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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

james23

New Member
M26,

Thanks for the input, I really got to work on it :( I don't know if I want to include football or wrestling as my experience. Ahh idk thanks!
 

m26

Well-Known Member
Contributor
I vote football. Wrestling your coach is kinda weird. I guess. I never wrestled.
 

james23

New Member
yeah, football is more team affiliated also... I actually enjoyed football more too.. I will edit and give you another draft... thanks again M26, I really appreciate it! :)
 

james23

New Member
M26,

I am going for SNA BDCP, but I don't know if I want to tailor my speech towards the aviation community or just Naval Officer? or maybe both?
 

m26

Well-Known Member
Contributor
If you are applying SNA only, you can add somethings about your motivation for aviation. I'd rather see your motivation for aviation than things non-moto-related, but I'm the minority opinion on that. It'd have to be good stuff, though, and definitely secondary to being an officer in the Navy. They have to know that if you attrite from flight school or fail a flight phys you'll still be committed to the Navy.
 

james23

New Member
M26,

Alright cool, I will work on that draft for sure. Not sure yet, but I think I might just put SNA for my first time around.
 

warface

Banned
Finally finished first draft :) I would appreciate it if some people can give me input/feedback/corrections. Thanks a lot guys. 407 words :(

My calling began on September 11th, 2001. When tragedy struck America, I too felt the unrelenting pain. I knew from then on, my fate was sealed to join the armed forces. The core values the Navy instill in its sailors, along with the versatility the Navy possesses, truly allures me. This nation has given my family and I so much, I would like to graciously pay back my debts by honorably serving. I hope to ensure security for our country if given the opportunity to serve in the United States Navy.


Throughout life, I have always taken an active role in team sports, leadership programs, and academics. What truly separates me from others is how I thrive on adversity; driving me to dig deeper to accomplish my goal. Over the years, I became affiliated with sports where I adapted quickly and exceeded as a team and as an individual. Growing up wrestling, I learned to keep persistent and overcome any obstacles that stood in my way. I took innitiative and joined my university's board committee as I took on the responsibility to speak for students on their behalf. Soon after, I was appointed to become an ambassador to mentor new students where I committed myself to working long hours while maintaining a positive attitude. Till this day, my fellow colleagues continue to express their gratitude for the guidance I have given them. As a role model, I continue to do all my tasks with integrity, as I set an example for others. Regardless of programs, I did not neglect my academics as I held a high GPA and earned a spot on the dean's list numerous times. From my experiences, I have learned that in order to lead, I must first be led.


All I have accomplished has prepared me for this moment as I humbly seek commission. I strongly believe I can contribute to the Navy by bringing my dynamic traits, experiences, and commitment. I am certain the Navy will provide me everlasting challenges and memorable growth, as well as the core values it is respected for. My desire to learn, adapt, and grow has given me the perseverance to constantly strive forward, and will point me in the right direction to excel as a Naval Officer. No one in my family has served, and to stand with pride amongst our nation's heroes would be an honor; regardless of any situation, I will lead by example.


You're trying too fucking hard. It's one thing to learn the meaning of words and another to learn the feeling invoked by the word. You are lacking in the latter.
 

infogeek

New Member
Hello All! Im putting myself in for STA21 this year and was wondering if you guys could take a look at what I have and give me any suggestions. I've had a few people here take a look at it but the more the merrier. BTW, awesome forum, the vast majority of my info on commissioning comes from here and i'm not even an aviator.
Thanks in advance!

[FONT=&quot]Before you can truly become an excellent leader, you must be an excellent follower. This is a statement that I have learned to live by. I am submitting this package, for your consideration, as a man that has walked the path of a follower and has learned to excel as a leader. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] My tenure in high school was less than stellar due to my lack of discipline. I repeatedly skipped multiple classes and refused to complete my assignments on time for the classes I did attend. I was the typical misguided teenager. Once I realized the amount of undue stress I was placing on both myself and my family, I took responsibility for my lapse in judgment and worked hard in order to graduate a year ahead of schedule. Upon graduation at the age of 17, I joined the Navy as a Fire Controlman, with the intention of gaining focus and finding out what I wanted to do with my life. I was able to spend quite a few years at sea and learn one of the most important things that every Sailor should know; in order to successfully complete each mission, the order of things should always be ship, shipmate, self. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] As a supervisor, it has been my duty to ensure that my people are taken care of so that they have nothing distracting them from completing the Navy’s mission. My understanding of the aforementioned philosophy is an important part of what I can bring to any wardroom. Having been on both ends of the spectrum, I understand what it takes to get the job done and how to motivate others to perform each job both efficiently and effectively. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My recent move into the field of Information Warfare has done nothing but enhance my drive for excellence. Steady involvement in various forms of malware analysis and network defense strategy has allowed me the rare opportunity of combining personal interests and job accomplishment. It is my desire to place myself in a position where I will be able to further ensure the success of all current and future missions. Information Warfare is part of a steadily evolving battle, and I want to lead from the front. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I understand that a commission is not necessary in order for me to serve the Navy as an effective leader. I have met many fine Petty Officers and Chief Petty Officers throughout my career, but I feel that I would better serve the Navy and my country as a member of the wardroom. [/FONT]
 

bah1210

New Member
The following is what I wish to use for my motivational statement to apply for the BDCP. This is most certainly not the best, but would love some feedback! Thanks Everybody!!;)

I am seeking a commission in the United States Navy to uphold and defend the Constitution, fight for my country in time of war or conflict, and to continue the legacy my family has left behind in the Navy. I am an American patriot seeking out justice for those who wish to threaten the peace of the United States and its people. I strongly believe that a commission in the Navy will be an excellent career for me to help support a family one day, and to achieve the dreams in which I have dreamt since I was a child. While listening to stories of my father working on the F-14 Tomcat through my childhood and teenage years, I have became highly motivated to seek out the dream of becoming a Naval Aviator. I am very confident these dreams can be achieved, but I know that I must offer something back in return.
Due to my achievements as an Eagle Scout which has enhanced my leadership abilities, I feel I can give back a lot to the Navy to lead fellow shipmates to achieving any mission in the global force. While in the Navy, I will also teach and encourage my subordinates on how they can become better leaders themselves. By doing so, I am very confident that the leadership skills I provide to them will help better the Navy by having strong leaders in both the fleet and global task force.
There are many reasons that encourage one to join the Navy. Joining the Navy is especially an honor for me as I will hopefully get the chance to work with the brave men and women who are ready to lay down their lives for protecting our shores. A position in the navy is a well-respected job, and surely makes a person proud. One can easily recognize a naval officer by his posture, his attitude, his confidence, and the way he carries himself. These characteristics are what I strongly possess and will most certainly use to the best of my ability as a potential Naval Officer Candidate.
I will cherish the moment when I sit down with my son or daughter, and tell them about what I have done for the Navy and America. Hopefully my experiences will help motivate my children to becoming the next potential Naval Officer Candidate.
 

Troopman

New Member
Here is my motivation statement. I am applying for the BDCP. Give me critique. That means if you think this statement is a huge pile of shiz, then cut the bullcrap, show some balls, and flat out say it. Well Enjoy! :)





Being a young child in South Carolina, I learned what it meant to have discipline, pride, and integrity that are instilled in me to this day. My grandfather, a retired Master Chief from the Navy, taught me to pay attention to the smallest detail. When I worked around the house along with my cousin, whether it was shoveling dirt or carrying bricks, I took pride in my work and worked till the job was complete. When I was a freshman in high school, I used my leadership and teamwork skills in challenging exercises of problem solving for the “Destination ImagiNation” Tournaments.

I wish to seek commission as a Naval officer because my primary aim is to give something back to the military for allowing me to live safe and free for twenty years. In return, I will do my part and defend the United States against all threats, both internal and external. Pursuant of this goal, I wish to be put in a position where I will excel in my service to my country. My sense of responsibility, commitment, and honor has led me to this conclusion and this undertaking. I am a motivated and focused individual who does not mind being under pressure and is willing to accept responsibility for difficult jobs and for the performance of my peers.

In my job working as logistics personnel, one of my coworkers trained me in the trade of painting. Though it took some time to learn how to paint, I pressed toward the mark of being one of the best painters the place has ever had. My dedication to excel in painting paid off when I was starting to get noticed by superiors and other coworkers from other departments alike.

I believe that I have the leadership, commitment, and integrity to become an officer in the United States Navy. I am a bright, quick learner and determined to learn new skills. The Navy will also strengthen my leadership skills and allow me to acquire the dream of being a commissioned officer. As an officer, I will continue to strive for excellence and make every determined effort to show the Navy core values. It would be an honor to join the ranks of other Naval Officers and to earn the label as a Naval Officer.
 

freedomtrider

New Member
Cheers everyone. I too am here for some help/criticizm/etc. of my motivational statement. Any and all help is extremely appreciated.

My desire to become a commissioned officer in the United States Navy is not a decision I have made hastily. I have served previously in the US Military and I gained a particular insight into the lifestyle attached to serving. For six years in the Air Force I was able to live a life that can be both very fulfilling and challenging. I know full well the tolls deployments take on ones family, after deploying both in 2001 to Saudi Arabia as well as in 2003 to Kuwait/Iraq. I know that frequently one is a military member first and a father/husband second. That the sacrifices are very much real. That being said it is clear that there is no better platform for me to challenge myself to limitless bounds, than as an Officer in the US Navy.

I have consistently throughout my life avoided the path of least resistence when I could instead choose a path that would lead to personal imporovement. When I graduated high school I chose an independent life in the Air Force over staying in Norfolk, VA and relying on others. After my six year enlistment was up I chose to leave a good career in the Air Force so I could pursue a college degree, something no one in my family had ever done. I have a burning passion to continue this path of improvement by meeting the challenge of leading and serving as an officer in the US Navy.

There are multiple individual qualities that I have sought in a leader throughout my life and which I would emulate as an Officer. Vision, insight, persistence, adaptability, endurance, and charisma are just a few. Some of these qualities can be acquired through life experiences, or quality training, while some an individual is blessed with. I have been fortunate to have acquired some of these needed traits through life experiences like persistence and adaptability when my father died when I was 11 and I was forced into a more mature roll early in life. I learned endurance, and comraderie on my long convoy treks during the Iraq War in 2003. I have been fortunate enough to have a certain charisma ever since I can remember. I have found myself leading young people, peers, and my elders with a mix of all of these leadership traits, with charisma tying it all together. It is my desire to challenge myself at the highest level of leadership as a commissioned officer in the US Navy.
 

SAlv_Navy

New Member
Hello I'm pretty new here, and I need some advice as to how to start my essays for NROTC. I have a rough outline of what my essay is going to be; however, I would appreciate some feedback on it.

The question that I'm focusing on at the moment is " How might your background and experiences enhance the U.S. Naval Service? "

I plan to divide my essay into two parts. In the first part I describe how my background as a Dominican has given me the will, dedication, and strength to overcome any obstacle. In the second half I state how my extracurricular activities have taught me how to be an affective leader.

Right now I just finished working on the first body paragraph of my essay:

While others may give in to the fate projected on them by the expectations of society, stemming from the idea of a seemingly flawed background, I choose to reject the notion that my background is a weakness, for I find it a strength. As a Dominican-American, coming from one of the poorest areas of New York, the bar was never set high. Being from a city where less than half of Latinos graduate from high school, and even less go to college, I was expected to fail from the start. Rather than becoming discouraged by the lack of hope, I became disgusted by it. Ironically, that lack of faith not only made me self motivated, but awoke the strength, will, and dedication needed to overcome any obstacle in the way of my success. The ability to set and the determination to complete a goal is what creates strength of character. The benefits of my heritage don’t stop there. The mixture of both my American background and my Dominican background allows me to relate better to the worldwide community. I am able to understand and adapt to foreign cultural values, something that is critical in order to efficiently interact with today’s global community.
 

Lucy

Member
Infogeek-I really like your statement. I think it explains well why you want to the commission, and also why it is something the Navy should consider. Overall, the flow is really good and I feel as though you are speaking to a person, not reading off a paper. I especially like the ship, shipmate, self phrase.

Bah1210- I think you would be much better off starting with “While listening…” A lot of people have similar stories, but I think it is a much better start than what you have know. The eagle scout info is good, but rather vague. And again, the end part is vague, does not offer much for the board to think about other than you telling good stories, and supposedly being a “good” sailor. Outside of that, it is rather disorganized. I would think you would benefit more from writing what you feel, not what seems to be what you think they want to hear.

Toopman- While I rather like your first paragraph, your following paragraphs are rather inconclusive. You list traits, yet give no examples of how you have demonstrated them. Also, you became a great painter…ok? Without knowing where this was, why you chose to paint as a “logistics personnel” is rather confusing, and doesn’t aid to explaining who you are. Finally, the last paragraph is rather generic. I would suggest thinking of what you are offering. It seems you are expecting the Navy to accept you as an Officer simply because you think you can do well.

Freedomtrider- You really need to do some grammatical editing. You have present/past tenses mixed up, singular and plural, nix the slashes, and a ton of wordiness. Esp. the first sentence of the second paragraph. Also really disorganized. I think you would benefit for thinking about saying less, and more about what you are saying. They have your records, but they do not know you. It is not a resume, but rather insight into who you are.

Salv-navy- Outside of grammatical errors, I think you give a good background, but you don’t really respond to the question they asked. HOW are those things going to help the Navy. You begin to get into it, but if you are transitioning into your second paragraph then you never really answer that question.
 

FayettevilleReb

New Member
I just changed up my statement and I would greatly appreciate any help, please be harsh. Thanks guys




To me, the three most important traits of a Naval Officer are intelligence, leadership ability, and physical fitness. A leader who possesses all three of these traits will be someone who can get the job done under the highly stressful situations that are ubiquitous within military service. Additionally, a leader who possesses these traits will be respected by his men, which is to me the most important part of being a leader. My leadership style is leading by example, and I have noticed in my personal life that energy is contagious. While playing high school baseball I was sure to sprint to my position (rather than jogging/walking), something that rubbed off on the entire team in only a game or two. A leader who excels in all aspects of his life will make others around him strive to do their best as well.

It is common for a Naval Officer be in charge of men ten to fifteen years his elder, something that is completely counterintuitive. I was in this same situation as an accountant at Tyson when I was chosen to lead a project about the commodities brokers employed by Tyson Foods. All of the sudden, I was directing the work of people who had been at Tyson for 20 years, people who were old enough to be my parents. Though it was odd in the beginning, I enjoyed the role greatly, and I am happy to say my group excelled on the project, finding and solving a great deal of the issues surrounding commodity brokers.

I am a firm believer in the idea that “no task is too small for a leader to do”, meaning that no matter how menial the task, if it needs to be done I will do it. While working at Wal-Mart during my 1st/2nd years of college, I was appointed “Leading Grocery ICS Associate” even though I was 10 years younger than most employees. I was in charge of determining what inventory needed to be stocked and communicating management’s ideas to my coworkers. Though nowhere near the realm of my job description, I frequently found myself taking out the trash and mopping floors. Tasks such as cleaning and mopping are often looked upon by people in leadership roles as “below them”, however I feel that if it needs to be done you should do it, no questions asked.
 
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