Thank you. I can flex to make a 6-12 month deployment/mobilization work but I can't keep doing the dance of trying to avoid orders OCONUS or back to sea every two years for the rest of my AD career. The flexibility within SELRES is what's most appealing. In my head, it's almost like having my cake and eating it too. Is there any way to get a job/billet before I get to my NRC and finally have JOAPPLY access? Sort of like rushing the Air Guard units or networking for a civilian job? I have some contacts in the Reserves already but I'm not sure if there's a process to make my transition as seamless as possible.Yes and no. APPLY and JOAPPLY (O-4 and below) are basically job posting boards, where open billets are advertised ("open" may also include billets currently filled with someone overgrade). You put together a ranked dream sheet for the board, which convenes annually, and find out your assignment results a few weeks later. You have the option of saying whether or not you'll take any other open billet if you're not picked for something on your list. There should be a unit POC listed for each billet so you can reach out and find out what the participation expectations are, etc, before submitting your dream sheet. Unit COs can submit BNRs for specific bodies, so if there's a reserve unit that really works for your life and the CO feels you'd be a good fit, he can say so to the board.*
*(NB: CNAFR units work differently, they pick their folks in a separate, internal process...N/A to you, @AllAmerican75, but for any brownshoed folks who might wonder)
Different units have different participation expectations. Some are pretty rigid "be here on drill weekend unless you're dead or hospitalized or it's a UA" others do Blue/Gold drill weekends, still others are "flex drill" where other than 2-4 mandatory DWEs where you knock out all your GMT, PFA, etc etc, you drill when you're able - the latter is common with units that augment AD units.
There's not exactly a "career path" as such in the reserves. There is that same "outstanding performance in positions of increasing responsibility" mantra but not a set career progression. Actually there's not even necessarily any expectation to advance. If your ambition is just to meet unit participation requirements and get paid until you hit 20 or make O-5, that's fine. If you want to do more and seek out more responsibilities within the unit (like DH type roles), that's also fine. You work that out with your unit CO. Promotion boards like to see that spirit of volunteerism, if promotion is what you want; finding a pay billet gets progressively harder once you make O-5 and above.
Keep in mind that you aren't as billet-limited by your designator as on AD. There may be some specific EDO-oriented billets out there, but there are also a lot of "any designator" billets. My last unit was an OPNAV augment staff, and we had a little bit of everything - pilots, sub dudes, SEALs, Shoes, Medical Corps, Seabees, FAOs, you name it. That's common on fleet/staff/watchfloor augment units. What kinds of units you go to doesn't really matter so much as your level of participation.
Billets are much easier to find in the Fleet concentration areas and places like DC. If you're going to be living in East Styrofoam, Kansas, or whatever, it's going to be harder, especially as you have to eat your commuting costs (though you can write them off of your taxes).
What @nittany03 said about mobilizing is very true, especially given your family situation. While it's not the dark days of the RMPs and "12 months in Bagram for all my friends" any more, there is still an expectation that you will be mob-able. The Res is in the process of transition to the "Mob to Billet" construct which supposedly will wean the Navy off using the Reserves as free extra labor, but it's not at all clear yet how that's actually going to work...in theory there's no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is. Put it this way: if your life situation is such that you absolutely can not go OCONUS for a six-ish month stretch any time soon, you might consider putting off affiliating.
Also, if I was living in a big city like Raleigh and wanted to take a billet with a unit in DC, does that mean I now have to travel to DC on my own dime for each drill period? Or can I drill in Raleigh and go do ADT or ADOS at the unit in DC? This is really confusing and different from AD. Is that what the cross-affiliation I've read about is?