Comm failures

[JTS11]

Just wanted to ask what embarrassing comm screwup anecdotes you all have been a part of... My first was being an FRS IP as dash-4(fat ,dumb,and happy) of a 6 helo return flight from NAS Brunswick back to MCAS New River. All IP's were flying with a student. Our CO was in dash-2 as the actual flight lead (XO is dash-6). A young Major is leading the RTB flight as part of a questionable flight lead signoff, and gets totally behind the curve and violates some class D airspace. Well, the next controller they ran into went into the "you need to call this number when you land" spiel.

At that point, our CO goes out on what he thought was the interflight freq with a torrent of F-bombs for prob a minute. To which, a regional jet responded "you know you're going out on tower?" Hilarity ensued...Shit got quiet....then we proceeded thru DC helo routes, and almost went IIMC with 6 helos in icing conditions...good times!

 

[taxi1]

Sitting duty in the VT-26 ready room, student comes up on squadron tactical and asks to put his clearance on request. Knowing look at audience around the desk...

"Your cleared to Rome via Nome, Sasquatch Departure Orca variant, climb and maintain Angels 15, expect Flight Level 600 in 10 minutes, change to 254.7 while rolling, switch back to tower when feet wet. Readback"

30 seconds go by, instructor comes up..."Assholes"

 

[JTS11]

I'll try to rack my brain for more...one that comes to mind is when I was in primary in Corpus when a young solo stud called "numbers for the break" from 180 out of the runway he thought he was going to...I believe he didn't make it to wings.

 

[Flash]

MAG-12 CO on a 'FAM flight' in one of our birds while we were at Iwakuni called Base to get clearance, the JG who was SDO gave him a smart ass response. We all thought it was funny but our XO, who was the pilot, was not amused and chewed him out after the flight. Same JG later did body shots off the MAG XO's wife at the MAG officer Christmas party at the CO's residence, further elevating him in our XO's eyes.

 

[JTS11]

The joke in the 53 community (built with ashtrays in the cockpit-long not functional while I flew them) was when briefing a new copilot that it went something like "You're responsible for the ashtrays and radios...DON'T TOUCH THE FUCKING RADIOS!"

 

[Fallonflyr]

No one is going to mention the jerk offs who make cat noises on guard?

 

[JTS11]

No one is going to mention the jerk offs who make cat noises on guard?

Was that the Super Troopers phenomenon?

 

[Swanee]

There was the "Bailout unsuccessful" stud at Whiting so many years ago.

The kid is on his aerobatics solo, departs the airplane, freaks out and calls, "xzy Bailing out".

Apparently the T-34 recovered itself just by having the stud take his hands off the the controls. Eitherway, the story is that he got all of the cords from his knee board stuck on the throttle quadrant and couldn't couch, dive, and pull.

So he says, "xzy bailout unsuccessful" on the radio and proceeded to come back via course rules with the canopy emergency opened.

 

[ChuckMK23]

No one is going to mention the jerk offs who make cat noises on guard?

As of this morning that was still happening....

 

[sevenhelmet]

No one is going to mention the jerk offs who make cat noises on guard?

I really hate that. I deselect guard when I’m flying locally, because I live in the middle, where every bored RJ guy decides nobody will care and it’s somehow still funny.

Was that the Super Troopers phenomenon?

Great movie. Hilarious and infinitely quotable… just not on guard, please.

 

[taxi1]

Had an E2 backend guy who was obviously raised Korean and spoke English as a third language. Everyone in the air wing referred to him as “ Nopoy Jogo”

 

[Faded Float Coat]

No one is going to mention the jerk offs who make cat noises on guard?

Meow why someone do that?

 

[Odominable]

I feel compelled to relate the infamous "Information Hotel" story...

Now this has likely been embellished and emphasized a bit for the sake of hilarity over the years (I'm certainly guilty of it) but the gist I assure you is true. I first heard it as a new guy at a VT-28 Tie Cutting wherein the guilty party was being publicly and thoroughly shamed by the witness IP.

SNO was a part of a huge trail of coordinated single T-34s making the long trek from Navy Corpus up to Las Vegas for a cross country (as one does). He and his IP are maybe the third of fourth in line of a bunch of overwhelmed new guys clobbering Las Vegas TRACON's frequency who is now manned by a thoroughly irritated controller after the first two guys word vomit on frequency as he's trying to route in all the airliners on a Friday night. Icing on the cake for the now very stressed out student, who's spent all day sweating in his clapped out Turbo Mentor, further contributing to the decades of sweat and occasional vomit of many an aviator who sat in that seat over the years - is reaching the length of his IP's patience. This all comes to a head when TRACON gives him a very normal, innocent query:

"Navy 8G123, ident observed 35 miles southeast of Las Vegas, fly heading 330, verify you have information Hotel?"

Now that's a strange request, thinks our young student. Why would TRACON need that information? He ponders for a brief second - too long of a pregnant pause for such a busy frequency, and too long for his tired, dehydrated instructor, all too eager to hit the tables and/or the Spearmint Rhino.

"C'mon dude, that's for you - gotta respond"

Another pause. Just a millisecond. But enough for the IP - all too late - to surmise the reason for the delay..

"WAIT NOO-"

"330, Navy 8G123, and we're staying at the Hilton Courtyard just off the airport" Our hero confidently responds.

On Las Vegas TRACON, there is a silence that is physically palpable - for just a brief moment. Then chaos erupts.

"Approach, United 2321, since you're asking we're at the Hotel Marriott" "Vegas, good evening, SkyWest 1224, think they have us in the Hampton off the I-15" "Approach, American 5319, do we put in our reservations with you now?"

Eventually it calms down, and approach vectors our hero in with as much venom in his voice as he can possibly confer over the radio. I4102 pass/complete, MIF for radio comms

 

[MIDNJAC]

Think I told this story before. But last leg of my IOE at the Show, the "check ride" leg if you will. Gotta call clearance delivery in GEG because there isn't PDC or CPDLC on the ground (the ACARS or Datalink methods, where it shows up as words in the box for you unwashed). I make sure the CA is on his headset, then confidently say "Clearance, Eskimo XXX IFR to Spokane, ready to copy". They respond "you're in Spokane". And he later debriefed "you also don't have to say IFR, we always are IFR". Lol

I'm sure that's not the dumbest comm call of my career, but it was one of them. Maybe next best was making CTAF calls leaving somewhere in SE AK, after not having done that for decades.

 

[JTS11]

I may have told this story before, but when I was a stud in the HTs, I had completed the syllabus and was just waiting for the winging ceremony. During that interlude, got put on the sked as a 'solo' observer for an RI 'solo'...Cool, cool. Go get some good food in Tallahassee on an out and in...call it a day...then make sure my Service uniform was up to snuff for the winging ceremony.

Fast forward, and while at the restaurant I'm checking my watch and start getting a bad feeling...Cut to 2 TH-57Cs being turned up in record time by studs at the Tallahassee FBO...cut to thoughts of "Fuck, fuck" as we realize we're not going to land prior to sunset.

So, we land back at Whiting, I think around 20-30 minutes after sunset...The comms piece of the story is that the dude that was on his solo calls to the ODO something to the effect of "FACTORYHAND xx, back in the line, aircraft down for nights"

Needless to say, we got sandblasted by the CO while standing tall in Chucks...but hey, here I am. Was a good lesson though.