waterandwind15
Member
I do have a waiver so I guess I’ll need it lol
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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread
- Thread starter FSF17
- Start date
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
They will take a quick scan, maybe then, really it will fall on your ASTB to do the talking for you.
Your are talking about a waiver that deals with legal or moral issues correct?
I've applied for CW as well. Here is a rephrased version of your statement. This is 1 of many ways you could write it.
"During my journey towards obtaining a bachelor’s degree in computer science, I've faced one of the most intellectually challenging paths of my life. While some of my peers changed direction, I stayed focused, motivated not just by monetary rewards but by a desire for personal growth. My father, a figure of great intellect, both inspires me and serves as a warning, his unrealized potential reminding me of the significance of seizing every chance for self-improvement. This awareness propelled my transition from the hospitality sector back to academia, sparking a strong determination to exceed my own boundaries and evolve into my highest potential.
Discussions with my mentor, Aaron Edwards, a military veteran, shed light on the profound impact of military service, molding individuals into poised and principled leaders. Inspired by figures like Sergeant Winters, I am motivated by a deep-seated desire to embody their leadership traits and make meaningful contributions to the cryptologic warfare sphere.
Embedded in my lifelong journey through martial arts, I embody the Navy's fundamental values of honor, discipline, teamwork, and tenacity. These values have been pivotal in shaping my character, enabling me to surmount challenges and excel in demanding environments.
From enduring a 45-minute water treading session at age 10 to assuming leadership roles in various professional settings, I have consistently demonstrated the ability to motivate and lead by example. My tenure as a Team Leader at the URI IT Service Desk further underscores my capability to guide diverse teams and navigate intricate challenges with finesse.
My aspiration to serve as a Cryptologic Warfare Officer is fueled not merely by ambition but by a sincere desire to leverage my expertise and skills in advancing national security objectives. With a blend of experience, resilience, and innate leadership qualities aligned with the Navy's core values, I am confident in my ability to thrive in the dynamic realm of cryptologic warfare, contributing significantly to the Navy's mission while upholding its values with honor and distinction."
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waterandwind15
Member
Oh no, sry i have a medical waiver. In which case your probably right that it wont matter much.
Either way, I know it won't matter much, but I want to give it my all either way so I will still try my best to write a decent statement.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
If medical they won't bother reading it as the board knows nothing about your medical status except you are PQ for the designator you are applying for.
Hi everyone, I'm applying for an SNA slot in the July board and was wondering if you could critique my motivational statement? Thank you, all advice is appreciated.
Joining the United States Navy as an officer and pilot is not just a career choice for me; it is a calling rooted in leading others and making a difference for our country. As an officer, I aspire to be a leader that embodies the Navy by leading with honor, courage, and commitment. From a young age, I’ve felt a genuine calling to lead and inspire my peers.
My journey towards joining the Navy is supported by a commitment to discipline. As a powerlifter, I have competed twice, earning myself a second-place medal in my first meet and a first-place medal in my second meet. The rigorous demands of powerlifting have instilled in me an appreciation for the power of discipline, shaping not only my physical strength but also my mental fortitude and resilience. Just as I've approached each lift with unwavering focus and dedication, I am prepared to apply the same level of discipline to my role in the Navy. My achievements in powerlifting serve as a testament to my ability to thrive under pressure, to persevere in the face of adversity, and to uphold the highest standards of performance. I am eager to leverage these qualities as I embark on this new chapter of leadership and service.
Becoming a pilot has been a goal of mine ever since I was a child and played flight simulators. However, it was in 2021, during my flight lessons, that I truly recognized the depth of my passion for pursuing aviation. After these lessons, I promised myself that I would continue with flight training once I started my career. It was after this promise I realized that my passion to lead and for aviation could thrive in the United States Navy. Having previous flight experience has shown me the amount of dedication and responsibility it takes to become a pilot. These insights reinforce my determination to pursue a career in aviation and to embrace the challenges and responsibilities that lie ahead, both as a pilot and an officer in the United States Navy.
Joining the United States Navy as an officer and pilot is not just a career choice for me; it is a calling rooted in leading others and making a difference for our country. As an officer, I aspire to be a leader that embodies the Navy by leading with honor, courage, and commitment. From a young age, I’ve felt a genuine calling to lead and inspire my peers.
My journey towards joining the Navy is supported by a commitment to discipline. As a powerlifter, I have competed twice, earning myself a second-place medal in my first meet and a first-place medal in my second meet. The rigorous demands of powerlifting have instilled in me an appreciation for the power of discipline, shaping not only my physical strength but also my mental fortitude and resilience. Just as I've approached each lift with unwavering focus and dedication, I am prepared to apply the same level of discipline to my role in the Navy. My achievements in powerlifting serve as a testament to my ability to thrive under pressure, to persevere in the face of adversity, and to uphold the highest standards of performance. I am eager to leverage these qualities as I embark on this new chapter of leadership and service.
Becoming a pilot has been a goal of mine ever since I was a child and played flight simulators. However, it was in 2021, during my flight lessons, that I truly recognized the depth of my passion for pursuing aviation. After these lessons, I promised myself that I would continue with flight training once I started my career. It was after this promise I realized that my passion to lead and for aviation could thrive in the United States Navy. Having previous flight experience has shown me the amount of dedication and responsibility it takes to become a pilot. These insights reinforce my determination to pursue a career in aviation and to embrace the challenges and responsibilities that lie ahead, both as a pilot and an officer in the United States Navy.
CarterL
Member
Would you please critique my motivational statement? Any typos or wording that I can correct?
Thanks in advance.
To: the Members of the Officer Candidate School Selection Board
From: My Name
Subject: Motivational Statement
Growing up as the son of a naval aviator who piloted the F/A-18 Hornet and Super Hornet, I was immersed in a world defined by honor, courage, and commitment. I witnessed firsthand the sacrifices and dedication required to excel in this noble profession.
My father's service provided me with a unique insight into the demands and lifestyle associated with becoming a Naval Officer and Aviator. I observed the long hours spent in training, the unwavering focus required during missions, and the sacrifices made to uphold the principles of duty and service to our country. I have seen first hand the long deployments my Father has undertaken and been moved across the globe several times. I understand the hardships that sailors and families must endure and I am ready to make those same sacrifices for the opportunity to serve.
I was fortunate enough to spend a week aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln CVN 72 and observe the carrier operations during our trip from Hawaii to California. These experiences instilled in me a deep respect for the traditions of Naval Aviation and a profound appreciation for the sacrifices made by those who serve.
Apart from the example of my father and his peers, I have been able to learn for myself what it means to have honor, courage, and commitment.
As an Eagle Scout, I pledged to uphold the principles of leadership, service, and selflessness, dedicating myself to making a positive impact on my community and the world around me. Through countless service projects, leadership opportunities, and outdoor adventures, I learned the importance of teamwork, adaptability, and resilience. In high school I had the opportunity to participate in NJROTC while stationed in Naples Italy. I learned a great amount about Navy history and was able to get a small glimpse of what life in the Navy would be like. These qualities will serve as the foundation of my leadership style as a naval officer, enabling me to inspire and motivate those under my command, even in the most challenging of circumstances.
Throughout my high school years, my participation in a variety of team sports, including varsity baseball, basketball, water polo, volleyball, and serving as team captain on the JV soccer team, taught me invaluable lessons about teamwork. Each sport presented unique challenges and dynamics, encouraging collaboration, communication, and trust among teammates. Whether strategizing plays on the basketball court or coordinating defensive maneuvers in water polo, I learned the importance of working together towards a common goal. As team captain in soccer, I embraced the responsibility of motivating and unifying my teammates, leading by example both on and off the field. These experiences instilled in me a deep appreciation for the power of teamwork and collaboration, skills that I carry with me into every aspect of my life.
My two-year religious mission to Argentina epitomized the essence of Commitment – a selfless dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Living and working in unfamiliar surroundings, far from the comforts of home, I discovered the true meaning of sacrifice and service. Whether teaching, mentoring, or providing aid to those in need, I learned that true commitment requires a willingness to put others before oneself, to endure hardship and adversity, and to persevere in the pursuit of a greater purpose. I learned of the courage it takes to stand for one’s beliefs in the face of adversity. My courage was put to the test when I was asked to leave the safety of home, travel to a foreign land without familiar comforts and constant communication with loved ones for a period of two years, and go to work helping and teaching those in need.
During my college years, I chose to study Operations and Supply Chain Management as a full time student while concurrently venturing into entrepreneurship, starting a successful detailing business, working a part-time job, and participating in A- level off road racing for the surrounding states of Utah, Nevada, and Idaho. These experiences have profoundly influenced my journey towards success. Immersed in multiple activities that each demanded my attention, I cultivated discipline and meticulous attention to detail, essential qualities for navigating the complexities of business operations. Simultaneously, the demands of entrepreneurship and balancing multiple commitments instilled in me a keen sense of time management, where every moment was carefully allocated to maximize productivity. These experiences not only equipped me with the resilience to thrive under pressure but also ingrained in me a steadfast commitment to discipline and dedication to my goals. These guiding principles continue to shape my trajectory beyond college as I pursue new opportunities with confidence.
As an officer and an aviator in our Nation’s Navy, I would seek to both lead the sailors under my command and also be lead by my commanding officers. I would use my skills and life experiences to inspire and motivate others, while remaining humble enough to learn from those more experienced than myself, including our enlisted crewmates. Thank you for your consideration.
Thanks in advance.
To: the Members of the Officer Candidate School Selection Board
From: My Name
Subject: Motivational Statement
Growing up as the son of a naval aviator who piloted the F/A-18 Hornet and Super Hornet, I was immersed in a world defined by honor, courage, and commitment. I witnessed firsthand the sacrifices and dedication required to excel in this noble profession.
My father's service provided me with a unique insight into the demands and lifestyle associated with becoming a Naval Officer and Aviator. I observed the long hours spent in training, the unwavering focus required during missions, and the sacrifices made to uphold the principles of duty and service to our country. I have seen first hand the long deployments my Father has undertaken and been moved across the globe several times. I understand the hardships that sailors and families must endure and I am ready to make those same sacrifices for the opportunity to serve.
I was fortunate enough to spend a week aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln CVN 72 and observe the carrier operations during our trip from Hawaii to California. These experiences instilled in me a deep respect for the traditions of Naval Aviation and a profound appreciation for the sacrifices made by those who serve.
Apart from the example of my father and his peers, I have been able to learn for myself what it means to have honor, courage, and commitment.
As an Eagle Scout, I pledged to uphold the principles of leadership, service, and selflessness, dedicating myself to making a positive impact on my community and the world around me. Through countless service projects, leadership opportunities, and outdoor adventures, I learned the importance of teamwork, adaptability, and resilience. In high school I had the opportunity to participate in NJROTC while stationed in Naples Italy. I learned a great amount about Navy history and was able to get a small glimpse of what life in the Navy would be like. These qualities will serve as the foundation of my leadership style as a naval officer, enabling me to inspire and motivate those under my command, even in the most challenging of circumstances.
Throughout my high school years, my participation in a variety of team sports, including varsity baseball, basketball, water polo, volleyball, and serving as team captain on the JV soccer team, taught me invaluable lessons about teamwork. Each sport presented unique challenges and dynamics, encouraging collaboration, communication, and trust among teammates. Whether strategizing plays on the basketball court or coordinating defensive maneuvers in water polo, I learned the importance of working together towards a common goal. As team captain in soccer, I embraced the responsibility of motivating and unifying my teammates, leading by example both on and off the field. These experiences instilled in me a deep appreciation for the power of teamwork and collaboration, skills that I carry with me into every aspect of my life.
My two-year religious mission to Argentina epitomized the essence of Commitment – a selfless dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Living and working in unfamiliar surroundings, far from the comforts of home, I discovered the true meaning of sacrifice and service. Whether teaching, mentoring, or providing aid to those in need, I learned that true commitment requires a willingness to put others before oneself, to endure hardship and adversity, and to persevere in the pursuit of a greater purpose. I learned of the courage it takes to stand for one’s beliefs in the face of adversity. My courage was put to the test when I was asked to leave the safety of home, travel to a foreign land without familiar comforts and constant communication with loved ones for a period of two years, and go to work helping and teaching those in need.
During my college years, I chose to study Operations and Supply Chain Management as a full time student while concurrently venturing into entrepreneurship, starting a successful detailing business, working a part-time job, and participating in A- level off road racing for the surrounding states of Utah, Nevada, and Idaho. These experiences have profoundly influenced my journey towards success. Immersed in multiple activities that each demanded my attention, I cultivated discipline and meticulous attention to detail, essential qualities for navigating the complexities of business operations. Simultaneously, the demands of entrepreneurship and balancing multiple commitments instilled in me a keen sense of time management, where every moment was carefully allocated to maximize productivity. These experiences not only equipped me with the resilience to thrive under pressure but also ingrained in me a steadfast commitment to discipline and dedication to my goals. These guiding principles continue to shape my trajectory beyond college as I pursue new opportunities with confidence.
As an officer and an aviator in our Nation’s Navy, I would seek to both lead the sailors under my command and also be lead by my commanding officers. I would use my skills and life experiences to inspire and motivate others, while remaining humble enough to learn from those more experienced than myself, including our enlisted crewmates. Thank you for your consideration.
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
Assuming you’re applying for naval aviation these statements aren’t really read.
CarterL
Member
Regardless, I would like to include a nice personal statement in my package.
exNavyOffRec
Well-Known Member
Putting effort into something that no one reads or cares about is not the best use of time management, but it is your time to spend how you want.
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
I would suggest putting more effort into ASTB studying and earning a good score.
CarterL
Member
If I do not get picked up this board, that is what I intend to do. I am lucky enough to have a connection that sits on the selection board and during a phone call with them was told my scores are fine. They also said to include solid letters of recommendation and personal statement… unsure where you both are getting your information from.
Really just looking for proof reading of my statement. Thanks.
FormerRecruitingGuru
Making Recruiting Great Again
Our experiences are years of identifying trends. An aviation board only lasts one day and there’s typically 300-ish applicants. Do the math to determine how reading LORs and motivational statements isn’t possible.
CL, writing well is always important, so props to you for wanting to hone your craft. Work on tightening up your prose. Keep the needles in there while reducing the hay, so to speak. For example, you wrote
Throughout my high school years, my participation in a variety of team sports, including varsity baseball, basketball, water polo, volleyball, and serving as team captain on the JV soccer team, taught me invaluable lessons about teamwork.
shortened...
In high school I played multiple team sports and was team captain on the soccer team, providing valuable lessons on teamwork.
Another example
During my college years, I chose to study Operations and Supply Chain Management as a full time student while concurrently venturing into entrepreneurship, starting a successful detailing business, working a part-time job, and participating in A- level off road racing for the surrounding states of Utah, Nevada, and Idaho.
To...
In college I studied Operations and Supply Chain Management while starting a successful detailing business, working part-time, and competing in A-level off road racing.
Etc. You can cut your prose by at least half, not lose your key points, and make them stand out while not sounding pretentious.
CarterL
Member
I appreciate it! Great suggestions thank you