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Finally finished first draftI would appreciate it if some people can give me input/feedback/corrections. Thanks a lot guys. 407 words
My calling began on September 11th, 2001. When tragedy struck America, I too felt the unrelenting pain. I knew from then on, my fate was sealed to join the armed forces. The core values the Navy instill in its sailors, along with the versatility the Navy possesses, truly allures me. This nation has given my family and I so much, I would like to graciously pay back my debts by honorably serving. I hope to ensure security for our country if given the opportunity to serve in the United States Navy.
Throughout life, I have always taken an active role in team sports, leadership programs, and academics. What truly separates me from others is how I thrive on adversity; driving me to dig deeper to accomplish my goal. Over the years, I became affiliated with sports where I adapted quickly and exceeded as a team and as an individual. Growing up wrestling, I learned to keep persistent and overcome any obstacles that stood in my way. I took innitiative and joined my university's board committee as I took on the responsibility to speak for students on their behalf. Soon after, I was appointed to become an ambassador to mentor new students where I committed myself to working long hours while maintaining a positive attitude. Till this day, my fellow colleagues continue to express their gratitude for the guidance I have given them. As a role model, I continue to do all my tasks with integrity, as I set an example for others. Regardless of programs, I did not neglect my academics as I held a high GPA and earned a spot on the dean's list numerous times. From my experiences, I have learned that in order to lead, I must first be led.
All I have accomplished has prepared me for this moment as I humbly seek commission. I strongly believe I can contribute to the Navy by bringing my dynamic traits, experiences, and commitment. I am certain the Navy will provide me everlasting challenges and memorable growth, as well as the core values it is respected for. My desire to learn, adapt, and grow has given me the perseverance to constantly strive forward, and will point me in the right direction to excel as a Naval Officer. No one in my family has served, and to stand with pride amongst our nation's heroes would be an honor; regardless of any situation, I will lead by example.