The main difference between the SWO and Aviation communities is that this crucible of leadership for SWOs starts on day one with an Ensign standing in front of their division. For Aviators, this crucible doesn't come until much later in their careers, usually in their Department Head tours. Take a hard look at the Maintenance organization in any squadron. As you peel back that onion, I bet money you'll start to see the stress of keeping aircraft flying impacting leadership - maybe directly from the Maintenance Officer or from senior enlisted.
I felt there was a lot of good, honest stuff in your post, but I wanted to specifically address the issue above. This seems to be a misconception that comes up on here every time we have a SWO discussion. The rebuttal from the SWOs always seems to be: "well, we're better leaders because we're divos from the get go". I don't know if this is based on appearances or what, but I've found it to be far from the truth. One of my first jobs in the fleet was to be the detachment's division of 40ish sailors. Granted, because of flight school, I was a very junior LT when this happened, but my time in the fleet was similar to that of any SWO JO. Within a year of checking into the squadron I was a HAC and was in charge of a multi-million dollar helo, a crew of four and responsible for up to 11 passengers, their safety, and mission completion. Almost all of my later jobs had division officer responsibilities attached to them. As a a JO in a det based squadron, I was often the second senior most officer on the det, behind the OIC. By then end of my first squadron tour, I was routinely responsible for the running of a department. The CO and XO couldn't have cared less that my title was "assistant DH", they held me to task as if I were an O-4. The gulf of responsibility between a nugget who's in charge of ordering everyone's nametags to a Senior HAC who responsible for ensuring that everyone achieves their quals in a timely manner is pretty wide.
A lot of folks on this board are still in the training command, and as you have pointed out, haven't seen the pressures of command at their level. But as a JO in squadron, these pressures are very apparent. And as HeyJoe pointed out in another thread, just because you wear wings, you don't instantly become a far better CO than a SWO and all aviation commands aren't always the rainbows and lollipops we sometimes make them out to be. I had a Skipper who when asked about flagging squadron morale yelled at the wardroom that "THERE IS NO MORALE PROBLEM IN MY SQUADRON".