.

I bolted out of my shore duty early to a CVN. Again, the VP community tried to "rescue" me / my career and offered an assortment of great, career enhancing CVN jobs (including ANAV and shooter). But they were all on west coast carriers and my wife was in Norfolk so I took a so-so job on a Norfolk based carrier working for a LDO O4 department head. Not the way to break out.....But once again I tried to maximize my situation and I earned a SWO pin as well as being Sea & Anchor OOD, GQ OOD, TAO qualified and leading the ship's boarding team. I ended up "pack plus" but not in the top numbers.

Coming off the CVN, VP tried to send me to the west coast with the choice of either the Admiral's Staff or being a DH at VP-31 (RAG). I was also offered a job at CTF-72 in Japan. But now the Navy said the wife was going Jax and there were "lesser" VP jobs available there. VP-30 wouldn't take me since I was a west coast VP guy (big thing back then - the different coasts did not mix). So I took a job at FASO and did a 6 month TDY stint with a UN mission to try and salvage something.

2 years latter it is DH time (which I originally did not select for because east coast VP ran the board. West coast VP objected to the results and it was reconvened. 6 west coast LCDRs including yours truly were added. This was totally a result of my community reputation from my first tour - I was still "one of their guys" so to speak). Orders to a west coast squadron (more than a few COs asked for me by name) but used the spouse collocation program to force them to keep me in Jax with the wife. I was an unknown in the east coast VP world and told by my CO on check in that I would never break out (and didn't).

Coming off my DH tour, I knew I was not going to make O5 but I was sent to a joint O6 billet anyway. I didn't fight this one for collocation reason because my wife had just decided I did not sacrifice enough for our marriage to work.....I never understood getting these orders because I had been continually thumbing my nose (in the name of being collocated with my wife) at the VP community's attempts to help my career. I finally learned when I applied for early retirement that I still had an excellent VP community reputation and strong VP Flag level backing. They wanted me to be a O5 and stay working in the community. But by this time I was through and just wanted to retire.

Since I retired, i have been told by numerous retired VP O6s and flag officers that I threw away my career for my ex-wife. They respected my choice and never held it against me, but they never really understood it either.

So yes, you can make the spouse collocation program work. But there is a big career price to pay.

Was it worth it? Yes - because I got a great daughter out of it. But knowing what I know, I would not have married another service member. One of us would have to get out.
 
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