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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
WishICouldFly
UO Future Pork Chop
But it can really make a difference when you show the board that you know the difference between the two. They might not care about your grammar skills, but they could interpret it as 'he pays attention to detail' and is careful not to make mistakes.
"I'm willing to play hurt and I like to blow things up. I like faster horses, older whiskey and younger women. I have a clean record when it comes to driving high performance cars in crappy conditions with little sleep. I know how to stick to my story when I screw the pooch. I don't screw over my buddy and will diligently resist screwing my buddy's wife. I think Ronald Reagan rocked and I can watch Animal House and Caddyshack repeatedly without getting bored. This is why I want to be a U.S. Naval Officer."
Send that in; I'll vote for you.
Send that in; I'll vote for you.
JMMH
Ugh.
First, I'd like to admit that maybe I don't have any room to comment based on experience with these Statements.
However, I'm crazy about English and effectively getting a point across.
It's clear that you think, you feel, you view, etc. because you're the author. And I personally hate lots of "I" statements. But I am not- and will never be- on a selection board.
Instead of:
"The Navy interests me because I would not only have the opportunity to lead the best, but I would also have the chance to learn from and work with for the best our country has to offer."
Try: Not only does the Navy provide an opportunity to lead the best, but also a chance to learn and work with the best.
That cuts 37 words to 23 so you can add more if you think it's necessary.
Just a suggestion. If you found that helpful, feel free to pm me.
However, I'm crazy about English and effectively getting a point across.
It's clear that you think, you feel, you view, etc. because you're the author. And I personally hate lots of "I" statements. But I am not- and will never be- on a selection board.
Instead of:
"The Navy interests me because I would not only have the opportunity to lead the best, but I would also have the chance to learn from and work with for the best our country has to offer."
Try: Not only does the Navy provide an opportunity to lead the best, but also a chance to learn and work with the best.
That cuts 37 words to 23 so you can add more if you think it's necessary.
Just a suggestion. If you found that helpful, feel free to pm me.
Motivational Statement
I'll try to be specific because I know there are lots of threads out there about this. I've read a lot of them, but my statement is coming differently from the ones I've seen on here.
In my motivational statement as it stands now, I list off some of the ways I've shown leadership. These include high school newspaper, college service tutoring, and my Eagle project.
My concern is that the guys on a Navy aviation board might not give a rat's ass about that kind of stuff, since it really doesn't hold a candle to the kind of leadership I imagine Navy officers deal with regularly.
Basically, should I leave in those 3-4 sentences, or is it better to leave details like that out? My concern is that they'll read that and think, "so what? That's not the same as military leadership."
I'll try to be specific because I know there are lots of threads out there about this. I've read a lot of them, but my statement is coming differently from the ones I've seen on here.
In my motivational statement as it stands now, I list off some of the ways I've shown leadership. These include high school newspaper, college service tutoring, and my Eagle project.
My concern is that the guys on a Navy aviation board might not give a rat's ass about that kind of stuff, since it really doesn't hold a candle to the kind of leadership I imagine Navy officers deal with regularly.
Basically, should I leave in those 3-4 sentences, or is it better to leave details like that out? My concern is that they'll read that and think, "so what? That's not the same as military leadership."
It's been awhilie since I did that, but I'd say leave it in. It shows motivation. Period. Personal opinions from boards aside, they/we try to be objective and rate you against a perceived expectation and then against your competition. You don't want to be the guy with less than the other because you thought your stuff was "gay".
Let the board members decide if it's fluff or meaningful. Of course, exercise judgement and keep out the blatantly fluffy resume filling bullets. That is; Eagle Scout=Good, Worlds of Warcraft Button Making Committee Chairman=Worse than bad.
BTW, the Eagle Project is the best thing you could do. People notice.
Mb1k
Tiger Cub Den Leader
Let the board members decide if it's fluff or meaningful. Of course, exercise judgement and keep out the blatantly fluffy resume filling bullets. That is; Eagle Scout=Good, Worlds of Warcraft Button Making Committee Chairman=Worse than bad.
BTW, the Eagle Project is the best thing you could do. People notice.
Mb1k
Tiger Cub Den Leader
This is just my humble opinion but - just be totally honest my friend. The Navy wants to know why you are pursuing a commission. So think hard, dig deep, and express your answer in a clear, thought-out manner. Keep that information in the essay if you feel it has shaped you as a character and a leader. The selection board gets tons and tons of applications from guys and girls who just try to tell them what they want to hear.
Answer honestly and clearly - this is what the Navy asks of you - not a description of your ninja leadership skills.
Answer honestly and clearly - this is what the Navy asks of you - not a description of your ninja leadership skills.
Jeep_Shark
New Member
hey, my personal opinion is that that eagle scout stuff and anything else you learn in boy scouts is the best foundation for leadership. Being an eagle scout is always good for demonstrating your potential to both lead and learn.
Spekkio
He bowls overhand.
When I interviewed a few weeks ago for nuke, one applicant put that he was the president of his fraternity on his application/transcripts. Well, when he got into the Admiral's office, the Admiral asked the applicant what leadership abilities he learned from holding this position. After every answer, the Admiral fired back something like "that's not leadership, that's administrative work. That's not leadership, that's..."
The applicant ultimately got in, but he told us he was definitely sweating it out.
So I would say to be very careful about what you think is leadership. Also, the board is probably going to see a lot of this stuff elsewhere on the application, so it's better to focus on what is your motivation for applying.
phrogpilot73
Well-Known Member
Exactly. They aren't expecting you to be a combat leader out of the gate - they're expecting you to want to lead...
tomcatfan
Final Select OCS 25 MARCH SNA
Motivational statment so far
So I wrote my statement and want to know what people think. any input is greatly appreciated
Becoming an officer in the Navy is something I have wanted to do my entire life. I have always had a desire, since an early age, to defend my country. I believe that as an officer I can exemplify the values of the United States and those of the Navy, such as Honor, Courage, and Commitment. I have a great respect for anyone who proudly served or serves their country and it would be an honor and a privilege to join these men and women as an officer. Being in the Navy is also a tradition in my family that would honorably continue with myself. My grandfather was a Lieutenant and served aboard the USS Ranger as a Naval Aviator flying S-2s. My uncle also served and still serves in the reserves, as a Petty Officer First Class, and served aboard the USS John C. Stennis. It would be great to follow in their foot steps and leave my own.
Some things I can offer the Navy are my leadership skills. In the jobs I have had, I excelled to a leadership position and got people to work together and efficiently, even under stressful conditions. I love working with people and working towards accomplishing the mission at hand. Because of this, bonds have been formed that further allows me to be a leader. I also have a morale code that I can bring to the Navy that hopefully I can instill in those under my command and allow them to one day be great leaders when it is their turn to be.
There are a lot of things the Navy can do for me. In the navy I hope to be a Naval Aviator. I love flying and I would love to join those great pilots to make me the best pilot that I can be. I also hope to become a better leader with the Navy. It is my hope that the Navy lets me serve as long as possible for there is no other place where I would love to be. It would be an Honor and a Privilege, to serve my country, as an Officer, in the United States Navy.
So I wrote my statement and want to know what people think. any input is greatly appreciated
Becoming an officer in the Navy is something I have wanted to do my entire life. I have always had a desire, since an early age, to defend my country. I believe that as an officer I can exemplify the values of the United States and those of the Navy, such as Honor, Courage, and Commitment. I have a great respect for anyone who proudly served or serves their country and it would be an honor and a privilege to join these men and women as an officer. Being in the Navy is also a tradition in my family that would honorably continue with myself. My grandfather was a Lieutenant and served aboard the USS Ranger as a Naval Aviator flying S-2s. My uncle also served and still serves in the reserves, as a Petty Officer First Class, and served aboard the USS John C. Stennis. It would be great to follow in their foot steps and leave my own.
Some things I can offer the Navy are my leadership skills. In the jobs I have had, I excelled to a leadership position and got people to work together and efficiently, even under stressful conditions. I love working with people and working towards accomplishing the mission at hand. Because of this, bonds have been formed that further allows me to be a leader. I also have a morale code that I can bring to the Navy that hopefully I can instill in those under my command and allow them to one day be great leaders when it is their turn to be.
There are a lot of things the Navy can do for me. In the navy I hope to be a Naval Aviator. I love flying and I would love to join those great pilots to make me the best pilot that I can be. I also hope to become a better leader with the Navy. It is my hope that the Navy lets me serve as long as possible for there is no other place where I would love to be. It would be an Honor and a Privilege, to serve my country, as an Officer, in the United States Navy.