I know your post was in jest, and w/out getting into any nitty-gritty you may feel uncomfortable with, but wouldn't a data-linked system that uses some kind of TCP and/or IP need to be more modern than historically is used on military aircraft (due to acquisition times)? Even Windows 95 needed a patch to make it work w/ the modern internet, and that's a far more advanced "interface" than the FORTRAN based system we had on the -60B, despite having a very high-bandwidth link.
I know we're talking apples and oranges here, but just thinking out loud. If I was so motivated, I'd go find a picture of Professor Frink to add to the effect.