Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

[Dangy]

Here was my motivational statement for my application. Too late to make any corrections, but as long as it helps someone. Also, that box on the APSR looks small, but man does it take a lot of paragraphs to fill.

____________


Being a first generation child of my family born in United States, I cannot express enough gratitude for what freedom and opportunities this great nation has provided us. If it wasn’t for the right to the pursuit of happiness, my parents will be no better off here than in Southern Vietnam under extreme communist control. To stand idly by and vocalize my gratefulness is not an effective way to preserve such privileges. I want to help defend it, as did many servicemen of past and present, so the opportunities that were available to my family will still be available to other Americans, for as long as our flag flown high. I know with my character and skills, I can contribute as a leader in the United States Navy to preserve freedom.

To obtain the opportunity to earn a commission in the United States Navy will be the ultimate culmination of my life's experience.

In high school I actively participated in my Air Force JROTC program, which had a tremendous impact on my maturity and cemented the idea of service before self. As a freshman, I found it difficult to lead my fellow cadets if I had continued to keep my hands in my pockets. I was fortunate enough to quickly realize my errors and learned that taking initiative plays a key role to success of leadership. This epiphany recalibrates my mode of operation and increased my sense of awareness to look for every opportunity where I am able to excel myself to a greater standard. By the end of my senior year, I accomplished a lot of successes. I became the most decorated cadet in my unit, with awards such as: the Air Force Association award, the Distinguished Cadet badge, Outstanding Cadet, and the first recipient Cadet of the Month award for my unit. I earned the position of Group Commander of my unit and achieve the rank of cadet Colonel. It wasn’t initiative alone that earned me these accolades, but my perseverance, which was greatly strengthened by this experience.

Following high school, I was torn between serving my country and the opportunity to explore other interests. I knew I wanted to be a part of military aviator, ever since I laid eyes on a poster that was given to my dad, of a pilot wearing a sophisticated helmet sitting in a U.S. Army Apache helicopter, loaded with the finest of hellfire missiles. In order to become a specialized role involving a sophisticated military machine, I must have a college degree. So I lead my life like a threat through a mountain of needles that allowed me to satisfy all of my aspirations.

At Florida State University, my personality and leadership abilities matured. I rushed and was inducted into the Gamma Eta chapter of Phi Sigma Pi National Co-Ed Honors Fraternity. That same semester of my induction, I was elected as the Recruitment Chair and became the first newly inducted brother (NIB) in a few years to hold a leadership position. The following semester, the Initiate Advisor and I worked closely together to attract the large class of initiates. We were successful of achieving the numbers, but more importantly, the quality of our class recruits exceed any standards of the past, where they had the highest retention rate out of all the classes of the past couple of years. The Regional Consultant commended my accomplishments. My success reminded our chapter that NIBs could be just effective as seasoned brothers. With every opportunity that I am not working part-time at Office Depot, I actively participated in community service projects, and exceeded participation requirements for my fraternity. My dedication convinced my brothers to elect me as their Alumni Advisor after I graduated with my Bachelor’s in Economics. Once a month, I would visit my fraternity and would always stress them the importance of proper leadership, because it's easy to tell a team what to do, but it takes true leadership to accomplish a goal with someone’s deficits. During my senior year, I founded and assembled an intramural co-rec team, Zeros to Heroes, and the name fits rightfully so. I am extremely proud of this team because although we lost almost every single game and we never quit or slowed down. Perseverance once again shine brightly and, to this day, our team remains active in the program with its founding players going into their fifth intramural season.

My sense of initiative, combined with my matured leadership experiences, allowed me to excel at the World Trade Center Orlando internship program. On the first day, I wanted to make an impact, so I began to look for issues that troubled the operations of this organization, most of which was technological errors. Within the first month, I successfully rerouted our phone lines, re-optimized every computer in office to be at its peak performance, created a central server to increase document accessibility, and established an automated backup system for our files. For the duration of the Spring program, I spearheaded and worked closely with a fellow interns to develop a human resources department that have yet to exist. This gave my team and I, the opportunity to conduct interviews and critique internship applicants on a professional scale. Near the end of my Spring semester, I volunteered my summer in order to managed 10 new interns. I wasn't given any direct responsibilities; instead I created and imposed goals for myself. I handled IT issues and managed crisis situations, but my priority was to mentor them how to think critically, whether it how to began a project or solving roadblocks.

The Navy will provide me the direct ability to contribute in the preservation of this nation’s freedoms. It is with certainty that this service will challenge my confidence in my leadership abilities and character, but I know I will still be able to motivate those serving under me to become better leaders and to never give up in face of defeat. I hope that you find my experiences and leadership qualities make me an excellent candidate to be given the opportunity to earn a commission and take on responsibilities to be a United States Naval Officer.
______

 

[Dangy]

I realized that my statement had a crap ton of spelling errors and grammar mistakes. I believe my OR corrected them.

 

[Areum]

I'm posting my motivational statement for anyone who wants to read it. I was Pro Rec'd Y for SNA/NFO off of the December 2013 board and am currently awaiting my final select.

"I have a very simple goal in mind in joining the Navy: I want to make sure that those who seek help receive it. It could be an ally of the United States, like South Korea, who needs the might of the United States military to ensure that North Korea doesn’t do any harm to its people or its sovereignty. It could be a group of emerging revolutionaries, fighting against tyranny to establish democracy in their countries. It could even be a disaster stricken people, like the victims of the Tohoku Earthquake, desperately in need of manpower and supplies to alleviate their suffering. For me, joining the Navy means being a part of the force that helps all these people. My decision to become a naval officer stems from my belief that the United States has a responsibility to lend its strength to those who need it. I ultimately believe that my life experiences and skills coupled with this desire to help others will make me a successful officer in the U.S. Navy.

I feel a very deep connection with this country and the institutions that represent her. My family immigrated to America in the 80’s having escaped the Vietnam prior to the Fall of Saigon. My parents spent several years as refugees in Europe before finally getting enough resources to come to America. To them, the United States represented a second chance: a place where freedom and opportunity were guarantees, not luxuries; a place where they could start a family without the violence and oppression from the Communist North.

When I was born in California, I was a child of a new generation. In me, my parents instilled their hopes and dreams. They made sure that growing up, I didn’t have to worry about where my next meal was going to come from, or whether or not soldiers were going to come kicking down my front door. I was one of the lucky ones: born into a country of peace and limitless opportunity that America. Yet despite all of this, they made sure to remind me never to take my freedom for granted. Through their stories and experiences, I was constantly reminded of how fortunate I was to be able to take things like freedom for granted, and to this day, I never have. I swore to myself that if I could do anything in this world when I grew up, I would do my best to make sure that others knew the freedom that I myself had come to cherish so dearly.

Another important life experience that influenced my decision to join the Navy was my study abroad experience during college. In the fall of the year 2011, I studied abroad in Yokohama, Japan at Meiji Gakuin University. As a student studying in Yokohama, I was there a couple months after the Fukushima incident, a time when Japanese morale was at an all time low. American aid through Operation Tomodachi played a huge part in making sure that Japan stabilized and that humanitarian aid came to the dire Fukushima region. In interacting with Japanese students, I was extremely moved at the out pouring support and praise that the Japanese gave both American sailors and Americans in general as a result of their roles in the operation. Talking to these fellow students made me realize that despite political tensions between the Japanese government and American military forces, in a time of crisis, both sides immediately put aside their differences and focused on helping the people as quickly as possible. I saw that the Navy was just as much a humanitarian force as it was a military force. The students that I talked to just were just happy to see that they had someone on their side: a team of men and woman who sympathized and wanted to ease the suffering of people who were just like them. With this experience in mind, my desire to join the Navy and become a part of its humanitarian mission greatly strengthened.

In terms of professional skills, I believe that my strong academic pedigree as well as ample leadership experience will be a great asset to the Navy. In school, I applied myself to my studies and was able to achieve a 3.72 GPA in Political Science – Public Law, graduating Cum Laude at the University of California, San Diego. In addition to this, I can speak two foreign languages: Vietnamese (fluent) and Japanese (conversational). For my achievements during my study abroad in Japan, I was awarded a scholarship by the American Association of Teachers of Japanese. Finally, for my excellent grades and breadth of study during college, I was awarded membership into the nation’s oldest and most prestigious honor society, Phi Beta Kappa.

In terms of leadership, my college life and work life have all put in me in positions where I could demonstrate my capabilities as a leader. In college I was an officer in my university’s Japanese animation club. As a publicity officer, my responsibilities included organizing screening nights for over 50 people. I organized group outings to conventions as well as in-house events like game nights and luncheons. These events were well received, and within 2 years, I grew our membership from about 136 members to about 300 members. The leadership position I took allowed me to hone my public speaking skills as well as my ability to mobilize people and resources.

In my work life, my leadership experience involves being active in my city’s political scene. In 2013, I was an intern for California Assembly Speaker Pro Tempore Nora Campos. My responsibilities in this role included engaging with San Jose’s voter constituents through phone, email, or face-to-face conversations, as well as helping the office run smoothly by organizing mail, writing memo’s for the assembly member, and accompanying her to publicity events. I found this experience to be very fulfilling as it allowed me to demonstrate my writing and organization skills through office work, as well as my ability to listen and help others through the field work. In the field, I engaged constituents in small, town hall style meetings where I led discussions on how California bills would affect their lives. During these talks, I was happy to hear constituent feedback on upcoming bills, moderating discussion between different interest groups and helping people understand how these bills would affect their lives if signed into law. This experience gave me even more tools essential to becoming a successful leader. I gained the ability to listen carefully and respond accordingly to both praise and criticism. By meeting deadlines, I gained the ability to work well under pressure. And finally, by being given responsibility over my constituents, I gained the self confidence and clear-headedness to make decisions and stand by them.

I believe that the culmination of all my life experiences so far have brought me to this point. Through my parents and the values they instilled in me, I see the Navy as a way for me to help those who are without the freedom that I love and want to defend. Through my study abroad experience in Japan, I see the Navy as a way for me to directly help others who are suffering from disaster. Through my studies, I see the Navy as a way for me to use my intellect to solve real problems in the real the world. Finally, through my leadership experiences, I see the Navy as an opportunity for me to lead and inspire others in order to work towards a peaceful, secure world. Being a naval officer is what I want to do. Nothing would make me happier than to put my skills to the test and serve this great nation as a United States Naval Officer. "

 

[DC_Bee]

Sorry if this has been answered already, but in the early days of this thread the motivation statement was limited to 500 words. Now we can fit on our application nearly 1,000. Should I take up all that space, giving as many examples as I can, or try to limit it to 5-700 words? Thanks!

 

[Areum]

Sorry if this has been answered already, but in the early days of this thread the motivation statement was limited to 500 words. Now we can fit on our application nearly 1,000. Should I take up all that space, giving as many examples as I can, or try to limit it to 5-700 words? Thanks!

Your number 1 priority should be making sure it fits in the space you're allotted. otherwise, it can be as long or as short as you want it to be. if you feel you have some life experiences that contributes to your decision to go NAVY, by all means put it in. Just make sure that the statement highlights leadership and other skills that would make YOU VALUABLE TO THE NAVY. You want to make them want to invest in you, so highlighting skills and achievements should be the main focus.

 

[Caronbot]

Hello,

Stats:

Navy IT2 (Just hit 2 years of service Feb 2014)
OAR 46 (score from 2008 no-prep)
Degree: English/History double major
GPA: 3.25

I recently applied for OCS in the IDC Designators (IP/IW/Intel, in that order). I was not selected, and I was not surprised by that.

There are numerous things about my package which I can improve such as my OAR score, take Masters classes, more leadership in the Navy, etc. Here, though, I would just like some tips on things about polishing up my Personal Statement. In a lot of the statements I've read, here, people have the space to go into detail about their sub-optimal GPA or whatever-the-hell-ever, but with a 250 word limit which I made sure I stuck to, I had to be as direct as possible:

"I enlisted in the Navy with the career goal of earning a commission as an Information Dominance Corps Officer. I chose this path confident that my experience as an enlisted Information Technician would color my perspective and decisions as an Officer in a rewarding way to those in my command and the Navy at large. I want to enable Sailors, as the backbone of the Navy, to realize their full potential. A commission is my singular opportunity to be proactive in shaping Navy policy, empowering Sailors for success and enhancing an elite community of redoubtable cyber professionals.

In my brief, but fulfilling, naval career I have aggressively set and achieved goals to exhibit sustained superior performance. I was nominated for every award in boot-camp and was the top of my class for "A" and "C" School. Two months after arriving at my first command, I earned my Enlisted Aviation Warfare Specialist pin, and was awarded Junior Sailor of the Quarter within four months.

Information Dominance is a diverse field of constant evolution, that, when coupled with the copious organizational requirements of an Officer, is very demanding. However, I am capable and eager of meeting and exceeding the challenges of an Officer, and able to help grow and maintain a stronger Information Dominance Corps. I am intelligent, charismatic, committed, and the cornerstone of my personal philosophy is that there is always room for self-improvement. This makes me an ideal candidate for a commission and a perfect fit for my chosen communities."

If there is anything in there that doesn't belong, or the board would just read it and shrug, let me know. My father/grandfather were in the service, and I consider it a privilege to be an officer, but I'm very against fluff or assuming that because I want the same thing other applicants do, or that I had family serve, that I am any more valid or even different as a candidate than others. I see that sort of filler as fluff that is irrelevant, but if I'm wrong, and it would help me, let me know.

 

[Que3n]

I applied and interviewed in Coronado for a SEAL OCS slot last year. Long story short I wasn't selected. I was told to alter my statement and address why I'm switching from SEAL to Pilot. I'm finding this extremely difficult to do as I don't want to come off the wrong way, as if Pilot is a fall-back plan or second choice. Please take off the gloves and see the below excerpt from my statement and let me know what your thoughts/feedback are. This is found near the end of my statement-

"I previously applied for the FY14 SEAL OCS board. Although ultimately not selected, I was honored to be considered amongst our Nations best and invited back for another attempt. I feel that earning the Wings of a Naval Aviator is equivalent to earning a SEAL trident. I do not take this decision lightly and I cannot fathom a greater opportunity to fulfill my potential than as an Officer in the United States Navy, furthermore to learn from and fly with the best Aviators in the world. I am confident I have the physical and mental skills necessary to be successful no matter the task."

Thanks for the help everybody
TJ

 

[FuturePilot25]

Hello there everyone, I would like to start by saying thank you for your time and I'm grateful for any help. After looking through several statements and seeing feedback given I have a rough draft I have been working. I've made it400 words for now as I am confused on finding a definitive answer for number of words it should/could/can be. I would appreciate an experts opinion on overall content.
Serving ones country is one of the highest honors a person can have. Few things are more rewarding than putting something greater before yourself. Few things are worse than the regret of not using ones full potential. Being prior enlisted and witnessing both military and civilian life, I can account to the Honor, Courage, and Commitment that sailors live by. Naval Officers come from the best and brightest. It takes a tremendous amount of character to rise to the call of duty and lead top notch sailors to become even greater in a fast paced and stressful environment. As an officer, one is not only leading sailors, but people. Work problems arise such as maintenance schedule time lines and other command commitments but there are also personal problems. Junior sailors will come with a wide range of questions from work to personal life.

In my five years active duty I was fortunate enough to observe and learn from some outstanding leaders, enlisted and officer. As an enlisted sailor I received hands on experience leading and training junior personnel. I excelled in my field with excellent evaluations and was recommended for STA-21. As a student, I developed a deeper level of critical thinking. Again I excelled in my field and am currently accepted to a Master of Science program. As both sailor and college graduate, I am able to lead from the front using my former experience, knowledge, and mistakes.

Naval aviation has the reputation of being the best for a reason. Only the best are admitted into the world of aviation. The top echelon of people combined with the best technology creates an aerial force second to none. With my high mental ability and physical standards, I would be utilizing my full potential while serving my country as a naval aviator. The path to becoming not only a naval officer, but a naval pilot, is long and arduous. It takes a great amounts of commitment to put your life second. Motivation is needed to push a person through the stressful demands of the job. And a burning desire is needed to know that this is what one truly wants. Being a naval pilot has always been a goal since the beginning and I can now say without doubt, through experience, that I have all of these and am ready to rise to the call of duty.

 

[Tycho_Brohe]

"I previously applied for the FY14 SEAL OCS board. Although ultimately not selected, I was honored to be considered amongst our Nations best and invited back for another attempt. I feel that earning the Wings of a Naval Aviator is equivalent to earning a SEAL trident. I do not take this decision lightly and I cannot fathom a greater opportunity to fulfill my potential than as an Officer in the United States Navy, furthermore to learn from and fly with the best Aviators in the world. I am confident I have the physical and mental skills necessary to be successful no matter the task."

I don't know that I'd say the trident and wings are equivalent per se, but I think I know what you're trying to get at. I think it should be phrased something more like "I'm reapplying because I would consider it a great honor to serve in any capacity the Navy sees fit, whether wearing the trident of a SEAL or the wings of a Naval Aviator."

 

[Que3n]

I don't know that I'd say the trident and wings are equivalent per se, but I think I know what you're trying to get at. I think it should be phrased something more like "I'm reapplying because I would consider it a great honor to serve in any capacity the Navy sees fit, whether wearing the trident of a SEAL or the wings of a Naval Aviator."

Thanks Tycho, I appreciate your feedback. I've actually taken out the designators all together and gone in a more general direction. Something like: "Though my previous attempt was unsuccessful, I have never waivered in my desire to serve as a Naval Officer."

 

[casey singleton]

Management Operations Major
GPA: 3.2
Interested in Naval Flight operations
Statement (Recommended at <400 words by recruiter)
Submitting essay and package on 2/28/14

I believe there comes a time in a man’s life where he is faced with an understanding that he will either lead or follow. In many times, it will be the latter, but the best will realize that the world is shaped and strengthened by individuals who realize that greatness only comes to those who fight for it. Understanding and believing are two very different principles. I, being a man born of the United States, have a duty to serve. I am humbled by those who have sacrificed before me and realize that it is my obligation to fulfill my responsibilities in reverence to my fellow citizens, as well as the flag.

Intellectual capital, or what you know is important, but social capital, the capacity to attract, support and lead others to get things accomplished will be one of my most attributable characteristics that will help me be successful as an officer candidate. For example, when I coached track and field athletes, I would never tell curious individuals their difficult workouts in advance with the intent that they would believe in me and trust that my way of doing things would help them see their goals come to fruition.

After diligently undertaking my studies at WSU, working a job and volunteering as a study abroad advisor, I now seek to further my ambitions in working as a Naval Officer. I don’t believe I am entitled to anything I have not earned, but I believe I deserve a shot at officer candidate school because my drive and persistence to accomplish goals is untouchable. I will be an asset to the Navy because I am committed to the bigger picture, of which, is made up of components of larger commodities that make things happen. Every week, I write out several academic and physical goals to be accomplished. Once a goal has been met I then raise the bar to better myself for the future.

The military is made up of many small parts all working together to accomplish a goal. The world waits for no one, the clock doesn’t stop ticking, but ambitious individuals continuously wake up and move because we seek to make things happen. It is my belief that those who understand these ideals and understand what it means to work your butt off will indeed see the results they desire.


- Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

 

[Fronch]

I believe there comes a time in a man’s life where he is faced with an understanding that he will either lead or follow. In many times, it will be the latter, but the best will realize that the world is shaped and strengthened by individuals who realize that greatness only comes to those who fight for it. Understanding and believing are two very different principles. I, being a man born of the United States, have a duty to serve. I am humbled by those who have sacrificed before me and realize that it is my obligation to fulfill my responsibilities in reverence to my fellow citizens, as well as the flag.

My reaction to this paragraph is that it is largely meaningless. If I'm reading your personal statement, I want it to be personal. Tell me about you and why you are the perfect candidate to be a Naval officer. Don't just give me platitudes about greatness and duty. If you want to include this section on your beliefs, maybe talk in detail about how you have developed these beliefs, and what experiences have shaped them.

Intellectual capital, or what you know is important, but social capital, the capacity to attract, support and lead others to get things accomplished will be one of my most attributable characteristics that will help me be successful as an officer candidate. For example, when I coached track and field athletes, I would never tell curious individuals their difficult workouts in advance with the intent that they would believe in me and trust that my way of doing things would help them see their goals come to fruition.

This "paragraph" only has two sentences, both of which are run-ons. You're at least starting to tell me about yourself here, but I'd like more details on how your coaching work has given you the skills necessary to lead.

After diligently undertaking my studies at WSU, working a job and volunteering as a study abroad advisor, I now seek to further my ambitions in working as a Naval Officer. I don’t believe I am entitled to anything I have not earned, but I believe I deserve a shot at officer candidate school because my drive and persistence to accomplish goals is untouchable. I will be an asset to the Navy because I am committed to the bigger picture, of which, is made up of components of larger commodities that make things happen. Every week, I write out several academic and physical goals to be accomplished. Once a goal has been met I then raise the bar to better myself for the future.

Talk more about your work experience. What skills did you develop? What abilities do you have that allowed you to excel? Saying "I deserve a shot" makes you sound desperate. The 3rd sentence doesn't really make sense. Talk more about what goals you have accomplished. Convince me that you have the ability to meet and exceed expectations.

The military is made up of many small parts all working together to accomplish a goal. The world waits for no one, the clock doesn’t stop ticking, but ambitious individuals continuously wake up and move because we seek to make things happen. It is my belief that those who understand these ideals and understand what it means to work your butt off will indeed see the results they desire.

Again, this reads like a bad self-help book. You're not really telling me about yourself.

Keep in mind, I'm no expert on military selection boards, but I have been involved in the hiring process at my job. When you read dozens (or hundreds) of cover letters and essays, you are looking for someone to stand out above the crowd. You are looking for someone who has something exceptional that makes them worth your time. I didn't really see any of that here.

Just my opinion... please take it constructively! Good luck!

 

[Mr Spenz]

Management Operations Major
GPA: 3.2
Interested in Naval Flight operations
Statement (Recommended at <400 words by recruiter)
Submitting essay and package on 2/28/14

I believe there comes a time in a man’s life where he is faced with an understanding that he will either lead or follow. In many times, it will be the latter, but the best will realize that the world is shaped and strengthened by individuals who realize that greatness only comes to those who fight for it. Understanding and believing are two very different principles. I, being a man born of the United States, have a duty to serve. I am humbled by those who have sacrificed before me and realize that it is my obligation to fulfill my responsibilities in reverence to my fellow citizens, as well as the flag.

Intellectual capital, or what you know is important, but social capital, the capacity to attract, support and lead others to get things accomplished will be one of my most attributable characteristics that will help me be successful as an officer candidate. For example, when I coached track and field athletes, I would never tell curious individuals their difficult workouts in advance with the intent that they would believe in me and trust that my way of doing things would help them see their goals come to fruition.

After diligently undertaking my studies at WSU, working a job and volunteering as a study abroad advisor, I now seek to further my ambitions in working as a Naval Officer. I don’t believe I am entitled to anything I have not earned, but I believe I deserve a shot at officer candidate school because my drive and persistence to accomplish goals is untouchable. I will be an asset to the Navy because I am committed to the bigger picture, of which, is made up of components of larger commodities that make things happen. Every week, I write out several academic and physical goals to be accomplished. Once a goal has been met I then raise the bar to better myself for the future.

The military is made up of many small parts all working together to accomplish a goal. The world waits for no one, the clock doesn’t stop ticking, but ambitious individuals continuously wake up and move because we seek to make things happen. It is my belief that those who understand these ideals and understand what it means to work your butt off will indeed see the results they desire.


- Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

Nice to have a fellow Wazzu apply. Good luck. As for less than 400 words there is no word limit on the application. I went way over 400 and was fine. But like others have said your essay shows you can write well but tells me nothing about you personally and your attributes that relate to being a Naval Officer. Who is your recruiter?

 

[FleetR]

Hello, I am new to the site. I am a CTT2 who enlisted in 06' as active, then after my 5 years separated to attend Wichita State. 2 years after separation I put my foot back in the door by joining the reserves with the concrete goal of earning a commission. My ultimate goal; being a pilot. In my statement I have tried to combine my experience, my motivation, and the strengths I can bring to the Officer community all in one. This is my Rough draft, please tear it apart and tell me how it really is. Thanks.

I separated from the Navy to pursue a degree in Chemistry, and find a nice civilian job. My mentor Chief Pike had different plans. He tried his best to bring me back, and I told him if I ever wore the uniform again it would be with a commission. When his messages stopped I figured he was on a mission with the SEALs and would reply soon. I was wrong. He was KIA doing what he loved, fighting for our Navy. Chief gave me the clairvoyance and motivation to come back with my degree.


At a young age, the Navy gave me an LPO spot and a division to run on the USS Lake Erie. This job revealed that leaders are made and tempered by experience and those they lead. It gave me an appreciation of my officer’s duties, my own duties, and the drive to help my sailors excel. As an instructor of the ship’s VBSS team, I taught the advantages and benefits of our diversities and how powerful a cohesive unit can be. Serving with men of different colors, creeds, and histories is a powerful tool often overlooked.


Through COMREL projects abroad I found the real value of volunteer work. The children of Pine Chi Hong Kong forever convinced me, I would be a volunteer to help those in need regardless of reward. A good evaluation is nice, but a selfless man is better. Later, my free time volunteered as an Iraqi Boy Scout Leader with weekly meetings between tribal Sheiks and Iraqi officers destroyed any bias I held. This gave me the humility so many of us lost during the war.
After my brothers didn’t return home with us, I cannot stand the guilt of missing Colors, Retreat, or any military honors. In these tragedies I learned the true meaning of Honor, Courage, and Commitment the hard way. Their absence beats in my chest everyday and motivates me beyond words. My intentions are to become a Naval Officer and to use my experience to make the Navy better than how I received it. I want to give everything I have to carry on where my brothers left off. To become a Naval Aviator would be the beginning of a long and honored career that wouldn’t be confined to a cockpit. I am capable of much more.

 

[mattl02428]

Here is mine, what do you think:
The motto for the US Navy, “A Global Force for Good,” is the exact reason why I’m seeking a commission. Earning a degree in Political Science from Georgia Southern University has given me the tools to recognize the structure of the world and to see what needs to be fixed. The only thing that I lack is the tools with which to fix everything and to be that force for good in the world. Earning a commission as an Officer in the United States Navy would be a catalyst for spreading the virtues of valor, honor, courage and justice throughout the world.
The Navy will allow me to build on and improve all of the skills I have acquired throughout my life. Through all of my experiences, I have learned what it truly means to be a leader. As a leader, whether as a captain on my high school’s football team, or a leadership consultant at Georgia Southern University, I learned how to gain the trust of those that I lead, because I believe this is essential for effective leadership. My experiences taught me to adapt to changing situations, and never give up even when things are at their most difficult. Sports allowed me to gain valuable experience with working as a team, with each player holding a key role in the team’s success. I also speak German, as well as basic Japanese and Spanish, which allows me to communicate with various groups of people to create the best outcome.
Leadership is not the only skill I have acquired. In my time as a Master Mason, I have learned the meaning of charity, honor and loyalty, all traits of a good man. The Navy would let me utilize these traits in a way I could not do anywhere else, while at the same time serving the country that I hold so dear. Along with my experience with Freemasonry, I have always been instilled with an excellent work ethic. Every summer since I was sixteen, I have worked landscaping and maintenance jobs. I did these not because they were glamorous or well paying, but because I have always believed in the importance of hard work. I bring my work ethic and drive to every task I encounter, and firmly believe in always doing the best job I can do, no matter what the task.
As Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing,” and the Navy will allow me to do all I can to make the world a better place. Once commissioned, I will give my all to the Navy with everything I do. I will work diligently to succeed at my duties and will always be loyal to the men and women that I lead. I will strive every day to work my hardest to prove that I deserved that honor. My heart tells me that I belong with the Navy, and I will keep pursuing this dream until I earn my commission. I want to join so that I can give everything to help the Navy make the world a better place. I would benefit greatly from being an officer and I believe that my dedication, tenacity, loyalty, intelligence, and my desire for good would benefit the Navy as well. I hope that I can be part of that Global Force for Good by earning my commission as an Officer.