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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

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parin365

SWO Applicant
Just like above, if anyone has any feedback for mine, I'd appreciate it!

GPA: 2.843
OAR: 62
Degree/Major: Aerospace Engineering
Desired Position: SWO

Members of the Surface Warfare selection board,

It is with absolute conviction that I write my personal and motivational statement for selection for Officer Candidate School.

On April 8, 2009, pirates off the coast of Somalia hijacked the American merchant vessel, Maersk Alabama, with Richard Phillips as its captain in charge. The pirates held Captain Phillips as a hostage for four days until the United States Navy de-escalated the situation by executing three of the four pirates onboard the lifeboat Captain Phillips was being held captive. This hostage rescue proved one of the most well-planned and ingenious operations the military branch had performed. In popular culture, the 2013 film: “Captain Phillips” tends to portray the SEALs who directly killed the hijackers as the only heroes, but Captain (O-6) Francis Xavier Castellano had an equally and more vital role at the scene of the conflict. After being notified by Admiral Michelle Howard of the situation, Castellano only had about 36 hours to intercept the lifeboat and rescue Captain Phillips. Coordinating with other units, ensuring the safety of his sailors, and presenting exemplary leadership & conduct, Castellano’s strategic thinking and deployment of useful resources placed him as one of the most distinguished Surface Warfare Officers. His heroic actions & mindfulness during the rescue have inspired me to also take on quite possibly one of the most stressful jobs in the Navy.

The decision to pursue a career as a Surface Warfare Officer is driven by my deep desire to serve and protect our great nation. My experiences in both academia and the professional world have given me a deep respect for the Navy’s mission and values. The dynamic and challenging environment of Surface Warfare, combined with the chance to lead and mentor sailors, fits perfectly with my aspirations. I am inspired by the dedication and professionalism of SWOs, and I am eager to be part of this respected community. I also understand that being a SWO means facing stressful situations and making tough decisions under pressure. I welcome these challenges because they push me to be my best. I've always found that I thrive in high-pressure environments, where staying calm and focused is crucial. These situations bring out the best in my problem-solving skills and leadership abilities, and I believe they will help me grow both personally and professionally.

In recent years, the Surface Warfare community has been plagued by people claiming it to be the “lowest hanging fruit” for an officer, but that statement stands to be severely corrected. Those who bash against the Surface Warfare community are not aware of the true tactics that it takes to succeed in the job and perform recognizable actions. This position is indeed not for everyone, however, I believe I am well-qualified to obtain this position. I am even fortunate to have met many great men & women along the way who have also undergone stressful work environments. But the bond and camaraderie we have established in a short time proves I have what it takes to place myself in the environment next to the sailors and understand the desires they have for a leader.

Thank you very much for your careful consideration.
 
FormerRecruitingGuru

FormerRecruitingGuru

Making Recruiting Great Again
parin365 said:
My Statement
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Delete your first and last big paragraphs. Expand on the second/middle paragraph.

The first paragraph is essentially a "book/movie report" on Captain Phillips.

The last paragraph is essentially acknowledging that the SWO community is "low hanging fruit" in terms of career path. Even if you don't think that, by tying it to "lowest hanging fruit" you're almost implying that you only want to be a SWO because that's what you only qualify for. Imagine walking into a job interview and saying, "I hear the perception/image of this company is complete sh*t, but here I am...". Do you think you are going to get the job even if you're the most qualified?

The motivational statement should explain why YOU want to serve and what YOU bring to the table. "Here's why I want to be a SWO..." and then go into the following:
1. Specific accomplishments, challenges, etc. that were not previously mentioned in the APSR.
2. What you will bring to the SWO community and to the Navy as an officer.

Stop bringing in external things, movies/quotes, perceptions about the SWO community, etc into your essay. Have it focus on YOU.

Also, Google + internet search some sample motivational statements, there's a ton you can find out there as well as here. You should be able to pick up on the common themes and just tailor it to that.
 
P

parin365

SWO Applicant
Understood and thank you for your feedback. I have another statement prepared as well. See if this one is any better:

Members of the respective selection boards,

It is with absolute conviction that I write my personal and motivational statement for selection for Officer Candidate School.

“Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” The renowned adage from arguably one of the greatest men in U.S. history, President John F. Kennedy, is said to have inspired millions of Americans during unprecedented contentions. To this day, I believe that JFK’s legacy continues to inspire post-millennial Americans to give back to the community in some shape or form; I am no exception to this. As a young adult who has hailed multiple leadership experiences with varying skills & communities, had the chance to experience the ROTC program, and is currently discovering the ins & outs of taking on engineering research, I learned early on that all these undertakings were meant to put service before ourselves. Having been born in the United States, I now desire to take my life one step further by joining the Armed Forces, particularly as an officer in the United States Navy.

During my time at the university, I have been affiliated with countless service organizations, both military and/or civilian. A prime example is that I am proud to hold the lead service position within the Silver Wings Challenger Chapter, a joint civil-military organization that endorses knowledge, wisdom, and the courage to serve. As one of the officers, my goal was to make a lasting impression on the chapter’s reputation within the city of Daytona Beach, and this was executed with the spirit of discipline. Since the time of my initiation into the Chapter, I conducted over 10 events that provided the underprivileged few, displaced veterans, and active duty personnel & their families, with 500+ care packages, live entertainment, and prayer gatherings, to give them hope for the future of our nation. The chapter even publicly recognized me via social media as an illustrative example of an effective leader, who multitasks both the demand & brutality of academic rigor in aerospace engineering and the dedication & sacrifice of my leisure time. Thanks to the team in the chapter and our common goal, my longing to once again bounce back from early setbacks to courageously see a different, yet competitive, path for a commission has been restored. My university is also famed for its groundbreaking research in innovations. I am proud to have completed two major collaborative research projects in different fields of engineering, one of which dealt with incorporating electrical, software, and aerospace knowledge to simulate the lighting sequence of the Boeing 787 Dreamliner. It is worth mentioning that the execution phase happened during the final weeks of the semester with a heavy time crunch on assignments & exams. I was fortunate to emerge as a leader when I successfully dichotomized the project into milestones and tasks to be taken on by members with various skills.

The camaraderie of the Navy looks to be one of the best ones ever seen. Being an officer in the branch will allow me to yet again shine as a leader and put service before myself. I am fortunate to have grown up in a family in a nation where anything is possible, as long as one is willing to do whatever it takes to make his/her goal a reality. I am very much seeking this opportunity and will not disappoint the citizens of the United States and the world. If selected to be an officer in the SWO community, I plan on bringing the utmost and upstanding selfless attitude to the wardroom.

Thank you very much for your careful consideration.
 
FormerRecruitingGuru

FormerRecruitingGuru

Making Recruiting Great Again
parin365 said:
Essay V2
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My suggested edits below, either remove mentioning ROTC in the first paragraph or add what exactly you did there in a separate paragraph:

President John F. Kennedy's infamous quote, "Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country," resonates deeply with me and has shaped my motivation and desire to serve others. With leadership experience, participation in the Reserve Officer Training Corps program at my university, and an academic foundation in engineering, I am determined and excited to serve as a Surface Warfare Officer (SWO), leading Sailors and protect our most vital assets at sea.

Throughout college, I have cultivated leadership skills through service and collaboration. As an officer and leadership role in the Silver Wings Challenger Chapter, I led efforts to organize over ten impactful events, supporting displaced veterans, active duty service members, and underprivileged communities. These initiatives distributed 500+ care packages, organized live entertainment, and brought people together in moments of hope. This experience reaffirmed my passion for leadership and service, demonstrating my ability to balance demanding academic rigor in aerospace engineering with meaningful contributions to my community.

Additionally, my involvement in engineering research projects has honed my ability to lead teams under pressure. One such project involved simulating the Boeing 787 Dreamliner's lighting sequence; this collaboration required me to divide complex tasks among team members with diverse skills and deliver results under tight deadlines. These experiences have prepared me to thrive in high-stakes environments, take initiative, and lead with a clear purpose.

The Navy's camaraderie and dedication to service align with my values, and I am eager to join the SWO community. If given the opportunity, I will bring unwavering commitment, selflessness, and determination to the wardroom, dedicating myself to the mission, the Sailors I lead, and the nation I serve. Thank you for considering my application.
 
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number9

Well-Known Member
Contributor
It's just me, but if I was going to use a quote from JFK in my application to the Navy then I would use a quote he made about the Navy. To wit:

JFK said:
"I can imagine a no more rewarding career. And any man who may be asked in this century what he did to make his life worth while, I think can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction: 'I served in the United States Navy.'" --"Remarks at the U.S. Naval Academy (321)," August 1, 1963, Public Papers of the Presidents, John F. Kennedy, 1963.
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Source.
 
FormerRecruitingGuru

FormerRecruitingGuru

Making Recruiting Great Again
number9 said:
It's just me, but if I was going to use a quote from JFK in my application to the Navy then I would use a quote he made about the Navy. To wit:

Source.
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I would counter that that JFK quote is fairly lengthy and similar to an essay, don't want to "overquote" or quote something lengthy. Otherwise, agreed it could also work.
 
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nchoi10

New Member
Read through a lot of statements in this thread for inspiration, and wanted to post mine as well. Feedback is welcome.

From a very young age, there is one quote my father told me that still sits in my mind daily, “If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.” With those words in the back of my mind, I have always strived for excellence while performing any duty to the best of my ability. A leader is nothing without followers, and it is only through integrity that faith and trust can be generated from his followers. The US Navy has eleven leadership principles that US naval personnel must learn, understand, and display. As a civilian and naval officer candidate, they all have been applicable and resonating throughout my life. The three most important to me are setting an example, knowing your people and looking out for their welfare, and seeking responsibilities and taking responsibility.

As a leader, it is important to have high personal standards in every task performed so that those same standards can be applied to the team. For example, in my high school marching band, there was a captain and officers in every instrument section. I played tuba and our section only had six members, but that did not take away from the importance of setting an example as a tuba captain and an officer of the entire band. My band director stressed that our style of band was more military-like and that even as an individual member of the band, you represent the whole and should act with respect, honor, and pride. Any place we occupy should be left in a better state than it originally was such as picking up litter or neatly folding back chairs. Besides upholding these principles, I also honed my skills as a tuba player, worked on my marching form, and always maintained composure and optimism for my section. In doing so, I was able to individually develop my section’s skills and earn their respect.

Knowing your people and looking out for their welfare is one of the most important principles of a leader. Every person is different, has different personalities and skills, and will respond to different types of communication. When the leader and team both understand each other, it results in more initiative and a stronger dynamic between the two. Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the team is imperative for assigning them to roles they can contribute to best. For example, there is a fellow barista at my job at Starbucks who is not very fast at making drinks and can easily be overwhelmed, but they are extremely good at making personable interactions with customers. To highlight their strengths, I tasked them to take orders at the register during the rush, while I handled the drink orders. This deviation of duty created a more efficient work environment with higher team morale, which ultimately improved our ability to produce results. Over the past couple of months, it’s been exciting to get to know the new members of the team and set them up for success. I look forward to creating a closely knit team by getting to know them and being involved in improving their welfare.

Seeking responsibilities and taking responsibility are crucial qualities for a good leader to exhibit daily. To quote Albert Einstein, “When you stop learning you start dying.” The best way to grow is to continue challenging yourself and being comfortable with discomfort because the magic one is looking for is in the hard work one is avoiding. When I was a business associate, I was assigned several new projects and tasks beyond the scope of my role. After almost a year of continuing to take on new responsibilities, I felt close to being overloaded. I was closing the financial books of our business monthly, managing all our outstanding third-party contracts, and keeping track of and measuring metrics daily on how to increase profitability for the business to name a few. In the end, I realized that all the responsibilities I had taken over throughout the year were originally from my senior and that I had grown significantly as a member of the team. To strengthen my growth as an individual, I am in the process of training for a marathon, and I look forward to attending graduate school to develop my professional skills. As difficult as it might have been, I am grateful for the experience and skills I developed, and now feel confident that I can continue to grow and challenge myself as a naval officer.

Out of the several qualities that are required to make a successful leader, I believe my various experiences in marching band, food service, and business administration can be applicable and valuable to upholding the US Navy’s leadership principles by setting an example, knowing my people and looking out for their welfare, and seeking responsibilities and taking responsibility. I aspire to serve my country and embody the core values of honor, courage, and commitment as a US Navy officer. By leading with integrity, fostering teamwork, and continuously striving for excellence, I am committed to upholding the traditions and mission of the Navy while making a meaningful impact on those I serve alongside.
 
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nchoi10

New Member
exNavyOffRec said:
Many of those rarely pick anyone who doesn't put them number 1 or 2, that would be the ones you put 3-5. If you really want SpecWar you need to put in first, that process is not a short one.
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Yeah that makes full sense. My recruiter just had me pick an order for all the designators I qualify for. But I found out my recruiter mixed up the dates and the NFO board had closed, so I'll be waiting until either Pilot or NFO open up again to apply.
 
FormerRecruitingGuru

FormerRecruitingGuru

Making Recruiting Great Again
nchoi10 said:
Yeah that makes full sense. My recruiter just had me pick an order for all the designators I qualify for. But I found out my recruiter mixed up the dates and the NFO board had closed, so I'll be waiting until either Pilot or NFO open up again to apply.
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I would ensure you are 100% onboard with all of your preferences and not just casting a wide net hoping to land something.

If you only want to be pilot (for example), have that be your first and only choice.
 
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