Married with children

[MasterBates]

While it's nice to keep "family" first, keep in mind you can make career sacrifices be it orders, not going on a det, etc..

And then have your family turn on you. I would have been far better off in my career if I had just ignored my ex wife's desires, and done what I wanted because the end result (her leaving) would have been the same, without such a hole to climb out of.

 

[ACowboyinTexas]

Family comes first, but taking care of your career is part of taking care of your family. Try to make sure that you do both. It isn't easy, but I think the wife and kids understand the difference between a dad who's gone because he wants to be and one who's gone because he has to be. Don't be an absentee dad when you're home and try to include Momma and the heirs in your Navy life.

 

[stgcst]

Sacrifice family for the Navy if you want. If you're okay with your kids never seeing you, fine. I guarantee you they won't be sitting around one day thinking, "yeah, Dad missed all my football games, but at least he was the guy Ops wanted in his office at the next job shuffle."

The Navy doesn't love you back, never has, never will. It's a great job that demands sacrifices, but the moment that what you have to sacrifice isn't worth what you get from it, it's time to go.

So very true and well put...sometimes you have to retire to realize it. The Navy is a great career however, it's not forever but your family is.

 

[smonahan]

I was only married for a short time when I was enlisted. How do you include your family in your Navy life, I can guess of course but a heads up would be awesome.

 

[ArkhamAsylum]

I experienced both sides of the debate. I geo-bach'ed during API and the FRS, and I lived with my wife during Primary/Advanced. Here are my viewpoints, broken down by category.

Geo-Bachelor:
Pros:
Lived as cheaply as I wanted to.
Studied whenever I wanted.
Played video games whenever I wanted.
Watched TV whenever I wanted.
Slept whenever I wanted.
Hung out with the boys any time I wanted.
Easier to move and find housing.

Cons:
Had to pay 2 rents.
Had to drink alone.
Had to cook/clean.
Had to devote 1 hour/day to phone call to the Mrs.
Apartment smelled like a man.
Wife spends more money when you're not around.

Living with family:
Pros:
Come home to find wonderful dinner on table.
Save money by not eating out as much.
Wife helps with studying.
Wife records your favorite TV shows while you're scheduled at night.
Full-release stress relief available.

Cons:
Time is divided between work and family, with little left for self.
The Hooters calendar must come down.
Wife meets all your friends and doesn't approve.
Wife won't let you drink alone.
Unusual working hours are not compatible with family schedule.
Wife accidently washes your flight suits with optical brighteners and fabric softeners.

Of course, I went through flight school before having kids. Having a daughter now and being deployed, I would never voluntarily spend extended amounts of time away from my family. There's no such thing as a "best time" of your child's life to miss. Your relationship with your wife should already be developed enough that little will change while apart. If your relationship sucks, it will continue to suck; if it's solid, it will stay solid. On the contrary, your kids will remember a significant portion of their life when Daddy wasn't there for them. Years later, they may or may not accept the fact that you made this choice based on your fervor for your career.
Bottom line, there's more to this choice than how your family will detract from your ability to study. You'll have to consider the financial aspect (dual rent/utility bills), logistical aspect (how to PCS to/from 2 separate locations), and how it will affect your relationship with your wife and/or kids.

P.S. Base housing is all what you make of it. I personally enjoy living 4.0 miles from work, and not having hippies or rednecks for neighbors. On the other hand, when I got promoted and received a BAH raise, it all went to the housing manager, not my wallet. But I'm confident that I won't get hassled by the landlord when I get PCS orders.

 

[smonahan]

AA,

So what you're saying is steal the kid and ditch the wife? J/K. Thanks for the breakdown, is it not possible to stay in the BOQ when Geo-Bach, or does it suck that hard.

 

[ArkhamAsylum]

I wouldn't recommend taking the kid but not the wife. Doubly so if the kid's still on breastmilk. Some bases have BOQ housing available; some don't. Depending on your orders, you may or may not be eligible to stay in it. Saltier guys, please correct any bad gouge I'm about to give.
If you have TAD orders without authorized dependents, you should continue to receive BAH at your previous duty station, and also draw per-diem for the present duty station. You may use said per-diem for the BOQ, if you desire.
If you have TAD orders with authorized dependents, you'll get a single BAH for the present duty station. Base housing will likely not give you base housing with TAD orders, unless they're hurting for occupancy.
If you have PCS orders (these always include dependents, I believe), you'll get BAH for the present duty station. If you leave your family behind, that's your problem, not Uncle Sam's. The gov't housing you'll be eligible for assumes that your whole family is there, and will cost all your BAH.
When I say present duty station, I refer to the one that you're moving to as specified in the orders. Previous duty station refers to the one you left after receiving said orders.
In summary, when your orders authorize your family to move with you, they will pay for you to all live together at the new station. Don't expect special treatment for voluntary separation. On the flip side, if they force you to live separately, they'll pay you both separately to live where they expect you to live (at the previous and present duty stations). Whether or not your family continues to reside where they're "supposed to" can have a great effect on your bank account.