SWO and relationships

[Earthmover]

I'd change my avatar then....just saying...

My original avatar was the death note in Jacques-Louis David's The Death of Marat. However my name "earthmover" and the death note picture was a stolen concept from my favorite Have A Nice Life song on the album Deathconsciousness. To make it my own, I decided to keep a Jacques-Louis David theme and use his Patroclus painting. In due time my avatar will change, but it will not be because of a self sense of masculinity that is so fragile that it prevents me from admiring the male body from an artist's perspective.

That said, I appreciate everyone's comments. As unrealistic of a goal keeping my current girlfriend is, someone once told me that I didn't have a shot at becoming a pilot. I will do my best to make it work, but I recognize how futile it might be in the end. However, we still have each other now, so I shall continue to enjoy every chance I get to be with her and savor the special moments and memories we create. Ultimately our relationship may come to an end, but I will be able to smile because we did make an honest attempt.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

This thread pains me to look through because it has affirmed most of my fears about my current relationship.

I have been Pro-Rec Y'ed for SNA, but I am waiting on my Final Select letter. My girlfriend is a research assistant in a lab, with plans to work there for one more year. Come December, she will be applying to grad school (her GRE scores were all in the 90th percentile) for a PhD program in molecular biology (~5 years). After that her plans are a little less concrete but she is thinking about a couple of post docs (~10 years) and returning to research. Within the immediate 10 years, our careers, and thus lives, will not overlap in anyway. Achieving a PhD in molecular biology is her dream. Becoming a Naval Aviator is mine. Neither of us want to put our careers on hold. The best compromise we can come up with is try to make it work, but the odds are not in our favor.

Our relationship has always been long distance, and I know the thought of 10 more years minimum is wearing on her. She is the love of my life and I am firm in my commitments. I was never interested in females before I met her, and, if she leaves, I severely doubt that anyone will be able to replace her. Ultimately, it will have to be her that terminates our relationship.

I have one last plan to try and get her to change her mind, either about postponing her career or continuing a relationship with me. She has promised to not break up with me during OCS, and I do not see her breaking up with me anytime soon. That means she will most likely still be my girlfriend immediately after OCS. Given that three months of minimal contact will be but a sample of what is yet to come, she might be willing to reconsider. If I am graced with some fortune, I will also have the ability to participate in OHARP and actually live with her, that way I don't have to spring it on her relatively fast. If we are able to make a compromise, then perfect. If she breaks up with me I will be devastated, but life goes on. If she choses her career, our relationship will most likely end in a slow, painful death spiral as loneliness works each day to degrade the thread of hope for a happy future together.

I read this and was wondering besides talking about career had she ever thought about kids? What are your thoughts? I only ask because years ago I had a friend who ended up getting married, the woman as it ended up really didn't want kids as she was very career driven but he wanted kids, that resulted in several years of them trying to make the relationship work which in the end ended up failing, both are now remarried and very happy.

 

[Flash]

My original avatar was the death note in Jacques-Louis David's The Death of Marat. However my name "earthmover" and the death note picture was a stolen concept from my favorite Have A Nice Life song on the album Deathconsciousness. To make it my own, I decided to keep a Jacques-Louis David theme and use his Patroclus painting. In due time my avatar will change, but it will not be because of a self sense of masculinity that is so fragile that it prevents me from admiring the male body from an artist's perspective.

Ummm, it's just an avatar. I think you might be overthinking things just a little, including your choice of avatars.

 

[Earthmover]

I read this and was wondering besides talking about career had she ever thought about kids? What are your thoughts? I only ask because years ago I had a friend who ended up getting married, the woman as it ended up really didn't want kids as she was very career driven but he wanted kids, that resulted in several years of them trying to make the relationship work which in the end ended up failing, both are now remarried and very happy.

Having kids is part of the problem of why she does not want put her career on hold. Her career goals take much time and energy, such that if delayed too long, having children is biologically difficult. I have no problems with thoughts of living my life with this woman, becoming married, having children, and raising them. But to do that, I would pretty much have to keep my commitment to the Navy to the 10 year minimum and immediately settle down.

The extremely difficult part of all of this, and it's starting to get extremely personal so i'll keep this as minimal as possible, she suffers from depression. I came into her life at a difficult time and have really helped her through some tough spots. When I told her about joining the Navy, much of those issues started coming up again. Her, being much more intelligent than myself, foresaw our demise in the time apart. I love her too much to break up with her. Even if you told me that it would be for the best for all parties involved, I fear hurting her and triggering a depression that ends extremely badly. If she makes the decision to end the relationship, then she will be able to live with it because she is making it for herself. That's why I am pretty much hinging on her making a decision post OCS.

 

[moveslikemorgan]

Having kids is part of the problem of why she does not want put her career on hold. Her career goals take much time and energy, such that if delayed too long, having children is biologically difficult. I have no problems with thoughts of living my life with this woman, becoming married, having children, and raising them. But to do that, I would pretty much have to keep my commitment to the Navy to the 10 year minimum and immediately settle down.

The extremely difficult part of all of this, and it's starting to get extremely personal so i'll keep this as minimal as possible, she suffers from depression. I came into her life at a difficult time and have really helped her through some tough spots. When I told her about joining the Navy, much of those issues started coming up again. Her, being much more intelligent than myself, foresaw our demise in the time apart. I love her too much to break up with her. Even if you told me that it would be for the best for all parties involved, I fear hurting her and triggering a depression that ends extremely badly. If she makes the decision to end the relationship, then she will be able to live with it because she is making it for herself. That's why I am pretty much hinging on her making a decision post OCS.

Genuinely curious here, and not that it really matters...but if you don't mind, how old are the two of you?

 

[Earthmover]

Genuinely curious here, and not that it really matters...but if you don't mind, how old are the two of you?

Mid-20s. If she waits 10 years for me, starts her career that's possibly another 10 years.....I don't know. The more I post the more stupid I feel. Objectively, we are two different people with very different life goals. The obvious thing to do is end it, but both are too weak to do that.

 

[moveslikemorgan]

Mid-20s. If she waits 10 years for me, starts her career that's possibly another 10 years.....I don't know. The more I post the more stupid I feel. Objectively, we are two different people with very different life goals. The obvious thing to do is end it, but both are too weak to do that.

I mean, don't feel stupid about it. It's a legitimate concern. But at the same time, my recommendation would be don't worry about it so much right now...I feel like you're really putting some serious stress on yourself over this whole thing, and don't get me wrong, understandably so. But you'll have plenty of stress added when you go to OCS. Honestly if you're this worried about your relationship now, how will you be able to focus when you actually get there? I'd probably be an emotional mess. And who knows, maybe by then the whole thing will have worked itself out. I say just enjoy the time you have together for now and take things as they come. Worrying won't rid tomorrow of its troubles, after all.

 

[nikki4]

Mid-20s. If she waits 10 years for me, starts her career that's possibly another 10 years.....I don't know. The more I post the more stupid I feel. Objectively, we are two different people with very different life goals. The obvious thing to do is end it, but both are too weak to do that.

I agree with what moveslikemorgan said. When I first put this post up earlier I was really over thinking and worrying about my relationship with my boyfriend. It stressed me out so much I couldn't hardly focus on the things i need to be getting done now since I'm still finishing up college before hopefully going to OCS soon after. If you still have this much stress about the two of you it could really affect your performance at OCS and whether you pass or not and do well or not. So what I'm really trying to do now is just not go that far into my future with my career path and my relationship path. Just focus on the now, getting to and preparing for OCS and enjoy the time I have with my SO. The overload on stress can be too much and not make good for an officer. My advice from what I've learned this week is take one day at a time. And know that life is always changing, opening and closing doors. So maybe something will happen and you guys will work out or maybe it'll turn out you two end it and move on to better things for yourselves. Just try being happy in the now and cherish every moment. My SO is currently on a ship in Korean/Japanese waters and that enough stresses me out, but its helping me prepare for our distance relationship as well as learn to enjoy those small moments together.

 

[Earthmover]

Thank you for all the replies. Overall, I am pretty much already at the stage of accepting whatever happens happens....see:

As unrealistic of a goal keeping my current girlfriend is, someone once told me that I didn't have a shot at becoming a pilot. I will do my best to make it work, but I recognize how futile it might be in the end. However, we still have each other now, so I shall continue to enjoy every chance I get to be with her and savor the special moments and memories we create. Ultimately our relationship may come to an end, but I will be able to smile because we did make an honest attempt.

The good news is that I am not stressing. I am going to go to OCS and I am fully committed to making it through. I have the recommended info from appendix B memorized. I am in excellent shape to pass the required run, push-ups, and curl ups. I even bought a gym membership this summer and have been practicing swimming, treding water, and deadman floating. I have done everything I can do to prepare myself for success in OCS. However, I will concede to you all that, yes, I am over-thinking everything, but what is a man stuck in final select purgatory to do?

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Having kids is part of the problem of why she does not want put her career on hold. Her career goals take much time and energy, such that if delayed too long, having children is biologically difficult. I have no problems with thoughts of living my life with this woman, becoming married, having children, and raising them. But to do that, I would pretty much have to keep my commitment to the Navy to the 10 year minimum and immediately settle down.

The extremely difficult part of all of this, and it's starting to get extremely personal so i'll keep this as minimal as possible, she suffers from depression. I came into her life at a difficult time and have really helped her through some tough spots. When I told her about joining the Navy, much of those issues started coming up again. Her, being much more intelligent than myself, foresaw our demise in the time apart. I love her too much to break up with her. Even if you told me that it would be for the best for all parties involved, I fear hurting her and triggering a depression that ends extremely badly. If she makes the decision to end the relationship, then she will be able to live with it because she is making it for herself. That's why I am pretty much hinging on her making a decision post OCS.

If she is having depression issues again the odds are deployments and time apart will make it worse, what about the stress of the academic work? She should talk to someone to get this under control.

I feel she should also be talking to a professional before making these decisions.

 

[GlassBanger]

I think everyone has covered things pretty well. It was a concern I also had. I ended up breaking up with my ex about a year ago and it was the best thing I could've done. He was a Navy veteran himself, 6 years as an enlisted Nuke on the Big E and he was a bitter, miserable, antisocial, sociopathic bastard. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating, he knew of my goal to join even then. Throughout our 5 years together, he tried very, very hard to poison me against the Navy. Even shot to hell a B.S. scholarship I got to Chaminade University in Honolulu after I earned my AAS because how dare I pursue my dreams without heeding his desires. His primary concern was living where he couldn't take his precious guns. He had the perfect job to be a military spouse too, an oil rig engineer on a 4 week on - 4 week off schedule that would be flown in from wherever in the world he chose to live.

Maturing really does wonders for your perspective on what's important. I think you'll be just fine girl. With or without him around.

 

[Renegade One]

My original avatar was the death note in Jacques-Louis David's The Death of Marat. However my name "earthmover" and the death note picture was a stolen concept from my favorite Have A Nice Life song on the album Deathconsciousness. To make it my own, I decided to keep a Jacques-Louis David theme and use his Patroclus painting. In due time my avatar will change, but it will not be because of a self sense of masculinity that is so fragile that it prevents me from admiring the male body from an artist's perspective.

Sweet Mother of God...

 

[Earthmover]

Sweet Mother of God...

Never getting drunk and posting on AW again. I assume you followed me for the lels.

 

[Brett327]

Seriously, dude. Drop this chick like a hot potato. I see all kinds of Sailors with spouses who have depression or other mental health issues. They're miserable. Plenty of other fish in the sea, and the women who will be attracted to you when you're a successful Naval Officer can be an entirely different caliber then the ones you can get now.

You're not responsible for what she does or how she feels when you break up with her. Do it today.

 

[HAL Pilot]

Holy fuck the world is ending....I just "liked" a Brett post.