TommyGuns89
Member
I dont see the big issue, why is it your problem?....I just wanted to see if this person was still active on the forums by any chance.....mind your business
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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
TommyGuns89
Member
I am not young, i turn 34 in October, I don't know why this person felt the need for his comment....I was bored and wanted to see if that person was still active and if i would get a reply from him......
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
I’m not minding your business but since you injected yourself into the conversation you ought to fix your attitude if you want to serve as a commissioned officer.
misplacedsock
New Member
Greetings everyone,
I am composing my personal statement for the first time to go along with my STA-21 package, and someone pointed me in the direction of this thread. Please share your thoughts!
Thanks!
Dear Sir/Madam,
My name is Misplaced Sock, and I am an Information Systems Technician Second Class in the United States Navy. It feels amazing being able to say what I do for a living, because I worked hard to do the things I've wanted to do my whole life. My dream is to aspire people and lead the way for positive changes in the world's greatest Navy.
Growing up without a mother was difficult, and I did not have a grasp on what I should be doing to achieve my goals in life. I began working at a young age to support my family and struggled in school. After being rejected to join the Navy following my fifth attempt, I became depressed and dropped out of high school. Out of determination, I wrote to my Congressman for the chance of proving myself fit to wear the uniform, and soon after that I was on the bus to boot camp.
Henry Ford's quote "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right" is one that I hold myself up to on a daily basis. Since joining the Navy, I have tried and tested myself on many levels with the vast amount of opportunities the Navy has to offer everyone. Throughout my education and training, I proved myself academically, whereby graduating with honors in two schools, and attending the pilot-phase program for USNCC earning the Naval Studies certificate. Leading sailors through drill as Honor Guard Coordinator at my first duty station and as class leader in "A" school were my favorite responsibilities; having the privilege of volunteering as a sports coach and an English teacher in a foreign country equally fueled my desire to be a leader. From the first day being enlisted, I have dedicated myself to commissioning through the Seaman to Admiral 21 program, and with the skills I learned throughout my career, I know I will make a difference as an officer.
I am proud to present my best self for the chance of becoming a naval aviator. Through my can-do determination, I will not become discouraged should I not be accepted, and I will find myself in that cockpit.
Thank you.
Very respectfully,
Misplaced Sock, IT2, USN
I am composing my personal statement for the first time to go along with my STA-21 package, and someone pointed me in the direction of this thread. Please share your thoughts!
Thanks!
Dear Sir/Madam,
My name is Misplaced Sock, and I am an Information Systems Technician Second Class in the United States Navy. It feels amazing being able to say what I do for a living, because I worked hard to do the things I've wanted to do my whole life. My dream is to aspire people and lead the way for positive changes in the world's greatest Navy.
Growing up without a mother was difficult, and I did not have a grasp on what I should be doing to achieve my goals in life. I began working at a young age to support my family and struggled in school. After being rejected to join the Navy following my fifth attempt, I became depressed and dropped out of high school. Out of determination, I wrote to my Congressman for the chance of proving myself fit to wear the uniform, and soon after that I was on the bus to boot camp.
Henry Ford's quote "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right" is one that I hold myself up to on a daily basis. Since joining the Navy, I have tried and tested myself on many levels with the vast amount of opportunities the Navy has to offer everyone. Throughout my education and training, I proved myself academically, whereby graduating with honors in two schools, and attending the pilot-phase program for USNCC earning the Naval Studies certificate. Leading sailors through drill as Honor Guard Coordinator at my first duty station and as class leader in "A" school were my favorite responsibilities; having the privilege of volunteering as a sports coach and an English teacher in a foreign country equally fueled my desire to be a leader. From the first day being enlisted, I have dedicated myself to commissioning through the Seaman to Admiral 21 program, and with the skills I learned throughout my career, I know I will make a difference as an officer.
I am proud to present my best self for the chance of becoming a naval aviator. Through my can-do determination, I will not become discouraged should I not be accepted, and I will find myself in that cockpit.
Thank you.
Very respectfully,
Misplaced Sock, IT2, USN
I am writing today to express my deep interest in joining the United States Navy as an Officer. This desire has been with me for a long time, and I believe that my skills, character, and commitment make an excellent fit for this prestigious branch of the military.
One of the primary reasons why I want to join the Navy as an officer is my strong sense of duty to serve my country. I have always had a deep respect and admiration for those who have sacrificed their lives to protect the freedoms that we enjoy in the United states, and I am eager to do my part to continue this legacy of service. I believe that the Navy offers me the best opportunity to serve my country in a meaningful and impactful way.
In addition to my sense of duty, I also believe that I have the skills and qualities that are necessary to be a successful officer in the Navy. I have always been a disciplined and focused individual, with a strong work ethic and a commitment to excellence. I believe that these traits will serve me will in the Navy, where discipline, focus, and hard work are essential to success.
Furthermore, I have always been drawn to the Navy's core vales of honor, courage, and commitment. These values align closely with my own personal values and I believe that they are essential to building a strong and effective military. I am eager to be a part of this tradition of honor and, and to uphold these values as an officer in the Navy.
With specific regard to my application to the Information Professional program: I am highly excited and honored to be considered for the position of Navy Officer with the Information Professional Officer Designator, 1820.
From a young age, I have been fascinated by the power of technology and its potential to transform lives. Throughout my academic journey, I pursued studies in computer science, cybersecurity, and systems engineering - immersing myself in the intricate workings of all manner of information systems. These fields have not only challenged me intellectually but also ignited a deep desire to contribute to the advancement of national security.
The Navy's Special Duty Officer IP Program aligns perfectly with these aspirations. It offers a platform where I can apply my knowledge and expertise in a dynamic and ever-evolving environment. Knowledge and skills gained from my Linux+, Security+ and Cisco Certifications would certainly be of great use if selected as an IP.
Moreover, my prior civilian occupational experience in cybersecurity, network operations, and communications has equipped me with valuable insights into the challenges and complexities of this field. Specifically my time in Network Operations Centers at <a local ISP> and <a local data center>, combined with my Computer Security Technology degree from <my closest state college>, has honed my skills in critical thinking, and problem-solving. These experiences have also instilled in me a sense of discipline, integrity, and unwavering commitment to excellence.
As an Information Professional, I would be driven to stay at the forefront of technological advancements, constantly expanding my knowledge and skills to stay one step ahead of emerging threats. I am eager to contribute to the Navy's mission of safeguarding our nation's critical information assets and networks from malicious actors, ensuring the highest level of cybersecurity.
In joining the Navy as an Information Professional, I am ready to embrace the challenges that lie ahead. I am committed to upholding the highest standards of professionalism, dedication, and loyalty to our nation. The opportunity to serve alongside fellow officers and sailors, united in our shared purpose, is a calling that resonates deeply within me.
I am confident that my educational background, work experience, leadership skills, and unwavering commitment to the Navy's core values make me an ideal candidate for this role. I eagerly anticipate the chance to contribute my expertise, grow as a professional, and make a meaningful impact on our nation's security.
Thank you
One of the primary reasons why I want to join the Navy as an officer is my strong sense of duty to serve my country. I have always had a deep respect and admiration for those who have sacrificed their lives to protect the freedoms that we enjoy in the United states, and I am eager to do my part to continue this legacy of service. I believe that the Navy offers me the best opportunity to serve my country in a meaningful and impactful way.
In addition to my sense of duty, I also believe that I have the skills and qualities that are necessary to be a successful officer in the Navy. I have always been a disciplined and focused individual, with a strong work ethic and a commitment to excellence. I believe that these traits will serve me will in the Navy, where discipline, focus, and hard work are essential to success.
Furthermore, I have always been drawn to the Navy's core vales of honor, courage, and commitment. These values align closely with my own personal values and I believe that they are essential to building a strong and effective military. I am eager to be a part of this tradition of honor and, and to uphold these values as an officer in the Navy.
With specific regard to my application to the Information Professional program: I am highly excited and honored to be considered for the position of Navy Officer with the Information Professional Officer Designator, 1820.
From a young age, I have been fascinated by the power of technology and its potential to transform lives. Throughout my academic journey, I pursued studies in computer science, cybersecurity, and systems engineering - immersing myself in the intricate workings of all manner of information systems. These fields have not only challenged me intellectually but also ignited a deep desire to contribute to the advancement of national security.
The Navy's Special Duty Officer IP Program aligns perfectly with these aspirations. It offers a platform where I can apply my knowledge and expertise in a dynamic and ever-evolving environment. Knowledge and skills gained from my Linux+, Security+ and Cisco Certifications would certainly be of great use if selected as an IP.
Moreover, my prior civilian occupational experience in cybersecurity, network operations, and communications has equipped me with valuable insights into the challenges and complexities of this field. Specifically my time in Network Operations Centers at <a local ISP> and <a local data center>, combined with my Computer Security Technology degree from <my closest state college>, has honed my skills in critical thinking, and problem-solving. These experiences have also instilled in me a sense of discipline, integrity, and unwavering commitment to excellence.
As an Information Professional, I would be driven to stay at the forefront of technological advancements, constantly expanding my knowledge and skills to stay one step ahead of emerging threats. I am eager to contribute to the Navy's mission of safeguarding our nation's critical information assets and networks from malicious actors, ensuring the highest level of cybersecurity.
In joining the Navy as an Information Professional, I am ready to embrace the challenges that lie ahead. I am committed to upholding the highest standards of professionalism, dedication, and loyalty to our nation. The opportunity to serve alongside fellow officers and sailors, united in our shared purpose, is a calling that resonates deeply within me.
I am confident that my educational background, work experience, leadership skills, and unwavering commitment to the Navy's core values make me an ideal candidate for this role. I eagerly anticipate the chance to contribute my expertise, grow as a professional, and make a meaningful impact on our nation's security.
Thank you
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
Use chatgbt to help you write a better essay.
You need to get straight into the point of your essay. You also need to focus on what YOU bring to the table instead what the navy can do for you. Also, use and highlight some metrics-based accomplishments here.
Thanks. I got caught off guard with literally a day to write something there because my recruiter and I were waiting to hear back about something that might have required a waiver, but ended up not. I wonder if there's any way I can revise it now but am thinking it must be sent off with the June 2 dead line.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
You should verify, if you gave this to him yesterday it would be a longshot to get through the review process to be sent to NRC in time, so you may have time to revise it.
Erick.rivera06
Member
Greetings,
Below is my first Personal Statement draft for AMDO(1520). I will appreciate any feedback. Thank you.
Leaving Puerto Rico 11 years ago to join the NAVY for better opportunities was a daunting and uncertain experience, mainly because of my language barrier. However, facing challenges head-on and stepping out of my comfort zone is often the path to personal growth and development. Staying motivated and focused on my goals was essential during this transition. In my current role, I implement ideas that produce change and efficiency locally. However, the opportunity to become an AMDO would enable me to assume a pivotal position in developing, establishing, and implementing maintenance and material management policies that will benefit our aviation community.
I aim to finish my graduate studies in Aviation Maintenance while simultaneously becoming a source of inspiration and a role model for junior sailors. I aim to demonstrate that overcoming challenges and achieving success through dedicated effort, resilience, and discipline is always possible. In my professional capacity, I aspire to introduce and implement innovative ideas that enhance operational effectiveness, thereby making valuable contributions to the long-term success of our Navy.
I have consistently demonstrated the ability to adapt to challenging situations and thrive in high-pressure environments. I have been exposed to various operational scenarios at sea and ashore, where I have had to make critical decisions and solve complex problems. As an AMDO, I will bring these traits and my proven “at sea” leadership to ensure naval aircraft readiness and operational effectiveness. Becoming a Naval Officer is about personal growth and becoming a part of something greater than oneself. I am fully aware of the sacrifices and responsibilities of a commission, and I am prepared to meet them head-on. I am ready to dedicate myself fully to the Navy's mission and the welfare of the sailors entrusted to my care.
Below is my first Personal Statement draft for AMDO(1520). I will appreciate any feedback. Thank you.
Leaving Puerto Rico 11 years ago to join the NAVY for better opportunities was a daunting and uncertain experience, mainly because of my language barrier. However, facing challenges head-on and stepping out of my comfort zone is often the path to personal growth and development. Staying motivated and focused on my goals was essential during this transition. In my current role, I implement ideas that produce change and efficiency locally. However, the opportunity to become an AMDO would enable me to assume a pivotal position in developing, establishing, and implementing maintenance and material management policies that will benefit our aviation community.
I aim to finish my graduate studies in Aviation Maintenance while simultaneously becoming a source of inspiration and a role model for junior sailors. I aim to demonstrate that overcoming challenges and achieving success through dedicated effort, resilience, and discipline is always possible. In my professional capacity, I aspire to introduce and implement innovative ideas that enhance operational effectiveness, thereby making valuable contributions to the long-term success of our Navy.
I have consistently demonstrated the ability to adapt to challenging situations and thrive in high-pressure environments. I have been exposed to various operational scenarios at sea and ashore, where I have had to make critical decisions and solve complex problems. As an AMDO, I will bring these traits and my proven “at sea” leadership to ensure naval aircraft readiness and operational effectiveness. Becoming a Naval Officer is about personal growth and becoming a part of something greater than oneself. I am fully aware of the sacrifices and responsibilities of a commission, and I am prepared to meet them head-on. I am ready to dedicate myself fully to the Navy's mission and the welfare of the sailors entrusted to my care.
Thank you all who read this and provide thoughtful feedback. I am trying to commission after going enlisted and the designation I am applying for is aviation (pilot). I still have a ways to go before I even submit (interview, OAR, ASTB, finishing this application itself). However, any feed back possible would be greatly appreciated 
(THIS IS THE PROMPT, MAX 250 WORDS)
- Reason applying for a commission
- Personal and professional goals
- Strengths/personal characteristics you possess which will contribute to success in the program(s) to which you are applying.
Address any other relevant information or substantial accomplishments not already covered.
Serving in the armed forces has been a dream of mine ever since I was a young boy. I believe in giving back to a country that has given me so many opportunities where others take it for granted while understanding what it means to be led and to be a leader. Throughout my life, I had observed different leaders in my life and seen where they succeed and failed. Because of these observations, I was able to apply what I had learned to my jobs and position as team captain for my college cross-country team. Stepping up takes a great deal of courage which is a quality I exemplify magnificently. I chose to enlist first before applying for a commission because I wanted to learn how to be a proper leader by being the one led. I have seen great leaders in 1st/2nd class petty officers and chiefs while also seeing poor leadership from the same. I've learned that in order to be a great leader, you must understand those you are leading. It is imperative that leaders understand their subjects by having prior experience or by surrounding themselves with an open mind that is willing to connect, motivate, and inspire a sense of shared objectives. I wish to serve as an officer in the Navy to exhibit these core values I have instilled into my moral code.
(THIS IS THE PROMPT, MAX 250 WORDS)
- Reason applying for a commission
- Personal and professional goals
- Strengths/personal characteristics you possess which will contribute to success in the program(s) to which you are applying.
Address any other relevant information or substantial accomplishments not already covered.
Serving in the armed forces has been a dream of mine ever since I was a young boy. I believe in giving back to a country that has given me so many opportunities where others take it for granted while understanding what it means to be led and to be a leader. Throughout my life, I had observed different leaders in my life and seen where they succeed and failed. Because of these observations, I was able to apply what I had learned to my jobs and position as team captain for my college cross-country team. Stepping up takes a great deal of courage which is a quality I exemplify magnificently. I chose to enlist first before applying for a commission because I wanted to learn how to be a proper leader by being the one led. I have seen great leaders in 1st/2nd class petty officers and chiefs while also seeing poor leadership from the same. I've learned that in order to be a great leader, you must understand those you are leading. It is imperative that leaders understand their subjects by having prior experience or by surrounding themselves with an open mind that is willing to connect, motivate, and inspire a sense of shared objectives. I wish to serve as an officer in the Navy to exhibit these core values I have instilled into my moral code.
I'm just another applicant so take my advice with a pinch of salt. I think the following changes would improve your statement:
2) Break up your writing into smaller paragraphs. One mega paragraph is much harder to read (consequently less likely to be read) than smaller bite-size chunks.
Parroting what someone else in this thread has already suggested: bring up a value important to you, recount a situation where you demonstrated that value, reflect on why that value will be important in your career as an officer, repeat. You have a very low word limit, so try to home in on one or two events that you found particularly impactful.
1) Remove the underlined phrases. They add no positive value to your statement. How does it reflect on you to disparage your fellow countrymen and the service members you're applying to lead?
2) Break up your writing into smaller paragraphs. One mega paragraph is much harder to read (consequently less likely to be read) than smaller bite-size chunks.
3) You make big claims here that you ought to substantiate. You mentioned your position as team captain for your cross-country team in college. How did you demonstrate courage or leadership in that role? What did you learn? What about that experience will make you successful in OCS, flight training, and as a naval aviator?
Parroting what someone else in this thread has already suggested: bring up a value important to you, recount a situation where you demonstrated that value, reflect on why that value will be important in your career as an officer, repeat. You have a very low word limit, so try to home in on one or two events that you found particularly impactful.
Hey yall I have a new updated Motivational Statement. Lemme know your thoughts
I am applying for a commission as a naval officer because I have a strong passion for serving my country and an even greater desire to contribute to the defense and success of the mission. The opportunity to lead and work with a team of highly motivated officers is what drives me to pursue a commission. My personal and professional goals are aimed to further develop my capabilities as a leader being capable of making sound decisions under pressure. I am a highly motivated and disciplined sailor with a strong work ethic. No matter what subject is presented to me, I have always strived for excellency whether it be leading my cross country team as their captain, stepping up to lead my coworkers during rush hours, and assisting community leaders in local events. As a naval aviator, my personal strengths will contribute significantly to my success in the program. My effective leadership skills will enable me to take charge and guide the team during operations. Not only is effective leadership necessary, having confidence in yourself and your team is instrumental to mission success. Instilling confidence in those who lack it will enable us to overcome challenges with precision. Being an aviator requires high levels of discipline which I will apply my moral code to continuously meet the programs expectations. I am committed to upholding the highest standards of the navy while working collaboratively with my team to achieve cusses in the mission.
I am applying for a commission as a naval officer because I have a strong passion for serving my country and an even greater desire to contribute to the defense and success of the mission. The opportunity to lead and work with a team of highly motivated officers is what drives me to pursue a commission. My personal and professional goals are aimed to further develop my capabilities as a leader being capable of making sound decisions under pressure. I am a highly motivated and disciplined sailor with a strong work ethic. No matter what subject is presented to me, I have always strived for excellency whether it be leading my cross country team as their captain, stepping up to lead my coworkers during rush hours, and assisting community leaders in local events. As a naval aviator, my personal strengths will contribute significantly to my success in the program. My effective leadership skills will enable me to take charge and guide the team during operations. Not only is effective leadership necessary, having confidence in yourself and your team is instrumental to mission success. Instilling confidence in those who lack it will enable us to overcome challenges with precision. Being an aviator requires high levels of discipline which I will apply my moral code to continuously meet the programs expectations. I am committed to upholding the highest standards of the navy while working collaboratively with my team to achieve cusses in the mission.
I will be submitting this Motivational Statement on Monday 6/3. But I would love some feedback from those here in the meantime.
Growing up in the shadow of the 9/11 terror attack and witnessing the global war on terror rage, the desire to serve my country was instilled in me at a very young age. I seek a commission in the Navy to enhance my leadership abilities, acquire the skills of an officer, and learn from those who have experienced conflict and triumphed over it.
I believe that leading by example and understanding the responsibilities of your colleagues, both superior and subordinate, are key attributes of a leader. I demonstrated these qualities as a leader in CyberEye during my college years. In this organization, we provided open-source intelligence reports to federal agencies regarding emerging cyber threats. As the lead writer of the briefs, I utilized my knowledge and cyber skills to assist my team members in writing briefs, all while effectively communicating with the executive council and the agencies involved.
During high school, I achieved four consecutive state championships with my wrestling team, despite facing a major injury to my left elbow. Overcoming this setback tested my resilience and adaptability, equipping me with the determination to confront challenges head-on and the discipline to persevere regardless of the odds.
Presently, I work as a Cyber Security Engineer, delivering defensive capabilities to corporations in fast-paced environments and effectively conveying the importance of these measures to executives. It is my aspiration to contribute these skills to the Navy as an Intelligence Officer, ensuring the success of the mission.
Growing up in the shadow of the 9/11 terror attack and witnessing the global war on terror rage, the desire to serve my country was instilled in me at a very young age. I seek a commission in the Navy to enhance my leadership abilities, acquire the skills of an officer, and learn from those who have experienced conflict and triumphed over it.
I believe that leading by example and understanding the responsibilities of your colleagues, both superior and subordinate, are key attributes of a leader. I demonstrated these qualities as a leader in CyberEye during my college years. In this organization, we provided open-source intelligence reports to federal agencies regarding emerging cyber threats. As the lead writer of the briefs, I utilized my knowledge and cyber skills to assist my team members in writing briefs, all while effectively communicating with the executive council and the agencies involved.
During high school, I achieved four consecutive state championships with my wrestling team, despite facing a major injury to my left elbow. Overcoming this setback tested my resilience and adaptability, equipping me with the determination to confront challenges head-on and the discipline to persevere regardless of the odds.
Presently, I work as a Cyber Security Engineer, delivering defensive capabilities to corporations in fast-paced environments and effectively conveying the importance of these measures to executives. It is my aspiration to contribute these skills to the Navy as an Intelligence Officer, ensuring the success of the mission.
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
This statement is all over the place and it’s not until the very end that the reader knows what the intent of.
Use chatgbt to help you out.