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Motivational Statement

Navy10524

New Member
Well, I tried posting in the mega thread and have gotten no reply for 2 months. So I am gonna post here in hopes of some feedback. I am also wondering what I should write in the waiver request for age? What needs to be said? Does it need to be convincing about staying the course? Or just a simple request? I am currently enlisted in the Navy and 28 years old as of December.

I am applying for OCS to become a submarine officer.

Motivational
One goal of mine since I entered the Navy has been to earn a commission. As a commissioned officer I believe I can use my previous experiences and leadership qualities in the submarine community to make a better contribution to the future success of the Navy. My experience as a nuclear qualified Electrician has provided me with a "hands-on" knowledge of the Navy Submarine Community; this will enable me to understand and effectively work with both enlisted and commissioned Sailors to accomplish mission. As a commissioned officer I will be on the path to command at-sea; the pinnacle of an officer’s career. Command at-sea offers the challenge of leading others and involves challenges that can be found nowhere either in the military or in the civilian business sector.
The qualities I possess to help me reach this goal are my attention to detail, calmness under pressure, and ability to learn quickly. Catching the small details is what makes the difference between average and great; it could be the difference between life and death. The calmness under pressure allows me to make well thought out decisions regardless of the situation. Being able to learn a topic quickly will allow me more time to gain greater knowledge. It will give me more time to interact with the crew and less time spent poring over books. My ability to learning quickly allowed me to achieve honors at graduation from prototype class.


Core Values
The core values of honor, courage, and commitment stand for all that is Navy.

Being honest and truthful in our dealings with each other, and with those outside the Navy embodies honor. Honor is abiding by an uncompromising code of integrity, taking responsibility for our actions and keeping our word in any situation whether observed or on our own.

Having commitment is exhibiting the highest degree of moral character, technical excellence, and quality and competence, in what we have been trained to do. It is striving for positive change and constant improvement. Commitment is following through on your word no matter what.

Courage is meeting the demands of our profession and the mission when it is hazardous, demanding, or otherwise difficult with an unfailing and hard charging attitude. It is making decisions in the best interest of the Navy and the nation, without regard to personal consequences. Courage gives us the moral and mental fortitude to do the right thing even in the face of adversity.
 

Schnugg

It's gettin' a bit dramatic 'round here...
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
Spell check is your friend, too.
 

Navy10524

New Member
very constructive. Thanks for the criticism on my thread title. That will help me immensely with my motivational statements...

Glad you are willing to contribute to helping me be successful...
 

Navy10524

New Member
I am applying for OCS, submarines. On the application are 2 statements that are required. The motivation and the honor, courage, commitment. So these are 2 separate statements.
 

ryan1234

Well-Known Member
Being able to learn a topic quickly will allow me more time to gain greater knowledge. It will give me more time to interact with the crew and less time spent poring over books.

The content prior to this statement was pretty cool - but ^ this ^ part just doesn't come off right.... would either 86 it or change it dramatically.

Good luck man - hopefully the age waiver will go through.
 

twobecrazy

RTB...
Contributor
I am applying for OCS, submarines. On the application are 2 statements that are required. The motivation and the honor, courage, commitment. So these are 2 separate statements.

Gotcha. Well I never knew there were two seperate statements. I just applied to OCS and I only needed the motivational statement. That being said, I am horrible at writing but will try to help you out the best that I can. I think it would be better if you can condense it. Instead of saying, "Catching the small details is what makes the difference between average and great;" you could say, "Attention to detail makes the difference between average and great;"... You see what I mean. I think that is a much stronger statement then what you initially wrote. It is direct and conveys confidence as well. I noticed you could do that throught your motivational statement. I think you have strong direction with it but you could really knock it down to make it sound much better.
 

Navy10524

New Member
Being able to learn a topic quickly will give me more time to gain greater knowledge. It will allow me more time to interact with the crew away from poring over books.

That sound better? I re-read it and it did sound somewhat awkward. Think that changes it for the better.
 

twobecrazy

RTB...
Contributor
Being able to learn a topic quickly will give me more time to gain greater knowledge. It will allow me more time to interact with the crew away from poring over books.

That sound better? I re-read it and it did sound somewhat awkward. Think that changes it for the better.

Nope... Just 86 it... This isn't the type of message you want to convey.
 

cefiro

New Member
I am currently in the process of completing my application, and I only need 1 motivational statement. Maybe its different going from enlisted to officer.
 
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