Horrifically gay.
-
Please take a moment and update your account profile. If you have an updated account profile with basic information on why you are on Air Warriors it will help other people respond to your posts. How do you update your profile you ask?
Go here:
Edit Account Details and Profile
Need Aviator Help for a Novel
- Thread starter marinegrunt
- Start date
Horrifically gay.
What, are you afraid of getting lost or something?
torpedo0126
Member
I started reading chapter 31, then....
You made a knock against the academic institution that is THE Ohio State University:icon_rage
I could not read any farther.
I keed......once I am done with these papers I will read on. I probably won't be able to help on the technical aspect of your novel but if I do have input it will be noted.
Best of luck, sir!
Marinegrunt,
Pick on ohio state all you want. They are basically the armpit of the Big Ten.
O-H..Oh No!
"Oops!"
First thoughts:
Alma maters really aren't that big a deal in aviation after you've been an Ensign for 6 months. Even for the Academy guys. Yes, occasionally, I've heard people talk about stories from being in Company X or somesuch, but most of the time, who cares?
If I were to walk up to two Academy guys and hear what I heard in Chapter 31, I'd look at them like they had two heads. If someone is really that proud/obnoxious about their alma mater, others would take note and either tease them about it or talk about it when they're not around. Football and March Madness excepted. Also, no one becomes "acting CO/XO" just because the CO/XO is flying. That's what radios are for. The only time that occurs is if he/she is TAD or on leave.
The "Bridge Tower" is called the island or the superstructure.
Ordnance goes boom. Ordinances are passed by the City Council.
A heads-up display is known in the trade as a "HUD," not a "heads-up."
I would recommend also getting a copy of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, and giving the whole manuscript a good grammar scrubbing. There are little errors here and there which bug the heck out of me when I try to read it. I think if you try to sell the story to someone, that will be a big deal. Be a grammar Nazi, unless you are deliberately trying to have some effect with your prose, or are writing dialogue.
I'll let a Hornet guy speak to the details, but the idea of a modern strike fighter doing a 90 degree dive like an SBD doesn't seem right. I was under the impression that dive bombing was only necessary with dumb bombs.
Alma maters really aren't that big a deal in aviation after you've been an Ensign for 6 months. Even for the Academy guys. Yes, occasionally, I've heard people talk about stories from being in Company X or somesuch, but most of the time, who cares?
If I were to walk up to two Academy guys and hear what I heard in Chapter 31, I'd look at them like they had two heads. If someone is really that proud/obnoxious about their alma mater, others would take note and either tease them about it or talk about it when they're not around. Football and March Madness excepted. Also, no one becomes "acting CO/XO" just because the CO/XO is flying. That's what radios are for. The only time that occurs is if he/she is TAD or on leave.
The "Bridge Tower" is called the island or the superstructure.
Ordnance goes boom. Ordinances are passed by the City Council.
A heads-up display is known in the trade as a "HUD," not a "heads-up."
I would recommend also getting a copy of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, and giving the whole manuscript a good grammar scrubbing. There are little errors here and there which bug the heck out of me when I try to read it. I think if you try to sell the story to someone, that will be a big deal. Be a grammar Nazi, unless you are deliberately trying to have some effect with your prose, or are writing dialogue.
I'll let a Hornet guy speak to the details, but the idea of a modern strike fighter doing a 90 degree dive like an SBD doesn't seem right. I was under the impression that dive bombing was only necessary with dumb bombs.
The grammatical errors stood out for me, too. Compliment vs complement, his vs him--that kind of stuff.
The ribbing about schools--I agree, that doesn't really happen, but I wouldn't care if that stayed in. No one on the outside would know if that were true or false, and I don't think the innaccuracy portrays anything bad.
He'll have to straighten out the dive and HUD thing--the way I read it, he has it magnifying stuff on the ground. Unless he's talking about a pod, and in that case I don't think anything is going to be showing up on his display in a near-vertical dive. And unless the pilot is wearing optics, I don't see how he's going to see something being lased in daylight, much less at altitude. Then again, I'm not a pointy-nosed guy and I've never played with that stuff.
And I don't see anyone with a callsign ending in "ette."
The ribbing about schools--I agree, that doesn't really happen, but I wouldn't care if that stayed in. No one on the outside would know if that were true or false, and I don't think the innaccuracy portrays anything bad.
He'll have to straighten out the dive and HUD thing--the way I read it, he has it magnifying stuff on the ground. Unless he's talking about a pod, and in that case I don't think anything is going to be showing up on his display in a near-vertical dive. And unless the pilot is wearing optics, I don't see how he's going to see something being lased in daylight, much less at altitude. Then again, I'm not a pointy-nosed guy and I've never played with that stuff.
And I don't see anyone with a callsign ending in "ette."
marinegrunt
New Member
THanks for the input. I will be making these changes.
There has not been a line nor a copy edit yet. With this thread, I am attempting to get at least part of a technical edit. Once that is done, I have a editor standing by for the other two edits.
I am also bothered by poor grammar when reading other pieces of work. But it is almost impossible for someone to proof their own work and do a decent job at it (especially when Word substitutes valid if sometimes incorrect words when it is a simple typo.). It is probably beyond me, at least. I can do others, but not my own. So I will be paying someone else to do that for me.
I was an embassy guard, if you let me know what chapters to look at I can give you some info on the embassy Marines.
Just from looking over chapter 1:
-Marines don't get an MSG Ribbon until after they complete their tour (ie: The character wouldn't have one yet, unless he was the Det Cmdr and had served a prior tour as a watchstander then come back)
-This may be nitpicky: But a detachment wouldn't go port and starboard for a POTUS visit, other detachments would each send a single Marine in order to fulfill the number of people required for whatever watch is set up, and the actual detachment that was located there would continue to stand watch in the embassy normally.
-MSG Company Commanders are Lt. Colonels not Captains. They need to be O-5's in order to have enough "pay-grade" to stand up to the Ambassador if need-be.
Just from looking over chapter 1:
-Marines don't get an MSG Ribbon until after they complete their tour (ie: The character wouldn't have one yet, unless he was the Det Cmdr and had served a prior tour as a watchstander then come back)
-This may be nitpicky: But a detachment wouldn't go port and starboard for a POTUS visit, other detachments would each send a single Marine in order to fulfill the number of people required for whatever watch is set up, and the actual detachment that was located there would continue to stand watch in the embassy normally.
-MSG Company Commanders are Lt. Colonels not Captains. They need to be O-5's in order to have enough "pay-grade" to stand up to the Ambassador if need-be.
marinegrunt
New Member
I would love your input. What you told me went right by a Marine who had served in new Delhi.
For the novel to flow right, I might not be able to get other Marines from other embassies to fill in, but i certainly have to address that.
Most of the book takes place at the embassy, but if you read the first 7 chapters or so, that should hit most of the salient points.
marinegrunt
New Member
I have made some changes which should be posted Friday night, Thailand time.
I went with an F-35 as it seems to me that the more advanced plane would be sued for a sensitive mission. Although with an F/A 18, the squadron XO could be the lieutenant's NFO, thereby making the choice fpr is plane to drop the bomb seem more reasonable.
On the banter about schools, I almost never saw this in the Corps, but I often saw it aboard ships. Almost always, it was good natured ribbing among friends.
For LT Littlehawk's callsign, I thought "Hawkette" was somewhat humorus considering his real name. We had a Marine ALO in my battalion who had a somewhat demeaning callsign given to him after he dropped some dummy ordnance in New River by accident. However, if this callsign is so out-of-whack, let me know and I can change that easily.
I went with an F-35 as it seems to me that the more advanced plane would be sued for a sensitive mission. Although with an F/A 18, the squadron XO could be the lieutenant's NFO, thereby making the choice fpr is plane to drop the bomb seem more reasonable.
On the banter about schools, I almost never saw this in the Corps, but I often saw it aboard ships. Almost always, it was good natured ribbing among friends.
For LT Littlehawk's callsign, I thought "Hawkette" was somewhat humorus considering his real name. We had a Marine ALO in my battalion who had a somewhat demeaning callsign given to him after he dropped some dummy ordnance in New River by accident. However, if this callsign is so out-of-whack, let me know and I can change that easily.
marinegrunt
New Member
If anyone who critiqued Chapter 50 can look at it again, I would greatly appreciate it.
As for LT Littlehawk's callsign, I am not coming up with much as a play on his name. I have:
Henery (the chickenhawk in the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons)
Chickenhawk
Hawkito
If none of those strikes a chord, I will just pick something totally unrelated.
As for LT Littlehawk's callsign, I am not coming up with much as a play on his name. I have:
Henery (the chickenhawk in the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons)
Chickenhawk
Hawkito
If none of those strikes a chord, I will just pick something totally unrelated.
The 3 "P's" for any ATTACK Pilot : Pickle ... Pause ... PULL !!! That describes virtually any visual dive-bombing run ...
"Pickle" is when the pilot "drops" the bombs ... usually via the "pickle" switch on the stick .... the top-left "red" button on the stick in this particular pix. The "trigger" or "commit switch" mentioned earlier is on the front of the stick (not visible in this pix) ....
phrogpilot73
Well-Known Member
What's a Marine ALO?