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GF...keep her or send her home?
- Thread starter Road Program
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Cate
Pretty much invincible
Leaping Jesus, I'm agreeing with snow85 here. Stay tuned for lions lying with lambs and a little child leading them.
I think that what it comes down to, Road Program, is what you're willing to put into the relationship. Yes, you're really busy, but if you actually want to have a relationship - with anyone - you've got to make some effort. In this case, the effort is little more than actually taking some time to talk with her so that she can understand the pressure you're under, the responsibilities you have, and her contribution to the entire process. Right now, she probably doesn't know what to expect, and she's reacting badly. But rather than taking a "kick her to the curb - don't kick her" approach, why not make it her call? Let her know what you need from her, and what you're willing/able to do in return. Some people can handle the responsibilities of a military spouse/girlfriend and some can't; if, knowing what's expected of her, she thinks she can handle it, she can stay, and if not, she can go.
It's not my place to say dump her or don't dump her, because obviously we're only getting one side of things. But if you really care about this girl and want her in your life, you should want to give her the opportunity to live up to the requirements of Supportive Yet Independent Military Girlfriend. If you're unwilling to do that, maybe it's a sign that you don't actually want her around after all, hmm?
I think that what it comes down to, Road Program, is what you're willing to put into the relationship. Yes, you're really busy, but if you actually want to have a relationship - with anyone - you've got to make some effort. In this case, the effort is little more than actually taking some time to talk with her so that she can understand the pressure you're under, the responsibilities you have, and her contribution to the entire process. Right now, she probably doesn't know what to expect, and she's reacting badly. But rather than taking a "kick her to the curb - don't kick her" approach, why not make it her call? Let her know what you need from her, and what you're willing/able to do in return. Some people can handle the responsibilities of a military spouse/girlfriend and some can't; if, knowing what's expected of her, she thinks she can handle it, she can stay, and if not, she can go.
It's not my place to say dump her or don't dump her, because obviously we're only getting one side of things. But if you really care about this girl and want her in your life, you should want to give her the opportunity to live up to the requirements of Supportive Yet Independent Military Girlfriend. If you're unwilling to do that, maybe it's a sign that you don't actually want her around after all, hmm?
In that case...
If this guy stops dating girls that are eligible for the prom. he wouldn't have such a whiney, needy, obsesive old lady. Relationships are based upon mutual respect, i.e. she would understand your need to devote 100% to flight training and give you the space needed instead of ensuring her own needs are fulfilled. You both lack maturity and GOD help you when you have to make a decisoin that is means something. Go home and decide whether or not you're right for an officer position or you should resign immediately and let the military kick you out. Deployments are long and arduous, but mature individuals suck it up. Tell your GF to get a life of her own and she won't be hanging so tight onto your appron strapes.
If this guy stops dating girls that are eligible for the prom. he wouldn't have such a whiney, needy, obsesive old lady. Relationships are based upon mutual respect, i.e. she would understand your need to devote 100% to flight training and give you the space needed instead of ensuring her own needs are fulfilled. You both lack maturity and GOD help you when you have to make a decisoin that is means something. Go home and decide whether or not you're right for an officer position or you should resign immediately and let the military kick you out. Deployments are long and arduous, but mature individuals suck it up. Tell your GF to get a life of her own and she won't be hanging so tight onto your appron strapes.
Road Program said:
My two cents. Communication is key. It's extremely hard to deal with something you don't understand. (time requirements and stress in flight school, etc.) She has only been there a few days and probably has little to no knowledge about the Navy in general let alone the specifics of flight school. She may, or may not be able to deal with the ups and downs that come from being in a relationship with someone in the military. I don't think 4 days is enough time to make that judgement. Sitting down and having a serious heart to heart talk with her, and laying everything on the table may make it an easy decision one way or the other. You need to be honest and tell her exactly how you feel. If she stays, you can also involve her in studying. I spent hours upon hours quizzing my husband. I knew NATOPS and the emergency procedures for A4's and T2's like the back of my hand at one time.
My husband and I started dating while he was in flight school, and got married shortly after he was Winged. He's been in the Navy over 20 years. We've been together 19 of those, married 17, and have 4 kids. I have been his number one fan, and given him my 100% support in everything he has done. He's had an extremely successful career thus far and accomplished every goal he's set for himself. We've had more than a dozen PCS moves, six, 6+mo deployments, more dets and workups' than I can count, months upon months of TAD's. (we are currently 16mo into 22mo of TAD schools)
Through it all we have always kept the lines of communication open. Navy life can be challenging at times, but the positives far out weigh the negatives in my opinion. Good luck in your decision.
Fred said:..... I knew ......the emergency procedures for A4's like the back of my hand at one time.
You're gonna get me in trouble with my wife saying things like that .....
shortncurly
Registered User
saltpeter said:
How do we know she's "eligible for the prom?" I can't stress enough that we're only getting one side of this story. And while I do agree with you, saltpeter, that they both lack maturity and that relationships are about mutual respect, respect goes both ways. Why is it that she must respect him and his needs while he ignores hers? It's been said before: many of us have given up A LOT, left our familiies and friends, sacrified our dreams and careers so our men can follow theirs. That alone deserves a hell of a lot more respect than "suck it up" or "get a life of your own."
Fred said:
A4sForever said:
road-- they say things like this because this is what it takes, and those whose relationships have been successful, most likely have gone this route. does she know your EP's just as well, if not better than you do? if she's staying the whole summer, having her quiz you helps you out, but it also involves her, and makes her feel included.
i'll be one of the last people to want to see a relationship break up, but sometimes it really was only meant to be in the 'here and now.' you're going to be much better off with a s/o who truly gets what you do, and where your passions lie; or completely on your own; than you are with someone who literally can't breathe without you. everyone will have a hard time with someone like that. a great woman can do wonders for you, and for your career, but the opposite also holds true. however, i strongly recommend that before you write her off as 'that girl', you try to include her. talk about what you want from your career, from her, from her in relation to your career. talk about what you need, AND what she needs. if you think you can help her help you, then talk about how to do that, so that you're both happy, and so that there's no resentment flying back and forth. if you don't want her to be a part of this, and you want to keep these subjects in their own spaces on the divided plate, then again, you have some re-evaluating to do.
There is always 2 people involved in any relationship and when one checks out the relationship ceases. It's obvious that this guy has NO RESPECT for his other half, if he'd air his dirty laundry in public. I'm sure he hasn't limited this conversation to an online discussion, i.e. the ready room, the O'Club, and to anyone else he thinks he gain sympathy from. For his FYI, no one at work wants to hear someone elses bizatching, they all have their own lives. For an aiside, as a married man who has never strayed, the keys to a healthy relationship are simple. 1.) Boys/Girls night out is not acceptable (most everyone today think it is OK, and then worries whether the other half is fooling around) 2.) On deployment stay out of the bars and the same goes for the other person that's at home (yes, relationships are about sacrifice, newsflash) 3.) get the other person involved in your life (take them with you when there's a function) and avoid those that their not allowed at, your career will survive if you do your ground job 4.) the military is hard work and difficult on a family especially on children who are not old enough to understand why daddy/mommy are gone sooo much - choose - that's the reality of life, it's about choices, the military will find another replacement for you
Alright, I'm late to the game (sims suck), but I'll open my suck and offer this:
I've seen WAY too many guys attrite/DOR/fee-nab/not qualify, etc etc etc due to the stress of a bad relationship. I'm not going to say it's because "women suck", but they were all guys...so the other player happened to be a female. I even knew a woman NA who threw away her chances at a good career due to bad decision making when it came to priorites and the opposite sex.
Personal anecdote: Yes, even I, once upon a time, put my personal life before the Navy and I paid for it (post RAG). Luckily I was able to recover thanks to the help of some good friends and a serious fear of f-ing up my life, things worked out.
Bottom line from yet another guy who has been there done that (flight school, wings, RAG, Fleet, Shore Tour). Explain what you need from her to make it through. If she's willing/able to sacrifice for you, do the same for her. If not, move on and get those wings. Someone already said it in this thread and I'll say it again, you busted your as$ to get out of SWO, don't fvck it up now. Be decisive and make the call quickly, you can't afford to waste time in Primary.
Keep in mind, you're about to make more money and meet more women than you ever have. Don't be skerred that this is the end all be all of your chances at happiness.
and never forget the immortal words of Beenie: "One vagina for the rest of your life Frank, real smart..."
I KEED
I've seen WAY too many guys attrite/DOR/fee-nab/not qualify, etc etc etc due to the stress of a bad relationship. I'm not going to say it's because "women suck", but they were all guys...so the other player happened to be a female. I even knew a woman NA who threw away her chances at a good career due to bad decision making when it came to priorites and the opposite sex.
Personal anecdote: Yes, even I, once upon a time, put my personal life before the Navy and I paid for it (post RAG). Luckily I was able to recover thanks to the help of some good friends and a serious fear of f-ing up my life, things worked out.
Bottom line from yet another guy who has been there done that (flight school, wings, RAG, Fleet, Shore Tour). Explain what you need from her to make it through. If she's willing/able to sacrifice for you, do the same for her. If not, move on and get those wings. Someone already said it in this thread and I'll say it again, you busted your as$ to get out of SWO, don't fvck it up now. Be decisive and make the call quickly, you can't afford to waste time in Primary.
Keep in mind, you're about to make more money and meet more women than you ever have. Don't be skerred that this is the end all be all of your chances at happiness.
and never forget the immortal words of Beenie: "One vagina for the rest of your life Frank, real smart..."
I KEED
Chubby
Active Member
Stopping at the store to buy flowers ... 5 minutes out of your day.
Cooking a nice dinner for you and your girlfriend ... 60 minutes out of your day. (Doesn't really count because you have to eat anyways, but I digress)
Lighting a freaking candle at the dinner table ... 15 seconds.
Getting your girlfriend off of your damn case because you sat down for just over an hour and made her feel special and like she was an important part of your life ... priceless.
Just make her feel involved and important, take time (even if it's just a little) to make her feel special and all should be well. On a side note, you're studying ... for your career, it's not like you're using all of the baby's formula money to get **** faced at Sammy's. It could be worse.
And I appologize for the MasterCard cliche.
Cooking a nice dinner for you and your girlfriend ... 60 minutes out of your day. (Doesn't really count because you have to eat anyways, but I digress)
Lighting a freaking candle at the dinner table ... 15 seconds.
Getting your girlfriend off of your damn case because you sat down for just over an hour and made her feel special and like she was an important part of your life ... priceless.
Just make her feel involved and important, take time (even if it's just a little) to make her feel special and all should be well. On a side note, you're studying ... for your career, it's not like you're using all of the baby's formula money to get **** faced at Sammy's. It could be worse.
And I appologize for the MasterCard cliche.
Oh no doubt about it this girl is psycho and he needs to run. She cries in bed because she misses him - he's right next to her. Dude, punch out!!! I don't need to hear her side, she's bad news and you've got too much ahead of you. This girl is needy, needy, needy and it's not you she needs it's anyones attention. Some other dumb arsh will fit the bill - move on before she gets, yikes I can't say it!!
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