Getting married in ROTC?

[usmarinemike]

KCRSX- There are a lot of sour grapes here. Lots of these guys got burned with marriage. I know that you want to rationalize it that you're not these guys, and you can handle all this stuff.

After all, when you have an idea and you want to succeed with it, you don't go to the people who have failed with the same idea, you go to the people with the same idea who succeeded and get wisdom from them, right?

My marriage is probably going to be one of those weird ones that makes it through the military and stays together for...ahem...forever. So, I don't have the sour grapes that everyone else has. Take it from me brother, you are barking up the wrong tree. My wife and I were dating for FOUR YEARS before we got married. She stayed put while I went and played guns. She went through college. I went overseas. We were apart A LOT, and believe me, I got your idea a thousand times. You know what happened? SHE STUCK AROUND. If it is meant to be, it WILL BE. If we had forced it so we could "be together" and get better pay and stupid stuff like that, we would be in ruins with tons of debt and kids and all that stuff. When you get debt and kids too early, it's an almost certain deal breaker when you add in deployments. I can't imagine also adding in some other guy's child.

Bottom line...Use your BRAIN and reassess your situation. There will not be a rational person who thinks this would be a good idea. You and her think it is, but you're not thinking rationally. I would propose to you that it would suit you much better to build your home for her, and learn how the real military works so you can usher her into our way of life in a proper, healthy fashion. What you have now is an unhealthy, unstable environment for raising a proper, successful family.

You're at a crossroads, and you're about to take the wrong path.

 

[A4sForever]

That sucks for you, but there were guys in my unit who got married while under contract and on scholarship, and they didn't lose it. ....

There was the proviso -- and the reality in the '60's --- that you'd lose your full-ride scholarship when I went through ... I "covered" for one quarter, but I didn't want to loose everything ... so I confessed to the PMS. He was "disappointed" in me ... but stuck by me. If it's changed, then bully for you. Otherwise ... who cares???

Bottom line: if you DON'T HAVE TO GET MARRIED .... as a STUD .... don't do it. There's nothing sacrosanct about marriage and the TRACOM. They are not necessarily compatible.

If I could paint from a clean canvas .... I WOULD NOT DO IT. "It" will keep if nothing else....

Believe it.

 

[whalepelt]

One of my buddies (who may be lurking around here somewhere) got married after his junior year. You won't loose your scholarship if you do, but if you're going to do something like that, you need to be sure. Remember that if you're going to be a military couple, a significant part of your time is going to be spent apart whether you're married or not.

 

[Swanee]

I don't but...

The fact that you can say you don't want to get married should be enough.

 

[Meatloaf]

One of my buddies (who may be lurking around here somewhere) got married after his junior year. You won't loose your scholarship if you do, but if you're going to do something like that, you need to be damn sure. Remember that if you're going to be a military couple, a significant part of your time is going to be spent apart whether you're married or not.

I am the MIDN of which he speaks. I got married to my best friend of five years, because we had been through high school and part of college together without growing apart (including a year of me being in college and her in high school). It can be tough, especially when your friends are talking about doing fun stuff (like spring break, etc) that you know you won't be able to take part in. But if she is someone you really love, this stuff doesn't matter.

In the end, what everyone here is saying is pretty good advice... if you are doing it because of a situation=bad idea.

PM me if you want any more info/advice

 

[KCRSXTypeS]

The thing is, we are already going to get married, we have a date set and everything. Its not like the only reason we are getting married is because of the custody thing. Its just that we would be getting married by a judge sooner than our date and have the actual ceremony later. Whats the difference in getting married now instead of a year from now?

When I said, I don't, I meant that I didn't want to right away...I wanted to have a military wedding.

I guess a little more of a background story is in order.

I am 22, a first year senior, I have 1 more senior year left after this one. My fiance and I have been engaged for 9 months. We have a date set of June of 09. My fiance is 29, she has a 6 year old daughter which I love to death. She was never married, just got knocked up by this other guy. He has known for a long time that we would be moving out of state once I was commissioned and when he moved back here from Wisc. last year he even said "I want to make sure I can get a lease for only a year so that when you move for the military we can get out of it". He said he would move wherever we would go, so we thought we were set.

So, fast forward to a few days ago. He is denying that he ever knew we were moving together once we got married. He thought that wherever I had to go for training or wherever my base was that I would go alone and live there while my wife stayed here in KS. So, by his assumption I would have to go and spend 2-3 years without my wife in P-cola. and anywhere I was based. What would even be the point of getting married then?

My fiance can't leave the state with her daughter unless he agrees to it because they have joint custody. If he doesn't sign the papers allowing her to move with me then there is going to be a custody battle. I want to marry this woman, I want her to be able to live me, I want me and her to have her daughter with us. By getting married now this gives time to get through the custody battle. A judge would not award her custody just because she had to move with her "fiance" but there might be a better chance if she had to move with her "husband".

 

[MasterBates]

Older chick. Kid. Drama from baby's dad.

Stop thinking with your dick and run.

TRUST ME ON THIS!

(yes, you are thinking with your dick)

You are 22. You don't have shit as figured out as you think you do. I was 23 when I got married. I thought I had "it all figured out" and sounded just like you. Difference was we had a pregnancy scare (positive test, that I later found out she used hormone pills to fool) while we were engaged and got a JOP in Milton while I was in the HTs.

I say again, you don't have this shit figured out ANYWHERE near as much as you THINK you do. STOP THINKING WITH YOUR DICK.

She's 7 years older. My ex was 4 years older. She will go to hell and start being menopausal before you make LCDR. The problems with the ex won't go away EVER. You want to see how NASTY custody battles can be? There are a few on here that fought them. I will let them chime in.

But you will be viewed as the "rich part" of the equation, and will likely pay for HIS and HER lawyers EVERY time custody goes up for review. This can be $30K+ in lawyers EVERY 2 YEARS. $15K a year for lawyers on ENS Pay? Fugheddaboutit. You will be living in a PUMA, and the wife will be complaining about how you don't live like your DINK Married ENS/JG buddies (Dual Income No Kids)

STOP THINKING WITH YOUR DICK. There is more poon to be had. Don't marry the 1st girl who tells you what you want to hear. If she was "that nice" she would be able to get a guy here age.

Oh, and being married and you relocating may backfire on the custody front. Court may rule that father gets primary custody as the military life will be "unstable" for the kid, and they WILL try that in court. Just to make your lives suck.

 

[KCRSXTypeS]

KCRSX- There are a lot of sour grapes here. Lots of these guys got burned with marriage. I know that you want to rationalize it that you're not these guys, and you can handle all this stuff.

After all, when you have an idea and you want to succeed with it, you don't go to the people who have failed with the same idea, you go to the people with the same idea who succeeded and get wisdom from them, right?

My marriage is probably going to be one of those weird ones that makes it through the military and stays together for...ahem...forever. So, I don't have the sour grapes that everyone else has. Take it from me brother, you are barking up the wrong tree. My wife and I were dating for FOUR YEARS before we got married. She stayed put while I went and played guns. She went through college. I went overseas. We were apart A LOT, and believe me, I got your idea a thousand times. You know what happened? SHE STUCK AROUND. If it is meant to be, it WILL BE. If we had forced it so we could "be together" and get better pay and stupid stuff like that, we would be in ruins with tons of debt and kids and all that stuff. When you get debt and kids too early, it's an almost certain deal breaker when you add in deployments. I can't imagine also adding in some other guy's child.

Bottom line...Use your BRAIN and reassess your situation. There will not be a rational person who thinks this would be a good idea. You and her think it is, but you're not thinking rationally. I would propose to you that it would suit you much better to build your home for her, and learn how the real military works so you can usher her into our way of life in a proper, healthy fashion. What you have now is an unhealthy, unstable environment for raising a proper, successful family.

You're at a crossroads, and you're about to take the wrong path.

This seems like pretty good advice to me but I still have an issue of being apart for 3-4 years.

 

[MasterBates]

I edited my post. Go reread. Twice.

Oh, and if you have "an issue" with being apart for 2 years IN CONUS, when you can talk on the phone, visit easily/cheaply etc.. How do you think a 14-16 month IA to durkastan will go?

Were you ready to be a father at 16? Because that is what you are making yourself. You will be dealing with a teenager and all that shit before you are 30.

I'd say you were not/are not, but are blinded by your lower brains love of warm moist places.

 

[BlackBearHockey]

I can't say I've ever had true love returned to me, but my none of my very few serious relationships have ended poorly, and most have been with porn, so take this advice at face value I guess. But, like all, I have been smitten with a girl to the extent that I truly did put her "pussy on the pedestal".

Every time I think of this vixen succubus, and subsequently get infuriated because she wants to bang a loser over me, I think of a book I read a number of years ago called The Game by Neil Strauss.

I wouldn't recommend you read The Game for any other reason than novelty. It's read best as an illustrious tale of fiction; however, there are some nuggets of wisdom to take away from it. One is the book's term of a condition called "oneitis", or being infatuated with a girl whom you think she is the only one, when literally there are thousands of girls exactly the same as her. It wasn't until I started seeing a different vixen succubus that I truly grasped this, as I was hit pretty hard with the love bug on the first girl.

I don't want to give you finite advice, but at the same time, I'm looking at the situation in it's purest form, and it seems like a HUGE unnecessary distraction. But, I'm not you, and if you're skipping in meadows every day then maybe it's something worth pursuing, just make sure it's EXACTLY what you want to do. Anymore you have a 50/50 shot of staying together for a long time, personally, I'd like to increase those odds by not marrying a girl 7 years my senior, who has a kid, while I'm in college, while the baby-momma-drama is going on.

Just my .02, best of luck with everything either way.

 

[Scoob]

...rant...

Casey. You seriously need to quit projecting your experience on everyone else. Whether the kid does it or not, his life is not your life and his wife is not your wife.

LET. IT. GO.

 

[DocT]

The kid needs to hear it though. The numbers on divorce in the military don't lie. MB's experience may very well be some or all of this guys experience before this is through.

Nobody's meaning to dogpile you KCRSX. They're just looking out.

 

[usmarinemike]

This seems like pretty good advice to me but I still have an issue of being apart for 3-4 years.

It is damn good advice. I'm the only one around here, it seems like that has a healthy marriage.

What is your issue? What are you afraid of, really? Everyone else who has posted their sour grapes has told you what the worst case scenario is if you carry out your plan. You're broke, there is lots of drama, and you live in a trailor while all of your friends have combined family incomes of 120K+. There is no dignity in that.

What is the worst case scenario if you're apart for 2 or 3 years? Your longing for her will suck. Maybe you'll lose her. That sucks, too. But you will have your dignity, and all of your paycheck. She'll be the one who got away, but at least she didn't get away with all of your money, self respect, and dignity. Granted, you probably won't lose her because your relationship is so strong. It'll be even stronger, and your home will be much stronger when you do decide to make her a part of it.

Contrast that with the almost certainty that your life will be turned upside down with your current track. You're looking at real life proof for both scenarios. Neither track is rainbows and blowjobs, but give me the immediate hardhsip/delayed payoff over the immediate payoff/excruciating eternal hardship any day.

This is a no-brainer, KCRSX. The ball is in your court. Listen to everyone's experience. Be a man, and make the prudent decision.

 

[Jen]

Oh, and being married and you relocating may backfire on the custody front. Court may rule that father gets primary custody as the military life will be "unstable" for the kid, and they WILL try that in court. Just to make your lives suck.

While I disagree with most of what MB says.. this is true. The marriage could backfire and the court could award him with full custody.

I don't know about crazy B****es and pregnancy scares to get someone to marry you, but it seems to me, like these types of girls had the crazy radar buzzing prior to marriage and people just failed to notice the signs. Anyone willing to fake a pregnancy to get a guy to marry her is a little pathetic in my book.

My husband and I got married at the age of 21. Would most on here say it was stupid? Yes. Do we care? No! This year we'll be celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary (7 years being together) and we have loved every minute of being married. When you find the right person (if she is the right person), you'll know what needs to be done. Just because you get married at a younger age, does not mean your marriage is more likely to fail. It depends on the people and their commitment to each other.

Good luck to you and your decision.

 

[SaraLee]

COrrect me if I'm wrong. But I don't think he asked for anyone's opinion on whether or not he SHOULD get married -- only if it is allowed in NROTC. Don't berate him. If you made a bad choice, that is on you!


Having said that, I agree that as long as you keep your command in the loop, you'll be fine. Congrats to you both and good luck!