Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

[jms4netsec]

After many applications, I would say don't sweat the white space. If it's a good statement, then it'll stand on its own.

The motivation statement I submitted above is exactly 400 words (a hard limit I've been encouraged to conform to despite the page length).

 

[PrudasJiest]

Definitely a question you should pose to your RO...asap.

I sent the e-mail as soon as I realized my error (just now). Admittedly I just posed the question here hoping someone would provide some anecdotal support to calm my nerves. Thank you for the guidance

edit:

After many applications, I would say don't sweat the white space. If it's a good statement, then it'll stand on its own.

I think I was shooting for this 400-word limit for some reason (I had 386 words exactly)....Where did it come from? I could have sworn I double-checked before typing it up and saw people stressing this supposed limit but I could have just been looking in old threads.

 

[ShadeofRed]

I sent the e-mail as soon as I realized my error (just now). Admittedly I just posed the question here hoping someone would provide some anecdotal support to calm my nerves. Thank you for the guidance

Well, like jms said length isn't everything. My MS was only about 1/2 the page, definitely nowhere near filling it.

 

[jms4netsec]

I've written several motivation statements for the DCO program, all longer (some, much so). I've pretty much written everything from a 'I'm gonna take that hill and plant a flag in it' statement (figuratively) to far more humble assertions that have surprised some who know me well. I'm a fairly erudite speaker and writer, and can make an impassioned presentation when the moment calls for it. But at the end of the day, I'm still on the outside looking in. And to this day, nobody has posted a 'successful statement' as an example for those of us seeking guidance, or if they have, I've missed it (not likely).

So, long story short - tell your story, and don't worry about the length. From what I'm told, less is more.

 

[ShadeofRed]

nobody has posted a 'successful statement' as an example for those of us seeking guidance, or if they have, I've missed it (not likely).

It's kind of hard to find "successful statment"'s if you don't read other peoples posts. I posted my accepted MS on the last page, and there was at least one other a few pages before that.

 

[jms4netsec]

It's kind of hard to find "successful statment"'s if you don't read other peoples posts. I posted my accepted MS on the last page, and there was at least one other a few pages before that.

Wow - Thanks for that shot across the bow, Whiplash. As I said, I might have missed them (but didn't think so). Having missed them, they may not have been clearly identified as part of successful packages, or I just simply didn't catch that after *4 years* of reading crap like this at 2am.

 

[jms4netsec]

I posted my accepted MS on the last page, and there was at least one other a few pages before that.

Shades: FWIW - I did see your MS shortly after you posted it, but just didn't capture that you'd already pro-rec'd. In any case, IMO your contribution is largely an exception in this thread.

 

[doncruz23]

I would appreciate it if someone could look over my statement and give me their 2 cents. I will be submitting my package in the next few months for SWO and Supply. If anyone could make some recommendations on how to make this statement stronger I will gladly appreciate it. I have 3 NJP in my record (2002,2009,2010) and one of them is a DUI.

A commission as a Naval Officer will provide me a sense of accomplishment and pride, allowing me to continue supporting the Navy’s mission with increased leadership opportunities in challenging environments. I have made a few mistakes; I accepted and learned from them. I can sincerely say I am now a better man. I pride myself being disciplined, overcoming all odds and obstacles to achieve my potential. My experiences in life, strong desire to succeed, leadership ability, unquestionable work ethic and will to do what is right for my country make me an excellent candidate for the OCS program.

My missions as an officer will be to surpass expectations set forth by my command, qualify and become a subject matter expert in my field, and to never become complacent. There are always new challenges and goals to be achieved. My personal goals have been to further my education, continue community involvement, and when not deployed dedicate as much time as possible to my family.

An officer must deliver under pressure with poise and grace. As a young undesignated Sailor I conducted accurate and complete inventory of over 2,000 line items of hazmat material. As an Operations Specialist I made critical recommendations to senior officers during time of war. At the Naval War College I had the privilege of leading high visibility events, including Joint Maritime Operations. I am confident that my diverse background, deck plate experience, leadership, and achievements, I have what it takes to be that leader and I kindly request your acceptance into the OCS program. If selected I can assure you I will succeed.

 

[afsf1]

way too much fluff/blanket statement junk. Why are you a better man now? What have you learned from these mistakes? Where have you displayed your leadership ability? How have you furthered community involvement?

etc. etc. only the last paragraph has any meat on it, imo.

 

[doncruz23]

way too much fluff/blanket statement junk. Why are you a better man now? What have you learned from these mistakes? Where have you displayed your leadership ability? How have you furthered community involvement?

etc. etc. only the last paragraph has any meat on it, imo.

My OIC was discussing this with me yesterday on what "triggered" a change in character. Family, for myself, etc.
The statement should cover: Reason applying for a commission, Personal and professional goals, Strengths/personal characteristics you possess which will contribute to success in the program(s) to which you are applying.
All this in 250 words and I am at 266. I am trying to avoid using up my word count on how I have overcome my mistakes (Quals, JSOY), that is why I kept it short when I said I made mistakes..I am now a better person. My CO endorsement mentions SOY and my qualifications.
I do agree I can take out some of the fluff.

I am afraid that if I were to go over the word count, I would be the unfortunate one to have his counted and be denied because I cannot follow simple instructions lol.

 

[youngaviator]

My OIC was discussing this with me yesterday on what "triggered" a change in character. Family, for myself, etc.
The statement should cover: Reason applying for a commission, Personal and professional goals, Strengths/personal characteristics you possess which will contribute to success in the program(s) to which you are applying.
All this in 250 words and I am at 266. I am trying to avoid using up my word count on how I have overcome my mistakes (Quals, JSOY), that is why I kept it short when I said I made mistakes..I am now a better person. My CO endorsement mentions SOY and my qualifications.
I do agree I can take out some of the fluff.

I am afraid that if I were to go over the word count, I would be the unfortunate one to have his counted and be denied because I cannot follow simple instructions lol.

There is not a set word count, it says on the Apsr (limited to visible area). Either way 250 words is short most applicants stay around 450 words. Check out http://recruitingcommand.com/texasnavy/ and view the example motivation statements provided, most take up the entire visible area and there are applicants that were selected.

 

[doncruz23]

There is not a set word count, it says on the Apsr (limited to visible area). Either way 250 words is short most applicants stay around 450 words. Check out http://recruitingcommand.com/texasnavy/ and view the example motivation statements provided, most take up the entire visible area and there are applicants that were selected.

Thanks for the heads up, great info on there...saved the site. I was looking further but those examples seem to show motivational statement (NAVCRUIT 1131/236, Enlisted fill out OPNAV 1420/1 (Rev. 01-2008) and on that one it says 250 words. (Correct me if I'm wrong).

 

[youngaviator]

Thanks for the heads up, great info on there...saved the site. I was looking further but those examples seem to show motivational statement (NAVCRUIT 1131/236, Enlisted fill out OPNAV 1420/1 (Rev. 01-2008) and on that one it says 250 words. (Correct me if I'm wrong).

Oh I'm sorry thought you where looking for help with your motivational statement. I do not know what form you are talking about exactly but if it says 250 words I wouldn't exceed the provided limit.

 

[Artur]

There is not a set word count, it says on the Apsr (limited to visible area). Either way 250 words is short most applicants stay around 450 words. Check out http://recruitingcommand.com/texasnavy/ and view the example motivation statements provided, most take up the entire visible area and there are applicants that were selected.

When i was submitting my application, my OR said that there is no set rules on the length but recommended it to be 3/4 of visible page. So my statement ended up being around 800 words. To be honest, it was just enough to express my situation and make a compelling statement as to why I want to be in the Navy. In the end I got selected. If anyone needs any advice or help I will gladly provide before im gone next week!

 

[clara kapinos]

I am applying for two designators. In my motivational statement, how will this be reflected? If I focus on just becoming a Naval Officer and leave out designators then it looks unfocused. If I include both designators, then it looks like I've told someone that they're my #2 option (and looks unfocused as well). Therefore, if I am applying to two jobs, how do I write up a motivational statement?