Relationships

[Slammer2]

...I was thinking that if I made it through OCS and she is still around then I would put a ring on her finger...

Dont do it just because you graduate OCS. Come up with a plan first and then stick to you. You'll get excited towards the end of OCS and think that anything will be awesome. I agreed to go on a trip with a somewhat fat chick 3 weeks before I graduated OCS. It sounded good at the time. Damn OCS...

 

[sevenhelmet]

Take it from the perspective of someone about to deploy, proposing after OCS is something you should think about VERY CAREFULLY. The biggest changes in your life are still ahead of you. You've got ONE opportunity to have the greatest job on Earth. There are billions of women all around the world, so statistically, there are at least a dozen or so who would put up with you. If this is the one, then great. If not, don't push your luck! You'll have other chances in the dating game.

 

[sickboy]

Sometimes the transition back into the relationship can be the thing that breaks people. But like everyone else said, if it's worth it for both of you then she'll still be there in the end.

In my experience this is the hardest part. Being apart sucks, and coming home is great, but puts a huge shock on the relationship. Repeat what everyone else has said.

 

[Brunes]

I think this is a hard hard question to be answered by a bunch of people who don't know you and your lady friend. Lots of folks have negative experiences from relationships and most won't deny that many wardrooms spend at least a bit of time joking about the old ball and chain.

The tone of your post (I know, I know- It's the internet) doesn't seem SUPER serious about this chick- So you might want to figure that out for yourself before you worry about when to make her an honest woman. If she's that important to you- It WILL work out. Otherwise- Enjoy the "many" and "often"

Good luck!!

 

[MrsMB]

Talk to her about OCS, and tell her your concerns.

Also, to piggy back on what Brunes said, this is advice from a bunch of people who do not know you, or your relationship. Thus, you should talk to HER about what lies ahead.

My boyfriend is currently in OCS, and I think the reason it is as easy as it is for me right now is because I mentally prepared. I started this process with the mindset that I'd talk to him in 12 weeks. Everytime he does get to call me, it's not something I expect, but a little gift I get.

My suggestion: take all the advice about relationships from this thread (except the part where you jokingly called her baggage..) and tell her what it will be like, and what's going to have to happen if both of you want to make it last. Your relationship is special to you two, there is no generic relationship formula. Let her know how much it will suck. I can pretty much assume that if you DON'T give her a full heads up, it will make this process a lot harder on her.

 

[Thunderkiss]

I went home for Xmas leave during OCS and my girlfriend was with another man. My advice to everyone is to enter OCS single, and stay that way for the next few years.

If you dont... not to worry, they will find lots of things for you to focus on at OCS besides relationship problems.

 

[MidWestEwo]

The friends part will come fairly quickly, the military is a great community and brings in significant others very quickly. My fiance had almost as many friends as I did after only two visits (she lives in another state for her job). Job-wise, it's mostly up to her. How much does she want to work? How willing is she to do something not related to her education/background for the time your wherever you are? Being adaptable is the main factor in keeping a relationship together through training and your career as a whole

Thank you all for the large volume of responses. I appreciate it.

She is graduating this semester with me as an RN. I figure she could work anywhere and get paid pretty well. What kind of pay could she expect from working on base as a civilian nurse? Also, would my BAH be adaquate enough to live on most bases with an average size place for her and I? This girl issue is the only thing I am worried about. If she was cut out of my life, there would be nothing bothering me, but it isn't that easy unfortunately. I feel like I would be making a huge mistake by breaking it off with her, but I do agree with you all that I should wait on the proposal until a few months into flight school or something. Also, if she did work as a nurse on base, would lateral position changes be made easy? Like moving from one base to another with the same pay and seniority as a nurse/nurse practitioner? Would she get a government-type retirement from that? Aaaaand one more.. Would my GI bill cover her to get her masters degree and nurse practitioner license?

Wow im out of breath now. Thanks again for your help everyone.

 

[FlyinRock]

BMARU
Are you going to ever grow up? You want to have your girlfriend, and you want her to be paid by us?, and you want to be a naval aviator while we pay for your training and subsistance while she and you have an idyllic life together at our expense and you avoid all responsibility?
Get a job and support yourself. If you are not going to marry the woman and take on the responsibility of married life. why in hell should I have to make up the difference?
I'm so pissed at this "take care of me while I have a wonderful life and you take care of me" kind of attitude.
Do you want to be an officer in the military of the United States? Then you need to address that and recognize you'll be placed in harms way and responsible for the lives of many others. Perhaps I have mis-read that original post and if so, I apologize. The unfortunate fact is so many have posted similar and are simply titty babies who belong in nursery school instead of the military.
geeeezzus I'm disgusted

 

[MidWestEwo]

BMARU
Are you going to ever grow up? You want to have your girlfriend, and you want her to be paid by us?, and you want to be a naval aviator while we pay for your training and subsistance while she and you have an idyllic life together at our expense and you avoid all responsibility?
Get a job and support yourself. If you are not going to marry the woman and take on the responsibility of married life. why in hell should I have to make up the difference?
I'm so pissed at this "take care of me while I have a wonderful life and you take care of me" kind of attitude.
Do you want to be an officer in the military of the United States? Then you need to address that and recognize you'll be placed in harms way and responsible for the lives of many others. Perhaps I have mis-read that original post and if so, I apologize. The unfortunate fact is so many have posted similar and are simply titty babies who belong in nursery school instead of the military.
geeeezzus I'm disgusted

I am sorry to offend you. I did not grow up in a military family, and I am sure my questions are legitimate for myself and others that are possibly going into a career with so many aspects covered by a fog. I only asked what it was like for others in relationships, and what effect the transition to military life was for the both of them. In addition to the original question, I wanted someone to elaborate on what it would be like on HER end of the deal, as she would be committing to this gig as much as I will be. The question about her occupation was due to the understanding that there were civilian nursing jobs available on military bases. I do not want to seem like I want the military to take care of me and my future wife like I was a pampered baby with a really cool job; I simply want to know all of the ins and outs of the military world so I can extend the knowledge to her and the other loved ones that would be effected by my committment.
Again, my apologies for seeming like a 'titty baby', but in reality, I just do not know any better and it was not my intent.

 

[Godspeed]

BMARU
Are you going to ever grow up? You want to have your girlfriend, and you want her to be paid by us?, and you want to be a naval aviator while we pay for your training and subsistance while she and you have an idyllic life together at our expense and you avoid all responsibility?
Get a job and support yourself. If you are not going to marry the woman and take on the responsibility of married life. why in hell should I have to make up the difference?
I'm so pissed at this "take care of me while I have a wonderful life and you take care of me" kind of attitude.
Do you want to be an officer in the military of the United States? Then you need to address that and recognize you'll be placed in harms way and responsible for the lives of many others. Perhaps I have mis-read that original post and if so, I apologize. The unfortunate fact is so many have posted similar and are simply titty babies who belong in nursery school instead of the military.
geeeezzus I'm disgusted

Sir, I read both of his posts a couple times, and I don't quite see it the same way you do. He was talking about his future wife or girlfriend working on base (as an RN). I am assuming he was asking about retirement for her if she were to work a full 20 years (which she would have earned).

As far as him transferring his G.I. Bill to her (which he would be allowed to do if they were married under the new G.I. Bill), that wouldn't be freeloading either. If he did X many years of military service and paid into his G.I. Bill, it would be his to use as he pleased.

I don't think he's trying to suckle at the proverbial taxpayer 'tit' here. I think he's just getting some information to help him make an informed decision.

If his intentions aren't true to the cause, OCS will filter him out in a heart beat.

My humble opinion anyhow...

 

[MidWestEwo]

Sir, I read both of his posts a couple times, and I don't quite see it the same way you do. He was talking about his future wife or girlfriend working on base (as an RN). I am assuming he was asking about retirement for her if she were to work a full 20 years (which she would have earned).

As far as him transferring his G.I. Bill to her (which he would be allowed to do if they were married under the new G.I. Bill), that wouldn't be freeloading either. If he did X many years of military service and paid into his G.I. Bill, it would be his to use as he pleased.

I don't think he's trying to suckle at the proverbial taxpayer 'tit' here. I think he's just getting some information to help him make an informed decision.

If his intentions aren't true to the cause, OCS will filter him out in a heart beat.

My humble opinion anyhow...

Thanks Godspeed. I think you hit what I was going for.

 

[FlyinRock]

OK for both of you and your points of view. It would behoove you to learn to express yourself more clearly lest you be misunderstood by those who can derail your career or at the very least make it uncomfortable.
More than once I have been surprised by a youngster who I thought wa a titty baby and proved me wrong when push came to shove. I love it when that happens. It is extra firepower from an aspect I didn't expect and very welcome.
Keep in mind your demands are going to be extremely stressful on any personal relationships for the next few years. Could be you each find someone else in your given profession that understands the demands and commitments and can handle it. I see it all the time in aviation and only those in aviation can understand it. No different than those in the medical field and the weird demands of each. I find it odd that I know several male pilots who are RN's. I wonder why I find it odd...? hmmm
Best of luck to you both
Rocky
Semper Fi

 

[MasterBates]

My boyfriend is currently in OCS.

Threadjack-

Does you boyfriend know you are putting an Mrs in your username? Kinda presumptive/nutty to me, especially since you are the GF, not the wife, and not engaged. If I were him, I'd be freaked the hell out by a woman calling herself "MrsMaster" as her username when we were only dating.

 

[MrsMB]

Name was a joke b/c our friends refer to me as "the mrs". MB are my initials so that's not even related to him in anyway. So no, I don't think its nutty. If I knew this name would create such a ruckus, I would have just stayed a "guest" forever.

 

[MasterBates]

If there is a story/reason behind it OK.

We've had a few women on here in the past acting/posting like a wife/fiancée when the BF did not think of her as anything more than a girlfriend.