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Afraid that my motivational statement is too radical...
- Thread starter hipfinnsy
- Start date
- Status
You'll have a great time at OCS! Stop sniffing your own farts.... it's bad for you. I know you think you're better than all of us, and we're all a bunch of knuckle-dragging idiots.... but you're NOT the smartest guy here...
If you think we're all very impressed with your apparent intelligence ... you know... since you "read a lot of fucking books" (good diction/syntax!)... we're not (stop judging my abuse of the ellipsis). If you have just made a bad impression here, and you really will be successful, then best of luck. There are people that still can't believe I'm an Officer. But if you honestly have no idea why your statement is absolutely asinine and ridiculous, then god help you come OCS and the fleet.
By the way, I've seen plenty of English majors who sucked at basic grammar, spelling, etc, and I'm an engineer. Going to college doesn't make you smart, likewise being an english major doesn't mean you are better read or spoken than I. So all in all... read the statement and HONESTLY think about how it will sound when a bunch of senior officers read it aloud to each other. Hint: if hysterical laughing is the probably outcome.... RE-FUCKING-WRITE IT!
CWJones411
IRR
I, for one, have the courage of a forklift and the integrity of a industrial-grade vacuum.
phrogpilot73
Well-Known Member
To the OP, this is from the heart. STFU and listen. We're not attacking you because you enjoy creative writing (and you clearly do based on your original motivational statement). Here's a hint: I can almost guarantee that most of the dudes on the board won't have an English degree. And if they do, they are DECADES removed from some touchy-feely creative writing class. They are warfighters, who have spent the last 15-20 years of their lives waging wars for this country (or training for those wars). They aren't going to care that you can define "resolve" or some existential definition of an aircraft carrier. They are looking at your motivational statement along the lines of "can I trust this guy with the lives of MY Sailors?" Don't underestimate that point.
Hipfinnsy,
As an English major you should understand, more than most, that the true purpose of writing is to communicate effectively. The desired effect of your motivational statement is to gain a slot to Navy OCS...period. The reaction from the multiple forum members who have replied to you should make it painfully clear that your initial effort is likely to be unsuccessful.
You appear to have a thin skin and a willingness to crack wise when YOU SHOULD NOT DO SO. Funny thing about OCS interviews, recommendations and selection boards...they tend to be conducted by active duty Naval officers...the same ones you are insulting. For every member who has replied to your post there are many, many more who are simply reading in silence...and they may also be sitting in judgement of your application.
Bottom line...your motivational statement is horrible. It is grammatically correct..yes. But it is horrible from the perspective of having any chance of getting you into OCS.
I've conducted numerous screen boards and initial interviews for OCS candidates...a motivational statement such as yours would immediately raise red flags and likely prejudice my recommendation against you.
Clever phrases and well-turned words are not the point...we are looking for an honest, earnest, well-prepared statement...not a bunch of malarkey.
You are free to ignore everyone here...just as anyone on your OCS selection board is free (and highly likely) to deny you entrance to the Navy.
And for what it is worth...I'm a freakin' English major, too. No one cares...really...no one cares. Your ability to do a close reading of a Shakespearean sonnet is not important. Navy writing and communication bears only a passing resemblance to the Queen's English.
Read and understand the feedback...reflect upon your stupidity in engaging in pointless internet fights with forums members who could harm your candidacy...and get a clue.
Otherwise, you are simply making easier for another candidate to positively separate himself/herself from you.
As an English major you should understand, more than most, that the true purpose of writing is to communicate effectively. The desired effect of your motivational statement is to gain a slot to Navy OCS...period. The reaction from the multiple forum members who have replied to you should make it painfully clear that your initial effort is likely to be unsuccessful.
You appear to have a thin skin and a willingness to crack wise when YOU SHOULD NOT DO SO. Funny thing about OCS interviews, recommendations and selection boards...they tend to be conducted by active duty Naval officers...the same ones you are insulting. For every member who has replied to your post there are many, many more who are simply reading in silence...and they may also be sitting in judgement of your application.
Bottom line...your motivational statement is horrible. It is grammatically correct..yes. But it is horrible from the perspective of having any chance of getting you into OCS.
I've conducted numerous screen boards and initial interviews for OCS candidates...a motivational statement such as yours would immediately raise red flags and likely prejudice my recommendation against you.
Clever phrases and well-turned words are not the point...we are looking for an honest, earnest, well-prepared statement...not a bunch of malarkey.
You are free to ignore everyone here...just as anyone on your OCS selection board is free (and highly likely) to deny you entrance to the Navy.
And for what it is worth...I'm a freakin' English major, too. No one cares...really...no one cares. Your ability to do a close reading of a Shakespearean sonnet is not important. Navy writing and communication bears only a passing resemblance to the Queen's English.
Read and understand the feedback...reflect upon your stupidity in engaging in pointless internet fights with forums members who could harm your candidacy...and get a clue.
Otherwise, you are simply making easier for another candidate to positively separate himself/herself from you.
6.0liter
Sign here,..press hard,...4 copies
Wtf! hipfinnsy,.. first off your statement was way to flowery. No doubt, you have writing ability but don't waste it on being overly dramatic. The board wants to hear what set your guts on fire to be an officer, but in a more matter of fact tone. Use words like steadfast, unwavering, speak to what sets you apart in terms of your character. Write a dozen rough drafts if you have too. If you believe your cut out of a different cloth and have what it takes, then dammit transfer that belief onto paper and drill that message home!
that mike guy
JSUPT primary @ VAFB, Enid, OK
@ pretty much every one but the OP:
On the newest version of the application, they did away with the 400 word limit and simply say limit to visible area (2000 words looks to be about the max that would fit). I still have a blank copy of the PDF if any of the mods would like to see it (for educational purposes
).
@ the OP:
^ This. 1000x this. I can't say it any better so I'll just say it again. This is your one and only chance to sell the Navy on you as a person, officer, and a pilot. They will read your LoR's and look at the rest of your application to see all of your various statistics; this is your one opportunity to let them see the person behind the application. You owe it to yourself and the men and women who are reviewing your application to write the best personal statement that you are able to, otherwise you're wasting everyone's time and are better off not even applying.
On the newest version of the application, they did away with the 400 word limit and simply say limit to visible area (2000 words looks to be about the max that would fit). I still have a blank copy of the PDF if any of the mods would like to see it (for educational purposes
).@ the OP:
^ This. 1000x this. I can't say it any better so I'll just say it again. This is your one and only chance to sell the Navy on you as a person, officer, and a pilot. They will read your LoR's and look at the rest of your application to see all of your various statistics; this is your one opportunity to let them see the person behind the application. You owe it to yourself and the men and women who are reviewing your application to write the best personal statement that you are able to, otherwise you're wasting everyone's time and are better off not even applying.
that mike guy
JSUPT primary @ VAFB, Enid, OK
Admittedly I didn't read the whole thread before my previous post but oh well, I'll leave it there in case the OP isn't a troll. I do admire his "Reason for editing" remarks though.
On to less serious matters. First, the original post reminded me of this website.
Next I believe I can she some light on the juggernaut situation. I believe this is what he was referring to.
On to less serious matters. First, the original post reminded me of this website.
Next I believe I can she some light on the juggernaut situation. I believe this is what he was referring to.
Often those are written by mods in cases where someone's post warrants correction
I can't believe I let this thread slip right under my nose. There isn't even anything left to say because it's already been dogpiled by everyone from the whole history of airwarriors!
OP: STFU X 1000
OP: STFU X 1000
letoburito23
New Member
I cant wait til he comes back personally.
vmiclarkpe
New Member
Yeah I was enjoying this thread.
Still trying to find the perfect moment where I can use "I'm a juggernaut" and "have the resolve of an aircraft carrier" in the work setting. Have been unable. Maybe when I screw up a maneuver next time in the air I'll be like, "it's alright Sir, I have the resolve of an aircraft carrier."
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