Family Disapproval - what do I do?

[GreenLantern330]

Well, last night I sent out a very heartfelt long email to my parents. I had already told them 2 years ago I wanted to join the Navy. My mom was always okay with it but my dad just shrugged it off and said it's a tough job and I'm not allowed to do it. I always thought to myself "yeah, try to stop me it's my decision." Anyway, I sent this long email to them last night explaining what I wanted to do within the Navy and gave them links to explain the Supply Corps that way they could understand it better and then when I go home for spring break in 2 weeks, we can talk about it in person after they've had time to digest it all if you will. Well, they both replied back. My mom was extremely proud and said she was okay with me wanting to go Navy and she thinks it's a great idea. My dad, at first said he thought it'd be really great and said he was gonna talk to his long time friend about it who is currently an Admiral. I email them both back thanking them for being supportive and blah blah blah. Then my dad emails me back saying he doesn't see me in the Navy at all and he wants me to get my masters first and learn a foreign language and go work for a different government agency.... basically he's trying to get me to follow in his footsteps and he thinks I'm naive enough to listen to everything he says, or that I'm a pushover rather. I emailed him back explaining that the reason I want to join the Navy is to give back to the country, I want to be part of something bigger than myself, and that while you could technically get that from other government agencies (at least in his eyes) I was really attracted to the career culture of the Navy. He just doesn't seem to understand anymore though. Like, he went a total 180 and isn't exactly opposed to it, but I can tell he's definitely trying to talk me out of it. I've been pushing this for years and he's still weird about it. It's like he has selective hearing when I talk about it and selective reading when I email him. It's very frustrating, but I just plan on telling him over spring break that it's my life, as bitchy as it sounds, and that if I want to "make the mistake" by going Navy or graduate school, then let me do that. I told him I could always get my masters later in life. His way of thinking is that I'm choosing the Navy since the economy is so bad it's tough to get a job. Understandable, lots of people chose this route (unfortunately). But this is something I've wanted to do for years and I told him that and he just can't understand it. </end rant>

 

[red_ryder]

Most of this boils down to you're a big girl now, and what your parents say are only suggestions. Good luck, these are exciting times for you!

 

[BusyBee604]

Go Girl!

Most of this boils down to you're a big boy now, and what your parents say are only suggestions. Good luck, these are exciting times for you!

Ummm, agree wit* your advice; but I t*ink it's "big girl now"! :icon_woma Attention to detail?

Green Lantern: Stick to your guns :icon_hamm ...It's YOUR decision!
BzB

 

[GreenLantern330]

Haha, yeah you're both right. Especially bzb, I'm a big girl and my decision is to keep with it. My dad is slowly understanding. It'll take time but it'll be worth it. I keep telling him this is what I want not what I think I need in order to thrive in the private sector later in life. He's slowly accepting it so that's good. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[ker986]

Hopefully he'll come around with time. It took my Dad about a month to fully get used to the idea. When I first mentioned that I had spoken to a Navy recruiter last summer he told me something along the lines of "you need mental help" and continued to go on about how he guess he never really knew me because he just couldn't see me in the military etc, etc. However, the more information I gave him (and the more he realized I was serious and it wasn't just a whim that would go away in a few weeks) he slowly came around to the idea. Now 8 months later as I wait for my final select letter he's 100% behind me and excited about the future opportunites I will have. I think the biggest thing for him was fear that I would do something rashly, be in training 2 weeks later, and then instantly regret it. I was eventually able to show how much thought and research I had put into my decision and it helped him come around. Best of luck to you!

 

[TheBirdy]

I was in a very similar position GreenLantern. My lengthy story is a couple posts before yours, but like I said before, do what makes YOU happy. Make the decision and stick with it. In the end you'll be able to tell yourself that you didn't have to look back and wonder if you did things differently. Good luck.

 

[GreenLantern330]

Raven and Ker, thanks both. I read your story, raven, when you first posted it and was happy how your story ended. I knew mine would end up being similar when I finally told them. I gave them a LOT of information on it and so far with all the questions they've been asking me, I've had answers, so they can tell I've put a lot of research and thought into this. My dad, just today alone, has gone back and fourth like 3 or 4 times saying he supports me and then "well you could do .... for .... instead!" Now he says he wants me to do ROTC while I get my masters degree, but I don't think I can do that seeing as the masters degree program I'm interested in is only 1 year long. I'm just going baby steps with him now and I think in time he'll be okay with it. He said he knew he'd see me working for the government but he never envisioned it being through the military, so he sort of expected it but not really at the same time. He also mentioned something about flying me out to Europe this summer to speak with his friend who is an Admiral to get his an interview for my application. That could be cool and all, but I was going to work on my application with my OR over summer to get it in for September. I think after spring break things will finally be a lot less intense with my family and they'll understand it better. Thanks for the support everyone!

 

[BusyBee604]

He also mentioned something about flying me out to Europe this summer to speak with his friend who is an Admiral to get his help with my application. That could be cool and all, but I was going to work on my application with my OR over summer to get it in for September.

GL, all due respect, maybe "cool" but... it *as been known to do more damage t*an good in 'some' cases, Be wary. Just my $00.02 wort*! :idea_125: PM me if question/s.
BzB

 

[GreenLantern330]

GL, all due respect, maybe "cool" but... it *as been known to do more damage t*an good in 'some' cases, Be wary. Just my $00.02 wort*! :idea_125: PM me if question/s.
BzB

Oh yeah, I've read on the boards about family friends "helping." I just didn't wanna tell my dad "thanks but no thanks" since he was already not too pleased with the idea of the Navy. I thought I'd let him accept it first, then if he still wanted me to get help from his friend, I'd explain to him that I'm better off getting in on my own merit without his help, even though I appreciate his offer. My dad has always tried to use his connections to help me get jobs/internships and it's never worked and I just don't want to take any chances with this. I understand he's trying to help, but I understand the possible cons of using an admiral that I have never met just because he is my dad's good friend.

 

[FlyingOnFumes]

From personal experience, Indian parents are the most PSYCHOTIC when it comes, forget allowing, NOT INTEFERRING & OBSTRUCTING their kids desire to fly in the military. They will go to NEARLY any extent to try to prevent that.

This was my experience. Had the cops called on me, not once, but TWICE, under frivolous allegations in order to intimidate & scare me into giving up my desire to fly in the military. Dad attempted to contact the CO of my ROTC unit to attempt to badmouth me & ruin reputation there (people clearly saw through that). When all else failed, intentionally tried to ruin my credit, knowing that credit rating is looked at for a security clearance.

I hate to say this about the culture, but there is a certain amount of evil in it: Do as I say, or I will go to any lengths to destroy you. It was through only sheer will power, I payed for my own civilian flight training & PRK by taking out personal loans.

For all intents & purposes, I've been disowned by most of the family, cut out from wills, etc... But honestly, I don't give a damn. I'm American & prepared to give my life in defense of my country & not throw away the opportunity to have the coolest job in the world.

For normal cultures, yes, being respectful of your parents is the way to be. But for this culture, the ONLY way to overcome is literally tell your parents to "F" off & threaten to report them to TSA next time they are in India or whatever so that they can't come back home (or whatever) to put the fear of God into them so that they don't interfere. Only those who've lived in the culture understand the nature of the intrusion. This is the same culture that likes to bar their kids from dating & imposes arranged marriage along caste (let alone racial) lines. There is NO way they'll budge under civilized talk.

 

[HAL Pilot]

.... Indian parents are the most PSYCHOTIC ....

Would that be Cherokees? Apache? Seminoles? Having met quite a few while flying Grand Canyon and Monument Valley tours, I personally have found the Navajo to be very understanding. But then again, they did provide the code talkers during WWII.

 

[Gatordev]

Would that be Cherokees? Apache? Seminoles? Having met quite a few while flying Grand Canyon and Monument Valley tours, I personally have found the Navajo to be very understanding. But then again, they did provide the code talkers during WWII.

When I read it, I was thinking dot, not feathers.

 

[TheBirdy]

Would that be Cherokees? Apache? Seminoles? Having met quite a few while flying Grand Canyon and Monument Valley tours, I personally have found the Navajo to be very understanding. But then again, they did provide the code talkers during WWII.

Haha, damn Christopher Columbus.

When I read it, I was thinking dot, not feathers.

Dot indeed. We also worship, cows and elephants

From personal experience, Indian parents are the most PSYCHOTIC when it comes, forget allowing, NOT INTEFERRING & OBSTRUCTING their kids desire to fly in the military. They will go to NEARLY any extent to try to prevent that.

This was my experience. Had the cops called on me, not once, but TWICE, under frivolous allegations in order to intimidate & scare me into giving up my desire to fly in the military. Dad attempted to contact the CO of my ROTC unit to attempt to badmouth me & ruin reputation there (people clearly saw through that). When all else failed, intentionally tried to ruin my credit, knowing that credit rating is looked at for a security clearance.

I hate to say this about the culture, but there is a certain amount of evil in it: Do as I say, or I will go to any lengths to destroy you. It was through only sheer will power, I payed for my own civilian flight training & PRK by taking out personal loans.

For all intents & purposes, I've been disowned by most of the family, cut out from wills, etc... But honestly, I don't give a damn. I'm American & prepared to give my life in defense of my country & not throw away the opportunity to have the coolest job in the world.

For normal cultures, yes, being respectful of your parents is the way to be. But for this culture, the ONLY way to overcome is literally tell your parents to "F" off & threaten to report them to TSA next time they are in India or whatever so that they can't come back home (or whatever) to put the fear of God into them so that they don't interfere. Only those who've lived in the culture understand the nature of intrusion. This is the same culture that likes to bar their kids from dating & imposes arranged marriage along caste (let alone racial) lines. There is NO way they'll budge under civilized talk.

Ouch, and I thought I had it bad..good luck to you.

 

[BusyBee604]

Confused...

their kids desire to threaten to report them to TSA next time they are in India or whatever so that they can't come back home (or whatever) to put the fear of God into them so that they don't interfere.

Jeez guys, I believe it's about Asian country INDIA, not our native American Indians??? :idea_125:
BzB

 

[FlyingOnFumes]

Basically the point I was trying to make is, you have to prepare for the fact that they may (or will) NEVER come around & you'll have to ask yourself, what will you regret more: toeing the line of what mommy and daddy demand, usually for their own selfish motives of keep THEM (not YOU) within their comfort zone & good graces of their elitist social crowd, or doing what you know is the right thing to do because they're gonna end up being dead anyway at some point and it is YOU that will have to live with the regret of not having become your own person.

I know in my case, the motives of the parents were highly elitist. Unless you are an M.D. or Ph.D. in, preferably a medical field, you were considered an underachiever. The military, in their view, was for the losers of society who can't make it anywhere else. The typical liberal elitist Ivy league HORSE SHIT, but on a grander scale. I remember my dad at one point made the dumbass comment, "I don't understand & disagree with all the accolades given the military being in danger, etc..." "I'm in as much danger in a lab with the high-pressure pharmaceutical production equipment I work with and so is a surgeon who operates on a patient with a highly contagious disease such as HIV..."

My response was, the ONLY way a surgeon will ever be in anywhere remotely close the danger of our guys in combat is, while he's operating on the patient, he has to worry about the patient grabbing a scalpel, sitting up and stabbing him during the surgery!

With my little cousin, was quoting Rick Rossovich in the 25th anniversary of the movie TOPGUN of how rock star have bigger egos than athletes who have big egos, but the only people with bigger egos than both are "fighter pilots" (and by extension, other military pilots etc.. as well): "They have the biggest egos on the planet." My aunt (his mom), who's an M.D., got EXTREMELY ANGRY at me that I said that. She took it SOO DAMN personally and said, "NO!!! NO ONE HAS A BIGGER EGO THAN A SURGEON!!! ONLY Surgeons can have (rate) etc.. a big ego..." To which I responded, the "Flight Quack" that opens his/her yapper in a squadron will probably get tossed in the swimming pool at the O'Club for opening it. She was FUMING RED mad, and stormed out.

She always wanted me to be a doctor and she even played the guilt card of how my grandfather who recently passed away wanted me to be a doctor.

My grandmother calls me from India and plays the typical guilt trip: "I want one of my grandchildren to be a Physician before I die. It is my dying wish." (I chuckled when one of the previous posters said the similar thing).

They will even forcibly take you back to India if you're under 18, & beat the shit out of you, if need be to impose their will. Same was tried with me but I fought back (department of childrens' services & ensuing "child abuse" case is what saved me from being dragged there), 3 of my cousins were forcibly taken there to prevent them from ever dating a "white" guy or gal and only allowed to leave back to the U.S. after being forced into arranged marriages.

When I first mentioned that I had spoken to a Navy recruiter last summer he told me something along the lines of "you need mental help"

BTW, with regards to "needing mental" help... that was tried too . 2nd time cops called, Parents demanded that i be "committed" under bull allegations, went to the emergency room for emergency psych eval who pretty much asked me "why are you here??!?!?" So they cleared me within about 15 minutes, took 2 hours to inprocess and outprocess, and got hit with a $1,000 emergency room bill. Basically legalized extortion. Either way, they win. I can only imagine what the security clearance interviewers would say about it...

The other thing they like to pull is, "Well, what if the U.S. and India get into a war with each other?!?!? What are you going to do?!?!?" At first, my reaction was, that is highly unlikely given the political systems being somewhat similar & India's traditional non-invasion, non-violence stance. But I finally got pissed off enough that I told them, "With all of what you and this culture has put me through. If we go to war with India, I'll be the FIRST to VOLUNTEER to BOMB that country into oblivion with thermonuclear weapons." The shock of that statement was enough to shut them up for a while...

This kind of gives you an inside look as to the mentality of said people. In my view, they are all scumbags, and should be all deported if they plan on coming here and having kids , but obstructing their futures that way.

If you want to be in the military. LET NO ONE stop you. Consider what they are doing as kind of low-level preview of how your will may be tested at the Academy, OCS, etc..