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Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

RiseR 25

Well-Known Member
I am applying for two designators. In my motivational statement, how will this be reflected? If I focus on just becoming a Naval Officer and leave out designators then it looks unfocused. If I include both designators, then it looks like I've told someone that they're my #2 option (and looks unfocused as well). Therefore, if I am applying to two jobs, how do I write up a motivational statement?

You are allowed to place whatever designators interest you on your application. Case in point, I only placed one. Initially I don't think my recruiter was keen on it, but he understands now and the application process is going better than I expected at this point. We've also debated this on the Rolling Boards June 2013 thread, page 2.

http://www.airwarriors.com/community/index.php?threads/rolling-boards-june-2013-board.40475/page-2

The goal of being committed to becoming a Naval Officer is excellent. You will find that many on this site are fantastically dedicated to it, and others it may depend on the circumstances (i.e. what job they want to do). It's up to each individual applicant to be honest with himself/herself to find out their motivations.

My solution to this problem would be to state what separates you from others (characters, skills, experience) and show that it makes you an excellent officer candidate. While stating that your personal career goals suits your choice of designators 1 and 2. Not the perfect answer I know but it helped me distinguish between the two goals.
 

alaurin

All day, every day!
You are allowed to place whatever designators interest you on your application. Case in point, I only placed one. Initially I don't think my recruiter was keen on it, but he understands now and the application process is going better than I expected at this point. We've also debated this on the Rolling Boards June 2013 thread, page 2.

http://www.airwarriors.com/community/index.php?threads/rolling-boards-june-2013-board.40475/page-2

The goal of being committed to becoming a Naval Officer is excellent. You will find that many on this site are fantastically dedicated to it, and others it may depend on the circumstances (i.e. what job they want to do). It's up to each individual applicant to be honest with himself/herself to find out their motivations.

My solution to this problem would be to state what separates you from others (characters, skills, experience) and show that it makes you an excellent officer candidate. While stating that your personal career goals suits your choice of designators 1 and 2. Not the perfect answer I know but it helped me distinguish between the two goals.

I didn't really encounter the same problem that you did with trying to write a 'one size fits all' motivational statement. If I were you, I might write two motivational statements if you're required to submit the ASPR twice (for each board but from what I understand, they forward your packet onto the other board?). But if its less headache, just write one.

RiseR gives great advice. Talk about what motivates you to become a naval officer. It should be like you giving them a small snapshot of who you are, what your work ethic or leadership is like and why you do what you do. If there's one designator you absolutely want (maybe you really want to be a pilot), be sure to talk about why that designation is your passion. I spent about 4 months on my statement and wrote multiple drafts, took it to multiple people. The main thing my recruiter had me do that really helped was write a narrative of why I think I can lead people- so I wrote about a personal experience I had as a leader and how it turned out well. The narrative was too long to use in its entirety, but it had a few key sentences that I felt really helped my statement. Lastly, I talked about why the Navy- what does the Navy have to offer that other companies I could do work for don't have.

Good luck with the writing, be patient.
 

Andrew Lyons

New Member
Hi all - I'm looking mostly at a USAF JAG commission, though I will consider Navy as well (despite them taking only 4-5 direct appointments per year). Lots of helpful advice in this thread, so I'd welcome any thoughts on a draft of my motivational statement:

On October 1, 1995, I attended a McGuire AFB color guard flag retreat ceremony marking the end of my father’s 20-year career as an enlisted member of the U.S. Air Force. As my family transitioned into civilian life, I was guided by my memories of our Air Force experience and committed to the core value of service before self.
Before and after my father’s retirement, I participated actively in numerous community service projects sponsored by the Boy Scouts of America and my local church. I assumed a leadership role in many of these activities, learning important communication, motivational, and consensus-building skills. Once in college, I further developed my leadership abilities by serving as Treasurer of the university’s car club and by leading a team of Capstone students in completing a crime data analysis tool and presenting it to the National Institute of Justice.
After college, I pursued a law degree as a foundation for a career grounded in service to others, influenced by the belief that lawyers are uniquely positioned to positively change communities by promoting justice and assisting those with limited access to competent counsel. As President of the Intellectual Property Law Society at George Mason, I led a successful curriculum-bolstering effort to expand the school’s intramural IP Moot Court competition, increasing the number of participating teams from one to seven during my tenure. After graduating, I committed my legal career to public service, ensuring that disability claimants were given fair hearings and substantively reviewing economically important patent applications.
I now seek an opportunity to utilize my skills and education where I can serve others and my country, grow personally and professionally, challenge myself intellectually, and hone my leadership ability. Recalling my experiences growing up in a military family, I am drawn to the Air Force to continue my career, where I can contribute high quality legal advice to my fellow servicemen and women while contributing to a mission much greater than any individual. It would be both an honor and a privilege to join and practice law as a member of the distinguished United States Air Force Judge Advocate General Corps for as long as my service is valued.
 

mrmperry

Graffiti Dinosaur
Hi Andrew. I'm not your target audience, but here are my thoughts:

The first paragraph is brief and colorful, a nice introduction.

The second paragraph is a little vague. I want to know what service projects you did and what your leadership role was in those projects. I don't know what "Capstone students" are or what you mean by "crime analysis tool." If you can't be as detailed as you'd like because of space concerns, I think the tool at least deserves a little more detail. Sounds interesting.

In the third paragraph, I think you could cut "promoting justice" and "curriculum bolstering," which sound fluffy, and I would put the last sentence in present perfect tense--"since graduating, I have committed . . . " Even then, I'm not sure that last sentence is strong enough. Are fairness and substantive reviews the sort of thing that will get you selected over other candidates?

In the last paragraph, I think you could be more targeted--instead of seeking "an" opportunity, say specifically what you want right away and then give 'em a one-two-three of reasons why they should pick you.

Altogether I think it's good, but could be stronger, more forceful and pointed. Good luck!
 

mrmperry

Graffiti Dinosaur
I promised some time ago to put my motivational statement up here when it was more finalized, so here it is. My OR has asked that it be under 400 words--this is 398. If any of y'all have a spare bit of time to read and comment, I'd appreciate it.

***

My father, an Air Force Captain who enlisted during the Vietnam War, raised me to know the discipline required to serve in the armed forces; my brother, an Air Force Medical Officer, has provided me with a contemporary example. I am an intellectually curious leader who thrives in challenging situations, and I want to serve my country as a Navy Officer.

I am equipped to handle the learning curve that confronts new Officers. I skipped three grades, graduating from high school at the age of 15 with a 4.0 GPA and a scholarship for an SAT score in the 99th percentile. During the same time, I served as the Senior Patrol Leader and earned my Eagle Scout award in BSA troop 941.

I am prepared to shoulder the workload that Officers carry. In addition to my major and minor coursework at Brigham Young University, I worked as an editor, a peer tutor, and the research assistant for 2 professors. I also started a freelance business through which I have edited more than 100 projects, including trade and academic books. I achieved Spanish fluency through 9 months in the university’s demanding immersion program and 3 months at the University of Alcalá in Madrid, Spain. I also performed with BYU’s ballet company on their US tour, while at the same time organizing independent study courses to complete while volunteering for 4 months as an economic development teacher in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

I am ready to lead sailors in international operations. In addition to my time in Europe and South America, I lived in Japan for 2 years, working as a public school teacher. With local Japanese staff, I coordinated, planned, and executed learning programs for more than 2,000 students. I also participated in my community by learning to speak Japanese, giving the keynote speech for the city-wide International Festival, summiting both Mt. Tanzawa and Mt. Fuji with Japanese hiking groups, and earning Level 1 rank in the Japan Kendo Federation as a member of a community team.

Together, these experiences have taught me how to learn, how to lead, and how to dedicate myself to a cause; because of these skills, I will be able to master the responsibilities of my designator and constantly improve my value to the Navy while leading an exemplary life, both on duty and off. For these reasons, I respectfully request your consideration.
 

McHale's Navy

sighted nothing..sank same.
I'm going up for the July SWO board. This is my third try at SWO, and fifth board overall. I've used the same motivational statement for all. Would someone be willing to take a good look at mine? I thought it best not to post on here because it has command specifics.
 

McHale's Navy

sighted nothing..sank same.
I've used this for all my boards in the past, please critique.

Some men and women take a look at the world when they're young and they don't like what they see. They realize that some of us are going to have to fight for the rest of us from here on in. This idealistic mentality has been with me since a very young age. I was raised to fear and trust in God. Everything I am and have yet to become is a product of my parents. I have watched them work long hours at very low compensation for as long as I can remember. Their stubborn courage and constant refusal to quit in order to support their family has motivated me beyond reproach. My father is a Navy Veteran who served in the Vietnam era. His sense of national pride during a time of war led him to enlist. It is tradition and that same pride along with a sense of duty during a time of terror that led me to join the United States Navy.

I have given four honorable years to my country. My service thus far has been exemplary. Currently a member of XXX-XX, I have had the privilege to serve with some of the Navy's finest officers and enlisted men. Initially enlisting as a Reservist, and assigned to a Full-Time Support squadron, I had some serious catching up to do. However, I gratefully and eagerly accepted the challenge. I quickly conformed my busy civilian life around the needs of the Navy, showing my commitment and ability to prioritize. As an Airman, I was able to gain qualifications not normally attained by most Petty Officers. Following my advancement to PO3, I was put into various leadership roles. My outstanding performance and leadership ability has led to my selection as JSOQ, and JSOY. My competitive nature combined with a game-changing attitude is present at every evolution. This was apparent while fulfilling my collateral duties and providing counsel to my peers. I believe that a good leader must also be a good follower, and do what’s best for the team. Many times I had put my studies on hold in order to fill a manpower shortage, working nights on additional active duty orders. I also had volunteered to help the squadron for six days on non-pay orders, due to a lack of funds. I always place my shipmates ahead of myself. My commitment has been proven time and again. I constantly strive for the opportunity to stand in front and make a difference. The advantage provided to me through my command's lengthy experience has led me to stand out as a leader among my peers not only in the Navy but in the civilian world as well.

During my collegiate career at the University of South Florida, my role as a leader was present through various organizations and sports teams. While a member of the USF Men's Rugby Team, I guided new members through their transition as student athletes. My coach and team captain had immediately recognized my leadership qualities and put me to good use. I learned to overcome the stress of a heavy academic workload while at the same time being an influential mentor and skilled athlete. I can proudly say that the members I guided are some of the best Rugby players in the country. The greatest skill that a leader can possess is the ability to lead others by example. My leadership ability and initiative were again on display as I repeatedly volunteered for non-profit organizations including Relay for Life and the March of Dimes. As a member of the Phi Alpha Theta History Honors Society, I led events and helped my peers through our senior thesis. In the community, I was the assistant coach of an amateur baseball team. This allowed me to not only shine as a leader, but again as a mentor. Both leadership skills learned as a civilian and in the Navy have prepared me for the next step on my life.

It is through a commission in the United States Navy where I believe that I can make the greatest difference. I truly feel that to become an officer is the highest honor. To lead men and women by example is the one greatest thing that a leader can accomplish. I honestly believe that this is what I was put on this Earth to do; my passion to help others along with pride for my country in unwavering. It has been my greatest honor to serve this land of the free thus far. Everything that I have done has been geared towards this fine goal. I am a leader. As a Naval Officer I will continue to serve my country honorably and with distinction. I'm not just looking for a job; I'm ready to give a lifetime of selfless service to my country and to the United States Navy.
 

DoubleOswo7

Active Member
I would highly recommend that you mention nothing about becoming a naval aviator. Remember you are applying to become a U.S. Naval Officer.


I agree above. I am going for SWO but I put no specific desire for any career path. Simply just being an officer was my main goal (which is true). I spoke about my commitment to service, background/experience/leadership and what kind of ambitions that would translate to in the Navy.

Good luck
 

DoubleOswo7

Active Member
I would highly recommend that you mention nothing about becoming a naval aviator. Remember you are applying to become a U.S. Naval Officer.


I agree above. I am going for SWO but I put no specific desire for any career path. Simply just being an officer was my main goal (which is true). I spoke about my commitment to service, background/experience/leadership and what kind of ambitions that would translate to in the Navy.

Good luck
 

Jon Jones

Member
Hey everyone,

I'm putting my first draft of my statement on here. I'm tinkering around with a different one right now, but in the meantime, please rip this one to shreds. I'm trying to have it finalized by tomorrow morning.



Three generations ago my grandfather fulfilled his duty in defending the values and freedom of the United States. As a child I revered this man. He had a presence that commanded respect; he lived by virtue, and he had an unbreakable character. Whether these attributes were nurtured by his time in service or whether these attributes spurred his decision to serve his country, I am unsure. It was probably both. I am committed to being the type of man my grandfather was, and there is nothing I would take greater pride in than serving as a commissioned officer in the United States Navy, exercising my skills and abilities for the defense and common good of my nation, values, family and friends. I look forward to the incredible dynamic and challenge that life as a naval officer will bring.

My greatest asset as a naval officer would be the skills I have developed during the study of my major—public relations. These skills are invaluable to those in positions of leadership. The practice of public relations is essentially generating optimal solutions to complex problems, often with very limited resources. Important parts of the public relations process include research and data analysis, objective-setting, organization, effective communication, implementation of specific tactics and strategies, evaluation and adaptation based on results. These same fundamental principles extend far beyond the realm of public relations. They are very important for any leader, and I am confident they will be extremely beneficial as a naval officer.

In addition to building useful leadership skills through my coursework, I worked two summers as a student orientation, advisement and registration (SOAR) leader for Missouri State University. During this time I was given the responsibility of guiding nearly 200 prospective students through a comprehensive two-day program familiarizing them with university policy and helping them register for appropriate classes. One of my core duties as a SOAR leader was facilitating student transition from high school to college, which can be jarring for some students, and ensuring their future success. I took great pride in being a role model and positive impact for these students. In fact, many of them still come to me for advice to this day. I cannot wait to help build men and women of honor, integrity, determination and character as part of the Navy.

For the past two years I have also worked as a part-time Office Services clerk at Husch Blackwell, a large law firm in Springfield, Mo. During my time there, I have done a variety of wide-ranging tasks. I have had the unique experience of serving subpoenas to appear in court, coordinating complex copy projects consisting of over 10,000 pages and completing weekly supply orders. On one occasion, over the course of three days, I unloaded 1,000 boxes full of paper from four semi-trucks into a handful of storage lockers. In my role at Husch Blackwell, I have to be prepared for anything and do it effectively. I enjoy completing tasks to ensure the proper function of a work environment, and I am a very fast learner and an even harder worker.

Since October 2012, I have also worked as a Marketing Specialist intern for Springfield BackOffice, a business consulting firm. On my first day I was given the enormous task of organizing a comprehensive seminar for entrepreneurs about taking startup companies from concept to a repeatable, scalable business. I was given a team to delegate responsibilities to. The world of business advisement and strategic planning was completely new to me, but I put my head down and researched until I was fluent in what used to be a foreign language. My seminar project has since evolved into creating a large database of free information for budding entrepreneurs, offering them tools to navigate an often-confusing business world. Our initial goal was to establish ourselves as an authority on business development. Through critical thinking and analysis, I am pioneering this database which will allow us to market ourselves to a much wider audience, farming important demographic information and gauging the degree of interest in specific services while still establishing top-of-mind awareness for our company. These critical thinking skills and ability to innovate and adapt make me an ideal candidate for commission in the United States Navy.

I look forward to taking the plunge into life as a naval officer and am proud to be considered as an applicant. I am completely confident that my skillset makes me an excellent candidate, and I will deliver on my intention to serve the United States of America as selflessly and effectively as any man or woman could.


Thanks so much,

Jon
 

DoubleOswo7

Active Member
Hey everyone,

I'm putting my first draft of my statement on here. I'm tinkering around with a different one right now, but in the meantime, please rip this one to shreds. I'm trying to have it finalized by tomorrow morning.



Three generations ago my grandfather fulfilled his duty in defending the values and freedom of the United States. As a child I revered this man. He had a presence that commanded respect; he lived by virtue, and he had an unbreakable character. Whether these attributes were nurtured by his time in service or whether these attributes spurred his decision to serve his country, I am unsure. It was probably both. I am committed to being the type of man my grandfather was, and there is nothing I would take greater pride in than serving as a commissioned officer in the United States Navy, exercising my skills and abilities for the defense and common good of my nation, values, family and friends. I look forward to the incredible dynamic and challenge that life as a naval officer will bring.

My greatest asset as a naval officer would be the skills I have developed during the study of my major—public relations. These skills are invaluable to those in positions of leadership. The practice of public relations is essentially generating optimal solutions to complex problems, often with very limited resources. Important parts of the public relations process include research and data analysis, objective-setting, organization, effective communication, implementation of specific tactics and strategies, evaluation and adaptation based on results. These same fundamental principles extend far beyond the realm of public relations. They are very important for any leader, and I am confident they will be extremely beneficial as a naval officer.

In addition to building useful leadership skills through my coursework, I worked two summers as a student orientation, advisement and registration (SOAR) leader for Missouri State University. During this time I was given the responsibility of guiding nearly 200 prospective students through a comprehensive two-day program familiarizing them with university policy and helping them register for appropriate classes. One of my core duties as a SOAR leader was facilitating student transition from high school to college, which can be jarring for some students, and ensuring their future success. I took great pride in being a role model and positive impact for these students. In fact, many of them still come to me for advice to this day. I cannot wait to help build men and women of honor, integrity, determination and character as part of the Navy.

For the past two years I have also worked as a part-time Office Services clerk at Husch Blackwell, a large law firm in Springfield, Mo. During my time there, I have done a variety of wide-ranging tasks. I have had the unique experience of serving subpoenas to appear in court, coordinating complex copy projects consisting of over 10,000 pages and completing weekly supply orders. On one occasion, over the course of three days, I unloaded 1,000 boxes full of paper from four semi-trucks into a handful of storage lockers. In my role at Husch Blackwell, I have to be prepared for anything and do it effectively. I enjoy completing tasks to ensure the proper function of a work environment, and I am a very fast learner and an even harder worker.

Since October 2012, I have also worked as a Marketing Specialist intern for Springfield BackOffice, a business consulting firm. On my first day I was given the enormous task of organizing a comprehensive seminar for entrepreneurs about taking startup companies from concept to a repeatable, scalable business. I was given a team to delegate responsibilities to. The world of business advisement and strategic planning was completely new to me, but I put my head down and researched until I was fluent in what used to be a foreign language. My seminar project has since evolved into creating a large database of free information for budding entrepreneurs, offering them tools to navigate an often-confusing business world. Our initial goal was to establish ourselves as an authority on business development. Through critical thinking and analysis, I am pioneering this database which will allow us to market ourselves to a much wider audience, farming important demographic information and gauging the degree of interest in specific services while still establishing top-of-mind awareness for our company. These critical thinking skills and ability to innovate and adapt make me an ideal candidate for commission in the United States Navy.

I look forward to taking the plunge into life as a naval officer and am proud to be considered as an applicant. I am completely confident that my skillset makes me an excellent candidate, and I will deliver on my intention to serve the United States of America as selflessly and effectively as any man or woman could.


Thanks so much,

Jon


Sounds good to me. My only thing is are these guys review these like civilian recruiters would? What I mean is that is this too long? They have so many packets to go through should you snag them with the big and bold right away, short and sweet so they can get to your APSR and other credentials? That I don't know for sure, but sounds good none the less.
 

John Tran

CTR2 (IDW)
Evening everyone,

I am CTR2(IDW) in the Navy, I've been in active duty for 3yrs 4months, and n feel more confident enough that I have a bit of meat to my Naval resume.(qualifications, eval, etc) I am currently working on my first package and wanted your guys advice/critique on my personal statement and so forth.

Little bit about my self:
28 years old
Bachelors Finance and Bachelors Economics (Grad in 2007)
OAR: 40, 35 (yes I took it twice in 2007, OCS recruiter said it was practice test,little did I know and yes its very LOW)
Evals: MP('10-'11)-->EP('11-'12)-- >EP ('12-'13)
EIDWS Quald
No Personal Awards. Mostly give EOT awards here.
COs LOR
___________________________________________________________________________________________
I know that my scores are low for the OAR to be accepted in the IDC. I will start taking Physics classes to prepare for my last OAR test to boost up the scores. I love the Navy, Leading/developing/empowering Sailors, and the Intel/CT community. I feel that I am ready to make that transition in my Naval career.

Apologies for ranting...........all advice is GREATLY appreciated.

Personal Statement: 1420/1 Application

Every great dream usually comes from a background of hardships that shape and mold us to aspire more in order to build a more promising future. For me, I have always felt a desire to serve my country. The strong patriotism that I increasingly experienced stems from my parents' history of having to flee their own country of Vietnam. They were fortunate enough to be able to start a new life in the United States, raising their children to value education, hard-work and the opportunities that it would provide. I pursued one of my personal goals and obtained a college degree, but still did not feel satisfied. I previously applied for a Navy commission via OCS after graduating, but to my disappointment, was not selected at the time. I was forced to re-route my life plan and worked as an accountant in the civilian sector for three years. However, the desire to be in the Navy never died. I knew I would not be truly happy unless I was pursuing this calling to serve in the United States Navy. I would later realize goal when I enlisted and arrived for boot camp in Great Lakes, Illinois in the early 2010. Now after serving as an enlisted man, I feel that I can utilize my gained experience in the ranks to better lead, empower, and develop Sailors.

Discuss what the Navy's Core Values (Honor, Courage, and Commitment) mean to you and how you think they will apply to you as an officer in the U.S. Navy.


First, honor combines many attributes such as integrity, reliability, and truthfulness all into one virtue. Performing honorably in the Navy is to push forward our best moral efforts, to take responsibility for your own actions, and to possess the highest ethical standard, treating others with respect throughout the chain of command. Secondly, courage is the mental or moral strength needed to overcome fearful and difficult situations. I feel that I have exhibited courage many times in my life, and because of that, have built the confidence to make a decision and execute the tasks required to support the mission. No matter how demanding, fearful, and painful these jobs may be, courage ensures that tasks are performed not only as they were meant to be, but also done well. Finally, commitment is the vow we take to maintain the obligations, loyalties, and willingness to obey orders regardless of whether or not we agree or disagree given the situation. Currently serving in the enlisted ranks, I have gained an appreciation and understanding of our Navy’s Core Values. As a Naval Officer, there will be more responsibility and accountability for me to uphold and further these values. Sailors under my charge will look to me and see how I will set the standard - which I am ready to do.



V/r

CTR2
 

DoubleOswo7

Active Member
Evening everyone,

I am CTR2(IDW) in the Navy, I've been in active duty for 3yrs 4months, and n feel more confident enough that I have a bit of meat to my Naval resume.(qualifications, eval, etc) I am currently working on my first package and wanted your guys advice/critique on my personal statement and so forth.

Little bit about my self:
28 years old
Bachelors Finance and Bachelors Economics (Grad in 2007)
OAR: 40, 35 (yes I took it twice in 2007, OCS recruiter said it was practice test,little did I know and yes its very LOW)
Evals: MP('10-'11)-->EP('11-'12)-- >EP ('12-'13)
EIDWS Quald
No Personal Awards. Mostly give EOT awards here.
COs LOR
___________________________________________________________________________________________
I know that my scores are low for the OAR to be accepted in the IDC. I will start taking Physics classes to prepare for my last OAR test to boost up the scores. I love the Navy, Leading/developing/empowering Sailors, and the Intel/CT community. I feel that I am ready to make that transition in my Naval career.

Apologies for ranting...........all advice is GREATLY appreciated.

Personal Statement: 1420/1 Application

Every great dream usually comes from a background of hardships that shape and mold us to aspire more in order to build a more promising future. For me, I have always felt a desire to serve my country. The strong patriotism that I increasingly experienced stems from my parents' history of having to flee their own country of Vietnam. They were fortunate enough to be able to start a new life in the United States, raising their children to value education, hard-work and the opportunities that it would provide. I pursued one of my personal goals and obtained a college degree, but still did not feel satisfied. I previously applied for a Navy commission via OCS after graduating, but to my disappointment, was not selected at the time. I was forced to re-route my life plan and worked as an accountant in the civilian sector for three years. However, the desire to be in the Navy never died. I knew I would not be truly happy unless I was pursuing this calling to serve in the United States Navy. I would later realize goal when I enlisted and arrived for boot camp in Great Lakes, Illinois in the early 2010. Now after serving as an enlisted man, I feel that I can utilize my gained experience in the ranks to better lead, empower, and develop Sailors.

Discuss what the Navy's Core Values (Honor, Courage, and Commitment) mean to you and how you think they will apply to you as an officer in the U.S. Navy.


First, honor combines many attributes such as integrity, reliability, and truthfulness all into one virtue. Performing honorably in the Navy is to push forward our best moral efforts, to take responsibility for your own actions, and to possess the highest ethical standard, treating others with respect throughout the chain of command. Secondly, courage is the mental or moral strength needed to overcome fearful and difficult situations. I feel that I have exhibited courage many times in my life, and because of that, have built the confidence to make a decision and execute the tasks required to support the mission. No matter how demanding, fearful, and painful these jobs may be, courage ensures that tasks are performed not only as they were meant to be, but also done well. Finally, commitment is the vow we take to maintain the obligations, loyalties, and willingness to obey orders regardless of whether or not we agree or disagree given the situation. Currently serving in the enlisted ranks, I have gained an appreciation and understanding of our Navy’s Core Values. As a Naval Officer, there will be more responsibility and accountability for me to uphold and further these values. Sailors under my charge will look to me and see how I will set the standard - which I am ready to do.



V/r

CTR2


I'm just a civilian applicant going off of what my recruiter has told me but mine said that the enlisted route you would not have to take the ASTB? However I hope those scores are not in time order because in that case yes the 35 is very low. My first try I got a 43 and my OR was said I had to take again. I almost lost my mind studying but got a 54 5/5/5. I hear previous/active service is a huge plus, your statement is good, you HAVE to know a few officers to give you some good LOR's I would imagine. Your evals will looks good and pull in some leadership/team leader/high school/college leadership roles and I think you would be good.

Again i'm a civ trying to get in so don't take my word 100% without checking the facts.

Best of luck
 

Jon Jones

Member
Every great dream usually (be strong in the language you use) comes from a background of hardships that shape and mold us. They cause us to aspire to more in order to build a more promising future. For me, (don't need this here) I have always felt a desire to serve my country. The strong patriotism that I have increasingly experienced stems from my parents' history of having to flee their own country of Vietnam. They were fortunate enough to be able to (a couple of these recommended changes just make the sentences flow better when you're reading them) start a new life in the United States, raising their children to value education, hard work and the opportunities that it these things provide. I pursued one of my personal goals and obtained a college degree, but I still did not feel satisfied. I previously applied for a Navy commission via OCS after graduating, but to my disappointment, I was (if you want to express your disappointment you could say "disappointingly" here) not selected at the time. I was forced to re-route my life plan and worked as an accountant in the civilian sector for three years. However, the desire to be in the Navy never died. I knew I would not be truly happy unless I was pursuing this calling to serve in the United States Navypursued the calling to serve in the United States Navy (this change keeps it past tense like the rest of your statement). I later realize realized this goal when I enlisted and arrived for boot camp in Great Lakes, Illinois in the early 2010. Now, After serving as an enlisted man, I feel that I can utilize my gained experience in the ranks to better lead, empower, and develop Sailors.
Discuss what the Navy's Core Values (Honor, Courage, and Commitment) mean to you and how you think they will apply to you as an officer in the U.S. Navy.


First, honor combines many attributes such as integrity, reliability, and truthfulness all into one virtue. Performing honorably in the Navy is to push forward put forth our best moral efforts (since you talk about ethical standards in this sentence, it might be good to use the word "character" here...i.e. put forth our best character), to take responsibility for your our (stick with 'our' here) own actions, and to possess the highest ethical standard, treating others with respect throughout the chain of command. Secondly, courage is the mental or moral strength needed to overcome fearful and difficult situations. I feel that I (don't have any doubt in the language you use...you HAVE done it) have exhibited courage many times in my life, and because of that, I have built the confidence to make a decisions and execute the tasks required to support the mission. No matter how demanding, fearful, and painful these jobs may be, courage ensures that tasks are performed well, as they are meant to be. (my suggestion to eliminate cumbersome wording) not only as they were meant to be, but also done well. Finally, commitment is the vow we take to maintain the obligation, loyalty, and willingness to obey orders regardless of whether or not we agree or disagree given the situation. Currently serving in the enlisted ranks, I have gained an appreciation and understanding of our Navy’s Core Values. As a Naval Officer, there will be more greater responsibility and accountability for me to uphold and further these values. Sailors under my charge will look to me and see how I will set the standard, which I am fully (I think adding a word here solidifies what you're saying) ready to do.

I hope these suggestions help. I really like the content of your letter, and I wish you luck in applying.

-Jon
 

John Tran

CTR2 (IDW)
I'm just a civilian applicant going off of what my recruiter has told me but mine said that the enlisted route you would not have to take the ASTB? However I hope those scores are not in time order because in that case yes the 35 is very low. My first try I got a 43 and my OR was said I had to take again. I almost lost my mind studying but got a 54 5/5/5. I hear previous/active service is a huge plus, your statement is good, you HAVE to know a few officers to give you some good LOR's I would imagine. Your evals will looks good and pull in some leadership/team leader/high school/college leadership roles and I think you would be good.

Again i'm a civ trying to get in so don't take my word 100% without checking the facts.

Best of luck

Thanks for the for the input. Did you just study ASTB/OAR questions or did you take class to help you prepare? I was thinking on taking a Physics class to help prepare.. hehe .. I really need to pull my scores up!
 
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