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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
peppergunner
ɹǝqɯǝW pǝʇɹǝʌuI
Yeah I think I'll condense that part of the essay then add on the leadership experiences I've had that I think prepare me well for this.
IHSV Brother.
Hey all! Just wanting to see if my motivational statement is good or not? I'm applying to be in the June 15 SWO Board.
A career, an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress. Becoming an Officer in the Navy and having a career in the United States Navy is something I have always wanted to do. As an officer, I understand that I will be put through rigorous training in order to achieve a successful career in the Navy. Since many members of my family who served in the military went into the U.S. Navy, I have always had the desire and vision to be a part of that tradition myself. Growing up, the people who I admired the most were the men and women who have served in uniform. I have always passionately known that one day I can be among those who have served, and I would be the one leading them as a Naval Officer.
As I was aging, I strived to be excellent in both academic and student-based organizations. In high school and in college, I graduated both with earning multiple academic achievements along with juggling the clubs that I participated in.
One experience that I can recall developing throughout my life was being able to teach me the responsibilities of performing the role of a leader back in high school. I was part of a club called Ohana Ha’Aheo in which the male’s involvement was an ancient cultural war dance that taught a tribe’s pride, strength, and unity. It taught me to motivate and build the relationship with my club and my team that allowed me to achieve the vision of what I wanted to accomplish. Another one was being a Children’s Coordinator in college where I lead informal educational seminars and addressed groups of high schoolers about the dangers of HIV/AIDS. It taught me to inspire the next generation of children and become a positive role model to the community. Being able to learn these life qualities has molded me into the person I am today.
While my academic accomplishments and student-based organizations have been rewarding, the desire to lead the men and women of this country as a Naval Officer has not been fulfilled. I am committed to completing any task assigned to me with the utmost degree of merit. I want to motivate and inspire this generation of U.S. sailors as a symbol to look up to and build the core values of the Navy while exhibiting these attributes. I yearn for becoming a role model and becoming an influence within the Navy and help U.S. sailors as I guide and aspire them. Above all, if I am given the opportunity, the United States Navy will have gained an individual who will not only becoming a driving force as a Naval Officer, but as someone who will always rise to the occasion and will always uphold the values of the Navy.
A career, an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress. Becoming an Officer in the Navy and having a career in the United States Navy is something I have always wanted to do. As an officer, I understand that I will be put through rigorous training in order to achieve a successful career in the Navy. Since many members of my family who served in the military went into the U.S. Navy, I have always had the desire and vision to be a part of that tradition myself. Growing up, the people who I admired the most were the men and women who have served in uniform. I have always passionately known that one day I can be among those who have served, and I would be the one leading them as a Naval Officer.
As I was aging, I strived to be excellent in both academic and student-based organizations. In high school and in college, I graduated both with earning multiple academic achievements along with juggling the clubs that I participated in.
One experience that I can recall developing throughout my life was being able to teach me the responsibilities of performing the role of a leader back in high school. I was part of a club called Ohana Ha’Aheo in which the male’s involvement was an ancient cultural war dance that taught a tribe’s pride, strength, and unity. It taught me to motivate and build the relationship with my club and my team that allowed me to achieve the vision of what I wanted to accomplish. Another one was being a Children’s Coordinator in college where I lead informal educational seminars and addressed groups of high schoolers about the dangers of HIV/AIDS. It taught me to inspire the next generation of children and become a positive role model to the community. Being able to learn these life qualities has molded me into the person I am today.
While my academic accomplishments and student-based organizations have been rewarding, the desire to lead the men and women of this country as a Naval Officer has not been fulfilled. I am committed to completing any task assigned to me with the utmost degree of merit. I want to motivate and inspire this generation of U.S. sailors as a symbol to look up to and build the core values of the Navy while exhibiting these attributes. I yearn for becoming a role model and becoming an influence within the Navy and help U.S. sailors as I guide and aspire them. Above all, if I am given the opportunity, the United States Navy will have gained an individual who will not only becoming a driving force as a Naval Officer, but as someone who will always rise to the occasion and will always uphold the values of the Navy.
PRarce2
Member
I see a lot of I statements but nothing of team or family. Who in your family was specifically your inspiration? Right now it sounds like my family join the Navy so it’s what I am going to do.
Why Naval Officer and better yet why do you want to be a SWO and what has led you to this? i.e. being part of the club taught you the importance of working as a cohesive team and member.
Don’t get me wrong highlight your achievements but what do you bring/offer to the Navy? What’s the win/win?
Are you fresh out of college? Any canoe clubs, leadership, job experience, or anything of that sort. What made you want to be a SWO and not a pilot?
And remember don’t state something that is in your resume. You can name things in the misc block.
Just my opinion and how I wrote my motivational statement.
Thanks for the advice! I'll keep that in mind with the revisions then!
abctotheabc
Well-Known Member
Where did you hear about a June 15th SWO board?
Sorry I meant the application is due June 15.
I received word today that I was selected from the 21MAY2018 Supply Board. While I obviously do not need help with my motivational statement seeing that I'm selected, I figured I'd post my statement here in case it helps people get an idea of what sort of motivational statement helps. I do believe mine was strong and revealed information not otherwise available on the rest of my application kit.
I am destined to become a Commissioned Officer in the United States Navy. The wisdom and sense of duty by proud sailors have been woven into me with candid spirit. I work alongside 10 Navy veterans at a power generating plant that employs only 25 people. These men are role models, father figures, and comrades. They foster in me an admiration for their time spent and sacrifices made while they were service members in the United States Navy. That admiration has transcended to unreserved motivation. I have been tailored to be an accomplished Supply Officer. I have a reverence for the Navy due to being fastened into a post-Navy work culture. I have the practical work experience to support the Navy as a Supply Officer. My aspiration is to someday sew a piece of myself to our homeland in the same fashion as the men who inspire me. These men – and all other sailors – drape over our homeland and sew together our America. Their threads are the same color. It is the color of the United States Navy.
The men I work with emit a canny patriotism, for what is patriotism but a love for the little things that make up a whole of a homeland? The little things include one Navy veteran recalling the entire history of Benjamin Franklin's "Join, or Die" rendition of the Gadsden Flag. The little things include a former submariner in his USS Buffalo (SSN-715) ball cap as he gets choked up talking about the decommissioning of the "Buffy". The little things include a Master Chief who had to have a stroke in order to get out of the Navy after a 27-year career because he loved it that much. The little things are those moments sacrificed and those memories made. The little things make up a whole person who serves a whole homeland. The little things gained while serving in the Navy is what I want most in life.
There is more to being a good fit for the Navy than lone patriotism. I am embroidered with skills already implemented in the Navy's Purchasing, Supply and Logistics community. At my current place of employment, I analyze the demand and future needs of supplies. I oversee all shipping, receiving, inspecting, and packaging of equipment. I execute leadership skills to supervise subordinates in the warehouse. I am well-versed in hazardous material handling. Lastly, the industry I work in – electric utilities – has a trend to imitate the operations of the United States Navy; I observe this on a daily basis as we routinely follow procedures and maintain Qual Cards.
The sailors in my life are more than heroes to the civilians they protect and the government they serve. They are examples of how I want to live my life. They are paradigms of what can be achieved in the allotment of little things to create a whole person who loves a whole homeland. I want an allotment of little things to someday share with and inspire others. What better way to utilize my work skills than to join the Navy as a Supply Officer in order to earn those little things that will create my whole and emit my patriotism? I want the same colored thread as the sailors who have sewn their stories into America's fabric. I want to sew that thread into America and have the pride to say that I sacrificed for myself, for the sailors I love, and for the United States Navy.
I am destined to become a Commissioned Officer in the United States Navy. The wisdom and sense of duty by proud sailors have been woven into me with candid spirit. I work alongside 10 Navy veterans at a power generating plant that employs only 25 people. These men are role models, father figures, and comrades. They foster in me an admiration for their time spent and sacrifices made while they were service members in the United States Navy. That admiration has transcended to unreserved motivation. I have been tailored to be an accomplished Supply Officer. I have a reverence for the Navy due to being fastened into a post-Navy work culture. I have the practical work experience to support the Navy as a Supply Officer. My aspiration is to someday sew a piece of myself to our homeland in the same fashion as the men who inspire me. These men – and all other sailors – drape over our homeland and sew together our America. Their threads are the same color. It is the color of the United States Navy.
The men I work with emit a canny patriotism, for what is patriotism but a love for the little things that make up a whole of a homeland? The little things include one Navy veteran recalling the entire history of Benjamin Franklin's "Join, or Die" rendition of the Gadsden Flag. The little things include a former submariner in his USS Buffalo (SSN-715) ball cap as he gets choked up talking about the decommissioning of the "Buffy". The little things include a Master Chief who had to have a stroke in order to get out of the Navy after a 27-year career because he loved it that much. The little things are those moments sacrificed and those memories made. The little things make up a whole person who serves a whole homeland. The little things gained while serving in the Navy is what I want most in life.
There is more to being a good fit for the Navy than lone patriotism. I am embroidered with skills already implemented in the Navy's Purchasing, Supply and Logistics community. At my current place of employment, I analyze the demand and future needs of supplies. I oversee all shipping, receiving, inspecting, and packaging of equipment. I execute leadership skills to supervise subordinates in the warehouse. I am well-versed in hazardous material handling. Lastly, the industry I work in – electric utilities – has a trend to imitate the operations of the United States Navy; I observe this on a daily basis as we routinely follow procedures and maintain Qual Cards.
The sailors in my life are more than heroes to the civilians they protect and the government they serve. They are examples of how I want to live my life. They are paradigms of what can be achieved in the allotment of little things to create a whole person who loves a whole homeland. I want an allotment of little things to someday share with and inspire others. What better way to utilize my work skills than to join the Navy as a Supply Officer in order to earn those little things that will create my whole and emit my patriotism? I want the same colored thread as the sailors who have sewn their stories into America's fabric. I want to sew that thread into America and have the pride to say that I sacrificed for myself, for the sailors I love, and for the United States Navy.
calidude620
Active Member
Quick question on my motivational statement/package. I'll be on the IWC board in a week, but I know my chances are low there. My 2nd choice was SWO. After doing a lot of reading on this thread and Air Warriors as a whole, I realized my statement could be more "SWO-centric", and that I could definitely make some beneficial changes. With SWO seemingly getting more competitive as well, my question is this: If I'm not selected for my first choice, and there is ample time before my package would be viewed by the board of my second choice, can I revise my ASPR/motivational statement before the next board convenes? Thanks for any input.
Reg-A-Muffin0716
Resist, Retaliate, Press Forward!
I am not quite sure about the interim time for revision, but I can vouch for making the statement focused towards the specialty you want (SWO, in your case). You can state about your interest towards the mission of shipboard officers and why you want to be a SWO so bad - Seriously, don't put that down verbatim btw - (e.g. something simple like general passion for sailing, "Oh my uncle owns a yacht," etc.). You may even make it a bit fancy and/or put in some credentials like a Third Mate's license (that is, if you have any).
I'm going aviation all the way. So, I put in something like "being passionate about the mission of Naval Aviation: To defend the fleet from threats anywhere through use of the skies and oversee the dominance of American air power." I also put in the 2 demonstration rides I did from 2 local airports (totaling an hour, 30-30) and the certificates I received from those flights.
Reg-A-Muffin0716
Resist, Retaliate, Press Forward!
Write 'till your heart's content. Well, there's that. But, it doesn't hurt to leave a couple of spaces empty for your readers to breathe.
Last edited:
eva12036
Member
I have also been looking for some help with my motivational statement.
Which parent do I want to live with? I had to make decisions no child should have to make. My parents divorced when I was seven years old. I made the right decisions at times but others I had to fix later. One decision in my life was made instantly when I spoke with a military recruiter. From that moment on I knew what would be in my future. I had one thing I could always hold on to. I would serve my country.
Life brings twists and turns and now is the right time in my life to take this step. When I finished high school my dad refused to let me join right after high school. I decided to go on a mission at age 19 for my church. I developed habits and a mentality that have prepared me for this experience of joining the Navy. Although I was eager to pursue my dream when I returned from my mission it was time for me to go to college. I met a wonderful woman who I married and she helped shape by patriotism by her talk of men and women who protect this country. My grandpa also helped me build my patriotism from his service to our country in the Navy. My dedication to fulfill my desired dream started coming out more and more.
Without these life experiences I would have struggled trying to serve in the military. Early in life I didn’t know what path I would take or have any goals. This changed as I sought opportunities to change. My mission gave me leadership experience, interpersonal skills, and most of all, a secure knowledge of who I am. I know my mission in this life is to serve as many people as I can and help them reach their full potential.
I want to offer the leadership, and organizational, skills I have to the United States Navy. My commitment as an officer will only improve the person I have already become so I can better serve my country. I want to be a part of a team where I will serve my fellow men and women every day. I want to keep our country safe and be a defender of “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”
I would make an excellent Officer in the United States Navy because of my natural leadership and understanding of others. I served a 2 year mission including 1 year and 9 months in a leadership position. Throughout that time I was responsible for over 40 men and women. After 6 months working in a medical clinic I was promoted to manage over 5 Medical assistants. I was responsible for hiring new Medical assistants for our clinic. While serving in a volunteer leadership position I ensured the well-being and organization of a group of 70-80 men for two and a half years. Every person has different needs but when they are looking for a leader they will only follow someone they can trust, someone that will stand at the front of the line, and someone who will lead by example.
Which parent do I want to live with? I had to make decisions no child should have to make. My parents divorced when I was seven years old. I made the right decisions at times but others I had to fix later. One decision in my life was made instantly when I spoke with a military recruiter. From that moment on I knew what would be in my future. I had one thing I could always hold on to. I would serve my country.
Life brings twists and turns and now is the right time in my life to take this step. When I finished high school my dad refused to let me join right after high school. I decided to go on a mission at age 19 for my church. I developed habits and a mentality that have prepared me for this experience of joining the Navy. Although I was eager to pursue my dream when I returned from my mission it was time for me to go to college. I met a wonderful woman who I married and she helped shape by patriotism by her talk of men and women who protect this country. My grandpa also helped me build my patriotism from his service to our country in the Navy. My dedication to fulfill my desired dream started coming out more and more.
Without these life experiences I would have struggled trying to serve in the military. Early in life I didn’t know what path I would take or have any goals. This changed as I sought opportunities to change. My mission gave me leadership experience, interpersonal skills, and most of all, a secure knowledge of who I am. I know my mission in this life is to serve as many people as I can and help them reach their full potential.
I want to offer the leadership, and organizational, skills I have to the United States Navy. My commitment as an officer will only improve the person I have already become so I can better serve my country. I want to be a part of a team where I will serve my fellow men and women every day. I want to keep our country safe and be a defender of “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”
I would make an excellent Officer in the United States Navy because of my natural leadership and understanding of others. I served a 2 year mission including 1 year and 9 months in a leadership position. Throughout that time I was responsible for over 40 men and women. After 6 months working in a medical clinic I was promoted to manage over 5 Medical assistants. I was responsible for hiring new Medical assistants for our clinic. While serving in a volunteer leadership position I ensured the well-being and organization of a group of 70-80 men for two and a half years. Every person has different needs but when they are looking for a leader they will only follow someone they can trust, someone that will stand at the front of the line, and someone who will lead by example.
Reg-A-Muffin0716
Resist, Retaliate, Press Forward!
Made the necessary corrections as best as I could.
Your statement is an excellent one. Very touching on how you put down your mission experience abroad.
A few pointers, though:
1. Be mindful to insert breaks among clauses (i.e. you forgot to put commas)
2. Write out numbers below 10
3. State your intention on what you want to do in the Navy (i.e. your officer job specialty), what your professional (rank and/or senior staff position) and personal (educational - e.g. Master's degree, PhD, etc.) are.
I don't mean to be a "GrammarKraut," but why did I make those corrections? In OCS, the Marine Drill Instructor (D.I.), Division LCPO (Chief), and Division Officer (Div-O) are going to emphasize keen "Attention to Detail" during all of your days in the sacred grounds at Newport.
Hope this helps. Don't hesitate to PM me for further questions.
- Best,
Reggie
peppergunner
ɹǝqɯǝW pǝʇɹǝʌuI
Great hook. Try another transition into the military thing. Maybe,
or something like that.
Added some thoughts I had in parentheses and got rid of some stuff I thought sounded a bit clunky (and a couple unnecessary commas). I tried to strike through most of it but sometime it's hard to see a strike-through on a comma or just a letter.
Good statement!
eva12036
Member
Thank you for your help that is great. I wouldn't put it up here if I didn't want a grammerkraut correcting it but it needs to be perfect.