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Prospective OCS Applicant - Opinion on Big Life Decision

villanelle

villanelle

Nihongo dame desu
Contributor
She doesn't want to give up her career goals and is therefore asking you to give up yours. That doesn't seem entirely fair, but of course relationships are about "fair" in an "always equal" kind of way. If it is a compromise that works for you, great, and that probably means that you weren't especially passionate about what you agreed to give up anyway. But if she really framed it that you can either not do this or not be with her, it seems to me that she's showing you that you are pretty optional in her life.

For a relationship to truly work, not only do the people have to be right, but the circumstances have to be right. Sometimes, two people get along famously, but she wasn't meant to be a nomadic military spouse or he wasn't meant to live and work in the one area where she deems of practicing law. That's not a value judgement and no one is wrong or selfish; it's just that the circumstances dictate that a partnership isn't going to work.
 
gparks1989

gparks1989

Well-Known Member
pilot
Contributor
briers_rabbit said:
Hi All! First time poster here. I am seriously considering applying to OCS as a SNA - I've wanted to be a pilot in the military for as long as I can remember (currently 25 years old). Been working in a cushy finance job ever since I graduated and after 3 years I know the corporate America lifestyle is definitely not for me in any capacity, at least not while im "young". Now more than ever I want to be a pilot and/or serve in the military. Here's where I need some opinions.... I have a long-time girlfriend and always saw her being in my life forever, but if I do this that will no longer be the case. We have discussed it. She is in full support of me joining as she thinks it is one of the most admirable things one can do in life, but she also values her career (which is demanding) and she does not want to be a "military wife", especially if the pilot track does work out (minimum 8 year career in the military). I fully understand and appreciate where she's coming from, so please don't squash her for having that perspective.... Basically what I am looking for is any opinions on this question: is going down this path to become and serve as a Navy pilot worth leaving behind what I currently have? Been dating nearly 7 years and its real... shes also rich lol (just trying to sprinkle a little humor into an otherwise dark post). Really appreciate any and all opinions
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You will 100% regret not pursuing it which, whether you like it or not, will poison the well of your relationship. Sit down and have a serious conversation. Don't frame it as "oh maybe I've been thinking about this." Be honest and forthright. The military is not all that forgiving on spouse's careers which is frankly why you don't see many military spouses in professional careers (lots of MLMs....). Having said that, if you two go into it with eyes wide open and are willing to make sacrifices, it's feasible. My wife went to med school in year two of our relationship and we've been long distance ever since. The timing worked out since I was deployed for a good portion of it. BUT, we have an agreed upon light at the end of the tunnel: I'm getting out next year to live with her where she matched for residency. It's not my first choice location nor is it the most conducive to my post-Navy career, but I'm making it work and am excited to live somewhere new. After residency wraps up, I get to pick the location. And so on.

It's perfectly feasible if she's willing to make some sacrifices, think outside the box professionally (Ya, Lemoore might not be the Mecca of the legal profession, but SF and LA are nearby....or become a reserve JAG?), and if you both agree upon the sacrifices that are required. Also word to the wise, don't use the military as a permanent trump card. You'll have to make some sacrifices too. If she balks at any of this, join the Navy newly single, have a blast, and go back to corporate America with a ton of great sea stories.

EDIT

Also "8 years minimum" is pretty optimistic unless your end goal is MPRA NFO. I'd frame it as a 10 year decision.
 
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