My motivational statement

[mtsupilot09]

Looking to apply for BDCP SNA...let me know what you guys think about my statement. Thank you.

The person I am today is the result of many people striving to build my character up. Through many experiences my father has taught me values such as strong work ethic, responsibility, leadership skills, time management and punctuality. Through these life lessons, I have become an adult man capable of many things, but I realize my potential for growth. I know I have potential to do extraordinary things in my life. However, I am only able to do these things through certain outlets that allow me to accomplish extraordinary things. I feel that the best outlet for me to achieve my highest level of excellence is as an aviator in the United States Navy. I am a very goal oriented person with strong convictions and an even stronger will. I have decided that I am going to pursue a career as a Naval Aviator to no end. This is something that has persuaded decisions in my life for the past year at least and will continue to become an even larger factor until I realize the dream of piloting a United States Navy aircraft on an aircraft carrier, ship or on land. I am motivated and dedicated to seeing this dream come to fruition. Through serving one’s country there is no higher honor. I look forward to experiencing the honor of serving the United States through the Navy. Thank you for the opportunity to serve in the Navy. I look forward to my career in the Navy and I am excited to see where I can serve.


Very Respectfully,

 

[CaptainRon]

You're a pretty good writer, but you haven't given specifics. Tell them exactly why you're the champ. Tell them about the hardest things you've ever done. Tell them why they need you. You need some stories to prove to them that you can put your money where your mouth is. That was the approach I took. Good luck.

 

[GatorBoy44]

My understanding of the motivational statement was "Why should I be selected as an officer in the Navy" not "Why should I be selected as a pilot in the Navy". I wrote my statement based on that piece of info. Some of the guys on here can give you a good view of what the "day in the life" is like, I am pretty sure you do more than just fly as a pilot though (management activities, etc.)

 

[badger16]

also you are not an adult man...you are an adult male.

 

[badger16]

along with that...i would agree with captainron...give them examples man don't just tell them you are the S**t...show them you are the S**t...ha

 

[mtsupilot09]

Great advice, I appreciate it guys.

 

[BackOrdered]

also you are not an adult man...you are an adult male.

In today's world he may very well be an Adult man.

You're a pretty good writer, but you haven't given specifics. Tell them exactly why you're the champ. Tell them about the hardest things you've ever done. Tell them why they need you. You need some stories to prove to them that you can put your money where your mouth is. That was the approach I took. Good luck.

I agree. Everything you can't say in a blank somewhere in your application worth saying should be mentioned in your motivational statement. It's your chance to tell the review board just who's application they are looking at.

 

[Lonestar155]

Throughout your essay, you explain how you learned values. Try elaborating on how you incorporated those values into places like school/sports/volunteer work etc..

 

[mtsupilot09]

Good call, Lonestar.

 

[Rednight27]

I guess mine will read "I have a die-hard work ethic due to many mortar, rocket, IED, and small arms attacks. I realize that it is safer to FLY over a war zone and to be standing ON it. I also realize that in the Navy my family will be better taken care of the next time I deploy to a middle east hell hole. The biggest advantage to being a Naval Officer is that I don't have to say 'hooah' or nearly beat privates to death when I hear 'Oops!' or 'um, Sergeant, I lost my...' and other things to that effect. I will make an outstanding Naval Officer because after this s**t, EVERYTHING ELSE IS EASY!"

Of course I won't write that literally, but I'll find a way to work it in.

 

[bgatheri]

Take out

The second to the last sentence take out the Thank you part because you are not serving in the Navy and the Navy hasn't done anything for you yet so why are you thanking them

 

[goosegagnon2]

become an even larger factor until I realize the dream of piloting a United States Navy aircraft on a ship or on land. I am motivated and dedicated to

Saying aircraft carrier and then ship...is kind of repeating yourself. Other than that...looks fine. Good luck.

 

[navyag08]

I have taken it upon myself to edit your motivational statement and add some suggestions....

"The person I am today is a collaboration of characteristics from influential people in my life. Through many experiences,my father has taught me values such as strong work ethic, responsibility, leadership skills, time management and punctuality. Through these life lessons, I have ...(INSERT LIFE EXPERIENCE). I realize my potential for growth and I know I have potential to do extraordinary things in my life. I feel that the best outlet for me to achieve my highest level of excellence is as an officer in the United States Navy. I am a very goal oriented person with strong convictions and an even stronger will. I have decided that I am going to pursue a career as a Naval Officer to no end, whether it be on land, sea, or air. I am motivated and dedicated to seeing this dream come to fruition. There is no higher honor than serving one's country."

Here is mine...I am open to suggestions.
"After I graduated high school, I entered Texas A&M University as a “non-reg”, the Corps of Cadets' word for civilian. I chose not to be in the Corps or any other military program because I wanted to explore other opportunities. I started out as a Psychology major and changed majors last year to Recreation, Parks, and Tourism with a Minor in Business. I wanted to travel. All the while, the Navy remained in the back of my mind. After all, the United States Naval Sea Cadets had molded me into a disciplined, organized, goal-oriented young lady. Everyday memories of my past trainings come to mind. I remember when I rode in a helicopter over the Florida shores and spent the day on a destroyer. I remember qualifying as expert with a 9mm and M-16. I have countless memories and experiences from Sea Cadets that I will never forget like: training with the Navy Drill Team in Kingsville, staffing a boot camp in Arizona, working on EA-6B Prowlers’s in Jacksonville, aviation training in Pensacola, and training with the fire department and police department in Fort Worth. I loved every minute of it. Today, I appreciate everything I learned during those four years. I have developed strong personal and professional relationships. I learned public speaking and crucial leadership skills, as well as how to work with different personalities. I even acquired interview skills which have helped me acquire jobs during college. I have done my exploring and made my decision. The Navy is where I belong. I want to utilize my education and leadership skills as an officer. I chose the Baccalaureate Degree Completion Program because I am anxious to graduate Texas A&M and begin my real journey…as an officer in the United States Navy."

 

[jride200]

The Devil's Advocate

I'm sorry, but I have to say that IMHO this motivational statement is no good. Sure it has flowery language, but there is no meat to it and it is SO incredibly indirect. Whenever have you known the military (to whom your are in fact writing) to use flowery language and be so indirect? Be instead direct and to the point. Use the resources available to you, go to your college writing center, seek out your old english professors, whatever.

Or don't revise it . . . I'm applying for SNA as well!

Jason

 

[skim]

also you are not an adult man...you are an adult male.

I would leave out the sex, they know you are a male by your epsq and application. Instead say something like "I have grown to become a responsible adult."