As I said in your other thread, he will be gone. A lot. No matter what job he ends up with. And the only way that you both won't be miserable is if you learn to be very self-sufficent and accepting.
It's not just that he will be gone. He will be gone on short notice. Dates and times will change and that vacation that you planned and dropped big $$$$ on will suddenly not happen because his dates shifted. You will lose so much control over your life and your comings and goings. This has been the hardest part for me--the loss of control over normal things in our lives. A lot of wives get upset with their husbands at this, but in reality, it is something he will have no control over and blaming him will only make you both miserable. That is a lesson you will need to learn quickly if you want to have any chance.
DH's longest deployment thus far has been 9 months. And we had less than 24 hours of notice before he left. To be fair, we knew a deployment was coming soon, but I got a call saying, "I am going to be home very late tonight. Please start packing my sea bag as I am leaving very early in the morning."
It was painful. We had no idea when he was coming back so I couldn't even count down. He left not knowing where he was going or when he would return. It sucked. This will be your life, in some form or another.
Even on his "shore tour", he was done for two 6 week stretches (IIRC) and several 1-2 week stretches.
You will be uprooted from friends and family, potentially every couple of years. You will have to find a new job and meet new people and set up new social networks, only to face the possibility of doing it all over again in a couple years.
You will have Christmases alone with your kids and away from family, possibly even in a foreign country. If you have more kids, you may give birth the them without your husband.
You will go for days without so much as an email. You will be scared and worried. You will go for months without sex.
You will learn to fix a broken toilet at 2 am with a bent wire coat hanger (been there, done that). You will learn to change your own car battery, and how to jerryrig (how the heck do you spell that??) it with stacks of washers when it doesn't fit properly (again...been there, done that.) You will learn to rely on no one but yourself to get by, and you can either be bitter about that, or proud of your self-sufficiency.
I don't mean to paint an overly dreary picture. But I feel like sometimes people like to paint an overly rosy picture of it and to romanticize the life, and that does no one any good. Yes, there are great things about the Navy. DH loves his job and we are both very proud of what he does. Some of the people you meet will be beyond wonderful (and it will break your heart when they move away). The pay is decent and the job security and benefits are second to none. And his ass looks phenomenal in a flight suit. But I want to be very straight-forward about what will come because it seems like you don't really have a clear picture of this. You will be a single mom for months at a time, and you will likely do it while not even living close to family who can help.
It is possible to have a very fulfilling life as a Navy spouse. But you need to be prepared to spend time alone, and, even when he is "home" to come in second to the Navy much of the time. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a good little wifey who sits around and waits for him to have time for you, but it does mean you need to be able to take care of those kids on your own when necessary, to entertain (in several senses of the word) yourself happily, and to be independent. And he needs to be okay with you becoming independent and having your own activities and your own circle of friends.
It sounds like you and your DH need to sit down and have a serious talk about what is to come and to make sure you are both on the same page. The life isn't for everyone. There is no shame in deciding this life isn't for you, but you best do it soon if you are going to do it at all.
It's not just that he will be gone. He will be gone on short notice. Dates and times will change and that vacation that you planned and dropped big $$$$ on will suddenly not happen because his dates shifted. You will lose so much control over your life and your comings and goings. This has been the hardest part for me--the loss of control over normal things in our lives. A lot of wives get upset with their husbands at this, but in reality, it is something he will have no control over and blaming him will only make you both miserable. That is a lesson you will need to learn quickly if you want to have any chance.
DH's longest deployment thus far has been 9 months. And we had less than 24 hours of notice before he left. To be fair, we knew a deployment was coming soon, but I got a call saying, "I am going to be home very late tonight. Please start packing my sea bag as I am leaving very early in the morning."
It was painful. We had no idea when he was coming back so I couldn't even count down. He left not knowing where he was going or when he would return. It sucked. This will be your life, in some form or another.
Even on his "shore tour", he was done for two 6 week stretches (IIRC) and several 1-2 week stretches.
You will be uprooted from friends and family, potentially every couple of years. You will have to find a new job and meet new people and set up new social networks, only to face the possibility of doing it all over again in a couple years.
You will have Christmases alone with your kids and away from family, possibly even in a foreign country. If you have more kids, you may give birth the them without your husband.
You will go for days without so much as an email. You will be scared and worried. You will go for months without sex.
You will learn to fix a broken toilet at 2 am with a bent wire coat hanger (been there, done that). You will learn to change your own car battery, and how to jerryrig (how the heck do you spell that??) it with stacks of washers when it doesn't fit properly (again...been there, done that.) You will learn to rely on no one but yourself to get by, and you can either be bitter about that, or proud of your self-sufficiency.
I don't mean to paint an overly dreary picture. But I feel like sometimes people like to paint an overly rosy picture of it and to romanticize the life, and that does no one any good. Yes, there are great things about the Navy. DH loves his job and we are both very proud of what he does. Some of the people you meet will be beyond wonderful (and it will break your heart when they move away). The pay is decent and the job security and benefits are second to none. And his ass looks phenomenal in a flight suit. But I want to be very straight-forward about what will come because it seems like you don't really have a clear picture of this. You will be a single mom for months at a time, and you will likely do it while not even living close to family who can help.
It is possible to have a very fulfilling life as a Navy spouse. But you need to be prepared to spend time alone, and, even when he is "home" to come in second to the Navy much of the time. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a good little wifey who sits around and waits for him to have time for you, but it does mean you need to be able to take care of those kids on your own when necessary, to entertain (in several senses of the word) yourself happily, and to be independent. And he needs to be okay with you becoming independent and having your own activities and your own circle of friends.
It sounds like you and your DH need to sit down and have a serious talk about what is to come and to make sure you are both on the same page. The life isn't for everyone. There is no shame in deciding this life isn't for you, but you best do it soon if you are going to do it at all.
Neither does my wife.:icon_rage