When to get married

[NeoCortex]

Apendle,
I think that's a great perspective, and Kathy, I didn't mean it to sound like that girlfriends/boyfriends are a burden. To be blunt, if I found a woman that I liked and that was willing to see me through it, I would not stop dating her just because I was at OCS. I'd love to have that extra support of someone writeing me and helping me out. But, it doesn't seem like it's going to happen for me any time soon, so I'll just have to tough it out on my own.

Ben

 

[slasher]

NeoCortex,

To be blunt, have you ever served in the military? My reasons are my own, and only if you were in my shoes would you understand. I am making my decision based on personal experience as a military man in a serious relationship (a lifetime ago). Not as a civilian applying my experiences to a military setting.

It's obviously very difficult to maintain a loving relationship when thousands of miles apart---and exponentially more difficult when trying to BUILD one when you can't even be together. A big difference, my friend.

Not that you were referring to me, mind you. Just trying to give my perspective.

 

[NeoCortex]

I didn't mean to single anyone out. That was actually the point that I was trying to make, that you have to make your own desicion based on your situation. didn't mean that what you did was wrong in any way. There isn't a wrong way to handle this.

Ben

 

[angelwings]

On the topic of marriage....My wedding date is set for July 2004. My fiance is in the Marine Corps and is in the process of coming up on a change in duty station. Billets are available for him in either LA or P-cola a few months after I check into flight school in December. Would any of you recommend getting legally married before the church date? Am I totally off if I thought it would help his odds of being closer to me as well as staying in Whiting for primary? (of course I'll have to see if the church will even allow this-I may get turned away on their end). Appreciate any advice.

 

[itoh]

http://www.exn.ca/Stories/2003/07/11/51.asp

read the article about einstein, "Genius Strikes Before Marriage..." take it for what it's worth.

I know I wouldn't want to compete with other Marines going for the same air slots with an arm tied behind my back (no offense to anyone). I just know I wouldn't want to settle until I knew I did my best in getting my billet. I also wouldn't want to subject any woman to what I imagine as the schedule of flight school or TBS. But I do commend any spouse who is willing to not only put up with it, but support his/her loved one over such a strenuous period.

-itoh

 

[jmradem]

Hey everyone!

This is a great topic for me to read and respond - being a navy wife with a husband just excepted to OCS (SNA). I have had my 'anxiety week' of "OH NO I WON'T SEE YOU FOR A YEAR. THEY AREN'T GOING TO MOVE ME...BLAH BLAH BLAH"...then I realized, it'll be more like 5 if he winds up on a carrier!

So I treated myself to a day at the spa and sorted my thoughts and feelings!!

(Heck even just a massage or facial is worth it!!)

I decided that if I can't handle living by myself, I will gladly follow him...if I can't follow him, I will move closer to family, etc. All in all, I will be by his side helping him study when he needs it, I will use/save/accumulate as many frequent flyer miles necessary to go see him (or find cheap fares!!), and I will make sure that he gets through it all!!

If the significant others keep themselves busy and stick together, we can all get through these trying times - and they will be trying!!

Remember, we have our 'code of conduct' to follow as well, and that includes providing the utmost support with the least amount of anxiety!

Check out:
www.navywives.com
http://officerfamilies.com/portal/index.php
http://www.cnrsw.navy.mil/fsc/Resources.htm (San Diego area, but it has links)

These sites give some good insight, have forums to ask questions, or find others in your area that are going through the same thing.

 

[Agent00JP]

Just shooting from the hip here, but I would GET MARRIED NOW!! That is, if you are sure you want to marry her. The HUGE upside is this, you will have a good, solid base with a couple of years into your marriage BEFORE you start your military career. It would be so hard to start a marriage while in the Navy, with deployments, workups, moving, flight school... you name it.

My wife and I got married in college and looking back we wouldn't have it any other way. The flexibility of student life allowed us to spend as much time as we wanted/needed together and to take 3-4 day weekends, spur of the moment trips, etc. You will not have that after you graduate. It is great at the end of those long days where all you do is wake, study, fly, study, eat, sleep, etc. to come home. Even if my wife is already asleep, it is nice just to have her there. And looking in on my daughter and son sleeping reminds me of why it is worth all the hard work.

To all the nay-sayers about getting married in college, or before you get your wings, your priorities are out of whack! I didn't join the Navy with the selfish goal of getting MY wings. I did it to serve and protect my country, and that starts with my family. If your goal is to do it for yourself, then to each his own, but I have a greater motivation and purpose for doing so in my family.

Just my $0.02

JP

Fly-Navy.com

 

[slasher]

I, for one, feel my priorities are most certainly not out of whack. Serving for the protection of one's family isn't restricted to those with a wife and kids. I'm returning to the military with the goal of serving my country, not getting "MY wings." Your perspective is your own, but don't get condescending about it. I, on the other hand, feel it would be selfish for me to get married and have children right now because I would not be able to give them all the attention they deserve due to my schedule. I can't have my cake and eat it too. When my life settles down, then I will contemplate having my own family.

And btw, I raised my baby brother. And due to medical problems he has, he cannot fight for himself against those who are trying to destroy our civilization. So I do it for him. To be perfectly honest, I'd be just as content pursuing my life as a musician. But I have a higher calling in service, and am heeding it. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm pursuing a military career for completely selfish reasons. Grow up.

 

[Agent00JP]

Nice personal attacks. I never said that getting married is requisite for anything. However, those who are single and completely bash the idea of getting married, having no clue what it actually is like, seem to pervade these types of questions with labels of taboo and the like. Hence the sayings like, "Wings before rings" The one should not control the other to the extent of preventing it from happening. If the right person comes along, then it won't be a barrier to getting your wings (otherwise it would not be the right person).

There are many out here in the flight pipeline doing it for their own personal glory and goals. I did qualify my remark with an "IF your goal is to..." I apologize if you could not see this excluding you from being categorized with the group, but I did not intend to include everyone. Obviously my remarks struck a chord with you, or you would not have taken them personally enough to lash back. So before you tell me to "grow up" I believe you should consider the entirity of the comment and how it related to you. My goal was simply to combat those who label marriage as bad and hindering to one's own progress.

 

[slasher]

Originally posted by Agent00JP
To all the nay-sayers about getting married in college, or before you get your wings, your priorities are out of whack! I didn't join the Navy with the selfish goal of getting MY wings. I did it to serve and protect my country, and that starts with my family. If your goal is to do it for yourself, then to each his own, but I have a greater motivation and purpose for doing so in my family.

I took offense to your remarks because to me, it implied that if one chooses not to get married before completing college, OCS, flight school, etc. then they are somehow being selfish in their ambitions. It sounded like a sweeping generalization to me, and that's why it "struck a chord." Obviously I misinterpreted your point.

It wasn't a personal attack per se, I just felt it was a narrow perspective, so I responded. But that seemingly wasn't your intention, so I do apologize. No hard feelings. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

 

[Agent00JP]

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!! We definitely all have a great deal to be thankful for.

To give you a better idea of where I am coming from... One of my best friends went to and through most of med school without getting married. He simply hadn't found the right woman and therefore made the right decision not to force the issue. I have all the respect in the world for him. I, on the other hand, was blessed with a wonderful woman. Being brought up in a family wrought with divorce, I was extra cautious in making sure the marriage and my career choice could weather each other. My beef is with those who blanketly say it is solely detrimental to get married before completing college (and flight school). My family is now convinced it was right for us. Most of my friends here are single, one of them just got married a couple of months ago. We all have a great time and I enjoy bringing my home family and my Navy family together.

Again, have a great Thanksgiving!!

 

[wildflyin69]

All we're saying is that if we aren't married for a bit of time, it can create strain on both the relationship and the attempt at a career as a military pilot. Going through it with a suportive partner that will be there no matter how thick it gets will without a doubt be a great boon to any person. But if your signifigant other falters, you will falter too. All I'm trying to say is at the moment, for many of us, it's just easier to worry about just one person for the time being. Marriage brings responsibilities which at the moment I'm not ready for, and at this time only seems like an unnecessary obstacle in the path of what I want to achieve.

 

[angelwings]

Okay-I'm getting married no matter what. Just need to know whether I should be legally married before I report to P-cola soon-if there are any benefits. The church date is set for July (unless my fiance goes back to Iraq). Happy Thanksgiving!