So this one time, when I was a young pup, I ate breakfast, smoked a cig, and relieved ERLL. Some time later I started getting the bubble guts. I called MAN and said "Dude get Fuller back here I'm gonna shit my pants." After a while of him not showing up I grabbed a bucket, some kimwipes, and a trashbag and went up to the TGLO bay mezz. to handle business. After handling said business I bagged up my poop and went to put my coveralls back on. As I slung my right arm through the sleeve I heard a "plop" and looked down at my hand to see a turd and a shit stain on my hand.
To my dismay I guess my poopie suit had hooked on to my bucket and since I took one of those splatter shits (you know what I'm talking about) it got all over the inside shoulder part of my poopie suit. I figured "fuck it right theres a undershirt there, who cares," and stood the next 5.5 hours of my watch with a shitty poopie on. After watch I went to ML head to take my after watch dump. While there I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror to find out that I had about a 4" by 9" shit smear all over my back.
Once I stopped laughing I took my poopie off, showered and the proceeded to hang my shitty poopie in 9 man (the berthing were Junior Officers sleep), and left it there for about a week or 2. During this time I'd hear J.O.s saying "Man, Lyle smells like shit he needs to shower or wash his sheets or something." Hahaha.
Anyway, sometime later, my bag of poop (which I had put in a locker and forgotten about, just like everyone else) was discovered and thrown in the trash. This trash was then later compacted (by 3000 psi hydraulic fluid) and exploded all over him and the TDU space. Little did I know that fateful morning in TGLO bay that my turd would bring so much missery to so many.
The point I'm trying to make with this story is: If you're a woman and just read this story and thought to yourself "Man, that's hilarious, I could do that." ; You'll get your fish in no time. However, if this kicked in your gag reflex a little, there's a carrier somewhere that I'm sure will be happy to have you...