Marriage during the aviation pipeline

[Uncle Fester]

Former API instructor here. (And I agree, “NIFE” just sounds pretentious)

Student Control doesn’t set out to be assholes or ruin your Special Day. Well, okay, there are some pricks who just like saying ‘no’ because they can, but that’s showbiz. Mostly, though, it’s simply because at the initial stages of training there is a colossal number of cones who need to be expeditiously moved through the pipeline every week, and accommodating every special case causes ripple effects that usually mean changing (possibly fucking up) some other student’s day/week/plans. So those moves tend to be held in strategic reserve for studs with “wife/kid in the hospital” or “my mom just found out she has 24 hours to live” type deals, not for events which are, tbh, within your power to control and plan for.

At this stage in your career you’re an item on an assembly line; the people in charge of your day-to-day have a job to do and it’s not making sure your personal life goes according to your preferences…whether that’s right or fair, that’s how it works. It also won’t be the first nor last time in your career that your personal needs are “subordinate to the requirements of the Service,” in the words of Captain Jack Aubrey.

Myself, I got married while now-ex-Mrs Fester and I were FRS students, planned it for Labor Day weekend - long Fed holiday weekends aren’t a safe bet but they’re certainly a smarter bet - and put off the honeymoon until we were both between cruises.

 

[jollygreen07]

Getting married in flight school is dumb.

 

[VMO4]

There was a time, specifically certain NAVCAD and MARCAD timeframes when being or getting married was cause for getting tossed from the flight program, and in MARCAD days that meant finish your contract as an enlisted 0300. More than one stud showed up to winging with a pregnant "sister".

 

[nittany03]

There was a time, specifically certain NAVCAD and MARCAD timeframes when being or getting married was cause for getting tossed from the flight program, and in MARCAD days that meant finish your contract as an enlisted 0300. More than one stud showed up to winging with a pregnant "sister".

Luckily in modern times, we realize what a stupid and antiquated idea that is, and I say that as a bachelor.

 

[Fallonflyr]

Beeville TX court house Sept 1984, got married that morning then went out to bounce for T-2 FCLPs, then partied that night at the O Club. We are still married.?

 

[ChuckMK23]

I think a LOT has changed in the last 20-30 years and now being around AD folks on a daily basis, the military leadership culture is very supportive of what I call the "Whole Person". No one will stand in your way of course and with some tactical planning on your part and good comms with the people who are solving the Rubriks Cube of scheduling and planning your training - you will know when the timing is right - and you will see how your near peers ahead of you have managed similar life milestones. You will likely have a happy outcome.

 

[hlg6016]

Never seen any of these two examples happen in my career. Most Commands I’ve seen have been willing to work around major life events including weddings, hospitalizations, and child births. Typically good judgement applies (Taking discretionary leave in the middle of training exercise is probably a bad idea). Emergency leave has never been an issue. The rare exceptions have only been on deployments. Lots of service-members get married or take leave during holidays to string together 96s and 72s to maximize time off. I took a week off in my FRS syllabus for a family “crisis” and had zero repercussions (It didn’t trigger emergency leave or generate a Red Cross message).

If your command denies leave for one of these events then it better come straight from the CO’s mouth in a face to face. Otherwise request mast to the first 0-6 and have all your buddies sit down and write the paperwork with you. I’d recommend getting married before starting flight school or right after winging/before checking into the FRS. Purely for simplicities sake with all the variables in the pipeline. I’ve had leave denied exactly zero times in my entire career and never been told to modify based off some arbitrary time constraints. Communication and common sense will go a long way.

I had just PCS'ed into the unit and was out of leave time, Gunny said take the 96 or leave it. The unfortunate times I needed emergency leave I was taken care of.
FWIW that was 35 years ago, We're still together and have 2 successful offspring.

 

[SynixMan]

Never seen any of these two examples happen in my career. Most Commands I’ve seen have been willing to work around major life events including weddings, hospitalizations, and child births. Typically good judgement applies (Taking discretionary leave in the middle of training exercise is probably a bad idea). Emergency leave has never been an issue. The rare exceptions have only been on deployments. Lots of service-members get married or take leave during holidays to string together 96s and 72s to maximize time off. I took a week off in my FRS syllabus for a family “crisis” and had zero repercussions (It didn’t trigger emergency leave or generate a Red Cross message).

If your command denies leave for one of these events then it better come straight from the CO’s mouth in a face to face. Otherwise request mast to the first 0-6 and have all your buddies sit down and write the paperwork with you. I’d recommend getting married before starting flight school or right after winging/before checking into the FRS. Purely for simplicities sake with all the variables in the pipeline. I’ve had leave denied exactly zero times in my entire career and never been told to modify based off some arbitrary time constraints. Communication and common sense will go a long way.

My 10 day leave for getting married during HT Advanced was denied by student control, was told to do it over a long weekend AND those fuckers gave me a sim Friday. So now Labor Day weekend doubles as my anniversary.

 

[gparks1989]

Wait 'til after flight school. If you need it for paperwork/legal reasons, get a courthouse wedding in the meantime. Assuming you want to do it in uniform, looks better with shiny wings.

 

[Hotdogs]

My 10 day leave for getting married during HT Advanced was denied by student control, was told to do it over a long weekend AND those fuckers gave me a sim Friday. So now Labor Day weekend doubles as my anniversary.

I’m having a hard time feeling sorry for you. Who plans a wedding in the middle of VT/HTs? If it was me, I would’ve double pumped you through two Xs in the evening sims on Friday ?.

 

[taxi1]

My 10 day leave for getting married during HT Advanced was denied by student control, was told to do it over a long weekend AND those fuckers gave me a sim Friday. So now Labor Day weekend doubles as my anniversary.

Should have gave you a X-country to the wedding site.

 

[villanelle]

We got married on a long weekend so we'd have the Monday off. He was told no days off. He flew on Friday and I had a stand-in ready to go for the rehearsal, figuring we'd make a video and he'd know to stand where the fake groom stood. Thankfully, our wedding was only a 2 hour drive away. He made the rehearsal with minutes to spare. It was fine. I was deeply amused by the idea of standing at the altar with my friend's boyfriend while our friends and families looked on, even though it didn't come to that.

I feel like this is, in a way, a good test for your potential bride. Does she roll with the punches? Is she okay with the idea that her honeymoon may not be scheduled at all, or not for years (and may then be canceled due to Whatever)? Does she mostly just want to be married and maybe celebrate with some friends, or does the idea of not getting a perfect wedding--whatever that means to her--and a perfect week following up to that wedding and a perfect week-after-the-wedding devastate her? Cause if she can't handle the military interfering in the wedding, well... that's not an auspicious start.

Choose a location close to wherever you'll be stationed at the time, be ready for plans to change, and congratulations.

 

[jointhelocalizer]

Should have gave you a X-country to the wedding site.

Nothing says romance like taking pictures next to an orange and white aircraft!

 

[SynixMan]

I’m having a hard time feeling sorry for you. Who plans a wedding in the middle of VT/HTs? If it was me, I would’ve double pumped you through two Xs in the evening sims on Friday ?.

Eh, it’s funny now in retrospect. We did the Escambia courthouse wedding like many an SNA and did the ceremony a year later when I was in the fleet. Obviously as a twenty something I didn’t understand why the world didn’t revolve around me.

 

[MIDNJAC]

Does she roll with the punches? Is she okay with the idea that her honeymoon may not be scheduled at all, or not for years (and may then be canceled due to Whatever)?

14 years later, we still haven't had our "honeymoon"

Just saying.....