Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

[swopeful]

You might want to reword these sentences, as they are a bit awkward.
//By researching the Navy during my middle and high school years, I developed a desire to wanting to lead and influence others to become better individuals.
While researching the Navy during my formative years I was inspired by those who have gone before me. Their legacies have inspired me pursue becoming a leader of men and women in our nation's Navy.

//My first major was computer science, a field where I invested so much thought into a profitable job, instead of realizing my true intellectual pursuits and how they can aspire others into taking a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
I'm not sure about this one. Perhaps rephrase it to better address the fact that you're seeking not just the monetary benefit of a specific field, but rather the satisfaction of a career in service of our nation, and that with such a goal the motivation is more clear and relevant, as well as inspiring (versus your usage of aspire). You can aspire to a leadership role, you can inspire others to better themselves.

 

[RMP]

Write about what you have to offer the Navy. You wrote about the experiences that helped to shape you as an individual. This is good, but you should also write about how having had those experiences will benefit the Navy/make you a better leader. Don't ever leave it up to the reader to put two and two together. I wrote about how I embodied the Navy's core values, seemed to work for me!

 

[swerdna]

P.S. I know it might sound weird, but since there's a bloody war in Syria right now, it might help if I put "born in the Middle East". Just my .02

I don't think there's anything wrong with putting Syria. If you put Middle East then they're really going to wonder.

Also, if you're fluent in Arabic I'd indicate that. It's a great skill to have.

 

[BlueSky94]

I don't think there's anything wrong with putting Syria. If you put Middle East then they're really going to wonder.

Also, if you're fluent in Arabic I'd indicate that. It's a great skill to have.

I'm somewhat fluent. I'd need like 6 months to digest the language since I never got fully used to it.

I'll revise the whole essay in a few hours and send it again before I send the PDF to NRD Houston.

 

[BlueSky94]

Here's my revised draft:


I can recall a memory that shaped my calling in life. The time when our 5th grade class discussed World War II with a focus on Pearl Harbor and the resulting War in the Pacific. I became fascinated with the subject and took to library books and the Internet to read about the battles our Navy fought and the heroes that emerged from them.


Born in Syria, my parents immigrated to the United States when I was eight months of age. As I grew up in America, I started to learn about our democracy’s influence on the world and the service members who gave their lives to make it possible. I felt blessed to be a part of this country and community. While researching the Navy during my formative years, I was inspired by those who have gone before me. Their legacies have inspired me to pursue becoming a leader of men and women in our nation's Navy.


When I began my studies at the University of Texas-Pan American, my academic and career goals were not set in stone as I was adjusting to college life. My first major was computer science, a field where I invested so much thought into a profitable job, instead of realizing my true intellectual pursuits and how they can inspire others into taking a deeper understanding of the subject matter.

Once I switched to Mathematics with physics minor, I began to discover more about my potential in life. My GPA rose to a 3.4 in the last semester and I became more involved in volunteer activities such as babysitting children from abusive homes and building sidewalks for poor communities. I joined several sports clubs on campus and set higher standards for myself on physical fitness and personal health.


As I transfer to the University of Houston in the fall to finish my last two years for my Bachelor’s degree, I look forward to expanding my leadership capabilities and take advantage of my strengths to set an example for those willing to improve themselves. I hope to create a legacy that future generations can look forward to in times of trouble.


I have many experiences that help shape me as an individual, including obstacles. The most significant of them is working as an overnight cashier last fall as I was attending school. The work was tiring, as I also had to prepare for my final exams while providing customer service 30 hours per week. This taught me crucial time management skills which are high on a leader’s priorities since one must stay calm when presiding over a team or company in times of uncertainty.


Although I wasn’t born into a military family, I am confident that I will be able to uphold the Navy core values of honor, courage, and commitment.

Being honest and trustworthy in our friendships and dealings with each other and those in the civilian world embodies the significance of honor. It is abiding by the unbreakable code of integrity, owning up to our actions and staying true to our word in any situation. For me, keeping true to myself with my professors and managers in the midst of difficult situations highlighted my potential and willingness to accomplish the task and to never let my colleagues down.


Holding commitment to our task is exhibiting the highest degree of moral character, aptitude, and quality in what we have been instructed to do. It is reaching for constant self improvement and following through on your word regardless of the situation. For me, staying committed to my studies despite the obstacles in my path demonstrated that I am capable of making use of all my skills to manage the task at hand.


Courage is meeting the standards of our profession and the objective when it is hazardous, difficult, or otherwise unpredictable due to its uncertain nature. It is making decisions in the best interest of the Navy and the nation, without regard to personal consequences. Courage is exemplified by my desire to take risks and go great lengths to do the right thing even in the face of adversity.


This is why I am seeking a commission in the United States Navy. I hope to use my talents and abilities to benefit the Armed Services. I understand the responsibility and stress induced environments that come with such a position, but I am certain that my commitment to integrity, honor, and selflessness would be equal to the task as serving my country as a United States Naval Officer.

 

[RMP]

Looking good. What program are you applying for? While the focus of your statement should be on why you'd make a stellar Naval Officer, you might want to talk a little bit about what makes you the perfect candidate for your specific program (if there is one specific program you're applying to). I.E. flight training/a passion or aptitude for aviation for SNFO or SNA.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Looking good. What program are you applying for? While the focus of your statement should be on why you'd make a stellar Naval Officer, you might want to talk a little bit about what makes you the perfect candidate for your specific program (if there is one specific program you're applying to). I.E. flight training/a passion or aptitude for aviation for SNFO or SNA.

If applying for more than one designator you want to keep it general and talk about being a Naval Officer

 

[AFChris]

I have revised my Motivational Statement a few times and would like some eyes on. Please let me know if you are interested, thanks.

 

[dbluestyle]

Here's my revised draft:


I can recall a memory that shaped my calling in life. The time when our 5th grade class discussed World War II with a focus on Pearl Harbor and the resulting War in the Pacific. I became fascinated with the subject and took to library books and the Internet to read about the battles our Navy fought and the heroes that emerged from them.


Born in Syria, my parents immigrated to the United States when I was eight months of age. As I grew up in America, I started to learn about our democracy’s influence on the world and the service members who gave their lives to make it possible. I felt blessed to be a part of this country and community. While researching the Navy during my formative years, I was inspired by those who have gone before me. Their legacies have inspired me to pursue becoming a leader of men and women in our nation's Navy.


When I began my studies at the University of Texas-Pan American, my academic and career goals were not set in stone as I was adjusting to college life. My first major was computer science, a field where I invested so much thought into a profitable job, instead of realizing my true intellectual pursuits and how they can inspire others into taking a deeper understanding of the subject matter.

Once I switched to Mathematics with physics minor, I began to discover more about my potential in life. My GPA rose to a 3.4 in the last semester and I became more involved in volunteer activities such as babysitting children from abusive homes and building sidewalks for poor communities. I joined several sports clubs on campus and set higher standards for myself on physical fitness and personal health.


As I transfer to the University of Houston in the fall to finish my last two years for my Bachelor’s degree, I look forward to expanding my leadership capabilities and take advantage of my strengths to set an example for those willing to improve themselves. I hope to create a legacy that future generations can look forward to in times of trouble.


I have many experiences that help shape me as an individual, including obstacles. The most significant of them is working as an overnight cashier last fall as I was attending school. The work was tiring, as I also had to prepare for my final exams while providing customer service 30 hours per week. This taught me crucial time management skills which are high on a leader’s priorities since one must stay calm when presiding over a team or company in times of uncertainty.


Although I wasn’t born into a military family, I am confident that I will be able to uphold the Navy core values of honor, courage, and commitment.

Being honest and trustworthy in our friendships and dealings with each other and those in the civilian world embodies the significance of honor. It is abiding by the unbreakable code of integrity, owning up to our actions and staying true to our word in any situation. For me, keeping true to myself with my professors and managers in the midst of difficult situations highlighted my potential and willingness to accomplish the task and to never let my colleagues down.


Holding commitment to our task is exhibiting the highest degree of moral character, aptitude, and quality in what we have been instructed to do. It is reaching for constant self improvement and following through on your word regardless of the situation. For me, staying committed to my studies despite the obstacles in my path demonstrated that I am capable of making use of all my skills to manage the task at hand.


Courage is meeting the standards of our profession and the objective when it is hazardous, difficult, or otherwise unpredictable due to its uncertain nature. It is making decisions in the best interest of the Navy and the nation, without regard to personal consequences. Courage is exemplified by my desire to take risks and go great lengths to do the right thing even in the face of adversity.


This is why I am seeking a commission in the United States Navy. I hope to use my talents and abilities to benefit the Armed Services. I understand the responsibility and stress induced environments that come with such a position, but I am certain that my commitment to integrity, honor, and selflessness would be equal to the task as serving my country as a United States Naval Officer.

That is a good one, make sure you keep it either under 250 words or at least make it fit in the application form.

 

[romoth]

Hello all,

Long time lurker first time poster, Just finished up the OAR got a 49, waiting for the rest of the exam next week and on meps, (almost 4 months!) anyway im currently working on my motivational statement and have a first draft id like to have someone look over and give me some opinions. My recruiter was pretty vague about the length so right now its at 586 words.

Thank you all for the help,


Beginning in the American Civil War and continuing through both World War II and the Vietnam War, the Harrell family has proudly served in the armed forces. Brought up within the framework of such an unfaltering dedication to service, joining the United States Military has always been a goal of mine, though it was the location of my upbringing that solidified my loyalty to the Navy.


Growing up near the Naval Air Station Corpus Christi inundated my childhood with not only the sights and sounds of Naval aircrafts and the ocean itself, but also ensured that many of my peers were the children of distinguished Naval Officers which allowed me immeasurable hours of one-on-one time with role models molded by the US Navy. It is within this setting that my interest in Naval aviation, and my admiration for the Navy itself, was allowed to flourish into a lifelong passion.


Along with fostering a deep appreciation for the Navy, from my youth I have been encouraged to be a go-getter. I have always found interest in self-learning and been able to learn and accomplish anything I set my mind to. I took an interest in mechanics and taught myself car and motorcycle maintenance and repair so well that I rebuilt a 1975 KZ400 motorcycle, which has since afforded me the understanding of complex mechanical problems; I was disenchanted by the lack of professional marketing in San Marcos, so I started and successfully operated a small marketing firm in San Marcos, San Marketing; and, tired of watching my friends and family struggle with the tribulations accompanying home maintenance, I taught myself to fix and enhance nearly all aspects of home care so well that my friends and family have learned to depend on my abilities to fix any problems that arise.


In addition to my family history of service, my submersion in Naval life throughout my youth, and my self-starter attitude, education has played a major role throughout my life. Not only did my father serve in the Navy during the end of the Vietnam War, be he was also the first person in his family to earn a college degree and went on to not only successfully graduate law school, but also went on to earn his Masters in Maritime Law and his Judiciprudence. Now that I have graduated with a degree in International Business, it is time for me to continue the long standing Harrell tradition of serving this country by undertaking the long and honorable road to becoming an officer in the United States Navy.


Undoubtedly being a Naval officer requires a certain skill set, leadership high in that list. Not only did I start my own business, but I have spent the better part of the last two years undertaking my responsibility of Lead Diver for the Texas River Alliance, guiding teams of divers to clean up the San Marcos River. Even the positions I have held throughout my jobs in and after college have required a large amount of leadership and responsibility. I was hired as lead in house marketer at both Which Wich and Peoples Postal, and now I currently work as logistics manager and also as assistant estimator at M2 Federal, a job that also affords me the opportunity to work as Project Manager and Supervisor on our current projects. All of these jobs require an ability to perform quickly and well under high stress situations that require precise decision making, and that I understand complex interpersonal relations and engineering processes.

 

[dbluestyle]

Hello all,

Long time lurker first time poster, Just finished up the OAR got a 49, waiting for the rest of the exam next week and on meps, (almost 4 months!) anyway im currently working on my motivational statement and have a first draft id like to have someone look over and give me some opinions. My recruiter was pretty vague about the length so right now its at 586 words.

I believe that is too long. I got 418 words and I can barely fit it in the form. The form even says to stay between 200 to 250 words. Can anybody clarify this topic? @NavyOffRec @RUFiO181 ?? Is there a different form than the OPNAV 1420/1 (Rev. 01-2008) for non-priors?

 

[exNavyOffRec]

I believe that is too long. I got 418 words and I can barely fit it in the form. The form even says to stay between 200 to 250 words. Can anybody clarify this topic? @NavyOffRec @RUFiO181 ?? Is there a different form than the OPNAV 1420/1 (Rev. 01-2008) for non-priors?

yes, the forms are different, for civilians it says "within visible area"

 

[exNavyOffRec]

many words, oh so many words....

What are you going for? aviation you can probably get a good PFAR/FOFAR and write almost nothing, but for SWO you will need more and want to get you more on point.

 

[mb1685]

I believe that is too long. I got 418 words and I can barely fit it in the form. The form even says to stay between 200 to 250 words. Can anybody clarify this topic? @NavyOffRec @RUFiO181 ?? Is there a different form than the OPNAV 1420/1 (Rev. 01-2008) for non-priors?

My motivational statement is in Box 15 of NAVCRUIT 1131/238 (REV 03-2012) and it doesn't say anything about a word limit, just "Limited to the visible area". Mine is over 700 words and fits fine.

 

[mb1685]

Also it's cool to see someone from San Marcos on here. I graduated from Texas State.