Thing is, the creative writing really isn't that great. Someone above characterized them as platitudes, and I agree 100%. Int'l relations major here and I've always been a pretty good writer. IMO, the similes are sophomoric and really just sound like a weak attempt to be deep. The resolve of a carrier? So in your laziness to effectively illustrate your resolve with real-life experience, you go to flowery speech that sheds no light on who you really are?
Agree with the other advice given. It looks like things have run their course here, figured I'd just give my input.
Also, I'm not a Naval Officer (yet) but I would imagine that as a junior officer you should also be able to demonstrate willingness to learn, adapt, and take it in stride. This is my impression and from advice I've been given from officers in the community. I don't think you've demonstrated these qualities at all.