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Family Disapproval - what do I do?

nittany03

nittany03

Recovering NFO. Herder of Programmers.
pilot
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
Farmer Bob said:
As for my uncle, he is a nut. He has been flying for over 30 years and can't imagine being in a plane and not at the controls.
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The double-anchor professional dilemma: Good NFO >> 500lbs of gas >> Bad NFO.

That said, I understand pride in one's skills, but the pilot with the humility to accept the contributions of another crew member is almost certainly failing less at life than the guy who has to be a douche about being a single seater.
 
Jenlm

Jenlm

Well-Known Member
This thread has been a great read!

I am the only girl in my family, the only one to move out of state, and now I'm going to be the only one to join the military! So needless to say the family wasn't thrilled when I told them I decided to end my career as a chemist and be a pilot in the Navy.

At first they freaked out a little but over the last couple months they've seen how excited I am about this opportunity and it seems like they're coming around. I think they realized that I'm too stubborn and hard headed for them to change my mind so they've decided to conserve their energy and be supportive :)

Now here's hoping the grandparents don't have heart attacks whenever they find out :p
 
M

MBizzle

Member
Something happened a couple days ago that made me want to post in this thread again.

Halfway through API, I was talking with my Dad (who was not thrilled with my decision to forego a lucrative graduate program) about how things are going. I remarked that I feel my mind is being used "the way it's meant to be used," meaning that though API isn't easy, it's incredibly rewarding and fulfilling in a profound way.

He responded well to that. He saw how committed I was all the way through the process, and there's no "backing out" now. Both my parents realize they're no longer authority figures for me, and this is part of the adjustment process for myself as well as them.

Oddly enough, my Grandma was totally in favor from the beginning!
 
wink

wink

War Hoover NFO.
None
Super Moderator
Contributor
Good luck to you both. It is great to see family supportive of you. They are going to be proud when they come to embrace that you are putting something above yourselves in a way just as profound ( or more so) as serving in the peace corps, working for a non profit, or any number of other vocations that more often get the nod for service to community.
 
D

Deleted member 67144 scul

Guest
During the application process for the EDO DCO board, I'd come to an understanding with anyone and everyone who had any concerns. You could say I put in far too much effort considering this is the Reserve. Upon being selected, several people, most especially my mom, have completely forgotten we'd come to this understanding and have been unreasonably hostile and attempting to dictate my life, which is ridiculous, a couple of these people conveniently forgetting I'm the reason they still have had their lives (ie. aren't homeless). How does one deal with such absurdity?
 
E

exNavyOffRec

Well-Known Member
Sculpin said:
During the application process for the EDO DCO board, I'd come to an understanding with anyone and everyone who had any concerns. You could say I put in far too much effort considering this is the Reserve. Upon being selected, several people, most especially my mom, have completely forgotten we'd come to this understanding and have been unreasonably hostile and attempting to dictate my life, which is ridiculous, a couple of these people conveniently forgetting I'm the reason they still have had their lives (ie. aren't homeless). How does one deal with such absurdity?
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Dude, just push forward, they will adapt, I have seen so many who's parents were not happy only to later see them thrilled at how well their kids were doing.
 
D

Deleted member 67144 scul

Guest
NavyOffRec said:
Dude, just push forward, they will adapt, I have seen so many who's parents were not happy only to later see them thrilled at how well their kids were doing.
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Do not worry sir. I will absolutely push forward and had no other intention. I'm in my late 20s and have trouble comprehending why I'm suddenly being infantilized by several friends and family. I'm well aware of the good, the bad, and the ugly, and like with many things, my perspective is probably more negative than the reality (it works for me). I've been told I'm ruining my life, which is ridiculous, over 100 times in the last 24 hours, and frankly it's getting stale. Some people see an overworked/overpaid engineer, and are vehemently opposed to them doing anything else in life but slave away until 70 because they're "successful", while they have no such standard for themselves or "normal" people. I find the idea to be silly.
 
D

Deleted member 67144 scul

Guest
picklesuit said:
If they don’t pay your bills or sleep in your bed, their opinion doesn’t matter. End of story.

If you turn the phone off for a few days, that will help.
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Haha! That's a fantastic way of putting it. I'm going to use it!
Thanks all. The situation is mellowing out. Only one more person to "convince". Out of habit from my job I'm big on consensus building, but if it reaches a point of obstinance, there's no use in trying further. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
HeartofTexas

HeartofTexas

Well-Known Member
Contributor
I know it's been awhile since there's been a post but figured I'd share in case it might help someone down the road.

It's kinda funny, but I think family disapproval has more to do with your parents/relatives feeling abandoned/not being able to "access" you and/or having "empty nest" syndrome.

Both my parents were prior enlisted Air Force (plus my Oma was former Army nurse back in Korea/Vietnam, grandfather served in WWII), 100% supported my brother's interest in the military, but didn't approve mine. When I told my parents I was enlisting, my mom was absolutely livid and my dad was just, indifferent, only asked that I not immediately get knocked up and married in my first year (ironically, two things they now are concerned I'll never do lol). For them, I think it was mostly empty nest syndrome kicking in and the fact that my brother will always come back home if asked and I was always adamant about leaving. When I was traveling to my first duty station, I stopped by to visit them (out of courtesy) and my mom started treating me like I was in high school again, demanding I take every holiday leave to visit them, asking for access to my banking accounts, etc... Basically told her that I had no financial ties to her, no legal obligations to her, and that I never would have to visit or see them again if I didn't want to because I was a grown adult with a steady income.

Believe it or not, our relationship has dramatically improved since then. It's like picklesuit said, if they don't pay your bills, their opinion doesn't matter. Set boundaries and succeed in your job. Who knows, time may change their minds.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
 
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