When to get married

[riley]

TN Whiskey has some good advice. I'm in the same position - turn 25 in Dec., been married over 2 yrs, contracted Marine OCS. The thing that helped my wife and I out a lot is that I found three Married Marine officers whose wives were willing to talk to my wife and give her the straight talk (One was a Col, the second a Lt. Col, and the third was a
Captain - I think it helps to talk to people who have been in for awhile). After talking with the wives (always good to get a woman's perspective), she was much more supportive of the whole thing. My OSO has also been really helpful - my wife was there when I contracted and he walked her through the whole process of what I'd be going through once I got in. Just be honest and open in communication (like all things in marriage).

 

[E5B]

I was fortunate enough to marry a military brat who's been a military dependant since she was born. We've been married going on 4 years now, and we have a 15 month old boy and 2 dogs. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it. During TBS, for example, I'd come home from an 15 hour day to a hot meal and a warm smile and then wake up to coffee, bisquits and bacon. Thats not what marriage is all about, but it sure is a bonus, especially having an understanding wife. Our schedule for the next day here at VT-28 doesn't come out til 1800 or later so she's learned to be really flexible.

And never leave your spouse or spouse-to-be in the dark, always keep them informed and give them an idea of what to expect. When I was enlisted I had several buddies that didn't even tell their wives about the 6-month deployment that we were doing that year!! Tell your spouse that you could get deployed at anytime, no matter what the squadron's rotation is.

Bottom line, just do what feels right, not what's right for someone else.

 

[smittyrunr]

I have to agree, do what's right for you. Just because people warn you about going through flight school with a significant other does not mean you can't do well. I got engaged the day of my first flight in Primary (Corpus), while my fiance was stationed on a ship in Norfolk. He got a lat transfer to aviation and is in IFS in Pensacola now, I'm here enjoying the T-45 in Kingsville. We're getting married in December and while we both know it will be a while before we can have a semi-normal married life and maybe even live together (!) I could not have made it this far without his support, however far away that might be.

Brooke: My fiance and I met at the Academy and yup, there sure are are guys out there who are not willing to follow you around. I dated one for a long time in college before I realized that. But there are good one out there as well. It's tough if he happens to be in the military as well.... and not all of them can cope with the idea of you going away for 6 months. For most of the women I know who are married or are in a serious relationship, the guy is in the military and they met there.

 

[Brooke]

Smityrunr: Yeah, I'm thinking that I'm in a relationship with one of those guys "who are not willing to follow". I'm definitely not going to be looking for someone to marry if I get in...however, I'm hoping that I am going to meet lots of great people who have similar goals/motivations as I do. If I am lucky enough to find love while I'm pursuing my dream...that would be fantastic! I guess it's one of those things I (and the others who are in this situation, and worrying) am going to have to let happen. Only time will tell in this case!!

 

[Meridiani]

Brooke, to answer your questions, my husband and I are not recently married. If I finish OCS in the allotted 13 weeks, I'll commission the day before our 5th wedding anniversary.

We met in college, shortly after the USMC retired him (he had a brain tumor which damaged the nerve that controls stereo vision). He's always been very supportive of my career goals, and when I decided to explore a career in the military, he had no objections. I have to say that I am very lucky to such a supportive husband, and it's definitely a blessing that he knows what to expect of military life.

Good luck with your application to OCS!

 

[NeoCortex]

Now this is straight from someone who is not in a relationship, and hasn't had any major relationships, but..

Here's my take on this. Men and Women:

If your in a relationship, and are very serious (carefully now, I"m going to use one of those dirty words) in Love, then the person that your with has to love you for who you are. A big part of me is wanting to be a pilot for the Navy. The woman that I'm with has to understand that I will be moving around every 3 years, and that I will be on deployment for an amount of time during the year. If they can't except that then the relationship is not going to be able to go into the serious level. Well, I guess what it all comes down to is your priorities. If you want to be in the military, then there are going to be scarifices that are going to have to be made. If you want to get married and settle down, the military may not be the place for you.

Yet again, this is from a single guy, so my thoughts reflect that.

Ben

 

[wildflyin69]

NeoCortex speaks the truth, hehe. I want to be a pilot for the USMC more than anything in the world. It's hard to find somebody who is willing to accept that kind of a life I guess. I was seeing a girl for the past 1.5 years and we were getting pretty serious. But she wanted me to give up on the military which something i couldn't do, which is why I'm now single. I guess in the long run it will be better because I'll be able to completely focus on my training and not have to worry about somebody else on top of that. I don't really worry about it though since I'm only 23. Of course now I just have to get IN to OCS...

 

[TNWhiskey]

So to summarize...lol...its probably best to be COMPLETELY single OR have been married for a year or two to someone that you know supports your aspirations...no girl/boyfriends at home stuff or playing the field during flight school, lol.

 

[slasher]

Ya know Whiskey, it's funny, but it's also some of the most sage advice ever to be given on this (or any) board. I'm a prior-e and was in a serious relationship at the time (but not engaged or anything) and I couldn't imagine going through TBS and Flight School while trying to maintain a relationship that is arguably at its most vulnerable point.

I either want a partner who is TOTALLY committed to us, or I want to be alone. Which is why I chose to break up with a girl I totally adore- but don't have enough time to build the relationship with.

Ah, the sacrifices we make for our country...

 

[Kathy]

Wow - after reading this, I feel like I must be a burden/constant distraction to my boyfriend, and he personally has never given me any reason to think that.

There are 70+ wives/fiances/girlfriends on this site that are currently involved with guys in various stages of flight training. We help memorize the Big 4 before OCS, send daily letters during OCS, scrub Chow Hall stains from khakis before 9th week RLP

, fly down to Pensacola/Corpus as often as possible, help study EPs, provide support and encouragement, etc. We read as much as we can about what they're going through so we can understand and be prepared for what's next.

My boyfriend and I had only been dating for 7 months when he left for OCS over a year ago. I've been with him through OCS, IFS, API, and now the first half of Primary. We may not get to see each other as often as we'd like, but we talk every day, often for hours. There have been weekends in Corpus where I've spent most of my time reading a book while he studied

, but there have been other weekends where we were able to hang out the entire visit and leave the books at home

!

My point here is that not all relationships are doomed during flight training.

Kathy

 

[wildflyin69]

hehe, Kathy that's true too, not all relationships are doomed...you've just got to be lucky enough to have one of the good ones...

 

[slasher]

Yes, there are some truly GREAT military spouses out there, However I'm more likely to win the $51 million powerball jackpot than find a woman like that.

The only phrase I need to hear in my head to deter me from taking the marital plunge is this one:

"WestPac Widow"

I saw some ugly stuff in the Fleet...

 

[riley]

There needs to be more women in the world like Kathy.

It is kinda funny - you can tell the single guys by the way they write - if you are going through OCS, TBS, Primary, Advanced, etc - and you have a significant other - it is not "I" it is "we"...... i.e. we are at Primary right now.

 

[littledancerus]

There needs to be some guys like Kathy. Guys going into the military have an easier time finding a girl than girls going into it have finding a guy. I can't imagine finding a guy that would help me study and scrub stains from my clothes as a civilian let alone with me being in the military. Seems less likely than getting struck by lightning 7 times...

 

[apendle]

I think it really depends on what stage of your life you are in when you go through OCS, flight school etc. I was prior enlisted in the Navy in my late teens, early 20's. I partied alot and got all of that single lifestyle out of my system. Now I am married in my late 20's(pushing 30) and ready to go OCS. I can't imagine doing all of this without my wife beside me. Single guys have a certain point of view on this because that is what stage they are at in their life. The married have another view, so you have to take the advice you get on married life in the Navy and relate it to the source you are getting it from.
But being married in the Navy can work if you and your spouse are ready(maturity-wise) to handle it.

Just my 2 cents.