Motivational Statement MEGA Thread

[Daniel Harrison]

Hello,
This is my first post on this website and my first forum post ever! Woot.
I am getting ready to graduate from college and am also in the process of putting together my OCS package. I have had some difficulties completing my motivational statement but have finally finished the first draft. I would like community member honest feedback so I can submit the best possible statement I can. Thank you!

My statement:

As college graduation looms ever closer I feel accomplished and proud of how far I’ve come yet unsatisfied. Unlike many of my classmates I am left with a hunger to learn and do more before settling down to a monotonous career. This drive to go beyond is what brought me to the United States Navy. As a Naval Officer I will be constantly challenged to adapt, learn, improve, and lead. Throughout my high school and college career I have been molded and shaped into a leader but I want more.

My experiences as an athlete have helped to continually define who I am as a person. Victories built my confidence, defeats reminded me to be humble, training instilled a habit of preparation, and teamwork readied me for success in college and beyond. The leadership positions I earned while playing the games I enjoy showed me that I had what it took to be a leader and my teammates would follow me. I will earn and display these same leadership qualities in the Navy.

I am finishing my degree in Elementary Education at Murray State University and have made the dean’s list for the past three semesters, four semesters in total. Teaching is a true passion of mine and one in which I excel. Determination to always improve, unwavering faith in myself, capacity to critically think, and love of learning are qualities that I model for my students and will model and inspire in the men and women I lead.

This drive to exceed my own expectations and for those I will serve has led me to pursue preparation that stands alone. The Navy offers a truly unique chance to reinforce and continue to develop my leadership qualities. There is nowhere else in the world that can offer the caliber of leadership training that the United States Navy does. I strive to be distinguished at all I do, the Navy can help me achieve this goal.

The Navy also offers a chance to continue my education. I want to contribute to this nation and in this ever increasingly globalized world I feel I can do this best by completing graduate study.

I will serve with honor, conviction, and to the best of my ability if given the distinctive opportunity to attend Navy OCS. I know I have what it takes both physically and mentally to stand among leadership in the strongest and most revered navies in the world, all I need is the chance to prove it.

 

[Brian Eugene Park]

How are you doing guys? I am here to share my motivational statement in hope of enriching this database other applicants can refer to. While coming up with my statement, I initially felt extremely frustrated/anxious because 1) I had no idea what to write down 2) it felt like I was just trying to sugarcoat my life so I can sell it. But after doing little bit of research in Airwarrior community, I was introduced a new perspective; motivational statement is your only chance to personally present yourself before the Navy gods. I bet it is not about us coming up with some pretty horse crap. So I summed up how would I like to introduce myself before the almighty. Surprisingly it was pretty fun to write it down because it gave me chance to reconnect with good memories/people who inspired me. Despite visible shortcomings I just hope that my presentation of motivational statement/perspective may help other applicants coming up with theirs.

Coming from a family that survived the Korean War, I always have been well aware of the significance of the military force that protects the freedom, peace and prosperity of civilians. Without the sacrifices of the valiant individuals of the United States military, my family and I could not have enjoyed liberty, education and the opportunity to take part in this honorable society. As a result, I naturally developed an interest in military and protecting and serving those in need. Out of all the branches of the armed forces, I am most fascinated by the Navy because of its active involvement in relief efforts during catastrophic events and its powerful multibillion-dollar ships. Every operation the Navy performs plays a vital role in deterring global conflict and it is my dream to travel around the globe while serving my country. Thus, with my commitment to service, technical knowledge, and leadership experience, fostered by my professional, academic and extracurricular activities, I respectfully apply for an officer position with the United States Navy.

I started my college education as a business management major at Sierra College. As a student I was attached to social studies such as history, anthropology and economics. I particularly enjoyed group projects in because the projects greatly helped me understand contemporary socioeconomic structure and its pertinent problems. After transferring to University of California, San Diego I switched my major to a mathematics-economics joint major because to acquire broader and more quantitative understanding in socioeconomics while retaining practicality. By taking challenging upper-division economics classes, I became proficient in complex data analyses which should be needed for the job in the Navy.

While studying as a full-time student, I interned at an insurance agency. I also worked part-time at the DMV registration service and at a moving company. The environment of the insurance agency office was similar to that of my school as I was expected to learn technical skills quickly. As a DMV registration service manager, I gained hands on experience such as coordinating a marketing project. As I was given more responsibilities with time, balancing my academics and work became difficult. However, this also gave me opportunity to learn how to allocate my limited time and resources efficiently, which should make me better prepared for my future career.

After graduating from UCSD in 2014, I accepted an offer to run an insurance agency where I had previously interned. Working as a manager, I gained field experience to hone important skills such as time management, teamwork, organization, and risk management, while leading a team that served 300 auto and 50 business insurance customers. I directed my staff to process customer endorsement requests and initiate new accounts. In addition, I worked on recruiting and training new team members and interns. Because I had dealt with clients involved in traffic accidents, our team took proactive roles in enhancing communication among the parties of interest such as insurance companies, auto repair shops and clients. Since my employer also owned a rental car company, we worked together to provide one-stop service to our clients. I developed stronger leadership abilities through sharing my knowledge and experiences with my colleagues, and as a result, I witnessed growth in my team members. Cooperating with others and coming together with unity from different perspectives are the essential components to a successful operation, whether in private industry or in the Navy.

Away from work, I also learned invaluable lessons about leadership while serving autistic children as a Sunday school teacher at my church. The essence of leadership is humility, caring for others and growing together. At the beginning, as a novice teacher, I was not confident that I could communicate with autistic children; I was simply giving them instructions and guiding them not to make trouble. However, I was a diligent student of teaching, who worked to learn from my superiors, colleagues and subordinates. Over time, as I became more attentive to children’s interest and needs, I gradually learned to sincerely communicate with them. We established mutual respect and a deeper bond, and I was privileged to witness their improvement. Not only did my students become more focused during bible study, two of them volunteered to take part in a praise session. My time as a teacher taught me that it is the bond between leaders and subjects that drives the team to excel.

Throughout my education, professional career and community activities, I have not been motivated by monetary reward or personal glory in pushing myself to the limit with a busy schedule. Rather, I have always been driven by the desire to be valuable to my team, and I bring this drive to use my character and varied experiences to the Navy. I am ready to start the next chapter of my life and transform myself through naval officer training. It would be my greatest honor to use my diverse background, work ethic and knowledge of leadership to serve on the world’s most venerable team.

 

[Mleijnse]

How are you doing guys? I am here to share my motivational statement in hope of enriching this database other applicants can refer to. While coming up with my statement, I initially felt extremely frustrated/anxious because 1) I had no idea what to write down 2) it felt like I was just trying to sugarcoat my life so I can sell it. But after doing little bit of research in Airwarrior community, I was introduced a new perspective; motivational statement is your only chance to personally present yourself before the Navy gods. I bet it is not about us coming up with some pretty horse crap. So I summed up how would I like to introduce myself before the almighty. Surprisingly it was pretty fun to write it down because it gave me chance to reconnect with good memories/people who inspired me. Despite visible shortcomings I just hope that my presentation of motivational statement/perspective may help other applicants coming up with theirs.
.

Great! I took the same approach with the first and last paragraph talking about my interest and motivation for joining the Navy and the body paragraphs describing my accomplishments. Glad I'm not the only one!

 

[Tmurphy]

Greetings,
I've read through this thread and have constructed mine based off of it's feed back. If you could take a look at it and give some feedback that would be much appreciated. Much like the gentlemen above me, I have made note to steer away from the "horse crap" and fluff. I have mentioned traits that I find important (hopefully they do too) and ways that I match those traits. My guess is that no where does College Cheerleader correlate to SNA, NFO, or SWO but I'm trying to make something stand out. Finally, my word count is 423, can anyone advise on what to get rid or skim down on? THANK YOU...

"A successful officer in the US Navy is a leader, mentor, and a professional.

Through my unique opportunity as Captain of Arizona State University’s Spirit Squad (Coed Cheerleading), I experienced situations that allowed me to gain and harness leadership abilities. On Saturdays and days prior to game day, my responsibility was to create (under the direction of the coach) a practice plan and instruct my teammates on the execution of any implemented tumbling or stunts. I have also led by example, putting in countless hours perfecting skills that encompass collegiate cheerleading; while earning the respect of my subordinates, peers, and superiors. Both seasons as Captain, I had the privilege of allotting and budgeting the team’s donation money. This funding provided the team with uniforms and equipment essential for game day cheerleading.

The ability to mentor and provide a positive example will increase a leader’s credibility and improve their team’s solidarity. Starting my senior year of high school, thru freshman year of college (2012-2013), I was promoted by management to “lead staff member.” My responsibilities as the “lead staff member” included new employee instruction through shadowing and demonstration of proper techniques. This training and mentorship allowed new members to be properly assimilated into the company culture and rules.

As a professional, it is vital to be able to communicate throughout the “chain of command.” In a Consulting Projects course at Arizona State University, I held the role of Project Manager. Our group worked with Purcell Tire & Service Company from August-December 2015. I reported to Purcell’s VP of Purchasing and CEO, as our team gathered/analyzed data on potential distribution center locations. I communicated with the VP of Purchasing by providing weekly updates as information was acquired. Our group received A’s for the course as well as offers of potential management opportunities at Purcell.

I know what it means to strive academically in addition to a collegiate sport (or “athletic activity”) that involves technique, strength, and the ability to accept heavy criticism. Because of these skills and comfort in the air, I will be able to succeed as a Naval Aviator or Naval Flight Officer. I have also applied for SWO because it will allow me to apply all leadership skills onboard various sized ships and jobs.

Through college athletics, work, and academic career I have learned that in order for a team to succeed, each member must perform their job efficiently and in conjunction with their teammates. I am pursuing a commission because I firmly believe in my capability to lead US Navy personnel."

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Greetings,
I've read through this thread and have constructed mine based off of it's feed back. If you could take a look at it and give some feedback that would be much appreciated. Much like the gentlemen above me, I have made note to steer away from the "horse crap" and fluff. I have mentioned traits that I find important (hopefully they do too) and ways that I match those traits. My guess is that no where does College Cheerleader correlate to SNA, NFO, or SWO but I'm trying to make something stand out. Finally, my word count is 423, can anyone advise on what to get rid or skim down on? THANK YOU...

"A successful officer in the US Navy is a leader, mentor, and a professional.

Through my unique opportunity as Captain of Arizona State University’s Spirit Squad (Coed Cheerleading), I experienced situations that allowed me to gain and harness leadership abilities. On Saturdays and days prior to game day, my responsibility was to create (under the direction of the coach) a practice plan and instruct my teammates on the execution of any implemented tumbling or stunts. I have also led by example, putting in countless hours perfecting skills that encompass collegiate cheerleading; while earning the respect of my subordinates, peers, and superiors. Both seasons as Captain, I had the privilege of allotting and budgeting the team’s donation money. This funding provided the team with uniforms and equipment essential for game day cheerleading.

The ability to mentor and provide a positive example will increase a leader’s credibility and improve their team’s solidarity. Starting my senior year of high school, thru freshman year of college (2012-2013), I was promoted by management to “lead staff member.” My responsibilities as the “lead staff member” included new employee instruction through shadowing and demonstration of proper techniques. This training and mentorship allowed new members to be properly assimilated into the company culture and rules.

As a professional, it is vital to be able to communicate throughout the “chain of command.” In a Consulting Projects course at Arizona State University, I held the role of Project Manager. Our group worked with Purcell Tire & Service Company from August-December 2015. I reported to Purcell’s VP of Purchasing and CEO, as our team gathered/analyzed data on potential distribution center locations. I communicated with the VP of Purchasing by providing weekly updates as information was acquired. Our group received A’s for the course as well as offers of potential management opportunities at Purcell.

I know what it means to strive academically in addition to a collegiate sport (or “athletic activity”) that involves technique, strength, and the ability to accept heavy criticism. Because of these skills and comfort in the air, I will be able to succeed as a Naval Aviator or Naval Flight Officer. I have also applied for SWO because it will allow me to apply all leadership skills onboard various sized ships and jobs.

Through college athletics, work, and academic career I have learned that in order for a team to succeed, each member must perform their job efficiently and in conjunction with their teammates. I am pursuing a commission because I firmly believe in my capability to lead US Navy personnel."

Have you taken the ASTB, if you have good scores your statement will get no more than a glance and depending on number of billets available if with so so scores it may not get more than a glance.

 

[koliver]

Hello Air Warriors! I would like some feedback on my motivational statement. It clocks in at exactly 400 words. I just want to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you!


The Navy has always been an integral part of my life. I decided to become a Naval Officer when I was in eighth grade. Since then I have worked at developing my leadership skills. In high school, I was elected as a class representative three years consecutively. My senior year I was elected Student Body President. While in high school I also participated in cross-country and track, and my coaches selected me as captain of both teams for my junior and senior year. I applied for the NROTC scholarship and was not selected, but I joined as a college program Midshipman.

While in NROTC I worked at advancing my leadership potential. I was selected to be fireteam leader, platoon guide, and squad leader respectively. I struggled with grades and choosing a major my freshman year, but I have worked hard at maturing and becoming a better student since then. While in NROTC I was awarded many awards, but I am most proud of receiving the American Legion Military Excellence Award. Since I was not a scholarship midshipman I was unable to participate in summer cruises. I took the initiative to set up two job shadows with squadrons at NAS Whidbey Island the summer after my freshman year. I spent a day with each squadron learning what it is like to be an officer in the aviation community. I was given the opportunity to try the E/A-18G simulator and to fly in a P-3. These job shadows reinforced my goals to become a Naval Officer and to pursue aviation.

After my sophomore year, I was not selected for advanced standing and was dropped from NROTC. That did not stop my determination to achieve my goals of becoming a leader in the Navy. I immediately contacted my officer recruiter to make sure I was staying on track to earn a commission. I took this opportunity to focus on schoolwork and build leadership skills in my job at the student recreation center. My coworkers and managers saw my hard work and leadership and encouraged me to apply for a facility management position, and I was selected for the competitive position in March 2016.

Although I have had many challenges in my path to becoming a Naval Officer, my dedication and perseverance have not waivered. Earning a commission in the Navy is more than a dream for me; it is a commitment to service.

 

[Gosling]

The Navy has always been an integral part of my life. I decided to become a Naval Officer ...

I'm no recruiter, just a fellow Navy hopeful, but I thought I could maybe help you out a little if you still need this edited. I'm currently a secretary so I just did formatting/grammar/word choice editing, not content. It still is at 400 words. Hope it helps you!

The Navy has always been an integral part of my life. I decided to become a Naval Officer when I was in eighth grade, and since then I have worked at developing my leadership skills. In high school, I was elected as a class representative three years consecutively. My senior year I was elected Student Body President. While in high school I also participated in cross-country and track and was selected as captain of both teams for my junior and senior year. I applied for the NROTC scholarship and was not selected, but I joined as a college program Midshipman.

While in NROTC I worked at advancing my leadership potential. I was selected to be fireteam leader, platoon guide, and squad leader respectively. I struggled with grades and choosing a major my freshman year, but since then I have worked hard at maturing and becoming a better student. While in NROTC I was awarded many accolades, but I am most proud of receiving the American Legion Military Excellence Award. Since I was not a scholarship midshipman I was unable to participate in summer cruises; however, I took the initiative to set up two job shadows with squadrons at NAS Whidbey Island the summer after my freshman year. I spent a day with each squadron learning what it is like to be an officer in the aviation community. While there I was given the opportunity to try the E/A-18G simulator and to fly in a P-3. This experience only reinforced my goals to become a Naval Officer and to pursue aviation.

Though I was not selected for advanced standing and was dropped from NROTC after sophomore year, I continued to work to achieve my goals of becoming a leader in the Navy. I immediately contacted my officer recruiter to make sure I was staying on track to earn a commission. I took this opportunity to focus on schoolwork and build leadership skills in my job at the student recreation center. My coworkers and managers saw my hard work and leadership and encouraged me to apply for a facility management position, a competitive position that I was selected for in March 2016.

Although I have had many challenges in my path to becoming a Naval Officer, my dedication and perseverance have not waivered. Earning a commission in the Navy is more than a dream for me; it is a commitment to service.

 

[koliver]

I'm no recruiter, just a fellow Navy hopeful, but I thought I could maybe help you out a little if you still need this edited. I'm currently a secretary so I just did formatting/grammar/word choice editing, not content. It still is at 400 words. Hope it helps you!

The Navy has always been an integral part of my life. I decided to become a Naval Officer when I was in eighth grade, and since then I have worked at developing my leadership skills. In high school, I was elected as a class representative three years consecutively. My senior year I was elected Student Body President. While in high school I also participated in cross-country and track and was selected as captain of both teams for my junior and senior year. I applied for the NROTC scholarship and was not selected, but I joined as a college program Midshipman.

While in NROTC I worked at advancing my leadership potential. I was selected to be fireteam leader, platoon guide, and squad leader respectively. I struggled with grades and choosing a major my freshman year, but since then I have worked hard at maturing and becoming a better student. While in NROTC I was awarded many accolades, but I am most proud of receiving the American Legion Military Excellence Award. Since I was not a scholarship midshipman I was unable to participate in summer cruises; however, I took the initiative to set up two job shadows with squadrons at NAS Whidbey Island the summer after my freshman year. I spent a day with each squadron learning what it is like to be an officer in the aviation community. While there I was given the opportunity to try the E/A-18G simulator and to fly in a P-3. This experience only reinforced my goals to become a Naval Officer and to pursue aviation.

Though I was not selected for advanced standing and was dropped from NROTC after sophomore year, I continued to work to achieve my goals of becoming a leader in the Navy. I immediately contacted my officer recruiter to make sure I was staying on track to earn a commission. I took this opportunity to focus on schoolwork and build leadership skills in my job at the student recreation center. My coworkers and managers saw my hard work and leadership and encouraged me to apply for a facility management position, a competitive position that I was selected for in March 2016.

Although I have had many challenges in my path to becoming a Naval Officer, my dedication and perseverance have not waivered. Earning a commission in the Navy is more than a dream for me; it is a commitment to service.

Thanks for the corrections. I'll look it over again and change some things.

 

[exNavyOffRec]

Thanks for the corrections. I'll look it over again and change some things.

you are going for aviation, you will be lucky if they even read your motivational statement, it is all about the ASTB

 

[navythom]

Hello everyone, I just finished the first draft of my motivational statement and was hoping to have a few pointers from you fine people. I plan to cut it down a bit but just wanted to get a little bit of insight before doing so:

Monday May 30th, 2011 I was honorably discharged from the United States Navy. My reasons for joining 4 years prior were to serve my country, to make a better life for myself, and earn benefits for school. The day I left the Navy I had accomplished my goals and was heading home to start a new life. As I am coming closer to finishing my degree I find myself in the same place as when I was as a young man, I am ready once again to answer the call to service. The United States Navy employs the finest women and men in the world, and as an officer I would be given the opportunity to lead them.

Serving as a Naval Officer is a career which is unparalleled in the civilian sector, I can't think of any career where you have the opportunity to lead and be challenged in such a way on a daily basis. The future of our nation, and the Navy is in the hands of young people and I believe it is the responsibility of experienced professionals to help those young men and women succeed. The Navy has given me more than I could have ever imagined, and I can give back to the Navy and our country by helping shape tomorrow's leaders. When I picture myself in 5 years I am not satisfied with the idea of a corporate job where the bottom line is monetary profit. The bottom line that I see myself working for is that of sailors succeeding not only in their career but also in their personal goals.


As a sales professional our goals fluctuated on a monthly basis, and only those who could easily adapt to change and face adversity were successful. Through an unrelenting eagerness to be successful and a competitive nature I was consecutively in the top 15% of representatives in my district during my entire tenure. From this position I learned communication skills and how to navigate a sales and service environment. My ultimate goal is to lead sailors and I recently had the chance to lead a youth basketball team as an assistant coach where we placed 2nd in the finals, I have always had the potential to lead and this was my first chance at doing so. I believe if you aren't doing something to make someone else's life better then you are wasting your time, this is what led me to volunteering at a local boys and girls home. My father was killed when I was 9 years old leaving behind myself and 2 siblings. Having grown up without a parent we had to overcome the obstacles of our surroundings and I made it a goal not to be a statistic. During my time spent with these youth I have been able to show them how you ultimately have control over your life and that given your circumstances you can be as successful as you want to be.

My choice of career is as a Supply Officer, this will give me the best opportunity to serve sailors; by boosting morale with the ships store and MWR, ensuring we get the right tools to keep the ship afloat, and having the right parts to keep our birds in the air. Being a Naval Officer is the most respectable and admired career I can imagine and I can't think of any other career that will offer me the opportunity to challenge myself more than ever before. I have chosen to rise to the challenge and it would be a privilege and honor to have the opportunity to become a Naval Officer.


If you made it this far thanks for sticking around, I look forward to hearing from you all, good or bad.

 

[chaplaincharley]

Hope someone is on this who is willing to reply. Below is my statement if someone could give me some advice. This is about 500 words, but leaves lots of room open on the form. Is that a bad thing? Also, should I put things in my remarks section or leave that blank? Thanks for the help.




Throughout my life, I have found no greater pursuit than the values reflected by the Navy of honor, courage, and commitment. Living life according to this ethos is of greatest importance to me and this is why I desire to be an officer in the U.S. Navy.

Leadership has been a very important part of my life starting from childhood. At 12 years old, I joined the Naval Sea Cadet Corp as a League Cadet. As I progressed, I was able to attended many trainings to include Petty Officer Leadership Academy and the Aviation Apprentice Course. I became the Leading Petty Officer for my unit and was responsible for leading over 30 cadets. I continued to learn how to be a leader through AFJROTC where I attained the highest rank of Cadet Colonel, leading our entire 250 person unit. At this time, I was also on the varsity cross country team and served as the team captain during my senior year.

I joined the Army at 17 years old because of my commitment to my country. As a noncommissioned officer, I was responsible for leading the treatment section of a medical platoon. I had to adapt to various missions and train medics to be most effective at their jobs.

While deployed to Afghanistan, I further learned the importance of attention to detail and long term mission planning. I worked as the primary medical provider for an operating base of 400 people, providing their day to day medical care, performing routine care like vaccinations and periodic health assessments, and developing an extensive Mass Casualty Response Plan.

I received my master’s degree from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary so that I would have the knowledge and skills to do community development work overseas. Since then, I have worked in Senegal, West Africa, with the Society for International Development, teaching local Africans many skills that are necessary to advance their society. I am also in charge of coordinating volunteer teams from the states to do various types of projects in the area.

I have had the opportunity to develop myself personally and professionally throughout my life, but I see no better advancement than to be a Navy Officer. While in Afghanistan, I was able to personally see the integrity and determination of Navy officers. I was able to see, up close and personal, the effects of Naval Aviation on diplomacy around the world, and this impressed upon me a desire to join the ranks as a Navy Officer.

When I was a child, my grandfather worked as a meteorologist in Pensacola. I would watch the Blue Angels practice every week and I knew every plane in the Naval Air and Space museum. Since then, I dreamed of flight and of being in the Navy. If I am afforded this opportunity, I will show the Navy the commitment, dedication, and hard work I have to offer and in turn will take the training provided to become the best officer, sailor, and person I can be.

 

[ingodshands]

Hello All,

Long time lurker. Just wanted to post one of my motivational statement drafts and get some input. Thanks for all the knowledge and support. Any input is much appreciated.

word count: 401

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever since I can remember, I knew I had the drive and passion to one day make a difference in this world. To me it is important to have a purpose in what I do and to leave a positive impact on others around me. Success is nothing worthwhile if you are not serving others in need. I can not think of no better way to make a difference and serve others than the honor of becoming a United States Naval Officer.

From an early age, my parents have instilled strong moral values that have contributed to my skills of being a leader and positive role model. Being the eldest of of three children, I took great pride and responsibility in making sure I set the example for my younger sisters as a role model they could look up to. Throughout high school I stayed active in sports, clubs, and worked 20 hours week, all while maintaining my grades. After graduating high school, I enrolled myself in community college and made the dean’s list 3 times for having a GPA above a 3.5. With my high GPA and excellent background, I applied and was accepted into one of the top ten highest ranking public universities in the nation, University of California, San Diego.

I graduated UCSD with a Bachelor’s in Political Science and earned Honors Provost my last year. I became the first member of my family to graduate college and wanted to make sure I wasn’t the last. I guided my sisters through their academics endeavors and watched them achieve even greater successes. Both are now currently in college, with one attending UCSD like I did. I am thankful for my parents in providing me with the foundation of strong moral values and hard work and I am honored to be a positive role model for my sisters.

However, my work is not yet done. I feel that serving as an officer in the Navy would even further develop the groundwork that my parents have laid and challenge me beyond my comfort zones. The Navy is the global force for good that I hope to become apart of and it’’s core values of honor, courage and commitment is the purpose I seek. If selected, I will conduct myself in the highest ethical manner, do what is right at all times, and be committed to positive change and constant improvement.

 

[egiv]

Hello Air Warriors! I would like some feedback on my motivational statement. It clocks in at exactly 400 words. I just want to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you!

words

.

My $.02: This is focused completely and solely on you (my life, I decided, I did this, I, I, I), when you need to be demonstrating:

1. You have a reason for joining that's ideally something a little more concrete than just a generic 'dream come true.' You say that being an Officer is your objective, you're determined, and you list a bunch of stuff you've done, but you don't say why. For example, service is a good, if overused, reason, which you mention at the very end but don't really explain.

2. You are qualified to be a Naval Officer (not just a pilot, they'll teach you that) and you not just list experiences, but demonstrate how those experiences make you qualified.

Example progression: My career and life goal is to serve my country --> Flying for the Navy is the best way to apply my unique abilities toward this goal --> My unique abilities include (P1) leadership, which I've demonstrated by doing x, y and z; (P2) determination, which I've demonstrated by doing x, y, and z; as well as (P3) perseverance, demonstrated by when I did x, y and z --> See? I'd be the best O ever.

Don't spend so much time listing your accomplishments - they're already somewhere else in your package, so they don't mean anything here unless supporting a point you're making.

 

[erield]

Hey all,

Applying for the next intel board soon, so I would greatly appreciate going over my motivational statement. I checked with my recruiter about the limit on this and she said there is no limit, but I do know I am at a bulky 800ish words. Thank you!

Motivational Letter:

My belief that our nation is the epitome of democracy, freedom and true justice for all, is my driving force to continue to serve for my fellow citizens. The United States is a diverse, sophisticated, and with a rich history because of what lies at its core. Our nation is full of opportunities, freedoms, values, and morals that are more prodigious than any other nation. This faith has led me to feel incredibly privileged to be an American and a soldier that only wishes to continue to protect what I, and so many others, love. Thus, I look toward to the future with aspirations of becoming a part of something greater than myself, my current role in the U.S. military, and a mere job, which comes in the form of becoming a naval officer.

I set myself down an arduous path before when I enlisted in the Army and, once again, I seek to rise to the occasion on a path to becoming a naval officer. The naval officer requires one to exhibit great respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, decisiveness and courage which has led to no equal across the globe. I know these to be qualities of a U.S. officer, since serving alongside many officers in the Army. These officers shared the very same traits, leading to the belief that there is a shared ethos and merits across the military. Further to support this, my father served alongside the U.S. Navy as a Marine during the Vietnam War, which led him to always sing high praises of the officers' leadership capabilities, dedication to unselfishness, and superior enthusiasm when accomplishing the mission. Even more, history has many naval officers, such as Admiral Alfred Thayer Mahan, showing the fore mentioned qualities of an officer during the late 1800's and early 1900's that has made even our prior foes, such as Germany, desire to emulate our doctrine. The decision to become a Commissioned Officer is one not made casually because it is asking oneself to sacrifice for the country and to have initiative, plus sound judgement, to do what is necessary when others would falter. Thus, the past and current qualities of the naval officer are what drives me to become an exemplary Commissioned Officer for the U.S. Navy.

The Commissioned Officer is the embodiment of determination, desire to learn, desire to lead, and, above all else, love for one's country. I developed a passion early on for being unselfish, honorable, and courageous when I began, and continue to do so, making donations to the American Red Cross. This was the basis of my decision to join the Army as a Combat Medic, but I also chose to because of the challenge, to break the mold of my life, and more importantly to make myself rise to the occasion for something bigger than myself, plus my country. From my many years as a Combat Medic has led to the development of effective decisiveness, unselfishness for my fellow comrades, loyalty, and knowledge. The beginning years of my service, I was tasked to be self sufficient and knowledgeable due to limited Medics for a whole battalion, which pushed me to be dependable and have great judgement. The beginning years as a Medic led to my appointment as a Lead Company Medic for an infantry company during a deployment to the Middle East, for which I was in charge of three junior medics. This appointment resulted in superior outcomes, great initiative on knowledgeable training, and unselfishness on my behalf and my junior medics, that resulted in being awarded the Army Achievement Medal and Certifications of Appreciation from my leadership, peers, and subordinates. The later years of my service, I continued to hone my knowledge and judgement, working as an EMT-B, by completing my degree in Applied Health Studies, with the addition of taking computer science courses to broaden my knowledge, for which I was placed on the Dean's list for exceptional performance. Aided by my Bachelor's degree, I have developed the enthusiasm for identifying complex issues but, a multifaceted background in biological, chemical, computer, psychological, and statistical sciences. Resulting from my culminations of my experience, knowledge, and my feelings, from continued service, of great pride, love for the leadership, and love of comradery drives me to the belief I can be a great asset to the Navy as a Commissioned Officer and, so desire with great passion, to become a naval officer.

Concluding that becoming a U.S. Navy Commissioned Officer will be the best avenue of approach to continue my passion to serve my country and better myself as a servant of this great nation. The Navy's training, plus my willingness to grow as a leader and a student, my prior service, my love for country, and willingness take all opportunities, plus challenges, laid before me that come with being an Officer for the greatest Navy and country in the world, the United States.

 

[koliver]

Hey all,

Applying for the next intel board soon, so I would greatly appreciate going over my motivational statement. I checked with my recruiter about the limit on this and she said there is no limit, but I do know I am at a bulky 800ish words. Thank you!

Motivational Letter:

My belief that our nation is the epitome of democracy, freedom and true justice for all, is my driving force to continue to serve for my fellow citizens. The United States is a diverse, sophisticated, and with a rich history because of what lies at its core. Our nation is full of opportunities, freedoms, values, and morals that are more prodigious than any other nation. This faith has led me to feel incredibly privileged to be an American and a soldier that only wishes to continue to protect what I, and so many others, love. Thus, I look toward to the future with aspirations of becoming a part of something greater than myself, my current role in the U.S. military, and a mere job, which comes in the form of becoming a naval officer.

I set myself down an arduous path before when I enlisted in the Army and, once again, I seek to rise to the occasion on a path to becoming a naval officer. The naval officer requires one to exhibit great respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, decisiveness and courage which has led to no equal across the globe. I know these to be qualities of a U.S. officer, since serving alongside many officers in the Army. These officers shared the very same traits, leading to the belief that there is a shared ethos and merits across the military. Further to support this, my father served alongside the U.S. Navy as a Marine during the Vietnam War, which led him to always sing high praises of the officers' leadership capabilities, dedication to unselfishness, and superior enthusiasm when accomplishing the mission. Even more, history has many naval officers, such as Admiral Alfred Thayer Mahan, showing the fore mentioned qualities of an officer during the late 1800's and early 1900's that has made even our prior foes, such as Germany, desire to emulate our doctrine. The decision to become a Commissioned Officer is one not made casually because it is asking oneself to sacrifice for the country and to have initiative, plus sound judgement, to do what is necessary when others would falter. Thus, the past and current qualities of the naval officer are what drives me to become an exemplary Commissioned Officer for the U.S. Navy.

The Commissioned Officer is the embodiment of determination, desire to learn, desire to lead, and, above all else, love for one's country. I developed a passion early on for being unselfish, honorable, and courageous when I began, and continue to do so, making donations to the American Red Cross. This was the basis of my decision to join the Army as a Combat Medic, but I also chose to because of the challenge, to break the mold of my life, and more importantly to make myself rise to the occasion for something bigger than myself, plus my country. From my many years as a Combat Medic has led to the development of effective decisiveness, unselfishness for my fellow comrades, loyalty, and knowledge. The beginning years of my service, I was tasked to be self sufficient and knowledgeable due to limited Medics for a whole battalion, which pushed me to be dependable and have great judgement. The beginning years as a Medic led to my appointment as a Lead Company Medic for an infantry company during a deployment to the Middle East, for which I was in charge of three junior medics. This appointment resulted in superior outcomes, great initiative on knowledgeable training, and unselfishness on my behalf and my junior medics, that resulted in being awarded the Army Achievement Medal and Certifications of Appreciation from my leadership, peers, and subordinates. The later years of my service, I continued to hone my knowledge and judgement, working as an EMT-B, by completing my degree in Applied Health Studies, with the addition of taking computer science courses to broaden my knowledge, for which I was placed on the Dean's list for exceptional performance. Aided by my Bachelor's degree, I have developed the enthusiasm for identifying complex issues but, a multifaceted background in biological, chemical, computer, psychological, and statistical sciences. Resulting from my culminations of my experience, knowledge, and my feelings, from continued service, of great pride, love for the leadership, and love of comradery drives me to the belief I can be a great asset to the Navy as a Commissioned Officer and, so desire with great passion, to become a naval officer.

Concluding that becoming a U.S. Navy Commissioned Officer will be the best avenue of approach to continue my passion to serve my country and better myself as a servant of this great nation. The Navy's training, plus my willingness to grow as a leader and a student, my prior service, my love for country, and willingness take all opportunities, plus challenges, laid before me that come with being an Officer for the greatest Navy and country in the world, the United States.

Dang are you sure about no limit