Family Disapproval - what do I do?

[A7Dave]

For us it has more to do with not eating all the international catering more than the high-fructose sodas.

The MD thing is cross cultural. I've got buddy whose parents are from China. His parents pretty much wrote him off for not going to med school. Another loser. Ivy league BA, MBA, and a degree from London School of Economics. Slacker.

The military will become your family. All my best friends are people I've known in the Navy. Your family will come around someday. If not, too bad for them.

 

[Uncle Fester]

Some folks just don't want their kids going off to do dangerous professions. My mom was nervous when I went off to the sandbox, and she's a retired Navy O-6. Dad was nervous, and he picked up a DFC flying Marine medevac H-34s in Vietnam, i.e., something a hell of a lot riskier than flying E-2s in Afghanistan.

Most people nowadays know nothing about the military. They have no exposure to it, don't know anyone personally who was in, they think it's like the movies. When we first met, Mrs Fester's sister was surprised I was allowed to wear civvies (as a LTJG in the Tracom). Unfortunately, most people nowadays - in this time of everyone's opinion is important - also don't feel the need to examine and corroborate their ideas and impressions.

 

[anymouse69]

You're dad's right - you will not be happy in the Navy. But at some point, the parenting is going to have to stop - and you'll have to make your own decisions. I'm happy in the Navy, but I'm currently on shore tour.

 

[allstar]

go with it

 

[BusyBee604]

go with it (Punct.)

Awesomely profound! What's your point, or did you just feel like chirping?
BzB

 

[Renegade One]

I admit to "jumping in the pool" late on this one. Many others have probably said it more elegantly than I, but...You have but one life to live...make it extraordinary! I'm sorry for the family and cultural backgrounds that seem to place your preferred career choice somewhere on the lower rungs of life. I surely never had to make the choices you are faced with, but what next? Will you also be expected to marry your parents' choice for a bride?

 

[sunowl]

Just want to say thanks for everyone's posts on this matter so far, especially RavenMkXV and FlyingOnFumes for posting their experiences. Until I read them, I felt very alone in my situation after reading about how supportive many parents of prospective military personnel tend to be. For most of us with (a) controlling Asian parent(s), it can be tough to take control of our own lives even when we become adults. You're raised in a household with one set of ideals, within in a country with a radically different point of view on average. (Yes there exist chill and/or patriotic 1st generation Asian parents and there are helicopter and/or militantly anti-military US-born-and-raised white parents, but somehow the cultures of East Asia just seem to be conductive to that special type of crazy that "Asian Parents" are infamous for...) So it's always exasperating when Asian parents complain of their American-born-and-raised kids becoming "Americanized". What did they expect?

Long story short, after re-thinking my career/life path in college (and yes, going through the whole quarter-life "oh no it's too late for ROTC, what have I been doing these past 4 years?!" crisis during my senior year), I finally find myself applying to Navy OCS...but without my parents' knowledge so far.

When they find out, in particular with my Asian parental unit, it is going to end up either like RavenMkXV's situation (initial big shock --> surprise acceptance) or FlyingOnFumes (anger and destructive interference --> permanent rift). I'm still trying to figure out how to tell them given the situation I'm in (still living with/dependent on them), but I need to do it soon because I'm realizing more than ever how important family support can be for taking on the kind of life that will come with being a naval officer...

 

[AGonxAV8R]

Realizes that there are some selfish parents out there. I guess I have been lucky with my one and only parent (My father has been dead for a long time).

 

[villanelle]

Finding out you've been working on this behind the scenes for months probably isn't going to make it go over better. I understand the temptation to wait, especially given the uncertain reception of the news, but when they discover you've been keeping it from them, they are going to have a whole 'nother reason to be pissed off. "Mom, I've been accepted!", is probably not the way to go.

Yes, it sucks to risk alienating your landlords, and probably even more so when you might tell them and then not get accepted, but part of being a big boy who is mature enough to run off and join the circus Navy is owning your choices and accepting the resulting consequences. I wish you much luck and hope that in the end they are accepting of your choice.

 

[sunowl]

What you say is very true. Being eager to withhold the "bad news" from my parents until the last minute is probably not the best attitude to enter the Navy with. Thanks for the advice, villanelle.

 

[MBizzle]

My parents were never the "helicopter" or "tiger" type, but had high expectations and supported me. Still, the Old Man is disappointed I'm not continuing to a doctorate and my mother hates war in all forms. Eventually you just have to make your own path, and if they don't learn to be proud, at least they will have more respect for you.

 

[nittany03]

My parents were never the "helicopter" or "tiger" type, but had high expectations and supported me. Still, the Old Man is disappointed I'm not continuing to a doctorate and my mother hates war in all forms. Eventually you just have to make your own path, and if they don't learn to be proud, at least they will have more respect for you.

Civilian misconception number #69 about the military . . . the people in it don't "hate war." Is the idea of using your jet to get revenge on some shitpot dictator for the poor minions who can't do it themselves appealing in an intellectual and moral sense? Yep. But there'd be a lot less PTSD cases coming out of Afghanistan and Iraq if putting a uniform on magically made it easier to put a bullet in another guy. And I say that as someone who was lucky enough to not have had to do that.

 

[MBizzle]

Civilian misconception number #69 about the military . . . the people in it don't "hate war." Is the idea of using your jet to get revenge on some shitpot dictator for the poor minions who can't do it themselves appealing in an intellectual and moral sense? Yep. But there'd be a lot less PTSD cases coming out of Afghanistan and Iraq if putting a uniform on magically made it easier to put a bullet in another guy. And I say that as someone who was lucky enough to not have had to do that.

Agreed. After having worked on civvie science staff in a military installation, it's not all guns and "Hoo-rah." I wish more people could see the human side of the US military.

 

[Renegade One]

Some folks just don't want their kids going off to do dangerous professions. My mom was nervous when I went off to the sandbox, and she's a retired Navy O-6. Dad was nervous, and he picked up a DFC flying Marine medevac H-34s in Vietnam

UF: Sorry I didn't see this earlier…I see your post is 2+ years old...but what a great family unit you come from. Only hope Mom & Dad have come to appreciate your decision…which I'm sure they have.

 

[LFCFan]

My parents were never the "helicopter" or "tiger" type, but had high expectations and supported me. Still, the Old Man is disappointed I'm not continuing to a doctorate and my mother hates war in all forms. Eventually you just have to make your own path, and if they don't learn to be proud, at least they will have more respect for you.

Quitting your doctorate/not planning on doing it was probably one of the best decisions you'll ever make (military or not). A lot of people don't get that they are usually dead ends or lead to stagnant careers in academia. My dad was nervous about me quitting mine too (and he's a retired officer) but of course he's proud in the end that I'm an officer now.

I never regretted quitting mine, and nor did the other guy in my OCS class who quit his.