Baby during Flight School

[Dinosaurologist]

Hello all. I am about to finish up TBS, and go down to Pensacola. I just want to know, how realistic is it having a baby during flight school. Would it be fun? I understand that it would be a challenge. I know that there is never a perfect time for anything. For context, my wife is a nurse, and would be able to take extended periods of time off work.

 

[Waveoff]

It’s not that she can take time off of work, you (in my opinion) need to also have adequate time to be a father to your new child and a husband to your recovering wife.

Babies are difficult, and the change to your home life equally so. Having a kid is certainly rewarding, mine is 10 months but I’m on my shore tour.

I’m not saying “don’t”, but I strongly recommend talking to people in flight school (instructors and older students alike) to get firsthand opinions.

 

[Waveoff]

Secondly, great advice I was given when I started API from my class advisor was “all of you in relationships need to sit down with your significant other and tell them you are going to be cheating on them with the Navy for the next few months.” They won’t want to hear that you failed your engines exam because you were up all night sleep training a 6 month old, and so on.

That’s not to say you’ll only have hostilities and negative reactions from the instructor and training cadre; but production of naval aviators and FOs is the Mission.

 

[Bad_Karma_1310]

Every command you check in to from now through your first fleet tour is going to tell you some version of “this isn’t the place to make major life changes such as getting married or having kids.” If you actually listen to them you’re going to spend the better part of the next 6-9 years waiting for the “better time” to have kids.

Do what is best for you and your family. Honestly flight school is probably going to be a better time to have kids verses being in the fleet since you will have much, much more free time.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Whatever you decide make sure you have support available for your wife besides you, such as your mom, her mom, other family that can stay and help out during the initial parenthood adjustment.

One other thing to consider is when you want to have a baby and when she actually gets pregnant may be different, it took a few years of trying for my wife and I to have our first child and everything was normal with both of us Now the next two were quick, it was something like "maybe we should have another baby" and she was like instantly pregnant.

 

[Swanee]

Flight school is going to be very stressful for you, and for your spouse. Adding a baby into the mix is not advisable.

 

[Uncle Fester]

To quote Jim Gaffigan out of context, Imagine you’re drowning. And then someone hands you a baby.

Flight school is a hell of a lot of work. Having a baby is even more. IMSAFE-ing out of events repeatedly because Junior was up with colic isn’t a recipe for success. Handling off all the baby duties to Mrs Dinosaurologist “Sorry babe I’ve got to fly tomorrow, and can you take Junior for a drive or something? I need to study.” isn’t a recipe for…you know…staying married.

No there isn't a perfect time for having a baby, but there are most definitely much, much worse times. Flight school is one of them. Put off starting a family until you can actually be a present and helpful parent and partner. Otherwise it’s going to negatively impact your performance in training, and it’ll definitely negatively impact your marriage.

 

[Odominable]

Eh. I can see both sides here. There's never a "good" time in your first couple years IMO. Yes, you'll have extended amounts of freetime, but a major negative of flight school is your daily schedule is extremely unpredictable. That will inevitably throw a wrench into your plans when you have to take your kid to an appointment or whatever and something pops up at work and oopsie daisy you forgot to sniv for it. Conversely in the fleet you'll have a better sense of your general weekly schedule the week prior (with exceptions, but certainly better than in CNATRA) which will be easier to plan around. But then of course I wouldn't wish being a HMLA boot who is also dealing with a 3 month old on my worst enemy.

But more importantly, I agree with @Uncle Fester , try to view this from the perspective of your marriage. Kids are hard enough as it is, flight school will make them really fucking hard. "Sorry sweetheart, you gotta take her tonight, got a 0500 FAM sim and need the rest" isn't gonna fly very long.

 

[IKE]

All of the above advice is excellent and true, but I'm going to add to what Bad Karma said. My kids have all been born at terrible times:

1. In FRS, two months before PCS to Japan
2. Middle of TPS (way more stressful than primary/advanced)
3. Two months into DH deployment (met them at 5 months old)

I think we're doing fine, and it hasn't affected my career.

I'm older, so biological clock, yadda yadda. But you can't always pick the time, and there's never a perfect time. The child bearer of the couple also gets a larger share of the vote, IMO.

I guess the "best" time to have kids is on your 1st shore tour, but as said, that could be 6+ years away and good luck with conception happening on cue or having more than 2 in the 27 months PERS will let you stay there. If you want many kids, do you think a DH or XO/CO tour will be easier than flight school or JO tour? - it won't be.

Having a span of ~10 years between oldest and youngest, I'd also give unsolicited advice that having multiple kids in diapers simultaneously is preferable to extending the total number of years you have small kids in the house.

 

[Sonog]

Flight school is going to be very stressful for you, and for your spouse. Adding a baby into the mix is not advisable.

Would you advise waiting until first sea tour which is arguably more busy plus the whole deployment thing? Not trying to be a smartass, just pointing out the idea that besides a brief shore tour window in his career, when is a good time?

 

[Uncle Fester]

Would you advise waiting until first sea tour which is arguably more busy plus the whole deployment thing? Not trying to be a smartass, just pointing out the idea that besides a brief shore tour window in his career, when is a good time?

Well there you go. Shore tours are the less-bad times to start cranking out babies.

Obviously folks can and do manage babies at other points in their career. Doesn’t mean it’s a great idea.

 

[MGoBrew11]

Doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea either.

OP wouldn’t be the first person to have a baby in flight school, and wouldn’t be the last. You can absolutely succeed in flight school while also starting a family. Will it have its unique challenges? Yes. Doesn’t mean it’s not possible or it shouldn’t be done.

You’ve got more time in flight school than any other time in your career. OP will be fine with good time management skills. That’s all it takes.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Having a span of ~10 years between oldest and youngest, I'd also give unsolicited advice that having multiple kids in diapers simultaneously is preferable to extending the total number of years you have small kids in the house.

I would agree with this.

 

[JoeBob1788]

I’m in NFO intermediate, with 3 kids. It can be a lot, but honestly it’s not as bad as sea duty (prior enlisted) with kids. Plus the 3 months of baby leave helps a lot, as you can get your wife back on her feet a bit.

Three of my friends here, two prior E, had kids in primary. Two have had no issues, the third isn’t getting a lot of sleep and isn’t having a lot of fun. Who knows how it’ll go for you, but it’s certainly manageable.

There’s never a great time, except for an easy shore duty. My third was a shore duty baby, and it was awesome. But I can’t imagine having waited, life without the older two is unimaginable.

 

[croakerfish]

Having a baby sucks no matter when you do it. If I had mine in flight school I absolutely would have attrited, but he was a bigger than average PITA. When I was an IP I had multiple on-wings and advisees have a baby and get their wings. They’re definitely tougher than me.
Yes, sometimes they’d have to ORM out and Ops would come whining to me about having a talk with them, but I tried to be a shit-screen. Ops will be mad at you in flight school for an endless number of reasons. It doesn’t actually matter.